Joke!!

[millidonk]

"Go and have a look at the size of the shit I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.

"No thanks," she replied.

"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it, it's a good two pounder."

Shaking her head in disbelief, she pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there, you must've flushed it."

I said, "It's on the scales."

FFS, I just burst out laughing in the middle of the office. I got asked what I was laughing at, I said I just read something funny.. They said let's here it then, so I had to repeat it... Luckily it got a laughs. It's the way I tell em. wpwp

[Girgy85]

"Go and have a look at the size of the shit I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.

"No thanks," she replied.

"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it, it's a good two pounder."

Shaking her head in disbelief, she pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there, you must've flushed it."

I said, "It's on the scales."

FFS, I just burst out laughing in the middle of the office. I got asked what I was laughing at, I said I just read something funny.. They said let's here it then, so I had to repeat it... Luckily it got a laughs. It's the way I tell em. wpwp

Then stole it as your own on facebook

[bobAlike]

My grandad says every morning when he measures his allotment it's a couple of inches smaller than the day before.
I think he's slowly losing the plot.

[Sausage]

A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off.
A passing tramp stops & says, "Since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex, please?"
The woman says, "No, go away!"
The tramp turns to leave & mutters, "Fine, I'll just go & wait at the bottom.

[bobby1]

Not really a joke but this made me laugh.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/photos-you-really-need-to-look-at-to-understand

[millidonk]

Not really a joke but this made me laugh.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/photos-you-really-need-to-look-at-to-understand

No 4 still looks like a foot for a hand to me?

[theprawnidentity]

Oscar Pistorius surely isn't the first man to wake up legless on Valentines Day and shoot all over his wife's face imagining she was someone else...

Late, but better late then never:

Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.

[bobAlike]

Not really a joke but this made me laugh.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/photos-you-really-need-to-look-at-to-understand

Number 2 had me in bits.

[zerofive]

Every time I post a joke in this thread I punch up the fuck line.

[geordieneil]

With all these celebrities getting arrested for child molestation, it almost makes me wonder if Gary Glitter did have a gang

[teamonkey]

The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night. I told her I was looking for some cheap flights.



‘I love you’, she said, then she got all excited, un-zipped my trousers and gave me the most amazing blow job ever. Which is surprising because she’s never shown any interest in darts before.

[MANTIS01]

John and his wife were having relationship problems so decided to attend a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication.

The counsellor said "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes"

He turned to John and asked "Can you name your wife's favourite flower?"

John leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered "It's Homepride isn't it?"

[geordieneil]

Why cant Sacha Baron Cohen eat nuts?

Because of his Ali G

[geordieneil]

Why was the Avon Lady pregnant?

Because Max Factor.


_______________________________________


"AVALANCHE!" screamed my wife.

Which, if anything, made the situation worse.

[geordieneil]

I really wish I knew who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on.

The suspension is killing me.