Joke!!

[millidonk]

Why did the semen cross the road? Because I put on the wrong socks this morning...

[geordieneil]

On his visit to Ireland the pope was asked what he thought of 'County Down?'

"It's not the same since Carol Vorderman left," he replied.

[geordieneil]

A bloke went to the doctors complaining of strange voices coming from his pants. The doc said ignore them, they,re talking bollocks........




How does Stevie Wonder's wife punish him after a fight?

She leaves a plunger in the toilet.



My new girlfriend is a porn star.

She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out.

[geordieneil]

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey.

But I've turned myself around and that's what it's all about.

[geordieneil]

I had a leak in the roof in my dining room so I called a repairman to take a look at it.

"When did you first notice the leak?" he asked.

"Last night" i told him, "when it took me two hours to finish my fucking soup!"..




My flatmate came home early from work today and caught me getting a blow job from his girlfriend.

"You fucking bastard!" he screamed.

"Calm down," I said, "She's only giving me a blow job."

"Only giving you a blow job?" he continued, "How would you feel if it was me doing that to you?"

"Very weird," I replied, "And very gay."

[bobAlike]

Just been watching the Olympic Ladies Beach Voleyball. There's already been a wrist injury...
I should be ok by Friday though.

[geordieneil]

Just been watching the Olympic Ladies Beach Voleyball. There's already been a wrist injury...
I should be ok by Friday though.

Ennis elbow?

[bobAlike]

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodaiki a bright foreign exchange student from Japan,  who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775', he said.
'Very good!'
Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'
Again, no response except from Little Hodaiki: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'.
'Excellent!' said the teacher continuing, 'let's try one a bit more difficult...'
Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?'
Once again, Hodaiki's was the only hand in the air and he said: 'John F. Kennedy, 1961'.
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Hodaiki isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper: ‘Fuck the Japs,'
'Who said that? I want to know right now!' she angrily demanded.
Little Hodaiki put his hand up, 'General MacArthur, 1945.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glared around and asks, 'All right! Now who said that!?'
Again, Little Hodaiki said, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yelled, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Little Hodaiki jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouted to the teacher,   'Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky 1997!'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'
Little Hodaiki frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the child witness testifying against him, 2004.'
The teacher fainted.
As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we're fucked!”
Little Hodaiki said quietly, “Bob Diamond, Barclays Bank, 2012.”

[jgcblack]

bob, ill be honest.. it was a little too long and the last 1/3 wasn't worth the effort.

like the joke tho


These are NOT for everyone... you've been warned

What's the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of cash?
Can't unload the cash with a pitchfork...

What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real thing?
You can hang a picture up with just one nail..

What's worse than having Micheal Jackson over for babysitting?
Letting Ian Huntley give them a bath...

[bobAlike]

bob, ill be honest.. it was a little too long and the last 1/3 wasn't worth the effort.

like the joke tho


These are NOT for everyone... you've been warned

What's the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of cash?
Can't unload the cash with a pitchfork...

What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real thing?
You can hang a picture up with just one nail..

What's worse than having Micheal Jackson over for babysitting?
Letting Ian Huntley give them a bath...

Agreed, wouldn't have bothered if it wasn't for cut and paste.
Sick jokes but still made me grin. Does this make me a bad person?

[RED-DOG]

bob, ill be honest.. it was a little too long and the last 1/3 wasn't worth the effort.

like the joke tho


These are NOT for everyone... you've been warned

What's the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of cash?
Can't unload the cash with a pitchfork...

What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real thing?
You can hang a picture up with just one nail..

What's worse than having Micheal Jackson over for babysitting?
Letting Ian Huntley give them a bath...

Agreed, wouldn't have bothered if it wasn't for cut and paste.
Sick jokes but still made me grin. Does this make me a bad person?

It does if you do it 3 times.

[bobAlike]

bob, ill be honest.. it was a little too long and the last 1/3 wasn't worth the effort.

like the joke tho


These are NOT for everyone... you've been warned

What's the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of cash?
Can't unload the cash with a pitchfork...

What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real thing?
You can hang a picture up with just one nail..

What's worse than having Micheal Jackson over for babysitting?
Letting Ian Huntley give them a bath...

Agreed, wouldn't have bothered if it wasn't for cut and paste.
Sick jokes but still made me grin. Does this make me a bad person?

It does if you do it 3 times.

That's ok then I only grinned twice.

[Ironside]

just found out my friend gavin died of heart burn today

i cant believe gav is gone

[RED-DOG]

just found out my friend gavin died of heart burn today

i cant believe gav is gone

Is their rennie truth to this story?

[Ironside]

just found out my friend gavin died of heart burn today

i cant believe gav is gone

Is their rennie truth to this story?

that was better than the orignal joke