SO FOLLOWING ON WITH THE HISTORY OF POKER ALLA MY RECOLECTIONS THERE IS ALWAYS THE ONE ABOUT SOME POOR FOOL THAT RATED HIMSELF AS A SPORTS BET IMPROVASIO AND APARENTLY HE HAD SUCH A SAFE BET HE AGREED WITH SOME OF THE HIGHLEY RESPECTED BLONDE REGS THAT IF HE DIDNT ACHIVE WHAT HE CLAIMED WOULD HAPPEN HE WOULD TURN UP AT THE NEXT LUTON G POKER GAME WEARING FULL CO CO THE CLOWN FANCY DRESS....HE DID ....I HAD MY CARBOARD CAMERA THERE AND TOOK AMPLE PICS ,BUT BOOTS BUGGERED THE PROCESSING UP SO NO PICS......HE ALWAYS WAS A JAMIE LUCKY GIT,APART FROM POKER ABILITY ,LOOKS,CHARISMA,SOPHISTACATION,CHOICE OF CARS,AND OF COURCE THE LADIES...WATCHA YOUR CHOMPNESS...STOP SMIRKING GLAVANA.

ANOTHER STORY OF THE OLD STACK OF BRICKS WAS ONCE WE WERE ALL ABOUT TO GO INTO THE POKER GAME AND THIS GUY IS HAVING IT AWAY AT ROULETE BETTING 14 AND 20 PLUS MUCHO SPLITO ON TWO WHEELS ...HES AT 20K UP...THEN 50K UP...AS OUR POKER GAME STARTS PEOPLE ARE BRING REPORTS BACK AS THEY PASS ON THE WAY TO THE LOO OR DRINKS AREA UP TO 125K  ...OUR GAME GOESE ON AT THE END MR MUG IS PULLING 50S OUT OF HIS POCKET .....AND LOSES THE LOT BACK TO ELL SGT YORKIES   .....WONT WANT TO HAVE HIS FIRST THOUGHT WHEN HE WAKES UP TOMMOROW.....

ALSO THERE IS THE TIME THE CASINO FORGOT TO SHUFFLE THE CARDS AT SOME CARD GAME ALL THE CHINESE PLAYERS LIKE TO PLAY ,EVEN WHEN THE DEALER SPOTTED THE CARDS WHERE ALL COMING OUT IN SEQUENCE THEY STILL DEALT SEVERAL MORE HANDS,WHAT A TIME TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK CANTONESE...

CAPS LOCK EASY CALPABLE DENIALABILITY ..

OF COURCE IN THE OLD CLUB YOU GOT SUMTIOUS CHINESE BUFFETTS WITH PACIFIC PRAWNS THAT LOOKED LIKE THEY ARE ON STERIOUDS ALL LAID ON FOR THE YEAR OF THE RAT,CHICKEN,SWAN,FROG OR WHATEVER AS POKER PLAYERS WE ALL TUCKED IN .EVEN CARMEL USED TO ORGANISE CAKES FOR THE SUNDAY 10 POUND STUDD COMP.....

THE WINTERS WERE WARMER THEE SUMMERS WERE COOLER OR HAS TIME RE WRITTEN EVERY LINE MMMMMMM

THANK YOU LUCKY, NEXT TARGET I THINK IS DTD THIS SATURDAY  100K GT FOR 250 PLUS 25 JUICE CALL ME WILD AND RECLASS BUT IVE BOOKED THE 35 QUID ROOM AT HYLANDS ALREADY ........AHHHHHH     AHHHHHHH   NEAR BACK TO BACK RESULT NOW THAT WOULD BE SOME THING..MMMMMMMMM

So here we go, A BRIEF HISTORY OF LUTON G POKER.....
OR IN OTHER WORDS SOME OF MY EROTIC RECOLLECTIONS AND MUSES, DOWN AT THE OLD CLUB BUILDING BY THE ROUNDABOUT WITH THE CONCRETE SPIDER, I USED TO GO IN TO PLAY POKER AND A LAD ON RECEPTION WOULD FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY DRESS CODE. BUT THEY COULD LEND ME A BLAZER THAT THEY KEEP FOR JUST SUCH AN EVENTUALITY, THIS WAS FOR THE PRINCELY SUM OF FOUR POUNDS TOWARDS THE DRY CLEANING OF IT../......IT WAS ONLY YEARS LATER THAT THE PENNY DROPPED AND I REALISED HE WAS MUGGING ME OFF FOR HIS OWN PERSONAL GAIN. THIS WAS A BIT LIKE A GOLF CLUB SELLING YOU USED GOLF BALLS !

ANOTHER TIME WHICH WAS A HOT SUMMERS EVENING I ARRIVED IN THE CAR PARK IN TIME TO SEE AND HEAR A GROUP OF 5 OR 6 COLOURFULLY SHIRTED MEN SOME OF WHOM HAD A GOLD TOOTH ONE OF THESE GUYS WAS GOING BERSERK VERBALLY AT THE OTHER GUY AT THE TOP OF HIS VOICE AND EXPLAINING TO HIM WHAT HE WOULD DO TO HIM IF HE DIDNT GET HIS MONEY.
THE GUY THAT WAS GETTING THE EAR BASHING WAS ONE MEAN LOOKING MUTHA AND I COULD IMAGINE THAT I WOULD NOT WANT TO BE MEETING HIM IN A DARK ALLEY THAT NIGHT FOR HIM TO EXPLAIN TO ME THAT IT WOULD BE A "SIMPLY SPIFFING IDEA" IF I COULD SEE MY WAY CLEAR TO ADVANCE HIM A SIZEABLE LOAN.

ANOTHER TIME I CAME OUT OF THE CLUB PISSED OFF! BECAUSE I HAD DONE MY BRAINS TO THEN BE FURTHER PISSED OFF AS THE POLICE WERE DIRECTING ALL TRAFFIC THE OPPOSITE WAY TO MY ROUTE AS ONE OF THE "WORKING GIRLS" WE USED TO SEE HANGING ABOUT THE FRONT OF THE CLUB LOOKING TO EARN MONEY AND GETTING FULL VALUE FOR HER PURCHASE OF FRESH BREATH MINTS HAD DECIDED TO CLIMB UP ON THE RAILWAY BRIDGE AND THREATEN TO COMMIT SUICIDE, THIS WAS VERY INCONVENIENT BECAUSE I NOW HAD A LONGER JOURNEY HOME.

I REMEMBER THE OLD POKER GAMES STARTED AT 8PM AND IF YOU WERE NOT THERE AT THE BEGINNING YOU COULD NOT BUY IN LATER, I UNDERSTAND THIS SORT OF PISS TAKE OF HAVING PUNTERS COMING TO YOUR CASINO FOR A GAME WHO ARE CAUGHT IN TRAFFIC AND THEN UNABLE TO ENTER THE COMP LED TO SIMON AND HIS MATE STARTING THEIR OWN CLUB IN NOTTINGHAM CALLED "DUSK TIL DAWN"..............SO A SILVER LINING THERE.

IF ANY ONE WISHES TO READ MORE HISTORY ON THIS SUBJECT I WILL TRACK DOWN MY LAST TWO GREY BRAIN CELLS AND SQUEEZE THEM.

HOW DO YOU GET A FAT GIRL INTO BED......?
PIECE OF CAKE
HOW DO YOU GET A FAT GIRL OUT OF BED...?
ALSATIAN 

so here i am in the lobby of the luton g its tuesday and im blown out of the poker game but have to wait to give some one a lift home so its ideal poker blog opertunity.....SO I WHENT TO THE VIC FOR DAY TWO NICE AND RELAXED AND WELL ON TIME ....AND WERE OFF , IM NOT GETTING ANY HANDS SO ASSUME THE GRIND LIKE A MOTHER POSITION , THIS ONE AND THAT ONE GET IT IN WITH THE BEST OF IT AND CRASH AND BURN AS THERE EARS BURN TO THE RATIONAL OF THE WANNA BE POKER PRO THAT EXPLAINS THAT THERE CARDS WERE SUITED OR THEY HAS IMPROVED ON THE TURN TO EVEN MORE OUTS .....AND I STAY SAFE WITH NO HANDS OR CARDS TO GET BUSY WITH .....TRULY SOME OF THE POKER PLAY IS AKIN TO A OLD FAIR GROUND RIDE LIKE THE DODGEMS WHERE THE PLAYERS ARE HELL BENT ON RUNNING INTO WHAT EVER THEY CAN .....THIS LONDON LOT MUST GET THERE MONEY A LOT EASIER THAN I DO ....THERES ONLY A SMALL NUMBER OF LUTON REGS GEORGE THAT IS INTO COMPUTER SECURITY , DAS WHO IS INTO I DONT KNOW WHAT , WILLIAM THAT IS INTO TALKING A LOT ,THE DEMON CHINA MAN WHO IS INTO ANY ONE THAT IS DAFT ENOUTH TO LET HIM ,I MAY HAVE SEEN VICRAM THERE ALSO  ,AND WE PLAY ON TABLES BREAK AND SOME HOW IM STILL THERE NO CARDS TO TALK ABOUT JUST GRINDING WITH A EXTRA PORTION OF GRIND......

42 FOR THE MONEY .......GETTING NEAR ....GETTING A FEW HANDS .....IN THE MONEY NOW TO GET MY FIRE MANS OUTFIT AND LADDER LIKE A MOTHER.....IM GETTING A SPRINKLING OF HANDS FINAL TABLE LOOMS ....IM IN FINAL TABLE ....9 OF US ...THEN AT SAY 6 OF US A DEAL IS SUGGESTED BUT SUPER STUDENT STATES THAT HE WOULD WANT MORE THAN WHAT EVER THE COMPUTER BREAK DOWN FOR CHIPS WOULD GIVE HIM AS HE FEELS THAT HE HAS A CHANCE TO WIN THE TOP PRICE OF 24K WE DO THE DEAL OR NO DEAL CARDS ONE OF THEM IS NO DEAL WE ALL KNOW ITS HIM ......ONE OF THE PLAYERS WHO I THINK HAS A NICK NAME OF THE DOC ,I HAVE SEEN HIM OVER THE YEARS AND BEEN AT THE RECIEVING END OF NASTY SLOW ROLLS WHEN HE HAS ACES , HE DECIDES TO GO ALL IN ON MY BIG BLIND 20K / 80K ONLY ME TO LOOK AND SEE IF I WANT TO CALL HIM NEXT ONE OUT GETS 4K SOME THING I LOOK AT TTHE FIRST CARD ACE THEN VERY SLOWLY SO MOST OF THE TABLE CAN SEE SPREAD THE BOTTOM CARD ANOTHER ACE ...ALL IN AND BEATS HIS KING SEVEN OFF ......WE DO THE DEAL OR NO DEAL CARDS IM LYING IN 2ND PLACE AND THE COMPUTER SAYS TOP MAN IN SEAT ONE WILL GET 17K ME TO GET 13K NEXT 11K NEXT10K NEXT 10K OR SOME THING LIKE THAT ....BUT NO DEAL AS MR SUPER STUDENT WANTS TO PLAY ON THREE OF US LEFT AND I BUST OUT FOR 10K......NICE BUT STRAIGHT AWAY IM BEATING MY SELF UP WITH COULD I HAVE DONE BETTER,WHAT IF THIS OR THAT , ONE OF THE GUYS WATCHING THAT HAD BEEN CHATTING TO ME AND BEING FRIENDLY SAYS I SHOULD HAVE DONE A DEAL WITH THE OTHER LOW STACK TO SPLIT 2ND AND THIRD AS WE WOULD HAVE BOTH GOT 13K AND COULD HAVE PLAYED TO TAKE FIRST PLACE ......GOOD IDEA IN FACT EXELLENT IDEA SO WHY DIDNT HE TELL ME WHEN I WAS TALKING TO HIM ON THE MANY OCCASIONS THAT I WAS STILL IN THE GAME.......

STILL DROVE OUT OF LONDON SCRUFFY OLD KILBURN LOOKED A WHOLE LOT LESS LIKE 50 SKIP LORRIES HAD SPEEDED THRU IN A HURRICANE EVEN THE STRAY SHADOWS OF DOWN AND OUTS THAT GHOSTED TO AND THROW LOOK A LOT FRIENDLIER WHEN YOU HAVE HAD A DECENT SHARE AT POKER....AHHHHHHHH  HMMMMMMMMM

HAVE TO LOOK UP WHATS ON AT DTD,O NEARLY FORGOT GOT ONE OF THE LAST PERSON SEATS INTO A 500 AT READING HAPPY DAYS.....

NEXT MORNING HAD A SUPER CHILL DAY BRAIN IN TRACTION BUT RECOVERING WELL..

ASCHURCHILLSAIDITSNOTTHEENDBUTTHEBEGGINGOFTHEENDORINMYCASEITSNOTTHEENDBUTTHEBEGGINGOFTHEBEGGINGOFTHELEDGENDTHATWILLBETOMTHEPOKERSUPREMEOANDYESITISQUIETAMUSINGTOTHINKTHATAMODERATORPROBLYHASTOREADTHISTOMAKESUREITSNOTBREAKINGANYPCRULES,WATCHARICHARDANDTK

GOT A OLD HARRY AND MEGHAN UNION JACK FLAG TO USE ON MY NEXT FINAL AT LUTON G IM GOING TO CUT OUT HARRYS FACE LEAVING A HOLE THEN CROSS HIS NAME OUT AND PUT MY NAME AND FACE IN IT ,GOT TO LOVE FACE BOOK AND TWITTER

OK SO HERE WE GO ....AGAIN
LAST WEEK THERE WAS A BIG EVENT AT THE VICTORIA   DEEP STACK OR SOME THING ANY WAY BIG PRIZE MONEY FOR I THINK 170 OR 220 ENTRY.......SO THE SUPREME EXOCET OF POKER   SETS OF ALL GOING WELL A SPRINKLING OF LUTON REGS AND I GRIND AWAY , HEROES COME AND CLIMB EVEREST AND GAIN LOFTY HEIGHTS THEN SLIP TO THERE ENEVETABLE DOOM AND STILL I GRIND NOWT GOOD CARDS FOR TOM ....NEAR THE END LOOK THERES A LIGHT ...MAKE FOR THE LIGHT ....SO WHEATHER ITS THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW OR THE POISIDEN ADVENTURE IM MAKING FOR THE LIGHT ,OR POINTEY BIT OF THE SHIP WITH THE PROPELLER STICKING OUT IF ITS THE LATTER .....WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAM....IM THRU TO DAY TWO WITH 138,800 CHIPS HAPPY DAYS ,NO FONZ INTENDED, SO HAVING LISTENED TO ALL THE LONDON REGS WITH THERE WISDOM AND TALES OF YORE KEEPING MY HEAD DOWN AND GRINDING LIKE A MOTHER HAS GOT THE DESIRED RESULT ,AND A HEAD ACHE AS I DRIVE BACK TO ST ALBANS EVEN THE URBAN DECAY OF LITTER AND OLD KFC BAGS TOSSING IN THE WIND AROUND KILBURN TAKE ON A PURPOSE IN LIFE SYMELLY IM NOT SURE WHAT BUT ALL IS WELL AND GOOD TOM IS THRU TO DAY TWO FOR ONE ENTRY ONLY HMMMMMMM   HMMMMMM AND ONTO MI AND HOME BED QUILT SCRATCH LEFT NUT MOPHIS.......WAKE UP WITH A HAPPY FEELING  AHHHHHHH

SO WHAT COULD POSSIBLE GO WRONG SATURDAY OFF TO CHILL EVEN DID SOME BIZZ WHICH ERNED MONEY ALL IS WELL THE PLANETS ALL ALIGN THE DEALERS IN THE VIC CLEARLY DONT ALL HATE ME LIKE THE ONES IN LUTON,IM STILL TRYING TO WORK OUT WHO THE RING LEADER OF THE GET TOM DEALERS BRIGADE ALL I KNOW IS ITS PROBLY A MAN AND PROBLY A ROMANIAN SO IM NARROWING IT DOWN   
           ....SIDE TRACKING  A LITTLE I WAS LEAVING LUTON THE OTHER NIGHT AND THE POLISH DEALER I CALL KITTY IF YOU GO THERE YOU CAN FIND THE ONE I MEAN AS SHE WILL LAUGHT AT LITTERLY ANY THING I SEEM TO HAVE A GOOD RAPOUR WITH HER MAYBE I REMIND HER OF A MAD UNCLE SHE HAS BACK HOME ANY WAY I WAS LEAVING THE POKER ROOM FOR THE BREAK AND SHES AT A EMPTY TABLE WAITING FOR PLAYERS SO I GO TO THE TABLE MOVE A CHAIR LIE ACROSS THE TABLE ALLA JOANNA LUMLEY AND WITH MY FACE 2 FOOT IN FRONT OF HER DO THE JOEY FROM FRIENDS
COMMENT..HOW YOU DOING..SHE LAUGHED AS DID THE OBSERVERS ,IF BUT A LITTLE NERVOUSELY... 
AND ITS SUNDAY LAST WEEK IM UP IN PRET AND IVE AGREED TO TAKE A FAMILY MEMBER TO COLLECT A CAR SO WE HAVE TO HIT THE ROAD FOR 10.00AM I GET TO THERE HOUSE WE DONT GET GOING TILL 11.00AM DARTFORD BRIDGE DELAYS BUYING CAR DELAYS ALL DONE I HAVE ONE HOUR TO MAKE IT TO THE VIC     A13 TRAFFICK 3 LANES REDUCED TO 1 LANE ROAD WORKS ONE HOUR LATTER I PASS THE ROAD WORKS JUST SOME PLASTIC CONES LOOKING LONLEY NO MEN NO HOLES IN THE ROAD    AHHHHHHH      I GET TO THE VIC ALL BLOODY MINDED THE BLINDS ARE 4K 8K RUNNING 500 I SEE I HAVE ABOUT 50K LEFT SIT DOWN LOOK DOWN ACE 4 OFF ALL IN PAS PASS PASS CALL BY BUTTON WITH QUEENS IM OUT   AHHHHH
LOOK AT SCORE BOARD ONLY 6 MORE PLACES AND I WAS IN FOR 300 QUID  AHHHHH   LOOK AT MY CHIPS NOT 50K I THOUGHT BUT MORE LIKE 70K  AHHHH       AND OUT THRU KILBURN NO PROSE JUST LITTER   
FAST FORWARD THE VIC IM THRU TO THE DEEP STACK WITH 140K IN PRET TYPING THIS GOT THRU WITH ONE ENTRY GRINDED LIKE A MOTHE AGAIN A SPRINKLING OF LUTON REGS NO CARDS FOR ME THEN AT THE END SOME ACTION I HAVE MAYBE 35K ON A 25K STARTING STACK LAST 40 MINS OR SO I RAISE TO 6K WITH KING QUEEN  MATEY CALLS NEXT MATEY RE RAISES TO SAY 14.5K I CALL FIRST MATEY GOESE ALL IN AND SECOUND MATEY SO DO I AS I WOULD RATHER GO OUT FIGHTING WITH A CHANCE OF WINNING THAN JUST PASSING TO OBLIVION    CARDS ON THERE BACKS   ACE ACE  AND ACE ACE  AND ME WITH KING QUEEN I GET UP AND SAY I WOULD LIKE TO APPOLIGISE NOW GUYS THEY AND THE TABLE LAUGH     KAPOOOOOW FIRST THREE CARDS  I FLOP A STRAIGHT    KERRRCHING I HAVE 79K CHIPS TABLE BREAKS I MOVE TO THE TABLE WITH WILLIAM THAT TALKS A LOT     HE IS IN A HAND WITH ALL THE USUAL   IF YOUVE GOT IT YOUVE GOT IT HE GOSE ALL IN SURE ENOUTH HE HAS KINGS THE OTHER GUY HAS ACES      AS THE FLOP COMES OUT WITH ONE CARD TO GO I POINT OUT TO THE TABLE  YOU CAN MAKE A FLUSH WITH YOUR KINGS AND SURE ENOUTH ANOTHER CLUB COMES TO GIVE HIM A KING HIGH FLUSH WHICH LOSES TO THE OTHER PLAYERS ACE FLUSH    THE GUY WITH THE ACE FLUSH APRECIATES MY LITTLE JOKE     
SO IM OFF TO THE VIC ITS 10.21AM SUNDAY 27/5/18 IM MATCH FIR AND READY TO RIP THE ARSE OF ANY ONE IN MY WAY IN THE POKER SENCE OF THE WORDS LETS SEE WHAT HAPPENS......


NEXTTIMEISPRAWLACROSSAPOKERTABLEIMIGHTLEAVEMYTOPBUTTONOFMYSHIRTOPENTOREALYGIVETHEGIRLDEALERATHRILLHMMMMMM     

whent to the vic last night ...sodding trafick by the hilton hotel took 40 mins to get from mada vale to the vic////knock a few of those unneccessary buildings down and make the road larger...tell boiris or khan...any way into the vic a sprinkling of luton regs including teddy that had mentioned the deep stack at the vic that prompted me to go there ...on a table with arnold white haired real genius/mad/visionery/likeable guy/pain in ass/ all rolled into one  he had more ways of dispatching players than a sadistic repulican in 1800 paris many a player that had his balls in a vice with there ace king against his king jack were seen stumbling from the crime scene muttering to them selves.......good news i made it to day two sunday at 2.00pm with 164,300chips above average ........so in the words of a i think lisa maneeli song //maybe this time
will post more soon ...no real reason just hiding from work....
whatdoyoucalladogwithnolegsnoearsnoeyesyoudonthewontcometoyouanyway..
might go to luton g 5k gt tonite or as i see it a landrover discovery and 4 cash games with chandera...

SO having been urged to not blog or tell jokes for some considerable time from all my poker friends and aquantesess i have decided to do the right thing and listen to the good advice so from this day forward it shall be noted that the public voted and who am i to not listen to my adoring pubic.....from now on i shall include singing at the poker table at luton g , who knows unckle fester might splash a few free bar meal vouchers just on the basis that if im eating i cant sing or tell jokes [trades disclaimer all jokes dont have to be funny ,some can be funny only if you are coming out of a procedure in the dentist chair]....
but hey ho its car mot time and im blogging to paass thre time as i wait for the fail list ...still want to get a landrover discovery ,o what a pinicle of sucess that would be , to me any way....i was at luton g last night and there was a posh car a bentley i think with a number plate that will that talks a lot has got him self ...it was parked in a well lit spot within sight of the security guys....when i get my 1999 landrover with 6 months mot i supose i will have to do the same.......come to think of it i dont recall will that talks a lot bringing in any sweets for the great unwashed....probley no chance now as the glove compartment on his posh car will be too small ...
so bubbled last night matey in seat 9 shoved for say 55k i looked down at aces he had kings i have 12k left coeth the king .......next hand im out ....pick up pictures i had left for all the regs to see of all the poker players going back ten to fiftean years and head for the door ...one of the cash players ..tracy..asks to see the photos so im balansing them on my knee as she glances at them while still playing a hand of hi low omaha ...i looked and felt a bit like a chugger trying to interest a punter in gym membership as she spent 10 secounds looking at photos then 90 secounds in the game and 10 looking at the photos ,one of the other players at the other end of the table says he would like to have a look so of i go to his end ...how come im not in them he says....i think to my self maybe because everytime i had tacken photos of regs the cash players would assume a attatude of no publicity / i dont want my photo tacken apart fron lali and chandera who are allways up for it....there could be a whole range of cash players history for in picture form by know ....but no im a cash player i dont want my picture tacken rulae..

and on we go ..whent to milton keynes a few weeks ago 1,000,000 dollar gt ...no chance you know it aint happing when the high light is a bunch of chavs as you leave....so im out of the mk game and got my leather jacket on that makes me look like a eastern european hand car wash practitioner,as i walk out there is a roulete table just by the doors so i stop and ask if i can putA POUND DOWN AS IN IS IT A POUND TABLE the dealer seems to think im a new bee as he changes my pound for a bright yellow chip on number 32 ...the plan is to win number 32 then put it all on 26...at the end of the table there are 3/4 guys that would not look out of place offering me a dollar for my mothers necklace one of whom has a gold tooth ...as i have put my pound they do the splits and on it also clearley not wanting to miss out on the great insight i clearly have the chavs are placing one or two small bets......you know it perching in it goes number 32   gold tooth and chums are now beeming at me and we are all a band of brothers ,the dealer says to pay me out do i want cash as in 5 pound chips etc no colour i say so he gives me them ,he spins i put the hole stack of 36 chips on 26 gold tooth and bros dont follow,i walk around the chavs to see the ball as i get by the top of the wheel one of the chavs says to his mate...what idiot has put all those chips on one number ,thats stupid...his mate who has seen me walk around dousnt replay to his mate but is flashing him eye signals to say hes standing right in between us this fool with all the chips on 26......the ball falls totaly the wrong side of the wheel then skips slowly around to number 26   falls in ...the whole table goes aaahhhh the dealer is frozen in a one secound time warp where all is frozen looking at the ball in number 26 then with its dying momentium ...probley because some sodding humming bird in brazil flaped its wings too fast...it trickled into the next number the chavs the bros all go oooowwww   i say sod it i lost a pound and walk out ...no dout with looks of envy or admiration from the throng who will spend 4 hours doing what they do and not come close to what i nearly pulled off ....who was that guy ,   thats the lone ranger.

talking about pulling it of the pic on last nights final at luton g is worth a look ,  ahem spelling mistake of cource
best put this on now and check on car ....may be back soon ...not a threat...bysee bysee.

MAYBE I CAN FIND SOMEWHERE CLOSER TO HOME TO GET BITCH SLAPPED INSTEAD OF DRAGGING MY SAD BONES TO NOTTINGHAM AND DTD
there you go thats your two line, although im sure there are bennifits to the caricture building element of it all but hey when is it my turn whinge whine spit out dummy unfair tantrum and then flounce out alla chompyess
.........................................................................

So as hal said will i dream , im sitting in a coffee bar on the bridge in st albans not actualey on the bridge as that would be structualy un sound and a bit silly its a building just down from the rail way bridge...thought i would just clarify that...made the final at luton g then ran my ak into aq suited ....all the dealers hate me there so i did not have to wait long for the flush to come and the other player a kid to splurt ...o i thought you were at it trying to nick my 20k raise   imm sorry....samr kid made 4 re entrees he had told the table...suprised not.....
aahhh the joys of the lonley drive home with only a 50 pound gain on the night icy roads windscreen smerched with gritting salt grey sweet thought put on the radio....disc player still not working...ho hum hot water bottle and bed no porn tonite cant be bothered to raise a smile let alone any thing else.....
so what to do go to luton g ...remind uncle fester what a joy it was to enjoy a free bar meal with the voucher he gave me a few weeks ago .....been going there since 1987 circa i make that 31 years divided by say 20 free vouchers makes it one every 18 months .....better odds at roulete i think .....but hey maybe its the new hit diet regime wait till your club gives you a free bee and just watch the weight fall off.

Still going to take in a shed load of poun shop sweeties and watch the nibblers ...i bet its the hard working waitresses that say thanks...
and on we go where to whos to know
upwards we hope to glory and and gold
thats the intent but we shall see what fate waits to be hold

wow a supreme joke master and poet lauret as well,what kind of god has walked amounghst you...
see you at luton g tonite felt tip pens at the ready

imaybefatoldandabitofatwitunpopularandatrulyterriblejoketellerwithfewsocialgracesorwinningwaysbutheyatleastimnotloggingontosomepokerblogdiarytoreadthissortofdrivelimjustwriteingit.

I MAY NOT FLY DOWN TO REIO HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE BUT THEN AGAIN I JUST MIGHT,HAVE TO FLAP MY ARMS DAM FAST THOUGH.

LAST GASP SALOON ...HERE I COME
got up day two of the what tom did next adventure and whent walk about thru beeston shops area in and out of the charity shops coud not find a thing to buy in fact in one of them that sells retro stuff they have a back area with older 1970s stuff im fairley sure that the member of staff that suddenly found a interest in tidying a dress display was actualey watching me to make sure i did not nick any thing , thats what wearing a heavy leather jacket with loads of pockets douse for you and a benny hat.
So its down to the wire , played the two satalites with 50 seats guaranteed got to 62 place in one of them ...still only 50 seat prices..again a splattering of luton regs   phil, chris,gary,will that talks a lot as i leave he says high and i tell him that i have had no luck and am all pokered out and my only get out will be to wait and mug him for a ticket when he leaves...he says good luck with that one or simalar   i then say give me a number for roulete and ill let him of and whack 35 quid on it on the way out and that will be my buy in to the big one...he says number 22.....i duly do as i said.....the little shit gave me the wrong number   how the hell can 22 sound like 4   probley he was shitting him self at the thought of haveing to meet me in the big game        .and back to the b and b its about 9.00pm  should i go up the road to lick wounds in pub and look at students out with friends and have them think whos the perv in the heavy leather jacket hey girls move your hand bags closer to your sides and then get some hot slop alla indin or kebab no none of that its into the co op and salsa doretos and a pack of choclate digestives...mc vitees of cource quality act here just because you feel like you have been thru a industrial clothes dryer with mike tyson you dont have to let your standards slip....
into b and b and solace ...the room as i have sod all to say about the poker lets look at the room...the double bed is realy comfy and the sheets feel clean and crisp  lying on the bed you look towards the large old style box sash window which is encased in 80 years of paint and re paint running from the centre of the window on the ceiling is a surface electric cable going to a light fitting that hangs down 16 inches to its lamp shade which looks like a circle of cardboard 10 inches wide probley very sheek in the 60s the cable on the ceiling for some weird reason reminds me of the old mission impossible films the original ones in black and white and in the exciting introduction part that was played each eposode along with the little tape recorder that would self destruct in 30 secounds there was a line of gun powder burning away as it lead to the bomb then kapooow  thats what the cable on the ceiling looks like the line of gun powder.....below the window there is a metal heating radiator which is cast iron and pressed into a pattern of little oblongs like some one has stuck a load of chocklate bars together then painted them white    it would look well in place in a convent    looking around i see two table lamps which match the ceiling lamp apart from there colour they are grey and the ceiling lamp is beige the tv is the size of a small tray you would get 8 cups of latte on and thats it   the door has a self closer ala school class rooms carpet cord with green vaugley scotch flower patternand the wall of cource feature the ever popular ant and dec combo of wood chip and magnolia paint .....but hey its my room and dont you go looking down at it ...its number 32 at the b and b  in case you find your self this way....
so im for break fast and the its dtd last satalite 12.00pm midday 15 min clock i guess it will be a mix of a turkey shoot and a smash and grab at the school sweet shop but hey there is 25 seats to be had ....and like the little brat in the willy wonka film one of those golden tickets might...just might mind you have my name on it.....

so signing of for now pokers best kept secret

tbc
two lines if i dont get a ticket
fifty two lines if i do get a ticket
................................................

So thats breakfast done , quiet nice food and good selection realy the old girl that served me looks a little more bent over and frail but hey i will probly start to look old in another 20 to 30 years ,still left her 2 pound tip spread the love and bribe the karma genies i say.
and back to the journey up here ,pass bridge with graffetti and the next omen is a black land rover i see with a personalised plate that is   l100 dtd  clearley a punter going where im headed ,clean your back window mate its filthy ,and on we go i allways start to tell how close i am to nottingham  (yes i can read the road signs that tell you how many miles)  by how you start to see a number of the big wind turbines sticking up in fields they look like the little wind mills you used to buy at the sea side to put in the sand castles you built only not as brightly coloured and a lot larger and heaveyer so not suitable for kiddies sand castles at sherringham  im fairley sure these wind turbines are advancing down the M1 like triffods or mushrooms that spring up over night ....another 30 years they will be at milton keynes maybe.

And i arrive all safe and sound at nottingham book into b and b into co op ten tins stella plus bag doritos tangy cheese crisps ,class act here , and im off to dtd booked into satalite 110 pounds , a few luton rug rats are splattered about  phil,teddy,danny,bobby,vicram, we merge into the inner bowls of the dtd with the waitress girls with there gold flesh coloured tights and white plimsols with white thick sports socks ....god stop it tom you are turning into a foot fetish perv , fairley sure the foot wear is modeled on a series of old american porn films which featured a girl on roller skates that all ways bumped into people at motels while on her roller skates and then ended up on the bed with them cant remember the name of the films but i think they were out about the time the british film  jolly hockey sticks was about so that is before linda love lace..

anyway better get on with the poker blog  dont want to lose the audiance in malta ...and we are playing poker  ...people play tight and play loose 12 levels of buying in players reload at the table and on i grind     truly i am card dry    players bust out from my table and still i hang in there the first break comes and i have 38k of my 50k starting stack   should i reload or i will loose the reload button     i decide to save the 100 pounds to invest latter and on we play level 12 break comes and i have about 100k so now if you are out you are out .......about 470 entries 50 get paid with a ticket to the 1000,000 gt game and im still card dry    players are doing poker cartwheels and back flips as they push there mates out of the game with play that no sane player would be able to give a rational exscuse for and still i hang in there  200 players left    then  100   and still im the poor relative so what if chummy har 600 k and he spent 310 to get it now hes gone   im still stuck on sod all chips    i now have a head ache    80 players   then 60 left then it happens a bit like the slaughter house where they have a black sheep that leads all the other sheep to there doom amoungst the revolving knives and chains and hooks it comes to the end where the black sheep gets put in with the rest....   i have 140k blinds 25k k10k  25k      imin seat two away from the next blind which will take 60k of me so i will have to play or be left with 80k    and i look down at queen ten off    all in  istate   other players take there time to pass as we are all interested in running the clock down and letting players on other tables get unlucky.......the button is using his time bank he has about 380k and will probley get a ticket anyway so douse not need to play this hand .......the player on the big blind has 600k and is by his own admission drunk and having a jolly time ,he has done some weird re raises putting other players at risk of putting all there chips in so they being so close to the prize have had to pass.......mr drunk goese to pass out of turn ...not you yet sir says the dealer there are two before you act......my heart sinks ......button pushes all in for his 380k now fairley sure mr drunk is passing.....i almost swear at mr drunk   ,   button turns over kings , of cource hes calling me the table chirp , no bloody of cource about it if he thought mr drunk on the big blind might shove on him he may have done a hero fold   .......flop one pair for me then nothing......then last card.......another nothing im out 56 place......
i mildly amused at how pissed of i am at being so close.......
i go into the 7pm game bust out  as im walking down to the cashiers teddy is busted out as well he tells me that he had ace king and a player called his all in with ace six now hes owt ...why did he do that i ask...i dont know he says the guy just likes to gamble....i start to tell him about my exit with mr drunk  hes not realy listning to me as was i to him just two losers looking to find a quiet corner to lick our wounds.....

and back to the b and b stella where are you tesco sandwich whole box of french fancies and cheesy doritos ...like a scene from the vicar of dibble where dawn french pigs out on mars and milky ways etc   mmmmmmmm   comfort food    one pissed of dude seeking morphis.

and up shit shower and shave breakfast and you know as much as me its 11.11 am 21/2/18 and im of up to the shops in beestomn for my walk about probly buy somthing in the charity shops to bribe the karma genie  and then into dtd for 2.00pm   strangley i feel good i will give it my best shot and thats all i can do .....in a way im playing my £1000,000 gt event now its just that ive got a extra day one to get thru.....
if i dont win a ticket i think i will put 35 pounds on a number at roulete and use the winnings to enter the big game probley get a discount from a luton reg with more than one entry ticket....

yes thats a plan

SO WHO KNOWS ANY JOKES NO ONE , OKAY I KNOW ONE
A GUY RUSHES INTO THE DRAGONS DEN IVE INVENTED THE BEST MOUSE TRAP IN THE WORLD HE SAYS, RIGHT THEY SAY LETS SEE IT HE SHOWS THEM A SHOE BOX WITH A HOLE CUT OUT OF ONE END ,HOW DOUSE IT WORK THEY ASK SO HE LIFTS THE LID OF TO SHOW THAT AT ONE END OF THE SHOE BOX THERE IS A PIECE OF CHEESE BEHIND A LITTLE CARDBOARD WALL ,ILL SHOW YOU HOW IT WORKS SAYS THE GUY ,HE LETS A MOUSE LOOSE IT SMELLS THE CHEESE RUSHES INTO THE SHOE BOX APPROACHES THE CARDBOARD WALL LEANS HIS HEAD OVER AND GRABS THE CHEESE THEN LEGS IT AWAY WITH THE CHEESE.....THATS NOT VERY GOOD SAY THE DRAGONS ......O THATS NOT THE TRAP SAYS THE GUY THIS IS , HE GETS A RAZOR BLADE FROM HIS POCKET AND SELOTAPES IT TO THE CARD BOARD WALL THEN TAKES A SMEAR OF CHEESE AND RUBS IT ON THE WALL THEN HE RELEASES THE MOUSE AGAIN...THE MOUSE SMELLS THE CHEESE RUSHES INTO THE SHOE BOX PUTS HIS HEAD  ON TOP OF THE WALL THEN LOOKS FURIOUSLEY FROM RIGHT TO LEFT LOOKING FOR THE CHEESE..

nowbehonesthasreadingthejokemadeyouhungrey

tbc
       

BUTTOCK CLENCHING AND GUT TWISTING IN NOTTINGHAM

So do you ever get a idea or a itch which wont leave you alone until you scratch it , yes , really well me too and the idea was to go to dtd in nottingham and try to win a ticket into the £1000,000 gt game so for a couple of weeks as i have been doing work and life that has been my look forward to treat to my self ,now to be able to slip away for a few days ment i had to do more work in the run up to the date so things could tick over while im muching about in dtd.
So i booked the b and b you know the one thats cheap HYLANDS in beaston ,hoping i dont get room 35 which is even by my low standards only suitable for a sketch from rising damp, and its tuesday 20/2/18 and im off car packed reduced sandwiches and a pack of french fancies that were reduced to 30p from tescos the night before in my boot i decided to get the stella at the co op down the road from the b and b ......aaahhhh how many of you have trodden this well worn path maybe players who have now risen to lofty heights that its now travel lodges and £65  a room establishments maybe even the odd professional blonde blogger have all been stuck on this o so familar fly paper....
So im driving thru harpenden and on to tha M1 as per usual i see things and whimsicaly play them as a good omen or a bad one the weather is okay a bit wet but okay and the traffick is not too crowded happy thoughts as i flip thru the 4 or 5 radio channells looking for some sounds unfortnatley the disc player in my car has given up the ghost when it swallowed a disc and would not let it out again or play it until i had to shove another disc into it to coerse the old one out and now like a girl friend from when your young that you promised you wouldnt but did the disc player wount let any disca in to play...
and on to the first maybe omen the sign on the M1 says 7 miles to milton keynes and a concrete bridge looms up over the motorway onto which just on the left hand side in vibrant red and white or silver paint some one has reached out as far as they dare and in 4 foot letters spray painted there tagg graffetti which says....JOSON...     now what the hell is that , it looks like a sort of short hand where the artist cant get further out without risk of death and so has abriveated the words ....so a bit like deciphering the hyo glifficks on the pyramids we are sopossed to work out and understand the words and maening....maybe its a shortened version of johnson and old baby whipe has stopped on his way to dtd to leave his mark ......on a note i suppose im doing the same here leaving my little spray of words for future discovery and wonderment........just suppose that in a heck of a long time this planet and solar system is no more and other species that have crawled out of there prime evel sludge learnt to walk up right and jogged on for a few million years evole the tecknolegy to read left over email transmissions and blogs from computers of old planet earth ........it makes you kind of humble to think that transcripts of these deciphered words may be copied and placed on scrolls displayed in prestigious musiems for there in habitants to wonder at...hopefully they wont make too many mistakes in there translaleting as i wouldent want them to loose the interlectual content and reduce it to a andy wharhol type written can of campbells soup.
so im off down stairs for break fast at the band b

readingthiscanseriouslydamageyourbaldingpatchasitmaycauseyoutoscrathyourheadandwonderwhatthefuck.
tbc

HUP HUP HIT THE GROUND RUNNING...NOT

so i didnt make dtd too bloody wasted with this cheasty cold ,so stayed local ala luton g got bitch slapped there instead,had a go at the 15k gt sunday 17 for the money out in 19th.......no buffet i think the budget for buffett must be going on bonuses for card room staff ,129 runners paying £15 each sounds like  circa £1900 plus what they spill at house games ........and not a mums go to iceland turkey twissler in sight ...for shame luton g for shame...its a lot easier to keep customers when they are in and enjoying your facilitys rather than triying to lure them in from the compatition later .. as if proof was needed

so the plan to capture the poker riches is not going to plan , could say its a bit arse about face at the moment,if i was robin hood i would be giving money to the sherrif of nottingham and cliches like it can only get better dont realy cover it.....sigh flounce dummy spitting win...
loserscanmakethereownarrangements

WHOS GOING TO DTD THIS SUNDAY

Got to be done , weather,wallet,wakeup,providing.

GOOD TO HAVE A PLAN
THATBOYISDESTINEDTOGOFARTROUBLEISHEKEEPSFINDINGHISWAYBACK

IN FOR THE WIN
So im out in 24 place twiddle dee tweedle dum cash at 20 place,rather cuts down the gloat value here me thinketh, well i did my part i took the cheep chockies as predicted one of the waitresses flashed me a thank you whielst the regs munched on [to be fair id probley do the same when they bring in treats]   [when do they bring in treats] 
a amusing chat going on across the table involved a guy from down the coast southend or southsea or portsmouth im not sure which sea side resort but its one with sand and a g casino ...any way he was saying that he and his mates choses to travel 127 miles to get to luton for the game as there local club which holds 60 players had changed the games to i think 30 seats max and instead of a nice game with a worthwhile 1000s of price money it was miserable so he and other locals spoke to the management to reverse there new schudule the answer was ...were doing it to get more customers with a half price restraurant deal with drinks....he pointed out that they had poker players paying full price and spending money on registration plus house games in the breaks who are only there for the poker and if they cant get it there they will go else where and then when they leave the other poker players will dwindle as the prize pools will be piss poor.......the management put forward several other reasons for there plan being the right one finishing with ....were not going to be told what to do by you poker players......hence 127 mile journey
So what was the high light of the night .......my hair didnt look too much of a mess
the next worth while astroid heading for planet tom is sunday at dtd 50k gt for 110£ x two if i have too .......its good to have a plan

hi booder im not sure who you are probably a quiet intterlectual type like the rest that are drawn to my gibberings
maddnessinfullbloomisbetterthannobloom

HELLO RED DOG
I happen to be looking for a fan club and can you think of any one i should consider ,it will certainly  be a very exclusive membership with about one or two members plus about at my last estimation 70 to a 100 blog readers that look at my utterances and wonder and wonder at my literacy,mental capacity or lack of,sexual diversity,and why my name is not the nearly man.Now this fan club will have to have a chair person........................... you could be on the short list for this position red dog ,come to think about it you would be the only one on the list.
all the best for the new year red dog and all on blonde poker

NEW YEAR NEW GAME PLAN..........AKA  SAME SHIT DIFFERENT NAMES
So im of to luton g for the 18k gt im expecting a lot of faces all the usual suspects [brilliant film of that name ] i have the tooty bagg of cheap chokies and sweeties for the rabble and great unwashed plus of cource the sophistacats like my self .......i will slip the staffs strip of kit kats discretley into there desk podium ...bring back raj , she likes kit kats,and if she could bring dina with her all the better.....interestingley its the waitresses that have a werthers original or eclare that flash me a thank you as oposed to the regulars ...you know who you are...who straff it like there at a free buffet and theres only 10 sweets brought out  ....
so a new year and its the same old same old
NO SPECIAL OFFER JANUARY SALE
NO GET DOWN THE GYM
NO SHAFT OF LIGHT FROM ABOVE
NO LIFTING OF A VEIL FROM THE EYES AND WE CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW

YES TO IM GOING TO WIN AND RE INVEST THE PROCEEDS INTO POKER INCLUDING THE DEALERS CHOICE WHICH NEEDS A FOX THROWN INTO THERE COMPLACENT HEN HOUSE AND OF COURCE DTD
ITS COMING WATCH THE SKYS WATCH THE SKYS.
O BUGGER ITS 12.46 GOT TO DASH TO LUTON

GOOD LUCK ALL MY LITTLE WANABEES JUST THINK WHEN I MAKE IT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO BUY LITTLE FIGURENES OF ME AT PETROL STATIONS .......NICEEEEEE.