received this today................
Dear Sir/Madam,
One of the biggest dangers facing the future of gardening and botany in the United Kingdom is the growing chav culture of which I'm sure you are aware.
During the 1980s disadvantaged females gave birth at alarmingly young ages as they were too poor to indulge in activities beyond the obscene. They were ill equipped to rear their young in a civilized manner, as such our streets today are filled with people who love nothing more than to uproot plants in nice people's gardens whilst they are whooped up on alcoholic apple beverages.
This problem, as it relates to gardeners, is twofold.....
- Existing botany enthusiasts are losing valuable plantage.
- Potential future botanists are put off from taking up the hobby. What's the point in nursing marigolds and chrysanthemums to their beautiful maturity when some yelpie will just decide to intrude upon your property and wear it as a hat on Friday night?
In our society, the usual solution to a problem regarding unlawful acts is to contact the local constabulary. Unfortunately this doesn't seem to do any good.
- It is hard to catch the perpetrators in the act.
- When you do, the punishments they receive for murdering herbs are hardly my idea of justice. Still, it serves to further enrage the chavs into more serious criminal damage upon your garden. In some extreme circumstances, they have even been known to uproot bush.
Our organisation proposes a different solution to the problem. Instil a sense of plant love into today’s working class youth.
For just £150, we can send a chav to a botanical museum in the South of France for 4 days. During this time, our sincere hope is that they will subconsciously become more inclined into loving and respecting all livings things. They may still piss in the street (as poor people are prone to do) but we can be free to plant symmetrical patterns of posies, free of the fear that they will be tampered with.
It is expected that these folk will jump at the chance of a free holiday, so that should not be a problem.
My name is John Partridge, and I am based in Oxenholme. Please contact me if you are interested in setting up a fundraising group in your own area. My e-mail address can be found below.
We are also looking for volunteers to marschall the bus trips to the South of France. Your duties include leading the chavs in song, and keeping the driver alive. This position is not recommended for the over 70s.
Naturally, if you have any ideas about this problem, or questions about our proposed scheme, we are always happy to receive feedback.
We are called the BRP (Botanists Reforming the Poor) and we have lofty ambitions. We need your help.
Thank you for taking the time to read this e-mail
Regards
John Partridge (BRP founder)
johnpartridge@dcemail.comPlease feel free to forward this e-mail to your friends, or post it on any public forums that you frequent.
a worthwhile cause i am sure you will agree..........the colonels cheque is in the post.
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