blonde poker forum

I had very mixed thoughts when I decided to serialise the old blog in the blonde forum format. I already have a blog which I’m amazed a decent amount of people read anyway and it only seems like the real blonde elite that have a blog thread going, which I can’t really claim to be. But I’m coming up to the 1000th post, I’m feeling a bit philosophical as I’ve just had my 29th birthday and I am a bit of an attention seeker, so I’m gonna give it a whirl. Most of you guys know me as that guy who seems to write 44% of all poker articles in circulation today so I also wanted to enlighten you all (plus my Mum reads my other blog to see if I’ve gone broke, so I make sure it’s pretty tame and mumworthy, whereas I’m certain she doesn’t read this forum so I can write what I want).

First and foremost I can confirm that my name isn’t actually Dave (But it always gives me a chuckle at tournaments when I’m called Dave because it reminds me of Trigger calling Rodney the same thing).

I'm now officially 12 months away from the big 3 0 and I'm pleased to say it isn't the daunting milestone I once imagined it to be. When I was about 22-26 the prospect of turning 30 was genuinely scary to me, but that was probably something to do with how I lived back then. I was a bit of a Lad in my early twenties and I'd be out every weekend and the week would just be inconvenience between weekends. I'm settled now, have a great girlfriend and enjoy the finer and more relaxing things in life. I had a great time of course, when I was a dirty stop out, but I wouldn't change things for the world now.

The other big difference was of course that back then, I had a dead end job in a large Insurance company (who claimed to quote people happy). I was straight out of Uni and uttered the words that most of my colleagues have said..... "this is only temporary". Low and behold it would be 6 years later before I actually left, which I guess is still temporary in the wider context of my life. Back then I got promoted a few times and got plenty of extra responsibilities that deluded me into thinking it was going somewhere, when my annual income was actually increasing at a rate of about six kitkats a year.

Not to slag the place off though, one of my pet peeves was all the people that would walk around moaning about working there, like they were forced into doing the job rather than there of their own free will. ‘Mood Hoovers’ a boss of mine called them and I always did my best to be the opposite, I always had a good attitude at work, which is why I progressed and earned more kitkats than some of my workmates, but inside I hated it. The only thing that kept me there was the brilliant and instant social life you get with working in a big company and my mission to boink a lady from every department before I left.

But I think I have to be grateful to my old job for a number of reasons. The biggest and most important one being my mate Jonesy, who is still one of my best mates and we hang out every week, teaching me to play poker when we worked together. Every lunch we would discuss hands and bad beats and he created a monster. He is still a good player in his own right but soon I became obsessed with the game and surpassed him as a player the student became the master so to speak. I started winning money that was beating what I could make in overtime, so I stopped doing overtime and played poker instead. If and when I win a serious amount of money in a tournament, I want to buy Jonesy a big old gift as a token of my appreciation.

The other big change that saved me was getting what can only be described as a PISS EASY JOB as a sideways move in my current job. I was drafted into a new department as a technical consultant, where it was my job to inform this new department how the rest of the business works. I'm sure they thought this would be a huge role but it quickly became transparent to me that it was easy and the best part was, they had no idea how easy and had no benchmark to compare me to, so I made it look like it was the hardest thing in the world and I was doing a great job.

Most of my work could be done in a couple of hours, but because nobody within a mile of my desk could understand how to use the systems I used (or excel, the thickos) I would drag it out over several days. This allowed me to spend, pretty much 60% of my working week, reading and writing poker articles at my desk. It was round about this time that I started getting paid writing work which meant that I was earning more money at my desk not doing my job than I ever would have trying to get promoted, and all the time my bosses thought the sun shined out of my arse.

If you've ever wondered, as many people do, how I am able to write so many articles every month (as I appear in many magazines and websites) I would attribute it to this period of my life. I have always been a super fast worker anyway (when I'm trying) and because I love writing I can do it quickly and well, but this period where I would write poker articles when I'm supposed to be working sharpened my speed writing skills as well as my 'flick-up-a=spreadsheet-when-the-boss-is-walking-past' skills. These days I can get my daily Pokernews writing done in a couple of hours in the morning and some of the best magazine articles I write only take 2-3 hours a piece for the bulk of them, even though I consider them to be of a good standard and not rushed at all. Most of income is from playing poker and thats how I spend most days, I just have a natural gift of fast writing so I make the most of it.

So both these things led to me going part time at work to concentrate on poker and eventually quitting the 9-5 altogether, which was about 16 months ago and I haven't looked back since. I kinda feel guilty about admitting I did nothing for my last year of work because my employers were gutted I left but in all honesty, I'm also childishly proud at the same time. Towards the end of my employment I literally would do something that could have got me sacked every single day (nothing sinister, just cheeky) and got away with it without ever breaking a sweat, I suppose if things hadn’t gone as well as they have then this could have actually been the early signs of poker ruining someone’s career, but as we said before, I never really had one anyway.

I've gone off track a little but what I am saying is now that I have found something I love, a job that doesn't feel like a prison sentence and I am my own boss, hitting 30 doesn't seem that bad at all. Hopefully this doesn't come across as bragging, but instead inspires someone to follow a dream job of their own, whatever it may be. It really is the most liberating feeling to leave your dead end job forever for something you enjoy (especially after the piss weak gift I got for 6 years service from them).

As I write this I’ve just completed a tilt drive from DT (http://www.dusktilldawnpoker.com/)D (http://www.dusktilldawnpoker.com/) as I busted out of the double chance and couldn’t be bothered to wait for the PLO. I seem to shave a minute off my journey every time I go to DT (http://www.dusktilldawnpoker.com/)D (http://www.dusktilldawnpoker.com/) and I think it’s often down to tilt rather than the traffic conditions. Snoopy had just bust from his FT and Julian (http://www.blondepoker.com/blondepedia/blondepedia_view_player.php?player_id=225) Thew (http://www.blondepoker.com/blondepedia/blondepedia_view_player.php?player_id=225) was cruising the £300 event (I love it how Thewy plays the smaller comps despite being one of the biggest players in the UK, he is probably one of the only players where you are likely to see an EPT final table followed by a cash in a Gala £10 rebuy event next to each other on his Hendon Mob DB).

I’m now off to spend some quality time with the missus, where I shall be trying to talk her out of making me go to Alton Towers tomorrow (I chuffing hate Theme Parks me).

Brilliant post, I would love to quit my job to play poker and write poker related articles, my only problem is I'm useless at poker and can't string a sentence together!

Nice post Dave.

I'm a regular reader of your blog Barry, looking forward to blondes own version

You're a talented young(ish) fellow  :)

good luck with this Barry.

Good start!

Barry shoelace,i can see why you changed it to Dave.











lol

nice post and well written. I guess many of us would like to be able read, write or play poker full time.
You seem young and bright enough to be able to slot back into something else if you fall out of love with the game.

Ive pushed things close lately and need to redress the balance with poker in my life.
Good luck and see you around the circuit.

This might be one of the few I read. Looking forward to future installments.

i like the diarys on blonde. and looking forward to this one.

good luck with it Rodney.

Forget your poker success, did you boink a woman for every department before leaving? ;) :D

when will you have the time to do this, dont you already write for every poker magazine on the planet?

I got close actually, I think I was on the 5th department of 8 when I met my now girlfriend of 3 years and it came at a pretty good time. In typical 'all men are pigs' style I dumped girl number 4 with the excuse that I didnt want a relationship with someone from work, only to start seeing the girl from department number 5 soon after, who then got moved and ended up sitting next to girl number 4. It actually took her about 4 weeks after to find out but when she did, pretty much every girl in the building found out and instantly made me the more unpopular than the cleaner that used to dump in plant pots on the top floor.

Thankfully I am now emasculated in a loving relationship and don't feel the need to shag for sport embarass myself like that anymore.

Well done Mr Shoestring, tell us about the crimes you solved on your radio show back in the 80s!!

look forward to this and good start.

any chance you could elaborate on the things you did to try and get sacked

Great read, got to force myself now not to look at your blog as I know most of the afternoon will be gone before I know it.

Good read, especially like the old job stuff!

I didn't try to get sacked, I just stopped caring about the place so much that I couldn't help but do things to keep me entertained that would have seen my wriists slapped or worse. Things like

Obviously writing poker articles when I should have been doing my job
Accessing the accounts of our celebrity customers to find out how much money they had, how old they were etc.
Making long distance calls to my mate in Australia using work phones
Booking out a meeting room to give a half day 'coaching workshop' to two employees, when in fact what we did was consrtruct a league table of the fittest women in the building
booking a meeting room out so I could have a sleep
cherry picking work I knew didnt need doing or already had been done by someone else and passing it off as my own
fabricating my PC not working (sometimes unplugging it....genius), when in fact it did, in order to not have to do any work
and a couple of times I took my mission to boink a girl from every department into the workplace literally

When i look back some of the above is actually pretty terrible, but it was so easy to get away with (especially the last one, hard to get caught in 30 seconds I spose)

HAHAHA that is class :D

30 seconds, man i hope the missus does`nt read that.

Old you is like current me!  Apart from the boinking and writing poker articles!

love the booking a meeting room out so you could have a sleep - that is pure genius.

People seemed to respond well to learning a bit of my background in my opener I thought I would do a bit more.

Phil Oakey from the Human League was my babysitter.

He was going out with my cousin at the time, just before he became famous, and they would babysit for me and my twin sister once a week. I don’t remember much more than that because I was a baby.

Right up until the age of 19 I was what my friends affectionately referred to me as a ‘Fat Bastard’, at my peak weighing about 19st. I wasn’t really encouraged to eat healthily or exercise as a kid, so I didn’t. I’ve already warned my girlfriend that if we ever had kids they would never go to a McDonalds and would be training for Triathlons as soon as they got out of nappies (I actually said the word ‘diaper’ the other day, bloody Americans bastardising our language).

Then University happened and by University I mean, women. I actually went to Nottingham for my studies, specifically because I had heard the same myth that all the disappointed lads in my halls of residence had heard, that it had a 3:1 ratio of women to men. It didn’t, in fact it had about 3 times as many men turn up every weekend, deluded that they would be beating women off with a shitty stick.

So University was the first time I ever really exercised and because I had to prepare my own meals for the first time, I was a little more conservative (ie. Tight) with them. The weight dropped off and I liked it and for the first time ever, I pulled the occasional girl. This had a snowball effect and I got more and more into diet and nutrition, got in very good shape and finally had the social life I wanted.

By the time I left Uni I had dropped from 19st to 13st and if I don’t mind saying so, I looked very good. I lifted weights, boxed and even ran a couple of half marathons. I was like a kid in a candy store with all the women who showed interest in me (I still got rejected by plenty of boilers too but it was a numbers game for me) and once even dated the fittest girl from my school who didn’t look at me twice back then, in fitting American High School style. The people that once knew me at school who bumped into me in town would always have the same reaction, their jaw would drop.

Pretty much the same reaction I had when I saw Phil ‘Snatatatatatatatatmaris’ Cooklin the other week in Luton. It’s a brilliant feeling to lose weight because it seems such an uphill task when you are at your heaviest and I’m well proud of Phil, I hope he can keep it up because he has done brilliantly.

But then I met Gina (er indoors) about 3 years ago, when poker started to take off for me, and the combination did kind of bollocks up the hard work I did. I went from 13st 7lb back up to 16st. It’s sad, but poker and being in a serious relationship did make me stop caring a little bit about my health and appearance (and she claims to like me cuddly).

But I decided enough was enough (again) and I’m back on the weight loss wagon. I have a prop bet going with my poker coach where I have to get back down to my fighting weight of 13st 7lbs by Xmas day this year. I am now down to 15st from 16st and really getting back into the gym again, mainly boxing which often surprises people because I am such a softy.

Obviously there are plenty of fat poker players and I know loads of people who look terrible as a direct result of poker, but there is no excuse because I have so much free time to do it. This week has been a kebab and booze frenzy because of my birthday and indulgences are very important once in a while, but I have finally stopped smoking at tournaments (I only ever smoke at tournaments, which is really pointless) and I think the final stone and a half is doable by Xmas....

Shit, it isn’t that far off actually.

You know what, Dave,Rodney,stephen,joe,ignatius or what ever -- a must read, a will read. don't get upset at the lack of replies just look at the views FFS

congratulations on gettin the word boink in your diary top effort

Another superb post!

An excellent diary imo, keep it going imo

Dave/Barry, good start to your diary fella.  Lots of questions! When you quit your job was it with the feeling that you'd earn more from writing than playing or t'other way round and did you have a guaranteed income from writing per month that could pay the bills and the six month living expenses saved up? What did you plan to do more of writing or playing? All being well of course. Now, in an average month what would you say you make more from (figures not necessary obv). Do you reckon you'd have quit your job if you knew the UIGEA was just around the corner?

Also as a fellow poker journalist I imagine you read a few of the magazines out there. I've noticed that as my game has improved and subsequently so has my ability to write strategy articles, the amount I actually get out of poker magazines has declined. Also I often find myself reading through mags, my own included, and thinking I already bloody knew that! Though I suppose it's my job too! What I'm getting at is, I guess, that do you find it difficult being a self confessed poker junkie to write for differing levels of ability - especially say knowing how to pitch an article to beginners now that I imagine you consider yourself at least intermediate - and also finding a balance between dumbing down and explaining something clearly. Because although it appears from Poker forums etc that every man and his dog knows about the UB scandal or the November Nine in reality many casual players picking up a magazine in their local cardroom may have never have heard of either. Therein lies the skill though I guess.

Not heard from Barry "The shagging machine" Carter,for nearly a day............must be on the job again!

Good questions.

I'm in a lucky category really that not many people fall into, where Im genueinly 50/50 write and player. Most players leave work to play poker with X amount in savings to cover expenses for X months. I did too but the security was and is the fact that I earn enough from writing to gaurantee as much security as I can. I have enough secured writing work every month and I make enough from rakeback to cover all my expenses for a typical month which really really takes the pressure off the playing side of things and I dont have to make a huge amount of money from playing each month to be able to put savings away each month. When poker is going great I say I am pretty much an entirely pro player, when Im losing I tell people Im a writer. I'm also always looking for new ways to make money and I'd say having something you can fall back on or do alongside playing is paramount for anyone wanting to quit work to do this sort of thing (I never turn down work, just in case one day it goes tits up lol)

I make a lot more from playing than I do writing, more than double on average.

Writing poker articles has really helped my own ability to play, because it allows me to be introspective and analysise my own hands. The biggest help, however, has been getting a coach and would advise all to do the same or at least a buddy to discuss hands. Having a coach taught me that I have soooooooooooo much to learn as we all probably do and they are able to point out leaks you personally refused to see.

Most of my strategy writing is written for people that are better than beginner but by no means expert. Recreational players that are starting to take the game seriously and have started winning. I dont think much of what I write is too advanced, I think my biggest strength as a writer is simplyfying quite difficult subject matter to fit the audience. Most of my writing these days is more news/opinion/humour etc which does presuppose some audience knowledge.

One thing to say at this juncture, just before the last few posts have made a few people think I consider myself to be some sort of high stakes womaniser, is that I am by no means an amazing player, far from it. I am for the most part a reasonable mid stakes grinder, a jack of all trades maste of none, who makes the most of bankroll management, rakeback, game selection and all the other things that prove a competant player can make money from poker if they take it seriously enough.

Lol, no I'm afraid that was the end of my Robin Askwith-esque stories, most of my (diary) entries these days will be about what I had for tea or saw on the telly.

You and me both, m8,but it's nice to have the memories

Jobs I want to have after reading Barry's post.

[  ] Mid stakes grinder
[X] High stakes womaniser

Great read, now keep the discilipine, & let's have plenty more Posts.

I don't trust him. he'll just be swinging the lead and trying to roger our women.

Doesn't trying to roger a woman whilst you're swinging the lead make things more complicated than they need to be.

Sausage and Mash, Sausage and Mash, Sausage and Mash, Sausage and Mash, Sausage and Mash, Sausage and Mash, Sausage and Mash, Sausage and Mash, Sausage and Mash, Sausage and Mash.

For someone who is trying to lose weight it’s a bit worrying that I have been looking forward to this meal for 4 days and have mentioned it to several people several times. I know I am having Sausage and Mash tonight because of the law of eating food in order of when it goes off that we have in this house.

My girlfriend has always been fascinated (and I think a little charmed) by the way I can be so passionate about something very small, like a meal I’m having in four days time, whose turn it is to make a cup of tea or the joy the trailers at the cinema, yet flippant about seemingly important things like losing a grand in 3 minutes or where we would live when our landlord sold our old apartment. The little things in life are always the ones that I can talk in great length about (I could write a dissertation on biscuits).

For example, one strange obsession I have is with that little wave you give another driver when they let you in or otherwise do something courteous. It always enrages me when I go out of my way for another driver and they don’t give me the wave, especially if I stopped and did the ‘flashy-flashy’ thing with my headlights. Taxi drivers are bad for this, although bus drivers tend to be very considerate, even going as far as to put their arms out of the window to thank you when they are not facing you. I hate to say it, because I do genuinely believe they are safer drivers, but women are also big culprits in the not waving stakes.

But for every arsehole that doesn’t acknowledge when you gave up your right of way, there is another that does the ‘flashy-flashy’ motion back to make up for it. Even better is the little used but very appreciated quick flick of your hazard lights when a motorist is allowed to pull in front of you. Naturally some people think I am having a bit of a seizure when someone is good enough to let me in, because my headlights are flashing, the hazards are going and my arms are waving around like a loon.

Gotta go, my beloved just text me to put the sausages on.

Arrrrrr yeeeaaaaah!!!!

Yes - to be let in by a man is patronising - becaiuse we would have managed it on our own anyways. Not to be let in by a man confirms our thoughts about you, that you are all inconsiderate drivers and complete arses. lesson ends.

I just had sausage and mash with onion gravy..... I'm living the dream

Alergic to onions over here, thats a story for another day though.

An authority on arses, are we?

Sorry to hear that pal, i feel your pain..

Only imo apparently.

Great read Barry / Dave..

I always try and read your articles, and this will be as good.. Great start

Had a bit of a brutal day at the tables today, so much so that I ended the session early as it didn’t look like it would get any better, all standard stuff really, aces cracked, ace king doesn’t hit ever, 50p to Tikay etc etc. There was one hand that did make me chuckle to myself a bit though, not so much the hand but the chit chat after.

It was a really standard sort of hand, I had ace-king on the button and raised and got 3-bet by a nitty player in the small blind, I just flat called to mix things up a bit (and recently every time I 4bet a nit he has bullets). The flop came A-T-Q with two spades giving me top pair, top kicker, a gutshot and a backdoor nut flush, all the money goes in the middle. He has king-jack for the nuts and I catch runner runner for the flush.

Obviously I sucked out big time here, but I felt really vindicated by the outdraw because I had been running so badly today and losing to KJ with AK would have had me sulk for the rest of the week,so when he typed in chatbox:

“you are so lucky”

I uncharacteristically retorted back:

“lucky you think KJ is the nuts”

Now I don’t really bother chatting back unless I think I can tilt a guy, and in particular I don’t ever respond to things like this with something that could essentially educate the guy (ie. Telling him that king-jack preflop is not the nuts), but it was just a snap reaction. His response was priceless:

“I don’t, I was just balancing my 3-bet range for metagame”

The definition of metagame has been hotly debated on this forum and although I think I could probably give you some good examples of what it is, I know for certain I can tell you what it isn’t. And that is telling somebody that you are doing something, anything, for metagame purposes against them. Metagame in poker is all about exploiting your image and past history with a player to get them to make a mistake, but I think telling a player that you are doing it kinda cocks it up a bit.

Telling an opponent you played a hand in a particular way to set up a future profitable play is a bit like introducing yourself as a spy on enemy soil (Or the Witness Relocation Programme t-shirt Homer wears in the classic Simpsons episode). The next couple of times he 3-bet me I folded playable hands and was lucky enough to see what he had against other players, and he had some big hands. Had he kept quiet about balancing his range for metagame I would have probably paid him off or at least a little, but being as he all but provided me with a laminated manifesto on how he planned to take my money, I didn’t.

Or.....maybe just maybe it’s an incredibly long term metagame plan of his that is so advanced it makes the Rail Heaven game on Full Tilt look like the £20 hold’em game at Napoleons.

Ironically I did ring up Sky this morning and tell them that I have ‘rung to tell you I’m cancelling so you offer me a better package’, which kind of the same thing. It worked though (Jedi mind shit); if you ring them up and say you want to cancel their standard response is to offer you the premium package for 30quid a month for 3 months.

So I’m about 800 quid down for the day but have saved myself a tenner for the next three months, easy come easy go.

lol so funny but true.

lol@ the hand Barry and great blog. tbh ur never good when u get it in on this flop, i mean what hand can he have that you beat- he's good and wants to dance= u have 4 outs hopefully hehe? Love the outdraw though.

Hey Barry,

Just wanted to know a little about your tutor, Is it just a friend you know that you discuss situations and go over poker tracker with or will they be on the phone/MSN whilst playing your session? also how do you go about getting in touch with a reputable one and how much would something like this cost?

Thanks
Jim

I know, he checked the flop and it was so draw heavy that I bet (even thoigh I fold out all the hands I beat), he wasnt playing quite a full stack either so when he shoved I had to call him. Pokerstove obviously tells you that you have a monster but it never seems to be that one time he shoves on you with 9-t

Nowadays we just go over hand histories but we have also done 'sweat sessions' where we watch each others screens with a free programme called 'teamviewer'. He is just a mate from another forum.

However, you can find great coaches online these days for a small fee. deucescracked.com have world class coaches that charge as little as $50 a session and I know most of them so can vouch for them. Also 2+2 has a thread for reputable coaches which is worth a look.

Thank you mate, i'll seriously look in to that

Great thread Barry, I do enjoy reading your writings and this thread certainly delivers.

I hope the sausage and mash goes well, it's my favourite meal, just can't beat it.

All the best :)

Been reading your blog for a few months mate, its good stuff keep it up

pretty annoyed with you 'dave', started reading your blog at work, i've lost about 6 hours so far, nearly done but i have a stack of work i in my special draw that remains locked so nobody can find out what a lazy bum i am!

great blog by the way, loving this thread!!

I’m glad everyone is enjoying it thus far, one of the biggest fears I’ve always had as a writer is that nobody is actually reading the stuff I write. Actually no, the biggest fear is that the people that pay me find out that nobody is reading what I write, but after that being ‘unread’ is the biggest.

Not being able to read or write would also be one of my biggest fears as a writer.

Doing this blonde thread has also reminded me all about my days working in the exciting world of pensions, I certainly do miss the slacking off. My mates have been telling me about a month long period where a bomb threat was rung in every day and the building had to be evacuated last month. The lucky bastards, I loved it whenever we had a fire drill and had to leave the building, ‘snow days’ I called them after the joyous occasions when school got closed. During this period there has also been the return of the man (or woman) who craps in the plant pots, or if not the return a homage to his work.

I always wondered if he crouched over the plant pots to do it or prepared it earlier and put it in a bag or something. I think therein lies the key to whom the phantom plant pot crapper is.

God I miss my old job, lol.

Being my own boss and working from home is a joy, but it certainly does knock your social skills for six. I’ve turned into a right nosey get in the last 18 months and I’m very guilty of people watching on the busy street I live on.  One of the highlights of the day is the postman arriving around 11.20 as my girlfriend buys lots of shit off ebay that is too big to put through the letter box and I usually get a bit of small talk logged for the day.

I have one other mate who works from home and he is going slowly insane from it all and isn’t the best company when I am looking for a bit of a chat and a cuppa. My girlfriend gets up at stupid o’clock in the morning and wakes me up with it (Im an awful sleeper) so I’ve always done pretty standard working hours, I should be playing all night and watching Babestation but instead I punch in at 9.30 am on the dot and finish whenever my missus gets home.

When she does get home I greet her at the door like a dog that’s been left on its own for 3 days. “hadagoodaydoyouwantacupofteawhatshallweeattonightdidyoubringhomesomemilkpleasetalktomeplease” I usually greet her with.  I wouldn’t change it for the world but it’s amazing how you take social interaction for granted when you are in a ‘normal job’.

The flip side of this is that I often get sent to/blag my way into some big poker events, shin digs etc and you get to see a month’s worth of being sat at home alone manifest into a creature I call ‘Wacky Barry’, whom I would have probably wanted to beat up 2 years ago. Apologies to everyone who saw the most recent incarnation in Vegas this year and apologies in advanced to everyone at the Blonde Bash. I also apologise to a Taxi driver in Dortmund, a hotel in Dublin and the Empire Casino in London for similar sightings of Wacky Barry.

Gotta go, my boy Henrik777 is potentially going to be the first person I have staked to return me some actually real money.

lol, i love how you reply with another great post!  I think the biggest problem for me if i managed to quit work to play poker full time would be the social aspect, a good friend of mine couldnt handle it and was slowly going mad!

I got an email today from a complete stranger asking for advice how to break into the world of poker writing. This ‘fan mail’ as I jokingly refer to it (and when I am being an arrogant prick, not jokingly refer to it) is actually quite a common thing and I probably get an email from someone or other asking for advice every couple of months, which I find incredibly flattering. By implication somebody wants what I have and that must be a good sign.

I suppose the best way would be to kill me, being as I account for 42% of all magazine articles with the word poker used more than once.

In a way I shouldn’t help him really, the rotter is trying to nick my bloody work, but I passed on my words of wisdom as I always do because I’ll never forget the people that have helped me along the way. I have actually helped a lot of people in this regard and gotten a lot of people paid work, some of it quite lucrative, others full time jobs and I even helped get a couple of players get sponsored in the past. Some of them have been very grateful and others have never thanked me, annoyingly it’s the fellas that I seemed to do the most for that never seemed to acknowledge it.

But I’m not bitter at all, it just reminds me how appreciative of all the lucky breaks I’ve had as a writer and although I could be here for days if I was to list them all, I have to say that Ian Harris, Dino1980, Paul Sandells and Simon Young (bet he never expected to be mentioned because what he did was small but helped me a lot) all really helped me get myself in a position where people actually asked my advice on things, for which I can never thank them enough.

Loads of other people make the extended list btw but I’m already concerned this is sounding like an Oscars speech. In other news I downloaded The Grand the latest poker movie which I guess must be going straight to DVD in this country. I’m halfway through and it’s hard to work out if its shit or just ok, full review tomorrow I’m sure.

If anyone finds themselves in Sheffield may I reccomend Hendersons Relish flavoured crisps, a local delicacy. I sampled them today for the first time and they are more moreish than a morman mourning Morgan Freedman in the morning.

Big weekend ahead for me, I’m going to a dog show and buying a windscreen wiper. Ship It Holla Balla!

Dave (even though its not your real name, if you dont mind it is how i will refer to you)

How can i get into writing?  Is their something you can learn me? ;)

You just concentrate on winning me some money young man and I'll teach you to write proper n'that later

I found school quite helpful.

i bet you had trainers with shoe laces too you flash get.

I’m starting to become something of a poor man’s Flushy at the moment, in that I want to be involved in staking anyone that asks, but for more modest percentages. I think it was watching Henrik playing the other day, the kid has potential and I think he is a real handful to play against, nice and loose which is what I want to see in a tournament pony. Watching someone else play for you I can only assume is a bit like being a director of a football club, watching some other poor sod graft away for your enjoyment and getting a smug feeling that in some way you were the brains behind the operation. So staking is my current novelty hobby, even though my entire stake return for the year is about $11 I’ve got a few quid tied up in about 3 SNG ponies which I think could see a little return.

Is anyone else off to Bolton this week? I’m going down a couple of times this week for the side events and then I think I will be giving the main event a miss and playing the 3-2-1 instead. I’m probably playing tomorrows £200 and the £250 PLO in Bolton, I’ve never actually been, is it nice? Is it like Phoenix Nights?

Stu and Dumplings tonight.

was the grand any good?

havent watched the 2nd half yet

being from bolton i can safely say you will feel overdressed with both your ears.

Will be there from tomorrow if you want a pint and dont bother with the second half of the grand- couple of good gags in it but overall very very poor

Tx to a very kind friend I will be there tomorrow.

I reported someone for attempted collussion today. I was waiting for my missus to get ready and played a STT on iPoker and we were on the bubble. I shoved and this gimp told everyone to call me, he then announced his hand twice as his shoved into the chip leader and showed it to be the same hand when they folded. Finally he told a player that he shouldnt have shoved into my short stacked ass because I was pot committed and he didnt want me to double up.

Thankfully I cashed but was a bit gutted he did too, had to report him, from what i was saying back to him and his reponse i dont think he really knew that he was colluding, but I reckon he will now as support have told me he got a bollocking (didnt use those words) for it.

Incidently, the STTs on iPoker seem exceptionally soft, I'm very glad I'm staking a few Blondes to play on them and if I have a good month at the tables in September might offer to fully stake someone (No nipping PMs please, I havent decided to yet) on Blonde. I saw today that there are now ten man STTs where 5 players double their stake and thats it, doesnt seem a particularly high expectation sort of game to me, especially with the rake. Maybe a 'triple up' nine man stt would be better?

I actually have a bit of spam, which I would not dream of posting on a Blonde thread but I'm sure people who like things with money added to them can figure out to click the external blog link below.

I assure you this would be the only time I use this blog thread indirectly spam something.

I feel so dirty


Edit: Mods, if this is too blatant just remove it and I apologise in advance.

I for one love added money, but as you very well know dave, I am currently on an STT mission thanks to your good self.  Things looking up abit since last PM, just rounding off another session as i got chance to play in the end!  PM on way shortly!

Baaaahh, bluuudy technology.

The isolation is getting to me and I’ve spent the last 24 hours shouting at machines. It started yesterday when I made my way to Bolton to donate to the GUKPT £220 comp. My quote unquote SmartNav waited until I was about 6 miles away from the Grosvenor to tell me I was going the wrong way and there was an hour’s worth of traffic delays ahead of me. I’ve never been to the Bolton Grosvenor before, but I knowwhere Bolton is and the old Sat Nav was telling me to go the other way, so I decided against listening to it (especially when it told me to do a U-turn on the motorway) and just drove towards Bolton.

So I spent the next few minutes screaming “you stupid fucking sat nav, how the hell do I get there, I cant believe you sent me all this way and now I’m lost, damn youuuuu, damn youuuu to helllll!!!!”

“Oh wait, it’s there”

Thank god the Bolton Grosvenor is massive and near the motorway and I managed to accidently find it despite being told it was an hour away.

It was a full house in Bolton last night and I assume it didn’t finish last night, with over 150 runners. The structure was great and with a 45 minute clock there were no complaints, however I did have a bit of a gripe with the hour dinner break after level 2. Mainly because I ran like my missus during a sale to get to the buffet in time but also because by the time level 3 started it was nearly 11pm and few players busted and it looked like being a long night.

It’s probably not very EV, but I do not want to grind in a tournament like this, the last thing I would want to do is have to return the next day without a guaranteed payout, especially because I would have basically driven home, slept for 40 minutes and drive back. So I played like a maniac after the dinner break to either get a big stack for a possible day 2 or get a good night’s sleep instead. It was to be the good night’s sleep and I was gone by the end of level 4.

I woke up this morning, loaded up my computer and it told me to install ‘service pack 1’ which seemed like a perfectly reasonable request so I did exactly what it told me to. After an hour it finally finished installing it and I found out what the function of ‘service pack 1’ was – to royally fuck up your computer beyond use. Several hours, temper tantrums and verbal torrents later I eventually bit the bullet and took it down to the local smelly but efficient PC repair man where low and behold, it just started working again for no reason. It seems all it needed was for me to take all the leads out and plug them back in rather than the tried and tested method of turning off and on again???????

I’m no Bill Gates, but surely that’s bollocks? I’ve never known of unplugging the keyboard and monitor and plugging in again to fix a problem. Either way it works now and all I had to do was waste 4 hours of my life pulling my hair out and cursing at the top of my voice.

Does anyone know how the side event finished last night in Bolton?

Hey Barry, enjoying the dairy. Keep it up fella  :)up

That latest post had me in stitches!  Finish watching the second part of the film yet?

No not yet. We recently got Sky Movies and have been having something of a movie marathon over here because the weather is so poor, and the Grand has gone onto the back burner.

The big problem is that prior to Sky Movies, if there wasnt anything on then Sky Sports would be playing round the clock, but now old Mrs Shoelace appears to have commandeared the telly box. In the last week I have been forced to watch Sister Act 2, Robin Hood Prince of Theives, Robin Hood Men in Tights, Witches of Eastwick and random bits of other chick flicks.

I did see a classic the other day, 'Im Gonna Git you Sucka' a Shaft Spoof.

A mate has just sent me this, which made me laugh:

http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/08/07/man-almost-loses-penis-humping-steel-bench/

silly sod, why didnt he just use a water wing between two mattresses or a toilet roll holder with some liver inside?

Back to my weight loss mission and I actually havent weighed myself for about 3 weeks, just because Id been getting pissed a lot for my birthday/friends wedding etc and I chickened out of knowing the truth. But, and its a big but, I've been doing really well and have been enjoying the gym. In the last couple of weeks people have commented on me losing weight and best of all, a bunch of fancy shirts I bought in Vegas two months ago that turned out to be too small for me (I was so sweaty in the Las Vegas heat I really didnt want to try them on, plus as my girlfriend reminds me, im such a bloke) now fit very nicely with room too spare. So tommorow Im gonna weigh myself and hope its under 15st (Last weigh in a month back was 15st 3lbs).

I have been invited to the first Sky (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) Poker (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) UK Tour event at DT (http://www.dusktilldawnpoker.com/)D (http://www.dusktilldawnpoker.com/) next weekend by the peeps at Sky (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) Poker (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062), the chap on the phone was kind enough to say they wanted me there because I was 'big player in the poker industry' which did pamper the ego a little, what I actually think he meant was 'Liv (http://www.blondepoker.com/blondepedia/blondepedia_view_player.php?player_id=1327) Boeree (http://www.blondepoker.com/blondepedia/blondepedia_view_player.php?player_id=1327), John McCririck and Phil (http://www.blondepoker.com/blondepedia/blondepedia_view_player.php?player_id=349) Cooklin (http://www.blondepoker.com/blondepedia/blondepedia_view_player.php?player_id=349) were all unavailable so lets get that bloke from Pokernews to come'. Either way I reckon it could be a giggle and if it means I can shamelessly get my VC Poker shirt on screen its a bonus. It will be an interesting few days because I'm also off to Lincoln to play heads up against Alfa, the world record attempt chappy and also to Leicester to play in 'The Best Homehame in the Eastmidlands' with George2Loose and co.

Funny name that, Best Game in the East Midlands, its a bit low expectation if you ask me, Id call in 'Best Homegame in the UK' or nothing. East Midlands is such a small area, its a bit like me saying I'm the best poker player to hail from Chestefield Road in Woodseats, Sheffield - which I could well be. Im certainly the best poker player in my house.

Just to remind those that havent looked at my previous spam post but the bounty on my head spam thing is tonight, click the standalone blog below for details.

Im actually a pound heavier lol. I wont bother using the age old saver spouted by us fatties that muscle weighs more than fat, instead I'll just prey its an extra big dump trying to work its way out and weigh myself again later.

Last night was the debut (and possible finale) of Get Carter a bounty tournament put on by my sponsors VC poker. I didnt want to promote it here because its another iPoker skin and didnt want to give the mods a hard time and make myself seem like a spam artist. I wish I had now because it only had 18 sodding runners, which I was a bit gutted about because it was well advertised in magazines. It was won by none other than pro ball bagger Amatay and I went out on the money bubble after being chip leader from the start. I was actually gutted not to make the modest money because I really wanted to hand it back to VC Poker as an apology for the low turn out. But why break what I call my sponsorship curse of not cashing once or even making a day 2 since I became a VC Poker player in February?

Of course it isn't their fault, I blame the credit crunch.

There is another thread running right now about 'is online poker getting tougher?' and I am in no doubt it is. The average $100nl player these days probably has more knowledge of the game than the entire clientbase of Napoleans combined and it is harder to find the valoooooooooo. But it does exist and game selection is my speciality, here are some of my top tips for where to find the softer games:

Any game early in the morning
I’d always known this for a different reason but my coach pointed another great reason to me yesterday. On the rare occasion I play 6 max on Full  (http://blondepoker.com/index.php?q=node/12206)Tilt (http://blondepoker.com/index.php?q=node/12206), it usually is in the morning, because it’s stupid o’clock over in the states where most of the traffic is from. They are tired, pissed, stoned, trying to win back their losses and generally the games are much looser, you only have to look at the players to see a flop and average pot sizes in the lobby to see this.

But my coach also pointed out to me that this is a good time to play the Euro centric sites too, because of a distinct lack of tough regs, and it’s true. Sure there are less games going, but generally they are a lot softer and although you might not find any complete whales at the table, it’s certainly an easier morning’s work.
The worst time to play is deffo noon til six pm, because this is when all the regs get out of bed and start their daily grind, much better to wait til the evening when the gamblers get back from work.

Heads Up vs shortstackers
Cash game players are supposed to hate shortstacker right? I used to too, until I discovered this little gem. I play a lot of heads up cash and my game selection method could not be simpler – look for someone who hasn’t bought in for the full amount. This is almost always the sign of a fish and all you have to do is wait for top pair and get the money in the middle. Heads up cash is all about being able to play all the streets and players that buy in short cannot do this, you don’t get professional short stackers in heads up cash. Not only that, but if you see a player at a $2/$4 table with $243.37 then most of the time, this player is gambling with their entire bankroll because why would they buy in for such a random amount? – easy money.
Just be wary of those that top up to the full amount after the first hand.

iPoker SNGs
No big speech here, they are just are really soft and attract a lot of gamblers, particularly at the $100-$200 games. Don’t expect anyone to understand or have heard of ICM, the structure is pretty bad but worth it completely, much better than at stars or tilt where even some of the low stakes games have a lot of tougher multi tablers.

What times do you play in the mornings then Barry. I have actually spoke to a few full time fish who wake up about 5.30-6am and do very nicely for themselves

Just read throught this thread, loving it. Keep up the ggod work :)

Yeah the best time is if you can get up from about 5.30am onwards. In her old job my missus would be up at 6 and I would get up around the same time and play thorugh till about 11.30, really easy abc poker and wait for some yank to reraise you obv aces with nothing. At the end of last year I played quite a bit of PLO at these times on FT and the games were always pretty good.

Not as easy to get up these days, sleep is my new mistress Im afraid.

So me and the missus have a bit of the old food poisening at the moment, hence my last minute no show at DT (http://www.dusktilldawnpoker.com/)D (http://www.dusktilldawnpoker.com/) this weekend (I woulld have bloody won it to I tells ya). Its funny, when I had my old job I would ring in sick for ANYTHING, a bit of a cough would be at least two days off minimum, but now I work from home and for myself, here I am writing and playing at my PC fully prepared to make that last minute dash to the bog at a moments notice. In hindsight, I think about 4 of the days I had off in 6 years of working were probably legitamate. I didnt have that many days off in retrospect even though I just inferred I had, but I probably could have braved it in on most of those days.

Now I never would use sickness as an excuse when I would wag work, Ive never done a good sick voice and always opted for something more unrealistic (because it would seem more realistic, I would reason). The kitchen flooded, I witnessed a road accident, Im stuck in a lift - in retrospect it was probably a subliminal attempt to get sacked, the fact that I would try and use a previous nights episode of 'One Foot in the Grave' as inspiration to get the day off work.

Oh well, gotta go and do another sprint to the toilet, wish me luck.

id just like to add something to the blog.

Wednesday you got me wondering wednesday
got me wondering wednesday
got me wondering
1 banana
2banana
3banana
4

Pub lunch?

One of my mates ex-girlfriends is setting up her own business where she is going into large workplaces at dinner times and doing manicures for the female employees. I think its a bit of a winner (I even suggested the name 'nail her' which didnt go down well) because at my old job we had people doing that all the time - selling perfume, craft stuff, make up, xmas cards etc in the foyer near the canteen. Instant clientbase all with money in their pockets and time on their hands - winner, winner, chicken dinner.

I gave her my all encompassing piece of advice for this and any venture taking place within a customer service building - take a baby with you.

The baby in the workplace seems to get more female employees away from their desk quicker than diarreha, a sale or a fire drill ever could. We had a woman sell birthday cards every tuesday near the canteen and and email would go round saying something like 'little joshy and his mum are selling cards in the canteen today' and guaranteed the place would be heaving like a take that concert.

Because most of the bosses at my job were female, the sight of two blokes stood talking about footy would never last long and we would be reminded that we were there to work. But when a female employee making a visit during maternity would bring in a baby....FUCK THE CUSTOMER, THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT HAS JUST STOPPED.

I sat across from the call centre for a while and its amazing how many calls would go unanswered because more than half the workforce has just upped sticks while the management have done likewise, all waiting in line to hold it and talk about afterbirth and sore nipples and whatever other god awful subject is involved in the miracle of childbirth.

I did a bit of calculating at the time and I estimated that babies in the office cost UK businesses a billion pounds a year and the company I work for approximatley £600,000 a year. I based this on time spent away from station, number of women that witness the baby, number of women on maternity in a year and the average wage of an employee. Naturally this didnt go down to well when I presented my spreadhseet, exploding pie chart and scattergraph to back up my claim, but I should have been working anyway so it was a minor victory for me.

And yes, I dont have kids.

To sum up, baby in the workplace has the same effect on women that dog on the school playground has on kids.

Love that baby spiel. Class!

Pmsl@dogs in playgrounds.ahh memories.200 lunatic kids chasing a random brown dog.

Yeah, and the teachers would all have a system of calming the kids down, I reckon thats day one of teacher training

Bloody hell - manicures must be pricey where you live. Working one hour a day does not equal setting up your own business unless you're charging a hell of a lot! I'd love to see the first years forcasted earnings on that basis!

lol, i think that goes to show how much i know about manicures. In fairness she may have said something about it being part of a wider idea, im not sure (plus there are usually 2 hours in a work dinner hour dependant on shifts for most folk). If it is, i still think its a winner. If you disagree then....umm....look theres a baby over there!

She's just planning to go to the office where this woman works.

(http://www.ripleys.com/assets/img/upload/bions/long%20nails.jpg)

I'm betting she comes from somewhere in the southern states of America?

I’m taking a short break from tournaments and my sponsorship deal with VC Poker. I must be the first player in history to put the breaks on a sponsorship deal and I feel a bit of an ungrateful sod to do it, but I’m prioritising a few things at the moment ahead of it. Without going into too much details, I do a few bits and bobs of PR type stuff with VC Poker that forms part of my deal and takes up a lot of my time, it’s not just a cash of turning up and playing (donating) for them. I plan on recommencing it in a few months time, maybe at the start of the year. They have been tremendous with me from start to finish and hope they don’t mind being a bit patient with me.

One of the big reasons for this has actually been my recent form at the cash tables. I have been stomach wrenchingly unlucky over the last, well I guess the last year as a whole at the cash tables but the last month or so in particular. I’ve got by of course and maintained a steady profit throughout, but nowhere near what that Sklansky graph suggests I should. So I am concentrating on my cash games more than ever and working hard with my coach every day to get better (And also to getting him to tell me when I’m not being unlucky, just shit).

But if you are being unlucky then why are you trying to improve, surely there is nothing you can do to change it? I hear you ask. Well not quite, I hate it when people bemoan their bad luck and I’m sick of the fact that I have been doing it a lot lately. But I do believe that the best way to negate bad luck is to increase your skill advantage. The better a player you are the less you are ‘gambling’ and if I can’t improve my form in coinflips then at least I can improve other stuff to counteract that. I played a few thousand hands of $100nl today to get my confidence up, I haven’t play $100nl for about 3 years and it was actually fun and really easy (I was expecting the standard to be a lot better than it was), I reckon a pro grinder could six- ten table $100nl and make a good crust off it.

The other reason is that for whatever reason, I’m fecking awful at tournament poker at the moment. It’s nearly been 12 months since I cashed in an event and although a lot of my early tournament exits this year were genuine bad luck, I don’t think I can make such a claim for the majority of 2008. I am so lucky that I’ve only had to buy myself into one tournament all year, because all I have to show for it is a £25 scalp from DTD.

Playing isn’t going great at the moment but everything else is. I love my writing work at the moment and I’ve even been invited onto that there ‘the Club’ programme next month. I’ve got my fingers in quite a few other poker pies at the moment (Some of which are a secret at the moment, ooooooooh) and although pocket kings are as about reliable as Royal Mail right now, the overall picture is looking very bright and rosey. Thank god I’m a bankroll nit and thank god for rakeback.

A few of my friends have recently fallen out of favour with a few of my other mates, because they are big players in the finance industry and are alienating people with their obsession with money. I sometimes wonder if I’m actually the same, I love everything about poker – the game, the thrill, the people, tournaments, the lifestyle, the stories – but it’s always about the bottom line first and foremost for me and right now I think I’m going down the road where I can make the most money. Tournament poker is great fun and one day I could get lucky and win big, but right now being the best cash player I can and writing every poker article ever written is what I’m all about.

So anyway, after all that I’m off to a tournament tomorrow, lol.

 Sky Poker very kindly invited me as a poker media type person to play in their first UK Tour event. Naturally if I win it the ‘I’m a fucking MTT god’ post will follow but it’s just a bit of fun and never hurts to rub shoulders with those television types.

I alluded to Royal Mail being unreliable in this post, get this. I saw through my window the Postie walking towards my apartments this morning with a parcel in his hand which I assumed was the brolly my missus bought off ebay that she won’t shut up about. I heard the sound of the letters hitting the floor of my front door as usual but that was it. I was mid cuppa at this point so when I finally went to pick up my post, the lazy fat sod went and posted a ‘you were out’ slip through my door and never attempted to ring our buzzer or knock on the door. In my best British stiff upper lip voice I rang up the Royal Mail hotline and complained about the lazy Bastard.

I blame the credit crunch.

Don't get me started on the Royal Mail.

An organisation totally stuck in the last century (they still seems to think every house has a housewife at home all day who is available to sign for parcels so there's no need to ever do anything outside 9-5 Mon-Fri), a refuge for employees who are so useless and lazy they'd get sacked from any other company.

I did a bit of calculating at the time and I estimated that babies in the office cost UK businesses a billion pounds a year and the company I work for approximatley £600,000 a year. I based this on time spent away from station, number of women that witness the baby, number of women on maternity in a year and the average wage of an employee. Naturally this didnt go down to well when I presented my spreadhseet, exploding pie chart and scattergraph to back up my claim, but I should have been working anyway so it was a minor victory for me.


After this statement you are now my new hero

Lol, the really annoying thing was that the postie knows im in every day, sometimes he is my only human contact before the missus gets home from work and I chat to him all the time.

Ive just realised, he wasnt being lazy, he was avoiding me.

Application form please!

Nice to share a table with you at the weekend Barry.  Entertaining diary BTW ^ "At the moment"  ;)

Yes it was also a career highlight playing with your goodself and not your alter ego, the nasty man from the Sky (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) Poker (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) dictionary who string bets, angle shoots and slow rolls.

Ive actually had the two most fun poker outings in nearly a year over the last three days. The Sky (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) Poker (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) thing was a hoot and even though there seemed to be people chucking all their money in the middle on hand one with pocket eights at other tables, it was a real rock garden on ours. One poor sod went out very early losing with both a flush and a straight in quick sucession and the aforementioned nasty man from Sky (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) Poker (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) felt the wrath of a very cold deck until I doubled him up. No complaints though because I did managed to make one lad check-fold pocket kings on a Q-2-2 flop to just one very small bet and also managed to make someone fold a full house when I had a straight (I cant beat a boat he said, even though he had one)

The atmosphere was just great at DT (http://www.dusktilldawnpoker.com/)D (http://www.dusktilldawnpoker.com/) and you could tell a few of the people were very nervous (probably shit scared of Red, assuming he was going to slow roll then angle shoot them like he does on TV) and it was cute to see some of the ways folks were handling their chips. You should have seen the old fella on my right handle his chips when he found pocket kings, his hands were shaking more than mine whenever a new freemans catalogue would arrive when I was a teenager (Lingerie section, occassional nipple showaments).

I even got the chance to take the piss out of Richard (http://www.blondepoker.com/blondepedia/blondepedia_view_player.php?player_id=2550) Orford (http://www.blondepoker.com/blondepedia/blondepedia_view_player.php?player_id=2550) briefly for his time on the now extinct 'Advert Channel' - a whole channel devoted to adverts which had one major flaw - it didnt have a single advert on it. Just a bunch of TV presenters saying 'do you remember the Smash advert? that was good with the monkeys, no wait, that was PG tips'.

Today I went to participate in the world record heads up attempt. Dave Cain is a legend and Im truly routing for the maniac, he is doing it on the Lincoln Uni campus where I met Mrs Shoelace a few years ago and it was the start of freshers yesterday. I fooking hated freshers week, having to wait for an hour while watching some toff learn how to order a drink for the first time before you can get served yourself. My first night as a fresher ten years ago (christ) was spent in the Kings Medical Centre hospital, as my new housemate cut his head open while making his bed (he fell head first into a nasty wall bracket). That was pretty much the highlight of the 3 years I spent there and I look back on those years as a bit of a void where nothing that amazing happened.

Anyhoo check out the other thread for the world record attempt because he really needs as much support as he can get and its a worthy cause and record.

Oops! Does Mrs Shoelace read this thread?

Nah that daft old bitch doesnt read here that much.

I should probably clear it up. I was referring to my freshers week and 3 years in nottingham (it was also the queens medical centre now i think of it) and I met here at Lincoln Uni 3 years ago cos my mate was a mature student there and we went out on the razz with his Uni mates, which is where we met.

Now that I think of it, that last post did make it sound like i resented our entire life together, which I dont, we are gonna get a dog next year, if that aint love I dont know what is.

Brilliant updates, i hate the royal mail, i'm sure they were pinching my DVD's from lovefilm!

I used to regularly (about 3 times a week) do a 7 hour round trip from warsaw to gdansk on shitty polish roads. everytime you got stuck behind a lorry was a real pain as the roads were not very wide and not very straight so it was difficult to tell when it was safe to overtake, even more difficult as we were stupidly driving right-hand drive cars. most lorry drivers were very good though and once they realised you were behind they'd put their right-hand indicators on to let you know it was safe to pass. once we'd got past we'd stick our hazards on for a couple of seconds to thank them and if we were really lucky, and this happened only a couple of times each trip, the lorry would then flash us to acknowledge our thanks. always a great moment that's when you knew you'd bonded with the truckers.

damn, u know all the tricks mate. What u getting btw? we are getting two Border Terriers soon. Obv for rat+ rabbiting.

Make sure you get them from a good working strain Alex. Show bred Borders are really slow starters. Checkout the classifieds in the shooting Times/News. See if you can't find a Scottish gamekeepr with a nice litter.

I only met Brendan a handful of times so I wont write too much here because there will be plenty of you who knew him really well and have much more to say. My memories are short and very sweet of the man.

I first heard about him when he made the APAT final table, I was fascinated by the support and joy that was around the forum and I quickly learnt why it meant so much, under the circumstances. This prompted me to make a point of sky plussing the following episode of 'Poker Week' so I could see the man himself, as I knew the cameras were at the event.

I met him for the first time at the Waterford main event last year and had the pleasure of sitting next to him for two whole days in the event, we had formed a bit of an alliance being the only English fellas at the table.

My fondest memory of him is quite unique to me, in that he is the only person in the poker world who pretty much refused to call me Barry, electing to call me Dave as per the online alias. It always brought a smile to my face because in his cockney accent (Disclaimer, any accent south of Chesterfield is cockney in my eyes) whenever he would say 'arlight dave?' it reminded me of Trigger calling Rodney 'Dave' in Only Fools and Horses.

A very funny gentleman who stuck two fingers up at all the obstacles that got put in his way. He will be missed and my heart goes out to his family and all of you who knew him a damn sight better than I did.

all the best

Dave

Actually the reason this blog is called 'Im not really called Dave' is for that very reason. Its amazing how a little thing like that can touch you so much.

great post Dave. any chance of copying it over onto the main Brendan thread? I'm sure someone will pass that thread onto his family and it would be nice for them to read your post too

nice post "dave" lovely tribute to a lovely guy

I'm a guest on Sky Poker's 'the Club' in a week or two and a mate suggested I play a little game I played in my old job.

Basically, and Im sure you lot have heard of or even done this in the past, I used to get dared to say selected random words when in conversation with customers. I attained a bit of a legend status at my old job for doing this because it was one area of life where I was absoloutley fearless. As long as it wasnt vulgar, I would work it into a conversation with a customer.

The first one I did had to be the word 'midget' which isnt exactly the easiest word to strike into a conversation about pensons. Eventually I had a brainwave, I said to the customer "I just need to speak to my supervisor, I'll just be a midget...I mean minute" - alluding basically to the notion I made a rather bizarre frediuan slip.

'Batmans Crackhouse' you would think would have been difficult, but it was suprisingly easy. I asked the customer for their full name, they said Bob Smith or whatever it was, I then said "oh....are you an author by any chance?" No, they said, so I added "sorry, its just that Im halfway through a book called Batmans Crackhouse that was written by a Bob Smith" - they would be a bit taken a back but it got through nonetheless.

'Mushroom Sanister' was also easier than it sounded. We dealt with company pension schemes and when someone rang up saying they were from Bob Smith Ironmongers (Bob Smith Ive made up btw) I would say "I cant find a Bob Smith Ironmongers, the policy number you gave me is for a company called Mushroom Sanister, oh wait, Ive found Bob Smith Ironmongers"

Get it in quick and change the subject quicker, that was the key.

I must admit, I was a bit stumped with how to get 'Skunk Raisins' into the conversation, so eventually opted to just very quickly go "skunk raisins, welcome to Norwich Union" as fast as possible when I answered the phone.

It got to the point where people would come up to me with post it notes with bizarre words on halfway through a phone call I was on and there would be half a dozen people from a different office stood at my desk going "i cant believe he just said it" and giggling. Only once did I back down and that was when an old dear was nearly cyring down the phone with a complaint she had and I had to say 'Oven Mitts'.

So its tempting to do a 'get a word in dare' going for my appearance on the Club, but I do reserve the right to wimp out because unlike the last time, I actually care about my job these days.

This here is my thousandth post on Blonde, do I get a prize?

I almost marked the 1000th post with a simple 'how much?' post on a thread about a laptop, that would have been pretty bleak.

Most folks do something special for their 1000th post and say what Blonde means to them, so here is mine.

I first signed up to Blonde because I knew a few people that posted on it and I had an account with every major forum, as I was trying to get my 'foot in the door' in the poker industry and wanted to be active on the forums. Generally speaking, I give up posting on forums after about a month because I cant be bothered any more.

I think what made me stick around is the friendliness of the place and also the banter. Quite a lot of the poker forums are saturated with people that cant beat $1 SNGs slagging each other off and flaming every post. While the mods are very active on this forum, at least that element of online poker forums get nipped in the bud very quickly. Whenever someone runs well in a live tournament, makes an online final table or even just goes on a mad rake race thing like MC just did, you have an instant army of followers cheering you on, which I love.

More so, Ive been working and playing from home full time for more than 18 months now and as much as I love it each and every day, It can get lonely waiting for my missus to get back from work. This place gives me that gauranteed bit of chit chat that I so desperatly crave.

So thats it really, love the place because its friendly and social, does exactly what it says on the tin etc.

Apologies for not making BB7 btw, I kinda forgot that it was my old mans 70th birthday until a week or two ago.

Yesterday I was down in Feltham to record several interviews for the Club on Sky Poker. Neither of my previous two appearances on poker TV shows were that impressive; I appeared on the Open last year, stuttered when I was introduced because I had flopped a full house on my poker table and when I finally got my words together, soft core pornography journalist Grub Smith made fun of my hair (Typically hours after the show I came up with a great comeback – “oi, fuck off Grub Smith”- which I wish I had said at the time). My second appearance was playing on the PartyPoker European Open, which was short and sweet and I think I played ok, but being the 5th place finisher in a 6 table heat is never much to shout about.

It was Dan Lobb and Compo presenting this time round, rather than Dan and Matt Broughton, and it was nice meeting Compo for the first time properly and he seems a really top bloke. Dan Lobb is exactly the same off the camera as he is on the camera, except he is actually about 6ft 3, which surprised me. When I met him in the green room, the first thing he asked me was ‘do you have any gambling leaks?’ which I thought was an interesting, intrusive and innocent question all at the same time, I can only assume Broughton told him what the term ‘leak’ meant the week previous and he has been using it to death ever since.

Also in the green room was Rich Prew plugging this week’s APAT event and Theo Jorgensen, bracelet in hand, looking like the cat that got the cream.

I did three interviews in total, one ‘quick fire’ interview which was just me and Compo and will be aired one night on ‘the open’ in the next week and two interviews for the Club. I took a change of shirt for those two to give the illusion of time passing between shows, the magic of television eh? My first proper interview was all about the WSOPE and the shenanigans that have gone on over the last few weeks and the other was all about my main writing gig – Pokernews, and all the great stuff they’ve got going on at the moment.

I really enjoyed all three interviews and I’m looking forward to watching them all, hopefully I won’t look too much like a fat fucker because I’m a stone lighter than the last time I was on TV. I think I answered all my questions pretty knowledgably and I even managed to crack a few funnies here and there. I think the first one airs on Friday night and no idea when the other ones do, I’ve sky plussed the lot already.

Incidentally, what is it about the M25 that makes everyone suddenly turn into a twat? I had a lovely drive down the M1 the other day and as soon as we hit the M25 it was like how I imagine that Deathrace 2000 film to be.

Long time no post, mainly because I have had the old man flu and restricted most of my postings to short sharp quips on the Fergus thread.

I mentioned on my standalone blog last week I had man flu, didnt say more more than that, which somehow got me into this dialogue with a lady from ABC news in America:

Hi Barry,
        My name is Lara Salahi and I am a Patient Reporter with ABC News' Medical Unit. Hope you're doing well.
        I'm working on a story about the "Man Flu," and I noticed that you recently have a blog post about getting the Man Flu. I'm sorry that you've been ill but I'm hoping you'd be interested in speaking to be about your latest illness experience. My contact information is below, or if there is a better way to contact you, please let me know. I look forward to hearing from you!
Thanks, 
Lara Salahi
ABC News Medical Unit

Hi Lara,
 
I dont know if you are aware, but 'man flu' is a joke term in the UK that women use to refer to a slight bug that isnt actually that serious, but men blow out of proportion. I was only slightly ill, if at all.
 
I assume you are referring to a more serious version of the flu?
 
Barryy

Barry,
 
    No, the "joke" is exactly what I'm referring to. I'm trying to find perhaps either a couple, a man who thinks he gets the flu worse than women, or a woman who thinks her man over exaggerates with the man flu.
 
    Do you think you could help me?
 
If you're in the UK, do you know anyone in the US I could chat with about that as well?
 
Thanks for your response!
Lara Salahi

How the hell would I know a couple in the US where the man thinks he gets flu worse than the woman? Silly Americans, they invented the credit crunch dont ya know.

In other news, the great thing about being my own boss is I am in the middle of growing a 'boredom beard'. Some weeks only about 4 people see me in total so I can really let myself go and have fun with it. Im on scruffy stubble at the moment, will post a snap when its a proper beard and then Im gonna go for a goatee for a few days, then a moustache, then a hitler for a few minutes then back to clean shaven.

Barry ,I think you are selling yourself short mate.On a recent trip to DtD I picked up a large selection of poker magazines and from a quick flick through them I would estimate your byline appears on well over half the articles across the mags.
You would appear to be a one-man cottage industry.
Anyway your stuff is always worth a read,keep up the good work. 

P.S. Try and get out more,hanging around waiting for the postie is never good

lololol. looking forward to the hitler snaps m8

Last week Gala Coral were kind enough to invite me along for a free seat in the Stockton on Tees leg of the GCBPT (Because I am a media type that gets stuff for free) and once again I donated away to a day 1 finish. The usual story really, I built up a big stack early (actually played some of my best poker for the first two levels) but never really got going after the first break.

Partially due to this very chatty and very good Irish bloke that moved to my left after the break and became a real Burdon; outplaying me almost every hand. It didn’t help that the structure was faster than the games I am used to (no 75/150 or 150/300 levels, which are my favourites) and all of a sudden it found me short stacked and running jacks into kings. I do, however, think that a faster structure is needed for the GCBPT and not because of the lower skill element in these events. It is effectively only a two day event, so it does need the faster structure and also there are not that many pros in the field, so it’s unreasonable to expect the players to spend half the week there.

But I must say I do like the GCBPT very much, rightly dubbed the peoples poker tour. What makes them different to say the GUKPT is that most of the field is made up of regulars from that casino (which also makes it great value) rather than the same 200 players regardless of the venue. I think both tours are great btw, I think the GCBPT is the people’s tour and the GUKPT is the prestige tour.

To be honest, I’d just like to cash in either at the moment.

Cash games are going ok at the moment, particularly because the pound is so weak compared to the dollar, I’m glad to be doing my poker business in $ and wish I understood currency well enough to justify cashing some of my roll out (Hmmmmm, I might actually just because its Christmas) and enjoying the exchange rate.

I’m sooooooo jealous of my old workmates; the lucky bastards might be getting made redundant. I was toying with sticking around at my old Norwich Union job because redundancy might have happened, 18 months later it is for some of them. They get a month’s gross pay per year they have been there, I would have got about 14 grand for that, my mate is due to get about £40,000. Lucky bastards.

I’ve been doing some research about how the whole recession thingy might affect the online poker industry, after all this is the first time we have had ‘online gambling’ in a recession, and although gambling historically does well in those periods, some experts think that online poker won’t be as lucrative.

First of all, I don’t think the traffic will go down all that much. For every player that opts out because of the credit crunch there will be a new player in the Asian market to take their place. Not only that but we have things like PKR and Sky (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) Poker (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) bringing new people to the game (Plus the odd idiot trying to poker their way out of a debt).

One thing is for certain, I am not keeping all my bankroll in any one place, that’s just common sense. I’m trying to find out exactly what would happen if an online poker sites bank went bust, but at the moment the online poker rooms haven’t been all that helpful. Could you imagine if Pokerstars invested all their money in Icesave? Christ.

So I have my roll spread out in Neteller, a few poker rooms and I am thinking off sticking it in a savings account. I’d get a lot of interest as a direct result, but as I’m a spanner when it comes to these things I have no idea whether Id be better off not converting the dollars to pounds, or  if I’d get shafted if I redeposited or not. One thing I am doing is sticking all my rakeback straight into a savings account, that’s a nice medium I think and I tend to get quite a bit a month and previously I just used it to pad my roll.

The smaller poker rooms will suffer I think. Duplicate poker has already closed down blaming the credit crunch, but make no mistake, its closing down because it was a fucking stupid idea for a poker room and had way too much invested in it. The Crypto network could be on its way out and I hope they merge with Party as its being suggested. Places like Sky (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) Poker (http://www.skypoker.com/poker/sky_lobby?aff=1062) and PKR I think are destined to become huge and I can actually forsee them getting bigger, as will iPoker, especially when William (http://www.blondepoker.com/blondepedia/blondepedia_view_player.php?player_id=960) Hill (http://www.blondepoker.com/blondepedia/blondepedia_view_player.php?player_id=960) merge with them.

I think the credit crunch will adversely affect live poker more than online. I can see casinos and poker tours see numbers drop more than online poker rooms. The ‘experts’ are saying poker attracts less habitual gamblers and thus, will give the game up much easier in a recession, but as poker is just a mouseclick away and there are no overheads online, I can see it thriving even if lots of smaller rooms and related business suffer.

The beard thing didnt really happen, I shaved it into a goatee but I looked like the ex-con husband from desperate housewives, so shaved it off right away.