Joke!!

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #135 on: April 23, 2010, 08:55:50 AM »

What's the difference between Cheryl Cole and the volcano?

The volcano is still blowing Ash...


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boldie

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #136 on: April 23, 2010, 09:15:46 AM »

Experts have warned that it could take years of work by experienced professionals to clean up after the volcano.

That's why Mum's gone to iceland.


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Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.

henrik777

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #137 on: April 23, 2010, 09:25:54 AM »

Hats off to the Icelandic people.

First they declared themselves bankrupt...

Then they set their island on fire....

Anyone else smell the mother of all insurance frauds?

Sandy


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Lucky

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #138 on: April 23, 2010, 09:31:10 AM »

Not original but made me laugh...

No more volcano jokes please, or I'll erupt.


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RED-DOG

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #139 on: April 23, 2010, 09:40:02 AM »

Quote from: boldie on April 23, 2010, 08:43:32 AM

Isn't it strange how words that sound the same have different meanings for different languages. For instance in the English speaking world "Sirens"are found on loud emergency vehicles, whereas in Japan it means "be quiet".

Made me laugh.


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zzBlizzardzz

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #140 on: April 23, 2010, 02:56:56 PM »

Quote from: MANTIS01 on August 08, 2009, 10:20:00 PM

I've been arrested 3 times this week for battering my wife. The copper said "Why do you keep beating her?"...I replied "It's probably because I have a significant weight advantage, better reach and fancy footwork.

Very funny


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zzBlizzardzz

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #141 on: April 23, 2010, 02:57:56 PM »

Quote from: sovietsong on August 08, 2009, 10:20:29 PM

Quote from: Sepultyra on August 08, 2009, 10:13:28 PM

Hi everyone!! Enjoy lol

Know the difference between a prayer at church and a prayer at the poker table?
R\The guy at the poker table really means it!

Know how to get a professional poker player off your front porch?
R\Pay him for the pizza.

Nice.

Q What is the biggest problem for an athiest?
R\ A There is no one to talk to during an orgasm!

Sepultyra
Costa Rica!!!

guy is walking down the street with a crocodile, police man stops him and says 'wtf are you doing' you should take that croc to a zoo, the guy agrees that its a good idea as he should be walking around the street with a dangerous toothy croc.

next day the same guy is walking down the street with the crocodile, the police man spots him and says 'i thought I told you to take him to the zoo' guy says 'i did, today we are going to the cinema'

Sovietsong
Leeds!!!


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"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good" Samuel Johnson

Watch things happen, Make things happen or wonder what the hell happened!! Me

MANTIS01

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #142 on: April 23, 2010, 03:44:40 PM »

Things are bad at home right now. She says she's sick of me. Football, Rugby, Cricket, always sport on the telly. Anyway, I booked a quiet table for two last night to try and patch things up. But by 9 o'clock things were 10 times worse. She hadn't potted a single red all night.


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Tikay - "He has a proven track record in business, he is articulate, intelligent, & presents his cases well"

Claw75 - "Mantis is not only a blonde legend he's also very easy on the eye"

Outragous76 - "a really nice certainly intelligent guy"

taximan007 & Girgy85 & Celtic & Laxie - <3 Mantis

MANTIS01

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #143 on: April 23, 2010, 03:49:09 PM »

Ordered a takeaway last night. When the chinky fellow delivered it he said "twenty pound". I said "What's the name of Jordan's blind son?" He said "Halvey Price". I said "Great! there's a tenner now fook off".


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celtic

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #144 on: April 23, 2010, 05:38:03 PM »

Quote from: MANTIS01 on April 23, 2010, 03:49:09 PM

lolololololol


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Keefy is back

But for how long?

doubleup

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #145 on: April 23, 2010, 10:42:12 PM »

From a Zimbabwean newspaper:

While transporting mental patients from Harare to Bulawayo , the bus Driver stopped at a roadside shebeen (beerhall) for a few beers. When he got back to his vehicle, he found it empty, with the 20 patients nowhere to be seen. Realizing the trouble he was in if the truth were uncovered, he halted his bus at the next bus stop and offered lifts to those in the queue. Letting 20 people board, he then shut the doors and drove straight to the Bulawayo mental hospital, where he hastily handed over his 'charges', warning the nurses that they were particularly excitable. Staff removed the furious passengers; it was three days later that suspicions were roused by the consistency of stories from the 20. As for the real patients: nothing more has been heard of them and they have apparently blended comfortably back into Zimbabwean society.


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Laxie

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #146 on: April 25, 2010, 12:05:15 PM »

Got stern looks during communion. I think it was because I was chanting, "chug chug chug!"


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I bet when Hugh Hefner dies, you won't hear anyone say, "He's in a better place."

bobAlike

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #147 on: April 25, 2010, 03:55:08 PM »

Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a rucksack and
went up to the Lake District, walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat
on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee. Then I walked another
5 miles and had a biscuit and then I...............

Sorry, I'm rambling...!!


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Ah! The element of surprise

thetank

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #148 on: April 25, 2010, 04:44:19 PM »

Quote from: bobAlike on April 25, 2010, 03:55:08 PM

I like it

Didn't laugh obv but I like it


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boldie

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Re: Joke!!

« Reply #149 on: April 26, 2010, 02:06:05 PM »

My arms and legs are killing me. Was at a Chinese disco and it was all going smoothly until the Chinese version of YMCA came on.


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Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.

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