Vagueness and the Aftermath - A sporadic diary

[Karabiner]

Methinks the Great Man will be Diary-ing again quite soon. Just a hunch, like.

He's in London today. Gone all posh, see?

Up in London eh.. ?

[tikay]

Methinks the Great Man will be Diary-ing again quite soon. Just a hunch, like.

He's in London today. Gone all posh, see?

Up in London eh.. ?

Sigh....he went DOWN to London. He lives in Leicestershire, see? And he went by road. SOUTH. DOWN the M1.

[boldie]

Methinks the Great Man will be Diary-ing again quite soon. Just a hunch, like.

He's in London today. Gone all posh, see?

Up in London eh.. ?

Sigh....he went DOWN to London. He lives in Leicestershire, see? And he went by road. SOUTH. DOWN the M1.

don't you always go UP to London?..I'm just a lowly foreigner but I think I read somewhere once that that was gramatically correct...You've obviously been speaking English since the days of yore TJ so you'll probably know better than me though...just asking obviously...please correct me if I'm wrong. 

[RED-DOG]

Where to start, where to start....

I should really finish the "Typical day" thing that I started a while ago. If you remember, I was just telling you about going to work when I was a boy, and explaining the difference between calling and billing etc. Well I will continue that story in a little while, but first I want to talk about what's been happening over the last couple of weeks.

So let us return to March 25th, 2008. (At this point, it would be helpful if you could imagine that you can hear harp music, and that the thread has gone all shimmery)

[booder]

oh FFS get on with it

[RED-DOG]

As you know, I eventually bought a new (Well, second hand, but newer that the one we had) mobile home to replace the one that I sold. The new one was located in Kidderminster, that’s only an hour or so away, but considering the difficulty I had finding someone to transport it, it might as well have been on the moon.

Everyone I spoke to was fully booked up (at an exorbitant price) until Nelson gets his other eye back. Mobile home transporters must have one of the most lucrative jobs in the world, right up there with premiership footballers, Sky poker presenters, and plumbers.

I did however, have a reluctant ace up my sleeve in the form of Ian.

Ian is the bloke whose lorry broke down, leaving me stranded for several hours when he moved the other mobile for me. Ian is the bloke who, after getting said lorry repaired, managed to drop the other mobile so that it became wedged half on and half off the lorry while in the process of loading it.

When you are doing something as delicate as loading someone’s home onto the back of a truck and driving it down the road, you do need to use a modicum of care. Your watchword should be caution. Ian’s watchword is “Banzai!”

As you may imagine, I was somewhat leery of procuring Ian’s services for a second time. In my mind’s eye, I could see his wild staring eyes and hear his manic laughter as he hurtled round a blind bend and rammed his lorry, complete with my new home, into the back of a stationary double decker.

Everything is smashed to matchwood. Ian however, miraculously escapes without a scratch.

But! Needs must when the devil drives, (No pun intended) I’m desperate, so not without some difficulty, I push these thoughts to the back of my mind, and with trembling fingers, I dial Ian’s number….

[RED-DOG]

Ian agrees to do the move on March 25th. I arrange to have Dave the JCB man on standby for when we arrive back at my field, and two of my brothers, Joe and John, volunteer to come and help. (Bless em)


Joe is on the left.

I have to wonder if their help was cost efficient when set against the volume of tea they drank.

[Karabiner]

What is that big green thing in the backgound ?

[RED-DOG]

What is that big green thing in the backgound ?

Thats my brother Joe.

[Karabiner]

What is that big green thing in the backgound ?

Thats my brother Joe.

I bet he's got all of his own teeth..

[RED-DOG]

What is that big green thing in the backgound ?

Thats my brother Joe.

I bet he's got all of his own teeth..

Sorry Ralph. It's a shipping container.

[RED-DOG]

The big day got off to a bad start. I had been suffering from a particularly tenacious bout of flu for about six weeks, but on this particular morning it seemed to have psyched it’s self up for one last almighty attempt to finish me off.

I felt like death warmed up. Throbbing head, sore throat, blogged doze, streaming eyes and one of those coughs that are so violent they cause you to examine the phlegm you bring up to see if there are any bits of lung in it.

To add to my discomfort, I had also managed to develop an in growing toenail, (Only those who have suffered one will know how painful they can be) and a bad case of diarrhoea.

Still, according to the old adage, every cloud has a silver lining, and this was no exception. If I started to walk funny, no one knew if it was because my foot was hurting, or because I’d shit myself.

[Laxie]

   Welcome back Red

[boldie]

  Welcome back Red

indeed..and about time too!

[tikay]

A welcome return of the greatest Diary on the Web.

Now, get writing Tom, you are like Tighty. All behind.