Fight or flight - what do you do?

[bobAlike]

On a recent trip to the gym with my family for a nice relaxing swim, my wife and daughter went to the ladies changing room and my 12 yo lad and me went to the men's. When I opened the door I heard a raised voice shouting obscenities, I didn't think too much of it until I entered the main changing room where I found I man in his late 20's effing and blinding to another man in his 70's. The younger man was so aggressive and angry the old man was bricking it.

Not entirely sure what had happened other than the old man had dared to get naked in a men's changing room while there were the other mans 2 young children in there.

Now, seeing the old man was visibly petrified I thought I'd better try and diffuse the situation by asking the young man not to be so aggressive and use that language in front of my lad. Well as soon as I did that it was like lighting a fuse on a stick of dynamite. This man now squared up to me threatening me stating that he was not scared of me and I shouldn't be trying to intimidate him.lol I nearly wet myself. This man was about 6 foot tall and pretty well built.

For a good 10 minutes he was ranting and raving at me telling that he's going to beat me up. 10 years ago I would have just got stuck in but now it's a case of talk it out first and then reassess. While this is going on I am also in mind that my lad is behind me.

After reading about that mad man, who attacks lads walking on canal paths, we know and love called Red-Dog it got me thinking, what would you do in this situation?

[GreekStein]

Diffuse the situation like you did. Get on the mobile, call some greeks and then jump the fker in a mob when he leaves the gym.

In seriousness, sounds like you did the right thing, esp if there were kids about. I remember my dad about to have a tear up when I was a kid and I absolutely shit my pants, literally couldn't have been more scared so it was worth not getting physical if only so that the kids didn't have to see it.

[the sicilian]

Trouble is these days you have no idea what your dealing with.... Dudes obv a cock first ( really hard picking on an old geezer ) and 2nd he could quite easy pull a knife from his bag etc.... If I was on my own I'd debate informing him that if I kicked off ther wasn't anyone around to pull me off him...with my kid its a u turn out to the manager and tell him to call the old bill and tell them theres a fight..over exageration is gonna get a quicker response...threatening behaviour is a criminal offence

[BangBang]

Sounds like a case of Roid rage... You did the right thing by not getting physical, especially with your kids around... Best to talk to the management about this guy get him barred, which will punish and deter others from acting out in a similar fashion...

[MANTIS01]

When you try and diffuse a volatile situation the opening gambit is all important. Challenging the big raging dude even politely to shut up and calm down will prob be met with resistance. We don't know the real score here so enter the situation on big dude's side concerned about his outrage. Remind him kids are around and tell him to go and report any inappropriate behaviour to club management straight away. If he doesn't see the sense in that go and do it yourself. As played avoid any kind of violence unless self-defence. Things have gone wrong when you find yourself grappling a stranger on floor of the local baths in front of your son.

[RED-DOG]

I think you did absolutely the right thing. No way I'm tangling with this bloke, especially in front of my kid.

I will say one thing though. If a bloke makes a point of telling you he's not scared of you, it usually means he secretly is.

[action man]

the thing with fight or flight is its an instinctive often unconscious action, so you never know what you would do until you are there in that moment.

[TightEnd]

I had something a while ago

In a queue at red lights in my car, with my car with my daughter in the back

A man starts banging hard repeatedly on the drivers window, trying to open the door which was locked

Screaming, accusing me of cutting him up

He might well have been right, for all I know

Hurray for Green lights. Shook my daughter up though

In your instance Andrew, take your lad out of the room immediately, get a member of staff. Let them deal with him

You've tried to be good samaritan for the other fella, but your prioirty has to be not to get involved with your son present

[BangBang]

If your son wasn't there, you could have taken a leaf out of Eddie Murphys book and -------->

[kinboshi]

There's actually a third response to a dangerous situation, fight, flight and freeze.

A lot of times people adopt the third response.

In the situation above it's a difficult one to know what you'd do unless you're there. Sounds like you acted instinctively. How did it end (results orientated)?

[bobAlike]

Thanks for the replies.

Yes my main concern was for the safety of my son and fortunately he stayed behind me in a door way so no acces to him unless through me.

After trying to calm the situation down, and failing, this idiot made a couple of attempts to get closer to me but always moved back to about 10 ft away from me ranting all the time. I told him that I would not start to fight him but told him he didn't calm down I would call the police.

He kept on and on so I waited for the old man to get ready and called 999 and asked for the police. Luckily the police station is only half a mile away and came within 2 minutes of my call. Meanwhile the idiot went into the swimming pool where my wife and daughter was. So I went in there and told them to leave. Unknown to me at the time he started swearing and having ago at them both.

2 policemen arrived and I explained what had happened. The idiot then emerged from the changing room with his kids and the police took them into another room to get his side of the story. He started off being aggressive to the police saying I had threatened him. As I had witnesses his story was soon trashed and he calmed down.

He explained to the police that he had been recently separated from his wife and he was staying with the kids in the hotel which the gym is attached to. This being his reason for being angry.

The police asked me if I'd like him arrested as it was clear he had committed more than one offence.
I told them I wanted an apology but if I felt this wasn't a genuine apology I would be prepared to go to court over it.

I met with him face to face (without the wife and kids) he apologised numerous times looking sheepish and stupid. I had a go at him for the abuse to the wife and daughter to which he apologised again and asked if could apologise to them directly, I refused his request and the police let him go to the hotel with his kids.

The gym staff were useless in this situation as they were just youngsters.

Having spoken to the police at some length after the event they were convinced it was going to kick off but managed the situation very well. The one copper even tried to hug me like best mates after which was weird.

I'm pleased with the outcome but was prepared for the worst.