Vagueness and the Aftermath - A sporadic diary

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Don't talk to me about odds.

Most mornings I have two eggs on toast with two thin slices of ham.

I microwave the ham and to prevent fat-spatter and the associated nagging I cover it with a square of kitchen roll whilst it cooks.

Today, with toast and eggs waiting on the plate I whipped the paper cover from my rashers and spun around to dump it into the pedal-bin.

Just as I let go I noticed that the tiniest edge of one of my ham slices had welded itself to the tiniest edge of the tissue and was now accompanying it binwards.

Somehow I managed to emit a low octave, slow motion NOOOOOO sound and at the same time make a lightning-fast, reflex driven grab for my bacon.

I almost made it. My hand made contact but my fingers were too slow to grasp and I merely swatted it across the kitchen.

Mentally invoking the three second rule I waited for it to hit the floor but instead of doing that it flew with incredible precision into an almost imperceptible horizontal crack between two pieces of furniture.

I was flabbergasted. What were the chances?

It was like batting a warm, greasy floppy disc into your Amstrad from 8ft away.

Not only did I have to eat my brekky with only one slice of ham, I had to dismantle the kitchen to retrieve the other slice.

(I was just going to say nothing and let it mummyfy quietly but Poppy alerted Mrs Red to it's presence by drooling and trying to suck it out)

[tonytats]

Do you mean that packet ham Tom ?
I’ve stopped buying that lately
I buy a piece of gammon
Boil it for 90 mins
It’s so much tastier
It carves better when cold
Our new dog - well new to us ,is a parsons Jack Russell and she loves it too

I generally have two crumpets toasted 4 x so they’re crispy then maybe a toasted bacon sandwich with my bacon cooked in the microwave like your ham with k roll covering it

[tikay]

Tom in story-telling mode, nothing beats it.


and to prevent fat-spatter and the associated nagging



Mrs Red nags? I'm shocked.

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Do you mean that packet ham Tom ?
I’ve stopped buying that lately
I buy a piece of gammon
Boil it for 90 mins
It’s so much tastier
It carves better when cold
Our new dog - well new to us ,is a parsons Jack Russell and she loves it too

I generally have two crumpets toasted 4 x so they’re crispy then maybe a toasted bacon sandwich with my bacon cooked in the microwave like your ham with k roll covering it

Yes, the packet ham.

I agree about the gammon, it is far nicer. We usually get a ginormous piece at Christmas and have 50% left over in the new year, that all goes onto my breakfast. (Not all at once I hasten to add)

The reason I use the packet stuff is it's only 27 calories a slice and it gives my breakfast a real bacon, (I call it fakeon) taste.

I like a good breakfast so I usually blow about 700 of my average daily 2000 calories on breakfast.

2000 calories is only my 'most days' figure. If we go out or I fancy a blow out I just let rip and eat everything in sight. As long as I don't do it all the time I seem to get away with it.

Tell us more about the dog.

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Dog or bitch?
Old or young?
Leggy or stumpy?
Piebald or tricolour?
Rough or smooth?
Tough or very tough? 

[tonytats]

Dog or bitch?
Old or young?
Leggy or stumpy?
Piebald or tricolour?
Rough or smooth?
Tough or very tough?  

We had brambleput to sleep as she had Cushing/s which is a tumour on her pituitary or adrenal gland and her back legs were very weakened
Devastated doesn’t begin to cover my feelings
I couldn’t speak for 3-4 days
She had been with me 24/7 since we got her 13 years ago

So I looked at borders £3 k upwards was / is the cost
Which I wasn’t going to pay
Plus my daughter said a very definite NO to the idea of a replacement

So I texted a friend of mine in farming who manages 8000 acres in Rutland / Leicestershire
Asking if he knew of  anyone with a litter of farmyard terriers
He didn’t but his son did
Jobe worked for the Deene estate near Corby n lived in one of the estate houses n bred jacks
He had Bruce a 5 year old male who looked like he wanted a fight with anyone
Then he sent a photo of clover aged almost 2 she stood there with her head bowed a bit
Denise said no ,we’ve just lost bramble ,it’s too soon
But I said let’s go n see her
He had 5/6 running about in his garden they came n said hello - yes talking jack russells ,lol
Only she stayed beside us
She’s a bitch
Aged two in June
Leggy
Piebald mainly brown n white with a clover shaped stain on her flank
Smooth coated
Tough IMO - he claimed she wasn’t tough enough for the hunt

He didn’t want any money for her so Denise made up a wicker hamper of goodies and I put an envelope in with £100 in

More to come

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Tis a fearful thing to love what death can touch.

Yehuda HaLevi




It's horrible when you have to put your dog to sleep but it's the last kind thing you can do for them.
It's the price you pay for the love they give you.

It sounds like the new one has landed on her feet though...

[tonytats]

So we picked her up and she was and still is a good traveller in the van
After living in a run outside she had a few habits that we had to train her out of
Like peeing etc on the floor ,eating her poo ! Although that occasionally happens if we aren’t quick enough to clear it up
She definitely had a certain je ne sais quoi odour about her and after her first night sleeping in a crate
We got up at 0600 and showered her ,which she accepted without too much drama
We discovered the yellow stains on her cost - possibly wee from the dog in the next run? Washed out and she washed up good
It took 3 showers to totally get rid of the odour
Her ears and neck had a few scabs from bites off the other dogs she lived with we guessed ?
These cleared up and disappeared within ten days
Training was by tiny rewards of diced up bacon sausage or gammon
She soon cottoned on to where these were kept - in the fridge
After going out doing a wee she would come inside and sit by the fridge for her reward
As time has progressed she’s learnt to fake going outside for a wee and she returns in and sits by the fridge for her reward
She sleeps in a crate at night and has never been a bit of trouble
If we are in the kitchen she sits by our feet hoping for food
If we sit in the lounge she curls up on the sofa with us

She doesn’t get on with either cat so the younger more timid cat  who moved out into the landscaping bushes returning only for food has been rehomed
The older -18 year old cat  is still sharpening her claws in anticipation of ww3 and will not back down .so we keep them apartt

I walk her around the small spinny in the morning and evening where she often has a runaround with other dogs
She’s very sociable
Denise takes her for a 5-6 k walk around the brickyards local to us most days

Her tail had been docked ,not particularly well and there was a bald area at the end ,Denises mums neighbour has 5 jacks and she recommended putting honey on the bald bit ,I laughed ,sure enough Denise tried it and it worked

She’s a cracking little dog and has fitted in with us so well
A ray of sunshine after events of the last 18 months

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That's what a proper Jack Russell should look like Tony. (He sent me some pics) She reminds me of one of Brian Plummer's strain with a tiny cash of bull terrier in there.

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Was going to upload a few  pics of Tony's Jack Russell but I'd better wait for the go ahead first.

Cracking little dog though.

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Henry Normal (Bloke from Nottingham, hero of mine) did several of these half-hour radio shows.

Try one.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/b08ktnwk

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Test

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[nirvana]

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Nice horseys