blonde poker forum

Sat at my desk emptying files and refilling them again - someone please tell some jokes to brighten up my day.   :)up

why did the raisen drown?





















he got pulled under by a strong current

I can get you a half price ticket to the two Ronnies

ROFPMSL             you can always rely on red

OMG Red lol

If you know the Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic Elementary schooltest. Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.


1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God gottired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.


2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree.Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.


3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, buta ball of fire during the night.


4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout historythey had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.


5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be ledastray by a Jezebel like Delilah.


6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.


7. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.


8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert,Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.


9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.


10. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.


11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada . Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.


12. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.


13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical times.


14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.


15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.


16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.


17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculatecontraption.


18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.


19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.


21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.


22. The epistels were the wives of the apostals.


23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.


24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.


25.Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

OMG  your Royal Tightness - that is soooo funny.

I've just been sat here pmsl - thank God no-one came to reception.


I gotta admit number 3 had me near crying.

How can you possibly be bored at work Tracy.. could be worse.. like ..you could be me .. sat here on an island ..waiting for my breakfast, and then.. having to go a 100 yrds ..to the beach..Now that is boring .... ::)

 :'( :'( :'( :'(  And i thought you were my friend?  How could you?   :'( :'( :'( :'(











PMFSL

I can get you a half price ticket for Cannon & Ball, and there's still 2 of them!!!

GGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!1

Its possible that the children who wrote these 3 gems could quite conceivably look back in 30 years time and admire how accurate they were!!!

Sheriff

you are not even married yet...come back and speak to me in a few years!!!!

OK, I found this funny, some of you may not!

I work at a University and some of the tutors have been asking students to leave photos here in the office for them.  We get some characters on the Access courses we run, but this one cracked me up.

I took a photo off a student earlier on and left it in the tutor's pigeon hole for collection.  The tutor comes in takes the photo and starts telling us how this student is in the Marines, etc. etc.  It is only after we actually look at the picture properly that we realised he was one of our day release students from an open prison.

The tutor had fallen for the Marines story hook, line and sinker.  What a cracker!


PMFSL - sorry I'm still cracking up now.

The only reason I recognise the humour in these posts is from sitting next to you at Cheeseypoker!

Sheriff

grrrrrrr...... ;D


My ex wife had a boob job last week. I didn't know anything about it until my sweet innocent little six year old daughter blurted it out at the weekend ("Mummy's got bigger boobies")

I said nothing, none of my business, not even when on returning the kids on Sunday night my ex said..."I need to borrow some money for a couple of months, can you help"


Can someone give me an elegant reply that lets her know I know (she'd not like to know I know!) without causing too much offence...

Are you for real????

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

is that what you'd reply, or what you are asking me?!

I assumed it was your suggested retort

so did I, very good Princess Trace, but I thought I'd better make sure...... ;)

Nooooooooooo I'm asking how the hell a bloke does not realise his wife's maraccas have increased in size???

GOBSMACKED!

....... and I was wrong  ::)

I picked the kids up from their Grandma's on Friday night, so hadn't seen the mammaries in question prior to being told

However as it was 2 years, 264 days, 13 hours and 16 minutes before the end of the marriage when I last saw them uncovered, I plead unfamiliarity with the objects in question

 ;D

Funny how men can rememeber exactly the last time they saw naked breasts and yet we struggle with partners birthdays/anniversaries etc etc etc  ;D

Aaaah well in that case then I will let you off!  lmao


If you liked the "Are you for real?" retort - then use it..  lol

Just make sure you're not in striking distance when you say it though.



EDIT:   Ah smack round the head for Trace - didn't see the ex wife bit - but then again if you had typed ex-wife!!!!!!   lmfao

Matt, I was joking. It's been at least four years.

Trace, I'll use it, walking away sharpish.

Me too (for the joking part anyway!!)


By phone from a different county might be a safer option :)

Tightend, couldn't you just ask her to use her credit card, as you'd heard she'd been given some extra plastic recently?

LMFAO  - now that one I like!  lol

bravo!

all I need now is Red Dog's brain round this one.....

Surely if she'd asked to borrow money from you the correct response would be to acknowledge the problems caused by inflation!

Sheriff

(http://www.swaentertainments.co.uk/userimages/comedyimages/frank_carson_small.jpg)

"That's a cracker!!"

I'd say 'Look. you've already got two big tits, what makes you think I want to be the third?'

As always, worth waiting for... ;D


ROFL