Wow dude, you're really mastering those smilies  ah ha ha ha ha

Oh actually now I've said that it won't download right. Call me though, or get yourself on MySpace...

Cooo-eee Djinn hope Copenhagen is nice. Have just sent off my CD to Norway's premier Johnny Cash tribute act. Hell yeah. Am downloading new MSN even now if chatting is an option...

Yes, I've culled the most inappropriate pairs and put cornflakes in Jen's slippers. Keep her on her toes...

Hello Djinn, in case you get a text message from me, just ignore it. The cat says hello. I've drunk a lot of beer. Hope you're having a nice time in the casino.

BAD JOHN. Good riddance to those shoes, though. Next time I'll get her to wear my Terrifying Heels. 6'1"! Say something soothing to her from me.

Hey, where's Jen? Has she been sent home for being bad? It's like Richard Whiteley (may he rest in peace) without Carol Vorderman. Inexcusable.

Hey Jen, keep thinking you're in because I can see your sneakers. You'll be so proud of the time I've wasted on pokerstars! There's some great fish in the fridge, get it before the cat does

Oh hello Mel. That's weird that we both started harassing Jennifer at the same time

Hello Jen, from the Living Room Crew. Ben says he's sorry he didn't pay you back that 20 quid, cat just knocked something over. We've made a cup of tea in your honour.

I mean, yes, sorry, I'm going. Bye now

Aah, isn't that cute? My cat has been totally beaten into submission by 16 years of aggressive love. Now she just goes limp and takes it. I can put her on my head, like a cat hat

We can maybe get him to put pictures of Cat up somewhere everyone can see them. He has videos as well now, you know. Maybe I'll put them on my website. With a link to them saying 'hot pussy action' or something similarly awful

Is that like something primaeval or is it just an attention thing? Nothing actually weirds her out any more, I got within an inch of her with the vacuum the other day

Almost minimum wage, man, almost... Cat made kind of a squeaking sound this time, although usually it's more of a chirp. She howls at night for no reason as well. Jen, you'll be pleased to know that the cat food is still stuck to her head as when you left.