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Top work lately Sir.

I know that Trump, Ukraine, Putin, Greenland, Nato, and Gaza etc are grabbing the headlines, but spare a thought for Brookiyn Beckham, who had to cope with an awkward moment during his wedding dance 4 years ago.

I saw something unusual on my walk today. I was on the path that runs beside the Soar brook and it was just breaking day. I heard a loud plop in the water beside me and assumed it was a water vole.

You can often hear voles plopping into the water, but then they dive immediately and you don't get to see them, in fact the only reason I'm familiar with the sound is because sometimes I spot them BEFORE they jump in.

Not expecting to see anything, I nevertheless looked at the spot where the noise came from and was surprised to see a vole on the surface, swimming hard for the opposite bank. It wasn't until it climbed out that I realised that it wasn't a vole, it was a squirrel. Seemingly, it had fallen from the tree above us into the water.

Phew! I thought. He was lucky.

When I got home I Googled the likelihood of a squirrel surviving a high fall and discovered that they can survive a fall from any height.

According to the article I read, a squirrel's terminal velocity is 20mph, which it reaches in the first 3 seconds. After that, it doesn't get any faster no mater how far it falls, It's all to do with its very low weight to size ratio. Spread the legs, hold out the tail and it's almost a parachute.

He probably would have preferred to have missed the water. (Unless he landed on Poppy of course)

For the record I DO enjoy not smoking now, although I never thought I would.

Apart from the obvious health benefits and the relief of knowing that I am not deliberately contributing to my own demise, I love being able to sit in a waiting room, a long meeting, on a flight, at the cinema etc without the constant craving.

Shamefully, one of my biggest joys is watching those poor buggers huddled outdoors, "Enjoying" a fag, whilst shivering in the rain.

Hahaha

You can't beat leading from the rear.

[that]

23:50 on 31/12/96 for me. Having spent years struggling to give up, just told myself I was going to enjoy not smoking even more than I had smoking (because I genuinely enjoyed it).

Found it easy. Having previously failed countless times. Just what worked for me.

Thought I would share a joke my Dad used to tell. Which started in the Great War, and was told by him and various mates during WW2. I was reminded of it by the spectacularly stupid comments of the draft-dodging toddler today...

Soldier has been in the trenches for weeks on end. It all gets too much, and trench fever gets him. He throws down his gun, and runs away from the front line. Then he hears a voice-saying "Where do you think you are going, you horrible little man"

He replied "Sorry Sgt Major, I got trench fever, and..."

"It's not Sgt Major-this is Colonel X, your Commanding Officer"

"F.ck me. I didn't know I'd run that far..."

a 50 gram packet of rolling baccy now costs £50 in most places

£1 a gram? Wow!  I had no idea, but then again I haven't had a cigarette this century.


After trying to stop smoking and failing dozens of times,  I finally had my epiphany in December 1999.

I woke up feeling terrible, mild headache, sore throat, tight chest...

I went outside and lit my first cigarette, had my usual 5 minute coughing fit, and knew in that moment that if I continued like this, I wouldn't live to see my grandchildren. Once again I vowed to stop smoking, and this time I kind of believed it.

It's a bit clichè, but I decided to stop on New Year's Eve. So at 11:50 on December the 31st, I lit my last ever cigarette.

It was tough going for a while but i did it. Now, 25 years later, it seems such a horrible habit that I can't believe I ever did it.

Don't worry about us Kev, we'll be alright. You enjoy yourself mate.

Will do my best Tom. 🌞🏖

Bangkok bound tomorrow for the last 5 nights. Then back to blighty and heating on 24 hours a day for a while. 🤣🤣

a 50 gram packet of rolling baccy now costs £50 in most places

people bringing it in from europe selling it at half of that are making massive profits (its £11 in spain)  with confiscation and a slap on the wrist if caught


reminded me of this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iCE0nkd-Uc

By the time I was in my 30s I had progressed from 20 Number 6 per day to 40, and sometimes 60 Benson & Hedges.

You could smoke anywhere back then, in pubs and restaurants, shops, cinemas... When we were courting, I remember going to see Mrs Red, who was in hospital with a throat infection,  and having a fag with the doctor.

I ALWAYS had a cigarette in my hand.

Even though cigarettes were relatively cheap back then, buying two and sometimes three packs a day became unsustainable, so I began rolling my own.

It wasn't easy.
I'm not the most dexterous person and my hands are like shovels. My early attempts ended with loads of tobacco on the floor, on my trousers, in my tea, in my eye, in fact everywhere except inside the little twist of paper where it was supposed to be.

However, we smokers are a determined bunch and I persevered. Eventually I could roll factory-grade cigarettes while swimming or riding a horse, or one handed while driving a lorry and eating a bacon sandwich.