blonde poker forum
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
November 26, 2020, 03:52:11 PM

Login with username, password and session length
Search:     Advanced search
2255603 Posts in 66561 Topics by 16626 Members
Latest Member: NomadicNorman
* Home Help Arcade Search Calendar Guidelines Login Register
+  blonde poker forum
|-+  Poker Forums
| |-+  Diaries and Blogs
| | |-+  Vegas in a Handcart and the search for Charlie Harper
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « previous next »
Pages: 1 2 3 4 [5] 6 7 Go Down Print
Author Topic: Vegas in a Handcart and the search for Charlie Harper  (Read 23877 times)
celtic
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 18924



View Profile
« Reply #60 on: July 07, 2016, 11:12:34 PM »

How much did you give the poor pregnant woman to help her?

If you give these people money they only use it to get pregnant again.

Smiley
Logged

Keefy is back Smiley But for how long?
the sicilian
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 7025



View Profile
« Reply #61 on: July 07, 2016, 11:15:24 PM »

How much did you give the poor pregnant woman to help her?

I gave her a withering Victorian look for getting herself into such a state without thought to the consequences of her actions..
Logged

Just because you don't like it...... It doesn't mean it's not the truth
the sicilian
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 7025



View Profile
« Reply #62 on: July 07, 2016, 11:58:43 PM »

We spend some time in the room watching  TV.. theres only a couple of days left of the trip.. poker is all but done.. its time to break hearts at the gaming tables..

I shower..dress... and prepare.. We have our Wynn Red card and just over $3K in our back pocket..its time to earn some Casino player points.

There are only a select number of 3-2 Blackjack pits in the Wynn..all the rest are 6-5.. it may not sound much but it can add up to an awful lot of money... as one pit dealer said.. ' I hate it when they nickle & Dime the customer '

Theres a pit of 4 tables in the Wynn that are 3-2..nice views of the main drag as the young ladies come tottering along in there skyscraper heels .

Regular viewers may remember on a previous trip I learnt the art of shouting 'MONKEY !' at the blackjack dealers when praying for a ten for them to bust.. it had been enthusiastically used by a couple of old Chinese ladies in Florida who I deemed were completely bonkers and had promptly joined in with.
Now in Vegas I had heard the same shouts from the pits and had occasionally rekindled my own participation.

As I sat at my first $50 table this came to my mind as the dealer continually crucified me with a string of 5 card 21's and from nowhere blackjacks. I decided to threaten her with the immortal lucky words..

'Don't make me shout Monkey at you ' I said sternly.... Unfortunately for me my Brain was 3 milliseconds behind my mouth as I looked up into the eyes of the Black Lady dealer...

Although the uncomfortable silence lasted only a couple of seconds.. it felt like a lifetime... nothing was said as she coldly bust me for the umpteenth time.

I moved tables shortly after that..

Next up a bright young thing called Ada.. who chuckled at my efforts at Pig Spanish that I was employing to try and coerce the cards in my favour.

It was like the Spanish equivalent to Del Boys book of French.

Being Cuban she was fairly good natured as I murdered her native tongue. I only found out she was Cuban after an hour.. actually thinking she was Mexican... now I have a deep fear of Cuban dealers second only to elderly lady Asian dealers.

My fears were well founded... obviously the previous dealer had given her the nod and the Doom switch had been activated. A blackjack horror show ensued... I resorted to Vodka red Bulls to try and take the pain away... They just made me more alert to the utter desolation being wreaked upon me.
Ada the Merciless went for a break and the relief pitcher was a heavenly child with lips that looked as if Mick Jagger & Angelina Jolie had had some kind of weird lip baby.

A middle aged guy joined the table with what one would term a rather well turned out MILF on his arm... She was impeccably groomed with perfect make up and a skin tight dress that showed off every enhanced curve her body had to offer.. Unfortunately she wore a look upon her face of total indifference..as though the world had wronged her in some way and now it had to pay.
The guy sounded Australian and he ordered up a $5K marker. The pit boss was all over him.. so obv some kind of high roller slumming it in the trenches with us piss poor $50 progression boys.

He played $2K a hand and gave the shrew $500 for her own box.. he seemed blessed as the dealer favoured him constantly and everytime she drew to him wished him luck.. all she gave me was fucking 26...

The woman was winning as well but her face never cracked.. maybe her face was incapable of movement..I'd heard one botox jab too many could do that for you.

I always like to see people win at the table even if I'm not... and i even joined in calling for the ten ball for him so that it could mate with his upturned Ace..

It got a little bit nauseating after the third blackjack at $2k a pop and the Harpies smile still not managing to break free.

I moved tables and plonked myself next to a little Arminian guy from LA. He was hilarious..he would often sing to the dealer 'how deep is your love ' in a thickly accented out of tune voice.. he loved to shout MONKEY.. and for any number over 21 as the dealer revealed our fates..out the corner of my eye I saw Ada the Hun returning from break.. I almost felt sorry for our High rolling Milf hunter... almost..but not quite Smiley

within 10 minutes Ada had him calling for markers twice more before he got the message and sloped off with the happy One in tow.. I sidled over to the victor..
'you get him good ?'.. a rueful smile and a wink and a silently mouthed twenty thousand was all the info i needed... she truly was a destroyer of souls..

Back at table Armenia we begin to make in roads into what i figured was a two and half grand deficit.. much ducking..much bad singing later it was 6AM and we had reduced it to a $400 loss..
I go to bed...said my new best pal..we bade farewell realising i had a 9am massage booked..
Logged

Just because you don't like it...... It doesn't mean it's not the truth
the sicilian
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 7025



View Profile
« Reply #63 on: July 08, 2016, 03:54:53 PM »

We make the massage appointment..wasn't gonna miss a $180 massage for nobody.. I can already hear Mr Galloway groaning, however our attempts at finding Hing Hong Hoo massage parlour several days earlier have left me little choice. My muscles are proper tight.

I have booked the deep tissue jobby.. which is akin to an ancient torture.. Ive had two hours sleep and i have a heavy handed minion of the devil popping knots in my shoulders for kicks... and I'm paying through the nose for the pleasure. Love Vegas..

After my mauling I avail myself of steam and whirlpools for a while and have a little snooze in the meditation room.. just the job. I was going to late reg the daily Wynn comp but decide to swerve and work on trying to even out my vest tan from Santa Monica. Takes me two hours and a little snooze to become one shade again.

I decide the $400 evening bounty comp at the Venetian will be my last poker hurrah and get off to a flyer.. I'm sitting next to an old dude in some ancient WSOP leather jacket sporting a Golden Nugget card protector.

He hits everything in sight proudly boasting he can mix it up and you would never know what he has... this after limp re raising Kings utg.. 4 X every raise and betting 100K into a 14 K pot on the most dangerous board since Hannibal Lecter flopped an open ended flush draw.... yeah you're a genius mate.

A young British lad joins the table with a stack of chips and gets involved in a hand with said Genius... Genius check calls flop and turn.. the river runs out a flush card..genius deliberately taps the table and the young Wiz sighs and checks back.. next thing the old guy is shovelling chips into the middle...

'What are you doing ? ' said the young guy..
'Betting'
'you checked'
'no i didn't'... LOL it was one of the biggest angles I've ever seen.. floor was called..everyone including the dealer said he'd checked..he couldn't have checked it more if he had headbutted the felt with a double tap...
He retracted the bet coming out with some outlandish guff to try and appease a rapidly irate table...

What a tosser...

I managed to last until the last forty odd but finally succumbed.. oh well... At least the BlackJack tables were still open..
Logged

Just because you don't like it...... It doesn't mean it's not the truth
the sicilian
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 7025



View Profile
« Reply #64 on: July 08, 2016, 05:10:31 PM »

So the last night in Vegas looms..

I've done OK at the tables since the first night woes so its time to up the level to $100 progression. I had hoped to get to $200 at some point, but it was not to be.

So $100 progression requires minimum $5K on the table.. deep breath..here we go.

Melody the Queen of bust is on duty.. she does me OK except on doubles .. we lose an 800 and a 1K double but are still ahead 1K..that's how nice she had been..

She announces shes off..shes friendly and helpful a great advert for the Wynn.. next dealer up keeps up the good work.. we are soon 25 bets up going along nicely.. I see my Armenian friend on the Crazy for Poker table and beckon him over. He joins me and we are doing great..he tells me his $20K down on the week..yikes !.he is crazy though LOL..

Then a dark cloud befalls us.. A young girl comes to deal.. she is constantly yawning but has only just started her shift.. you can tell she would rather be anywhere else than here.. Afghanistan.. torture pit of a serial killer.. airplane with no engines...
We are obviously just an annoyance to her and even my good natured friend singing to her fails to break her icy mask.. worse still she starts handing us the beating of our lives.. whatever she needed she got ... we have 19..she pulls four cards for a 20... we double hit 21..she pulls five to match us and break my little Armenian's will to live.. she kicks me in the balls for 3.5K all the while scowling with indifference.
C'mon love at least try.. you re dealing in the best resort hotel in Vegas.. it should be an honour.. at least fake it FFS.

My little friend has had enough..he still has a bit of profit and wisely calls it a night.. i dig my heels in and catch a break.. Icy Knickers goes on break and is replaced by Steve a friendly Chinese guy who dealt to me briefly earlier.

Now there are certain dealers ( Steve being one of them ) that automatically call standard plays for you.. usually on splits.. pushing the cards apart and waiting for you to put the bet out.. that's fine.. but occasionally we may need to take that choice ourselves.

Then this hand turns up.. i have 8 8 v dealer 10... the book play is to split... but v a 10 its a play that's sometimes hard to pull the trigger on.
I have $400 on the box.. he parts the eights and waits for me to bet.. I feel like someone is offering me the cyanide pill rather than face the alternative hours of excruciating torture.

i push the 400 out... he flips another 8 and lines it up for the bet..gulp.. another 400 id proffered.. no more 8's please.. he deals a 6..then a King.. BUST..the 2nd hand goes much the same way..800 down...
The 3rd hand he gives me hope with a 3... nice double that 11 sir... he dumps an ace.. %**%$&&...

He flips a twin to his 10 and the $1600 is swept into the tray.. pretty sure I cried..

We rally.. Steve must have felt sorry for me... i have 16 v his 10.... surrender he says... i shake my head.. I never surrender i tell him.. just give me a five ball..boom he bangs it down holds his forehead and laughs...

were back even..he deals me 77 v a 4.. he splits them.. we are top of the progression. $500 box... I obey.. he flips another 7..of course..money given... he puts out another 7.. oh fuckity fuck fuck this is it ..his gonna wipe me out in one horror hand.. the split 8's are in the back of my mind..I want to ask for my money back..
He puts a 10 out on the first 7.. OK good start.. 3 out next.. oh mummy.. double..

5

A cold shiver fills me.. another 3 another double.. another 5

A 4 for the last one more money... surely his gonna paint me up on this 11 and save me some money...

A deuce of clubs lands.. my bowels turn over..

I stare down at the chaos before me 4 splits..3 doubles at the top of the progression... $3500 .. effectively a 7 grand hand of Blackjack... even for me this is a squeaky bum moment.. its looking bad all those double are staring back at me with ugly brothers...

I may need to start the prayers.. Steve pulls an Ace.. 5 or 15.. a feeling of inevitability falls over me...he bangs a ten down... one more Stevie baby just..one..more ...Pleassseee

I never knew the King of Spades could look so beautiful... Scoopio ! Boomio ! as a great Nit once said...

That's it..I'm done.. its 5AM.. Ive been at the table for 5 hours and it all came down to that.. I can take a hint... Vegas is done for another year.. the doldrums of daily life beckons me home.. I may be getting too old for this...
Logged

Just because you don't like it...... It doesn't mean it's not the truth
Longines
Gamesmaster
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 3685


View Profile
« Reply #65 on: July 08, 2016, 06:12:33 PM »

Quite a few people post on Tikay's diary that they have no idea what's going on with the Omaha hands but still enjoy the updates. Well that's me with blackjack. Haven't got a scooby why I'd want a 3-2 table instead of a 6-5 but still love reading, great wordsmithery Sir.
Logged
EvilPie
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 14019



View Profile
« Reply #66 on: July 08, 2016, 07:23:18 PM »

Incredible read that mate. I was feeling the pain with the $7k blackjack hand.

Hilarious moment with the 'monkey' as well Cheesy
Logged

Motivational speeches at their best:

"Because thats what living is, the 6 inches in front of your face......" - Patrick Leonard - 10th May 2015
atdc21
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 1423


View Profile
« Reply #67 on: July 08, 2016, 07:31:40 PM »

Very well written, great stuff Smiley
Logged

No point feeding a pig Truffles if he's happy eating shit.
DungBeetle
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 4925


View Profile
« Reply #68 on: July 08, 2016, 07:37:55 PM »

Great read.  Thanks for the diary!
Logged
Karabiner
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 22135


30 million light-years away


View Profile
« Reply #69 on: July 08, 2016, 07:51:24 PM »

Really enjoyed this, proper gratuitous Vegas from my living room.

You definitely deserved that last BJ hand.

Safe journey home.
Logged

If I'm not here I'm probably hacking it round the back nine
arbboy
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 12774


View Profile
« Reply #70 on: July 08, 2016, 07:53:57 PM »

Great read.  Thanks for the diary!

+1  Awesome read esp the 7k sweat at the end.
Logged
I KNOW IT
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 3209


I'm the one the right ;)


View Profile
« Reply #71 on: July 08, 2016, 08:35:44 PM »

What a fantastic read throughout. Genuine LOL moments also.

Either start up a regular diary or visit Vegas a few more times a year .

Thanks for the ride and so happy you won the 7k hand for giving us so much pleasure.
Logged

You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them." "Heart is what separates the good from the great. '
  


"All money is good, just the quantity makes it better"
      My Dad


"Poker Players and Vultures are alike. They both live off the flesh of the weak"
         Tony Bolto
booder
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 12292


Lazy , Hazy days


View Profile WWW
« Reply #72 on: July 08, 2016, 09:03:30 PM »

What a fantastic read throughout. Genuine LOL moments also.

Either start up a regular diary or visit Vegas a few more times a year .

Thanks for the ride and so happy you won the 7k hand for giving us so much pleasure.
Logged

Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
titaniumbean
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 10013


Equity means nothing.


View Profile WWW
« Reply #73 on: July 08, 2016, 09:04:12 PM »

justice K yeeeeeesssssss
Logged
Graham C
Hero Member
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 20678


Moo


View Profile
« Reply #74 on: July 08, 2016, 09:24:29 PM »

What a fantastic read throughout. Genuine LOL moments also.

Either start up a regular diary or visit Vegas a few more times a year .

Thanks for the ride and so happy you won the 7k hand for giving us so much pleasure.
Logged

Pages: 1 2 3 4 [5] 6 7 Go Up Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.252 seconds with 20 queries.