Now this is what I was trying to say, only Robert said it more eloquently

Welcome (both of you?) to Blonde


Explanation of name please!!!

you are in illustrious company when it comes to dogs on Blonde.........

you are not even married yet...come back and speak to me in a few years!!!!

Hey EdamM, how do you think Snopsy/Snoppy/Ponsy feels?


I'm a stickler, so I am staying out of this thread


can't stand poor and lazy spelling....."I'm wearing a pear of trousers", "I went to there house" that sort of thing

I fully accept that my view is anachronistic and diametrically opposed to yours Edam!

yes Pete, draw for two flights 3pm Saturday

I hope, for your sake, you draw Flight one, otherwise it's Selfridges in the bullring for you with Mrs Winkie!

a) if you are very deepstacked you can fire another bullet on a blank turn, but assuming you are not, check and if you sense weakness, check call

b) as Nemesis said

I love these. For those who don't know the Darwin awards "salute the improvement of the human genome by honouring those who remove themselves from it in really stupid ways. Of necessity, this honour is granted posthumously"

there are loads, but this is my all time favourite...


1995 Darwin Awards
 
 
Jet Assisted Take-Off


The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.

The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.

It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.

Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.

The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:

The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.

The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading
"How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-Sh*t"

If you know the Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic Elementary schooltest. Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.


1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God gottired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.


2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree.Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.


3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, buta ball of fire during the night.


4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout historythey had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.


5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be ledastray by a Jezebel like Delilah.


6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.


7. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.


8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert,Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.


9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.


10. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.


11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada . Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.


12. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.


13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical times.


14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.


15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.


16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.


17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculatecontraption.


18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.


19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.


21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.


22. The epistels were the wives of the apostals.


23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.


24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.


25.Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

welcome to Blonde


try yourself in good freezeouts, and report back

it'll be a better test of where you are at

yes

please don't tell me that after hitting you said "well I was ahead pre-flop"?

sorry to hear that...all the more time to get top of the Unusual suspects league tho'! (look on the bright side...sort of !)

jon


when will I be able to see the Online qualifier league table?

thnx

 

if you are saying it was pretty bad, then it must have been a stonker!!

how did the gutshot go flushy?