Right. I've just finished watching CelebPoker 2004 UK Challenge. What a shower of shite.
Firstly, for a comp to be a CelebPoker Challenge, you kinda expect to see a fair amount of celebs in attendance. Well, I think you could count the amount of celebs playing on Bart Simpson's hand.
Secondly, we have the two worst commentators imaginable. Taking the lead is a blatant amateur who would be better served commentating on CelebSnap Challenge. He got excited by a raggy ace and any two suited cards. Sitting next to this poker genius is, as in true Poker Night Live style, a somewhat dim lass who appears to have taken the wrong turning on her way to a Page 3 shoot. Quotes such as 'What does that mean?', 'Does he have to put in the same amount?', and 'What are those chips worth'? had me shouting 'silly moo' at the screen like Alf Garnett. Incidently, the fella's answer to the latter was 'I don't know, I didn't get that far.' And he wasn't joking on either count.
And then onto the young lady standing by to give each falling player a good old rub down. She too was clueless, couldn't give a flying (cough), and pretty much giggled in their faces. Just been bent over and gone crashing out a major comp? Why not have a chat with this girl? No ta. - although she weren't bad looking.
Okay. Maybe we can forgive the lack of celebrities, clueless commentators, and irritating backstage interviewerl. Perhaps the play was so intense, so enthralling, that those things just didn't matter. Think again. The crucial hand heads up went as follows:
Matey Boy #1 holds 85 off. Matey Boy #2 has 96 off.
Flop comes 9TJ rainbow. Matey Boy #1 bets his up and down draw. Has the ignorant end if the queen falls, but perhaps worth a stab. Matey Boy #2 swiftly calls, maybe to take it away on the turn if his opponent checks.
Turn is a 6, giving Matey Boy #2 bottom 2 pair. Matey Boy #1 checks, Matey Boy #2 bets, Matey Boy #1 calls. Boy, does he like that draw.
River is another ten, counterfeiting those bottom 2 pair. Matey Boy #1 checks again. Matey Boy #2 moves all-in. Only possibility here is that he puts his opponent on the jack and thinks he can get him to fold. Hmm, somewhat risky in my eyes. Anyway, what do you think Matey Boy #1 does. Well, he does the only sensible thing and makes the call for virtually all his chips with his 8 high. ?!?!?! Yes, I repeat, he called with 8 high. 1st prize 43 thousand. Great to see the best competing for the top prizes.
So to conclude, it may be an uderstatement to say I wasn't overly impressed with the poker channel's 8-9pm slot. Not just because it was the most painful hour of poker that I've endured since, well, since ever, but also because it makes a mockery of the game I love.
With all this celeb poker rubbish, do we really deserve the poker channel to join in with CelebPoker 2004 UK Challenge? I just hope that we don't get too many shows like this. I wanna see some proper poker on tv. I don't care about the celebs, the glitz, glammer, etc. We don't need massive pauses between cards, heartbeat monitors, or any of the other crap they come up with. Can we just have poker please? Good honest poker. Is that two much to ask?
Now someone please tell me that this 43k went to charity...
Author