Joke!!

[Woodsey]

Interesting facts on investments.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, youwould have £49.00 today
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have£33.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, youwould have £0.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Northern Rock three years ago, youwould have £0.00 today
But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago at Tescos, drankall the beer, then taken the aluminium cans to the scrap metal dealer, youwould have received a £214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily &recycle.
And then.......................... A recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol ayear. That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you proud to be British.

[bobAlike]

I have found the secret to making a women go mmmmmmmmmmmmm all night long.                                                                             


Duct tape

[bobAlike]

Just burnt the pancakes. They're so black and thin, I'm waiting for Bono to start singing them a song.

[leethefish]

A little old man totters into a chemist for some Viagra.'I need them cut in quarters,'he says.The chemist replies:'A quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.' The old man says:'I'm 96 and don't have much use for an erection.I just want it sticking out far enough
to stop me pissing on my slippers.'

[brookie]

A little old man totters into a chemist for some Viagra.'I need them cut in quarters,'he says.The chemist replies:'A quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.' The old man says:'I'm 96 and don't have much use for an erection.I just want it sticking out far enough
to stop me pissing on my slippers.'


lol

[brookie]

a dumb blonde at the cash machine taking money out, man behind her says ha ha ive seen your password its 4 astericks (****).
 woman says ha ha haa your so wrong, its 4987

[ManuelsMum]

RIP Frank Carson. Was improving in hospital, then choked and died on some food, not sure what.

[RED-DOG]

RIP Frank Carson. Was improving in hospital, then choked and died on some food, not sure what.

Was it a cracker?

[ManuelsMum]

RIP Frank Carson. Was improving in hospital, then choked and died on some food, not sure what.

Was it a cracker?

It's the way you tell em.

gg Frank, thanks for the laughs

[AdamM]

RIP Frank Carson. Was improving in hospital, then choked and died on some food, not sure what.

Was it a cracker?

Too soon?

...probably not. Think Frank would have laughed at that

[RED-DOG]

RIP Frank Carson. Was improving in hospital, then choked and died on some food, not sure what.

Was it a cracker?

Too soon?

...probably not. Think Frank would have laughed at that

Yes. I hesitated, but then I decided that he wouldn't mind.

[snoopy1239]

A devout Christian is stranded on the roof of a house during a devastating flood. His life is in imminent danger...

A man comes by in a boat and says, "Get in quick, get in!" The religious man replies, "No I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle." Bemused, the boatman continues on his journey.

Later, the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. Once again, he responds that he has faith in God and God will give him a miracle.

With the water at about chest high, a third boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again for the exact same reason: "Please, leave me be. My faith is strong and unwavering. God will save me."

With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they beg him to make a final leap to safety, but even with death staring him square in the face, he stubbornly turns down the request for help.

After drowning in the flood, the dejected man arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, "I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down."

St. Peter sighs and responds, "For fuck's sake. I don't know what you're complaining about. We sent you three boats and even a fucking helicopter."

[Girgy85]

I bet Rick Astly struggles with lent.

[Rod Paradise]

I bet Rick Astly struggles with lent.

I had to think about that one. Not bad though

[ManuelsMum]

I bet Rick Astly struggles with lent.

I rolled