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Dewi_cool
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« Reply #15 on: April 27, 2009, 04:39:06 PM » |
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It's all porkies  |
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The very last hand of the night goes to Dewi James, who finds ACES and talks Raymond O’Mahoney into calling his all-in preflop bet of 15k. “If I had AQ, I’d call!” says Dewi. Raymond calls holding pocket 66’s.
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Dino
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« Reply #16 on: April 27, 2009, 04:47:49 PM » |
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Simple precautions to protect your office.
1) The principal swine flu vectors are: Airborne contagion, unprotected email and Facebook. Accordingly, issue staff with flimsy paper masks, confine them to their cubicles and ban them from social networking until the World Health Organisation says otherwise.
Make sure your email antivirus software is fully up to date. A spokesman for top net security company McManTec told us: "Unfiltered email communications can facilitate the spread of H1N1 through your network in a matter of minutes with catastrophic results. Imagine your office littered with dead employees slumped over their workstations while those still breathing are coughing blood onto their BlackBerries."
The spokesman concluded: "We advise the immediate deployment of McManTec AntiPandemic 3.0®, the only known cure for 99.9 per cent of all viral menaces."
2) There is a clear and present danger from all pig-based products. Establish a "pork cordon" around your premises with security checkpoints to prevent employees smuggling in suspect foodstuffs. Be especially alert for bacon sandwiches - the traditional cure for alcoholic excess. Any worker who has eaten a bacon sandwich within the last five days should be placed in a plexiglass containment cubicle and closely monitored for the symptoms of swine flu.
Be aware that these are identical to the symptoms of a particularly spectacular hangover, so try not to panic unduly if some staff begin to shake uncontrollably and collapse under their desks - this may simply be the result of 16 pints the night before.
3) Protect key staff by isolating them from the swine flu threat - at gunpoint if necessary. Sysadmins should be sealed in the server panic room and provided with filtered air and sufficient foodstuffs for approximately two weeks. Under no circumstances should they leave the room until the Daily Mail says it is safe to do so or the supply of microwaveable mini pizzas and instant coffee runs out, whichever comes soonest.
4) If current scientific predictions are correct, around 80 per cent of the world's population will be dead with the next two weeks. Your company could be critical in rebuilding the planet's population, so select suitable members of your staff for an intensive breeding programme, to begin immediately.
Females should be selected for their sexual attractiveness and fertility. The "alpha male" tasked with mating with this genetic reserve will be the most senior member of management left alive after the pandemic has cut its swathe through the boardroom.
5) Stay calm.
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AndrewT
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« Reply #17 on: April 27, 2009, 04:52:32 PM » |
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Isn't 'pork cordon' the fat lad from Gavin and Stacey?
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henrik777
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« Reply #18 on: April 27, 2009, 04:55:05 PM » |
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Speaking to a colleague earlier who said :-
I live in Airdrie. In fact I live next to the hospital where they took the two people they think may have swine flu.
Its got me really worried.
I mean, if two people from Airdrie could afford a trip to Mexico I'm checking my garage, because the fuckers must have been stealing things from everyone.
Sandy
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Colchester Kev
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« Reply #19 on: April 27, 2009, 04:56:43 PM » |
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Speaking to a colleague earlier who said :-
I live in Airdrie. In fact I live next to the hospital where they took the two people they think may have swine flu.
Its got me really worried.
I mean, if two people from Airdrie could afford a trip to Mexico I'm checking my garage, because the fuckers must have been stealing things from everyone.
Sandy
LMFAO  |
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JayEm1
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« Reply #20 on: April 27, 2009, 04:58:58 PM » |
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Speaking to a colleague earlier who said :-
I live in Airdrie. In fact I live next to the hospital where they took the two people they think may have swine flu.
Its got me really worried.
I mean, if two people from Airdrie could afford a trip to Mexico I'm checking my garage, because the fuckers must have been stealing things from everyone.
Sandy
Brilliant!  |
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4x4_Ka @ Pokerstars
Freerolling as we go!
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G1BTW
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« Reply #21 on: April 27, 2009, 05:38:23 PM » |
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Isn't 'pork cordon' the fat lad from Gavin and Stacey?
This  |
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boldie
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« Reply #22 on: April 27, 2009, 06:59:19 PM » |
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Pig flu? I thought that was impossible. |
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Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
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Colchester Kev
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« Reply #23 on: April 27, 2009, 07:04:55 PM » |
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Never seen the pink arrows ??  |
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Geo the Sarge
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« Reply #24 on: April 27, 2009, 07:14:15 PM » |
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Isn't 'pork cordon' the fat lad from Gavin and Stacey?
This This I like Geo |
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When you get..........give. When you learn.......teach
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #25 on: April 27, 2009, 07:38:28 PM » |
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a mass pandemic
As opposed to... ? |
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The older I get, the better I was.
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kinboshi
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« Reply #26 on: April 27, 2009, 07:59:04 PM » |
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a mass pandemic
As opposed to... ? Good point! I think I was going to write epidemic, but changed it to pandemic. The 'mass' was then redundant. Tautology for the win. |
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'The meme for blind faith secures its own perpetuation by the simple unconscious expedient of discouraging rational inquiry.'
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #27 on: April 27, 2009, 08:04:03 PM » |
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Tautology for the win.
That's what I think imo. |
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The older I get, the better I was.
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tikay
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« Reply #28 on: April 27, 2009, 08:38:25 PM » |
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Tautology for the win.
That's what I think imo.  |
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All details of the 2016 Vegas Staking Adventure can be found via this link - http://bit.ly/1pdQZDY (copyright Anthony James Kendall, 2016). |
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Bongo
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« Reply #29 on: April 28, 2009, 12:27:35 AM » |
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The Madagascar line on XKCD really made my morning  |
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Do you think it's dangerous to have Busby Berkeley dreams?
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Poll
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