blonde poker forum
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
May 29, 2024, 12:33:16 AM

Login with username, password and session length
Search:     Advanced search
Order through Amazon and help blonde Poker
2272772 Posts in 66756 Topics by 16723 Members
Latest Member: callpri
* Home Help Arcade Search Calendar Guidelines Login Register
+  blonde poker forum
|-+  Community Forums
| |-+  The Lounge
| | |-+  Joke!!		 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « previous next »
Pages: 1 ... 43 44 45 46 [47] 48 49 50 51 ... 95 Go Down Print
Author Topic: Joke!!  (Read 313808 times)
boldie
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 22416


Don't make me mad


View Profile WWW
« Reply #690 on: October 13, 2011, 01:54:40 PM »
I owe my life to my daughter.

It doesn't bear thinking about what could have happened if she hadn't found that lump on my testicle.
Logged
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
millidonk
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 9140


I'm supposed to wear a shell.. I don't - SLUG LIFE


View Profile
« Reply #691 on: October 13, 2011, 04:44:27 PM »
BREAKING NEWS:

JONATHAN ROSS HAS JUST BEEN ARRESTED!!

For stealing a kitchen utensil in IKEA. After being released from Notting Hill police station Ross commented "I knew it was a whisk, but it was a whisk worth taking".
Logged
WC2014 WOTN: http://1drv.ms/1s7Bcqh

Get rich like a N!T: http://sdrv.ms/RDOMxQ

http://twitter.com/BigDaveMilligan
zerofive
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 1890


View Profile
« Reply #692 on: October 16, 2011, 04:06:36 PM »
Your mother is so stupid, she tried to condense a 12-variable function to a minimal sum-of-products expression without using the Quine-McCluskey algorithm.
Logged
ACE2M
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 7841



View Profile
« Reply #693 on: October 18, 2011, 06:53:30 PM »
A wife had been in a coma for months when the nurses noticed that cleaning her private parts increased her heart rate significantly. So they told her husband that a little oral sex might bring her round. They drew the curtains and left them alone. After a few minutes the woman flatlined. The nurses asked him what happened and he replied "I think she choked"
Logged
ACE2M
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 7841



View Profile
« Reply #694 on: October 18, 2011, 06:54:36 PM »
People who have Bluetooth handsets need a clip round the ear.
Logged
boldie
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 22416


Don't make me mad


View Profile WWW
« Reply #695 on: October 18, 2011, 07:03:36 PM »
Two social workers come out of the pub and see a guy lying on the pavement covered in blood and groaning in agony.

"Fuck," says one of them as they walk past, "whoever did that really needs help ..."
Logged
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
ManuelsMum
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 1163



View Profile
« Reply #696 on: October 18, 2011, 09:36:57 PM »
Quote from: ACE2M on October 18, 2011, 06:54:36 PM
People who have Bluetooth handsets need a clip round the ear.

Made me lol
Logged
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me i didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.
J Lennon
ACE2M
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 7841



View Profile
« Reply #697 on: October 19, 2011, 08:04:08 PM »
My girlfriend was making pasta when I told her we were splitting up.

I had to repeat it twice.

Then the penne dropped...

She is feeling cannelloni now
Logged
ManuelsMum
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 1163



View Profile
« Reply #698 on: October 19, 2011, 08:52:49 PM »
Quote from: ACE2M on October 19, 2011, 08:04:08 PM
My girlfriend was making pasta when I told her we were splitting up.

I had to repeat it twice.

Then the penne dropped...

She is feeling cannelloni now

LOL Udon well son. I think mine's having an affair, she's always denied it, but I wouldn't put it pasta.
Logged
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me i didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.
J Lennon
AndrewT
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 15494



View Profile WWW
« Reply #699 on: October 19, 2011, 08:59:15 PM »
That joke reminds me of all the good times me and my girlfriend used to have together.

A few serious, a fusilli.
Logged
ACE2M
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 7841



View Profile
« Reply #700 on: October 19, 2011, 09:11:31 PM »
shame i wasted all those years on her, i should have been more pici
Logged
henrik777
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 2667



View Profile
« Reply #701 on: October 19, 2011, 09:12:42 PM »
Quote from: AndrewT on October 19, 2011, 08:59:15 PM
That joke reminds me of all the good times me and my girlfriend used to have together.

A few serious, a fusilli.

The serious tuff, did you ever make it through a wholemeal ?

Sandy
Logged
danny_b
Full Member
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 141



View Profile
« Reply #702 on: October 20, 2011, 10:26:18 PM »
Q: How do you track Will Smith in the snow?

A: Fresh prints.
Logged
bobAlike
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 5922


View Profile
« Reply #703 on: October 21, 2011, 10:58:23 AM »
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl, "Jessica, have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls; one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her arse in it."
Logged
Ah! The element of surprise
KarmaDope
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 9283


View Profile
« Reply #704 on: October 21, 2011, 12:29:10 PM »
(Maybe a bit too far...)

What does Gaddafi have in common with Freddie Mercury?

They both died after some guy shot into their sewage pipe.
Logged
Pages: 1 ... 43 44 45 46 [47] 48 49 50 51 ... 95 Go Up Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.101 seconds with 20 queries.