BAD NEWS!
The consulatant according to my Dad was useless and still would not refer him for more tests and it was only when Dad's doctor sent a letter saying that further investigation was required and if he was not reffered by the consultant he would take it further himself that a date was finally given for a Scan to be done.
On arrival at the hospital it got worse and they said that Dads notes had been lost and therefore they could not conduct the appt and would contact him with an alternative date. Now no-one can prove what would have happened and but at worst he would have had a bit longer for some treatment as when finally 3months after approaching his consultant telling him he felt things were changing within him and following a thourough investigation my Dad was told the news that he knew and i think had known from when he first tried to reestablish our relationship that the Cancer from his bladder had come back and spread through the wall of his bladder to his bloodstream so it was now secondary cancer attacking his body and the best prognosis they could give would be 6 months with some chemo and 3-4 without.
The news was given to us at the start of November which meant that eveyone knew it would be Dad's last Christmas with us and meant that despite us rebuilding our relationship he would not be able or possibly even be around to be at our wedding the next May.
Dad was a strong man and took his illness with great dignity and as an organised person had within 2-3 weeks got his house in order with a box of all investments paperwork and bank accounts to be handed to his choice of solicitor when he passed and he was adamant that because he had too much money ( 20k of isa's and bonds and £19k in the bank) meaning he didnt get any help with care unpaid that he would limit his own care as he knew if he had nothing himself it would all be free, so why should he be penalised for being frugal.
Christmas was terrible and anyone who has seen someone go through the end of this terrible disease will know, you lose appetite even someone cooking can make you nauseous and the drugs mount up but have to be taken at certain times so even if you were able to sleep you had to be awake in 2 hours time. He didnt want to watch the telly as his view was whats the point in watching the news when nothing affected him. It was a tough time but he never complained once and instructed us that he would be disappointed if we even thought about cancelling the wedding even if he left us a week before.
Towards the end he needed more care than he was accepting nad i was 150miles away so only got up on days off and weekends and my brother was there most nights and we looked at some respite care, but Dad didnt want to pay £500 per week until we convinced him to try it for 2weeks and if he didnt like it we would bring him back home. One of the reasons he didnt want to leave home was that he had 2 old cats which he had inherited from my failed relationship with Sarah the singer and although they went outside they were never far away from my Dad and one of his dying wishes was one of the hardes things i have ever had to do!!!
The day he was carried out of his house to be taken to the care home for 2 weeks of respite care, was the day when i knew he actually gave up as you could just see it in his face....
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