Jokes Post

[BigTomatoes]

 i  draw the line at making jokes about the spanish

 in fact i can honestly say i will never make a joke about a spaniard

 no way jose.

[Colchester Kev]

Hear about the spanish fireman, he named his twin sons .."Jose" and "hose b"

[Muahahahaha]

I strongly recommend 6 pints before reading any further.


Ok, are you ready now.



An elephant is walking through the jungle, & gets a thorn in it's foot.

'Ow'  She says. ( This is the clean - ish version )

A mouse hears her & run to the rescue.

He asks why she is crying, so she explains about the thorn ;

'It's so painfull, I'd do anything to get rid of the pain.' She said.

'Anything ? ' Said the mouse. 'Ok lift your foot up'.

He bravely stood under her foot, in danger of being crushed, & eventually pulled the thorn out with his little mousey teeth.

The elephant was so happy, and was thanking the mouse , when he interupted her.

'You said you'd do anything,'

'Of course' said the elephant.

'Well' said the mouse 'I've always fantasised about having sex with an elephant.'

'  ' Said the elephant obviously shocked. 'Well......ok then'

And the mouse ran up the elephant's trunk, on to her back, and got down on it.

As this happened a couple of monkeys were watching from a nearby coconut tree.  They saw the mouse banging away & laughed so much a coconut fell out the tree & landed on the elephants head.

'Ouch' Said the elephant

To which the mouse paused, looked up & said...

' Shut up & take it all, bitch ''

[roverthtaeh]

A father approaches his son on his wedding day and offers some fatherly advice;
"Son, this is the beginning of a new life and you need to set the rules from day one. I made it clear to your mother from the outset that I was the one wearing the trousers. Start this way, son, and you will never have any problems".
The son thanks his Dad for the advice and proceeds with the wedding.
That night, in the honeymoon suite, the son undresses and throws his trousers at his new wife. "Put them on", he tells her. Obligingly, his wife slips the trousers on. "Oh these are no good", she exclaims, "they are way too big for me".
"That's right", says the son, "and don't you forget it. I wear the trousers in this relationship."
A few seconds later and the wife removes her panties and throws them at her new husband. "Here, put these on", she says.
After struggling for several minutes the son finally announces, "these are no good, they're way too small. I'll never get into them."
"That's right", says the wife, "and don't you forget, if you continue with that attitude of yours, you never will."

[roverthtaeh]

 A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive woman standing alone.
 
He approached her and asked her name. "My name is Carmen," she told him.
 
"That's beautiful," he said. "Is it a family name?"
 
"No," she replied, "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most  - cars and men.

What's your name?" she asked.

"Beerfuck," he replied.