solve this in under 3 mins ure a awsome fountain of poker knowledge whos very shaddow has other players twitching in there seats lest you sit at there table.
solve this in over 3 mins youve got too much time to waste.

1/heads up hold em poker hand last card to be dealt on the flop you are behind to your opponients hand,you can dictate what both hands are and what the four cards on the flop are ......what is the maximum number of outs your hand can have to win when the last card is dealt....
examples req not just number

2/if you are the only one in a room ,is it still lovemaking.
examples not required.
                                                                                                       3/whats the best way to commit suacide .

jump of a very tall building if you change your mind halfway down ,youve got the other half to change it back again.

is thet moray as in a big fkg eel that shoves its barb like tail thru your chest like a reverse allien film sequince

when you finish with your tooth paste tube ,just snip the end of with a scissors,then shove your tooth brush up the tube jiggle it about and hey presto 20 more sessions of fresh breath and clean teeth.
should you be happly brushing away and upon gargling and spiting out into the sink you notice a fine spray of gritty black and red flakey bits,and upon checking the ingrediants of the tooth paste and  it says nothing about fine sands from the red sea for that jesus fresh look,you may find a family of ladybirds have made there home in your tooth paste tube,

so weve all been at friends partys and they put on the latest vidz of young tristian swimming with dolphins of the seychelles,which they filmed on there latest sazzoomeymanga 2020 hd digatal all singing and dancing camera that fits in the palm of your hand.
now you can match them frame for frame, when ever you have a birthday, annaversity,wedding,etc just hold it at your local petrol station there security cameras will catch every happy event in hd from 4 different angles,then pop into the cashiers office and bung mr patel 10 quid for a copy of the tape .....sorted....as you show your friends the film and they marvel at the clarity and the four picture split screen option,all achived for a pitance.
do remember to take some beach wind screens with you when filming your first borns arrival as the group of six taxi drivers that hang around all petrol stations may want to get into the shot.

in these days of global melt down ,reccession ,war ,pestalliance,and casinos doing jack ....... to reward loyal punters ,i give you these money saveing tips

personalised number plates
we have all seen the plates in casino car parks that say so much about the owner being successful,say   CHUMPY or TW1 or PINO....and these people have paid silly money on ebay for these numbers .......

all you do is get a car plate no say m38 ujk,go to birth deaths and marrages registray change your name by deed poll to ...m38unk...then sit back and bathe in the admireing looks of praise and envy from your friends,also enjoy telling matey who paid 10 , 15, 20, grand for his plate how yours cost 230 quid includding the car

given 15 poker chips what is the tallest structure you can build on a table in three mins

solve it in under three mins your very good with your hands

just over three mins ,watch the drinking tremors also consider specsavers

arrived safley,whent for a coffee at frankies and bennies over the road,....it was like a scene from one of john waynes last films ..the shootest..a ccrowded bar with dotted gun slingers, i spotted 6 poker players just from there body language.....had to disqualifie 1 when he left takeing a balloon with him ,  just glad to be here will post if any think worth saying happens;   will also post if it douse not

there is no right or wrong about tipping staff it is your choice,a waiter or waitress in a restraunt may give that little extra that makes your night out a far more enjoyable occasion.so you may enjoy giveing them that little bit extra as a tip,that waitress may be on a very basic hourley rate and her tips are what she works for to make it worthwhile.
in a casino however that is makeing millions per year to hear a roulete player who has just hit and won 800 pounds giveing 15 pounds to the staff[who prompley make a tapping noise with the chips so that the pit boss sees it going on the staff tip stack,and other staff can smile and call thanks to the big roulete winner]and then the player carries on playing roulete for another hour with another donation when he hits.........then he loses the lot mumbles about the 4 grand he had of them the night before and shuffles of wondering how hes going to pay his suppliers this month....
maybe the 75 pounds he gave the staff would have turned a loseing night into a winner........not that it would matter as he would onley be at the roulete the next night
my position is that tipps should be for extra good service , not as a but of cource,im very sure that managers of casinos get bonuses if the meet targets of many thousands of pounds....there fore paying there staff basic low rates with the golden carrot that the punters will probley make there staffs wages up with tipps gets the managers there bonuses...if they paid there staff properley as a bussines that is makeing millions the staff would thrieve with the job being prized and the quality of the staff would rise...
imagen any other bussines where they  make millions would the ground floor staff accept min wage.....if you pay peanuts you get monkeys,and the sloppy monkey tea party quality of service .
im of to dtd saturday ,i know its along drive,i know its onley a small chance ill win,i know that hundreds of other players will also be there,i know the service will be first class......what has that club got that over clubs dont have
service,service,service,
 o and did i mention the SERVICE

haveing got a 5 way split on luton wed   i shall be at dtd saturday......woke up this morning thinking im going to make 38 th place........chompy give me 1000 to 1 odds on me being 38 th please........

popped up to dtd for there 40 k gtd record breaking game,i thought about takeing my old builders truck complete with flashing yellow light but as its very slow for the m1 and i had to open the door with a pick axe the other day [keys locked in] the attraction of parking it beside the two red ferrias that always park at the front of dtd gave way to rented car,32 pounds for the day,
bloody hours delay getting pass luton on m1,arrived at dtd 40 mins to game,
playing the game ,in one of those look round and muse moments i tried to visialise what it must have been like for the guy that created dtd,to just come thru the entry lobby right now and see the place jam packed with players ,smart warm coloured stylish interiour,polite staff happy to be part of europes poker meka,.......i dont know if dtd was built from scratch or if its a existing building converted.......but the guy that created it must have stood out side and had a epithany moment as he visualised what he wanted to create...well done.....should the itch to create again get to you again ,how about another branch of dtd  at luton or just of the m1 in herts  somewhere ,if its a matter of cost i hereby pledge the cost of my rental car plus petrol to the dtd 2 fund.....with two venues and the quality of service that you supply link up games could be run with global attraction as linked pools of players excead 1500 plus......o well muse over ....probley wont happen .....but then again thats what people probley said when the first dtd was muted....come on rob young prove your not a one trick pony  do it again... any one else that would like a venue such as dtd2 dont keep it to yourself let the poker world know if they build it the people will come....

Chicago's dance floor about to be invaded by the blondies drinkies crew, or posse if you prefer..........innit!
Having had a word with the and arranging for the next song to be Lady Ga Ga's "Poker Face" I'm going around all the BLONDIES at the bar throwing my arms across their shoulders and saying "come on our songs on next, get on the dance floor" does an intro for Blonde Poker, I and Clare charge the dance floor and spread out to look like a crowd.
I see in my peripheral vision about eight Blondies advancing on the dance floor........ going with the mood I'm dancing to Poker Face and giving it some "Wellie"! including getting on my knees with a cross between doggy style hip movements and a footballer's sliding goal celebration, much to the accolade of the other dancers, or it might have been gasps of: "whats this nutter doing?" lets get out of his way.
Off me knees up to the arch of baloons across the dancefloor pulling the centre one towards me I'm deep kissing it with tongue, as you do, looked round three Blondies on dancefloor the rest drinks in hand are back glued to the bar....Had enough to drink, exited Chicago's heading for G Casino looking for a mugger so that I can raise him all in.
Didn't find a mugger but found LAILI at G Casino and played him one game of Kalooki for 20 pounds, so I got mugged anyway.....
Good party night out, can't believe I didn't pull.

not wishing to be only regarded as a supperb poker player,i decided to attend the blondie drinkies at chicargo last saturday and let my hair down , but what time to arrive at the white house in luton and still look stylishly late,i know 7.45ish wrong im the first one there....still evently clare shows up with a bod so we grab a table ....bish bash bosh ...30 mins latter we number a dozen,i play mr shifter with our commadered tables ,laxie turns out to be a american irish lady with son in tow ,scottish guy called shug or simalar tells us its a name scottish people get after they kill there first english man,he mentions this to me three times over the night ....maybe a hidden meaning in there he was afraid i woudnt get....bar meals abound ,i had ham eggs and chips 1.99 thank you very much weatherspoons....take note looking after customers giveing value for money maybe it could cath on at g,
tight end turns up and i actualy have clare insisting i tell people my jokes,people not standing near her group tho......and so onto chicargos....

chicargos pretty empty when we arrive so no delay in being served,a mini tallent show loosley based on x factor takes place,not bad singers but realy amusing judges giveing music revues,one lady judge complementing the singer on there stage awareness and projection of the song......no luv he stood still on the table tennis top they used as there stage i do more moveing than he did when im finishing of with a shake at the gents urinal.
we all go down to bar area  and theres enouth people to start dancing so we do .....will post other half of this latter late for poker monday night

popped into luton g for sundays cheapy comp at 3pm ,its not on apat takeing place instead reason its not takeing place there are no tables' loads of empty tables are on view around the room,hmmmmmmm

any way ,watching the apat 75 pound game ,last two tables,about 12 players left, antes 4k  8k running 500,  button pushes all in for about 70k only two blinds to beat,  small blind calls,cards on there back ,king queen of for small blind,j 7 of for button,   flop comes last card queen to give two pair to small blind and straight with jack to button,  load shouts of yeeeaaaa get in there  from button

next hand hes all in again called bye  the new button for his last 70k ,cards on there back  a9 clubs for all in pair of jacks for new button
first card out ace rag rag ,turn puts two clubs there ,new button can only win with a jack thats not a club  which means hes drawing to one card ,at this point his oppoinent who is allready winning with a pair of aces calls out in a loud voice  ......put the jack of clubs there .....a rag comes pair of jacks loses he shakes winners hand and exits,
enthusium is one thing calling for the jack of clubs to torrment the loser just shows the class of player the winner is

just for a laugh, how about when there is only one miner left down there they play a voice over saying ....ok thats all of them out   well done everbody   lets back thouse concrete lorries up and seal it up .......secret cameras can film the last miner as he franticaly calls out on his non working phone.........then the chileian equiliviant of jeremy beadle can jump out on him and say    are you game for a laugh......
if they did that film of that miner would still be shown in twenty years time ,where as this rescue will be old news in twenty days

just a free idea for marketing poker sites , in the case of blonde poker how about getting some low cost umbrellas made black and yellow segments with a witty message such as [poker players know how to use there hands] or [ive got you covered] or [i never bluff people i respect]
in fact you could invite your members for slogans with the top three going into production.........hhhhmmmmm...not the worst idea in the world
better get on it before dtd get all the good slogans and blonde poker look as if the are just copying....
haven got the peoples republic of china to produce said product for two pounds per umbrella give them out to blondets at variouse poker events.....inevetabley the will get caught on camera and film and further spread the blonde poker name

 a special a prize for the most outlandish blonde poker  umbrella waveing photo or film clip thats uploaded could be awarded....sit back and await pics of umbrellas in moscows red square.....eiffel tower ....buck house.....and of cource the red light district of denmark,cant quite see the face but spam head and stripey jersey makes it a evens prop bet,so i will want 100 to 1

so the caption competion would read  ...blonde poker the site that likes to say.............