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436  Poker Forums / The Rail / Poker Challenge from Luton "G" on: January 05, 2011, 08:16:59 PM
On 20th January 2011 the G Casino Luton will be holding a charity event in aid of: The Marie Curie Cancer Charity.

Carmel the Poker Room Manageress has challenged me to a poker game (short clock), in order to settle once and for all the age old question......."who know more about poker"?
the players OR the staff at the G Luton.

The game will need two commentators to give in depth analysis of the "Rookie" mistakes that Carmel makes and the WORLD CLASS "reads" I use to liberate her chips.........

The winner will be crowned : Tom the "poker knowledge king" .

The loser will be crowned with a 2.99p Toilet Seat from Tesco's with "Poker Fish" emblazoned across it, she will then be wheeled the length of the card room for photo's to be taken wearing her "Crown" whilst the players sing :

You are a fish, oh yes you are
you are a fish, the biggest by far
when it comes to poker there is no debate
you are a fish, probably Haddock or Skate

Please do come to this event with your camera's, also two "Blondettes" to act as the commentators? Thank you............


437  Community Forums / The Lounge / Re: computer help please on: December 30, 2010, 03:37:12 AM
thanks for info...as i understand it your saying i need to reload windows program xp from a disc ....and that should sort out this loop problem  ,,,ty
438  Community Forums / The Lounge / computer help please on: December 28, 2010, 05:19:30 PM
my windows xp computer has gone into a loop...of the black page saying safe start, safe start with command, last known working place, safe mode, ect
no matter what i try it just loops thru the black page and dousent start the programs ,just back to the seletion of selecting safe mode ,ect  ect
i turned it of by the on of button because it was giveing me program not responding,and running slow grief just before this loop problem....

any help would be very welcome   ...ty  ty   ty
439  Community Forums / The Lounge / Re: Blonde = Boring? on: December 28, 2010, 04:42:56 PM
reading between the lines ...i can only deduce that this pleading for less bordum is in fact a plea for me to not only tell fantastic jokes at the poker table but allso on blonde poker....you silly boys and girls....you only had to ask

what did the first snowman say to the secound snowman........
.....can you smell carrots
440  Community Forums / The Lounge / Re: Happy Birthday Claw75!!! on: December 22, 2010, 05:21:52 PM
happy birthday clare......seems a bit lame...tell you what if i win the free raffle wendsday night and its a bottle ill open it and tost your bd
that should help dispel any tightusmaximus image i may have




the above contract relates to a bottle of booze won in the raffle only, if i win the lap top best of three arm wrestling rule will apply.......no substatutions allowed..
441  Community Forums / The Lounge / ways to save money to spend on poker,xmas edition on: December 15, 2010, 10:27:56 AM
when buying xmas paper look for double sided ,so one side says [merry xmas ...robins and snow type scene in blue colour]and the other side says [happy new year 2011....with picture of the london eye amid fire works display at the stroke of midnight..in pastel red colours] send your gift and the recipitant can send you a new year prezzie useing the same wrapping paper.
other wrapping paper designs in the range could be ...happy 18
 birthday/its a boy
happy golden wedding/sorry for your sad loss
442  Community Forums / The Lounge / Re: puzzle this on: December 15, 2010, 09:58:21 AM
ok as no one has got the answer i guess ill have to tell you ,it is 27 outs, there is one out that you are all missing because of the way yo see the problem , still to be kind as its xmas ill post the answer in a day or so before xmas
443  Community Forums / The Lounge / to share or not to share on: December 13, 2010, 04:35:09 PM
playing poker in luton sunday ,a large sprinkling of blondettes had all decided to play the 5 pound cheapie comp at 3pm for a bit of r and r,there was thingybob  ,old whats here name, and of cource graham..... o you know the one with the hair sort off.at half time one of the players wins a bottle of brandy in the free raffle, thats nice .....uncle neds xmas prezzie sorted might be the first thought of any of us.......but then again its xmas ...a quick word with the management .....plenty of polestyrene cups availble ,a abundance of blondettes.....come on who wants a drink....lets get the party started

but no ...its not to be.....
it goes to uncle ned, who may whip the label off while thinking thats handy thats aunt queenies xmas preezie sorted as it finaly ends up in some 1960s drinks cabinet until queenie snuffs it and some builder type clearing her flat sees the bottle of brandy still un opened and thinks....thats handy thats bobs birthday sorted.........as the sound of the merry laughter of all the blondettes that never drank a toast fades...like the moans of the waif and strays from under the robes of the spirit of  christmas  past,,,,priceless
444  Community Forums / The Lounge / Re: christianity and poker on: December 13, 2010, 03:53:32 PM
i think you may find that the roman guards casting lots for jesuses robes while he was on the cross could have provided grounds for him to be a bit peeved with all gamblers,   just have to hope jesus realises that the decendants of the romans are todays italians and its them he should be sending a abundance of bad beat horrors to ,with a sprinkleing of miss deals when they have the nuts
445  Community Forums / The Lounge / Re: Turning disgust into humour on: December 09, 2010, 06:13:48 PM
true story from the sixties,a small hotel on the edgeware road, the early morning cleaning lady gets called into a room as the male guest wants to explain hes had a little accident but will pay for the damage ,expecting to see a whoops i wet the bed job ,....she calls the manager to view the damage and agree the damages,so they enter and are shown the damage.......   

across the ceiling down the wall across the carpet up the wall and across the ceiling again there is a line of slurry type shite.......manager says how on earth did this happen ...guest explains that being caught short after a night on the ale rather than walk up stairs and along the landing to the bath room  he decided to do his bussiness in the sink then scrape it into a bag and throw it out the window, plan working fine so far,
unfortanley not wanting it to drop just outside his window and attract blame to him he decided to whir the projectile around in a circuler motion to gain height speed and trajectory and this is when the hole in the bag came into play...

hhmmmmm
ive just realised im more knowledgeble and  better at talkin shite than poker.
446  Community Forums / The Lounge / Re: Turning disgust into humour on: December 09, 2010, 12:56:28 PM
i am reminded of a alledged student day prank , group of students leaving a restraunt to go to there destination across a park well known for its do litter,one student keeps a part of some chocklate desert from the restraunt telling and showing some of the group how rolled out it looks just like dog shite,so the plan is set he will wonder ahead of the group and point out and declare...o look those ffffkkk  dogs have done itevery where ,his mates will pick it up and say we had better toss it out of the way so no one walks on it then toss it to each other and then to a student not in the gag....great humor .........all worked well until the merry turd tossers see matey with original choclate cake turd waveing it about while they think theyve got it in there hands
447  Community Forums / The Lounge / Re: puzzle this on: December 06, 2010, 01:41:28 AM
my mistake ,  , , , , you have  , , opponent has  Two Clubs two hearts
27 outs
448  Community Forums / The Lounge / Re: puzzle this on: December 06, 2010, 01:06:56 AM
27 outs is the answer,flop example , , , ,  you have  , , opponient has  Two Clubs two hearts


if answers to previouse puzzles are required just post here which ones and i will reply
449  Community Forums / The Lounge / Re: puzzle this,and save the world on: December 06, 2010, 12:47:57 AM
the answer is the heaviest person is invited to take one for the team and jump overboard ,there by maximiseing the clearance on the alps
450  Community Forums / The Lounge / puzzle this,and save the world on: December 02, 2010, 03:25:45 PM
solve this in 3 mins and ure a world leader of the status of mandela or that burmese bint that cant be bothered to do her own shopping and stays at home playing on internet poker all the time.
solve this in over 3 mins and youre not as smart as the group of ten year olds that sorted it in under 3 mins

ok, a hot air balloon is drifting towards the alps all 4 people on board agree that one of them should thow themselves overboard to there death so that the balloon will have a chance to clear the mountains and the remaining 3 people will live,
1st person has invented new life prolonging medicines that will greatly benifit the whole world.
2nd person has invented ways of banishing world  starvation by doubleing food growth
3rd personhas formed a new religion that all other religions will join as one global peaceful group.
4th person has formed a proccess to abolish war for ever.
if the person dies there work dies with them .....which one should go over the side........true answer will be posted later..... ...for all hill fort construction workers
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