Im not really called Dave:A blog of a bloke who plays poker then writes about it

[AndrewT]

I alluded to Royal Mail being unreliable in this post, get this. I saw through my window the Postie walking towards my apartments this morning with a parcel in his hand which I assumed was the brolly my missus bought off ebay that she won’t shut up about. I heard the sound of the letters hitting the floor of my front door as usual but that was it. I was mid cuppa at this point so when I finally went to pick up my post, the lazy fat sod went and posted a ‘you were out’ slip through my door and never attempted to ring our buzzer or knock on the door. In my best British stiff upper lip voice I rang up the Royal Mail hotline and complained about the lazy Bastard.

I blame the credit crunch.

Don't get me started on the Royal Mail.

An organisation totally stuck in the last century (they still seems to think every house has a housewife at home all day who is available to sign for parcels so there's no need to ever do anything outside 9-5 Mon-Fri), a refuge for employees who are so useless and lazy they'd get sacked from any other company.

[Bertpup]

I did a bit of calculating at the time and I estimated that babies in the office cost UK businesses a billion pounds a year and the company I work for approximatley £600,000 a year. I based this on time spent away from station, number of women that witness the baby, number of women on maternity in a year and the average wage of an employee. Naturally this didnt go down to well when I presented my spreadhseet, exploding pie chart and scattergraph to back up my claim, but I should have been working anyway so it was a minor victory for me.


After this statement you are now my new hero

[DaveShoelace]

I alluded to Royal Mail being unreliable in this post, get this. I saw through my window the Postie walking towards my apartments this morning with a parcel in his hand which I assumed was the brolly my missus bought off ebay that she won’t shut up about. I heard the sound of the letters hitting the floor of my front door as usual but that was it. I was mid cuppa at this point so when I finally went to pick up my post, the lazy fat sod went and posted a ‘you were out’ slip through my door and never attempted to ring our buzzer or knock on the door. In my best British stiff upper lip voice I rang up the Royal Mail hotline and complained about the lazy Bastard.

I blame the credit crunch.

Don't get me started on the Royal Mail.

An organisation totally stuck in the last century (they still seems to think every house has a housewife at home all day who is available to sign for parcels so there's no need to ever do anything outside 9-5 Mon-Fri), a refuge for employees who are so useless and lazy they'd get sacked from any other company.

Lol, the really annoying thing was that the postie knows im in every day, sometimes he is my only human contact before the missus gets home from work and I chat to him all the time.

Ive just realised, he wasnt being lazy, he was avoiding me.

[technolog]

I alluded to Royal Mail being unreliable in this post, get this. I saw through my window the Postie walking towards my apartments this morning with a parcel in his hand which I assumed was the brolly my missus bought off ebay that she won’t shut up about. I heard the sound of the letters hitting the floor of my front door as usual but that was it. I was mid cuppa at this point so when I finally went to pick up my post, the lazy fat sod went and posted a ‘you were out’ slip through my door and never attempted to ring our buzzer or knock on the door. In my best British stiff upper lip voice I rang up the Royal Mail hotline and complained about the lazy Bastard.

I blame the credit crunch.

Don't get me started on the Royal Mail.

An organisation totally stuck in the last century (they still seems to think every house has a housewife at home all day who is available to sign for parcels so there's no need to ever do anything outside 9-5 Mon-Fri), a refuge for employees who are so useless and lazy they'd get sacked from any other company.

Application form please!

[RED-DOG]

I’m taking a short break from tournaments and my sponsorship deal with VC Poker. I must be the first player in history to put the breaks on a sponsorship deal and I feel a bit of an ungrateful sod to do it, but I’m prioritising a few things at the moment ahead of it. Without going into too much details, I do a few bits and bobs of PR type stuff with VC Poker that forms part of my deal and takes up a lot of my time, it’s not just a cash of turning up and playing (donating) for them. I plan on recommencing it in a few months time, maybe at the start of the year. They have been tremendous with me from start to finish and hope they don’t mind being a bit patient with me.

One of the big reasons for this has actually been my recent form at the cash tables. I have been stomach wrenchingly unlucky over the last, well I guess the last year as a whole at the cash tables but the last month or so in particular. I’ve got by of course and maintained a steady profit throughout, but nowhere near what that Sklansky graph suggests I should. So I am concentrating on my cash games more than ever and working hard with my coach every day to get better (And also to getting him to tell me when I’m not being unlucky, just shit).

But if you are being unlucky then why are you trying to improve, surely there is nothing you can do to change it? I hear you ask. Well not quite, I hate it when people bemoan their bad luck and I’m sick of the fact that I have been doing it a lot lately. But I do believe that the best way to negate bad luck is to increase your skill advantage. The better a player you are the less you are ‘gambling’ and if I can’t improve my form in coinflips then at least I can improve other stuff to counteract that. I played a few thousand hands of $100nl today to get my confidence up, I haven’t play $100nl for about 3 years and it was actually fun and really easy (I was expecting the standard to be a lot better than it was), I reckon a pro grinder could six- ten table $100nl and make a good crust off it.

The other reason is that for whatever reason, I’m fecking awful at tournament poker at the moment. It’s nearly been 12 months since I cashed in an event and although a lot of my early tournament exits this year were genuine bad luck, I don’t think I can make such a claim for the majority of 2008. I am so lucky that I’ve only had to buy myself into one tournament all year, because all I have to show for it is a £25 scalp from DTD.

Playing isn’t going great at the moment but everything else is. I love my writing work at the moment and I’ve even been invited onto that there ‘the Club’ programme next month. I’ve got my fingers in quite a few other poker pies at the moment (Some of which are a secret at the moment, ooooooooh) and although pocket kings are as about reliable as Royal Mail right now, the overall picture is looking very bright and rosey. Thank god I’m a bankroll nit and thank god for rakeback.

A few of my friends have recently fallen out of favour with a few of my other mates, because they are big players in the finance industry and are alienating people with their obsession with money. I sometimes wonder if I’m actually the same, I love everything about poker – the game, the thrill, the people, tournaments, the lifestyle, the stories – but it’s always about the bottom line first and foremost for me and right now I think I’m going down the road where I can make the most money. Tournament poker is great fun and one day I could get lucky and win big, but right now being the best cash player I can and writing every poker article ever written is what I’m all about.

So anyway, after all that I’m off to a tournament tomorrow, lol.

 Sky Poker very kindly invited me as a poker media type person to play in their first UK Tour event. Naturally if I win it the ‘I’m a fucking MTT god’ post will follow but it’s just a bit of fun and never hurts to rub shoulders with those television types.

I alluded to Royal Mail being unreliable in this post, get this. I saw through my window the Postie walking towards my apartments this morning with a parcel in his hand which I assumed was the brolly my missus bought off ebay that she won’t shut up about. I heard the sound of the letters hitting the floor of my front door as usual but that was it. I was mid cuppa at this point so when I finally went to pick up my post, the lazy fat sod went and posted a ‘you were out’ slip through my door and never attempted to ring our buzzer or knock on the door. In my best British stiff upper lip voice I rang up the Royal Mail hotline and complained about the lazy Bastard.

I blame the credit crunch.

Nice to share a table with you at the weekend Barry.  Entertaining diary BTW ^ "At the moment" 

[DaveShoelace]

Nice to share a table with you at the weekend Barry.  Entertaining diary BTW ^ "At the moment" 

Yes it was also a career highlight playing with your goodself and not your alter ego, the nasty man from the Sky Poker dictionary who string bets, angle shoots and slow rolls.

Ive actually had the two most fun poker outings in nearly a year over the last three days. The Sky Poker thing was a hoot and even though there seemed to be people chucking all their money in the middle on hand one with pocket eights at other tables, it was a real rock garden on ours. One poor sod went out very early losing with both a flush and a straight in quick sucession and the aforementioned nasty man from Sky Poker felt the wrath of a very cold deck until I doubled him up. No complaints though because I did managed to make one lad check-fold pocket kings on a Q-2-2 flop to just one very small bet and also managed to make someone fold a full house when I had a straight (I cant beat a boat he said, even though he had one)

The atmosphere was just great at DTD and you could tell a few of the people were very nervous (probably shit scared of Red, assuming he was going to slow roll then angle shoot them like he does on TV) and it was cute to see some of the ways folks were handling their chips. You should have seen the old fella on my right handle his chips when he found pocket kings, his hands were shaking more than mine whenever a new freemans catalogue would arrive when I was a teenager (Lingerie section, occassional nipple showaments).

I even got the chance to take the piss out of Richard Orford briefly for his time on the now extinct 'Advert Channel' - a whole channel devoted to adverts which had one major flaw - it didnt have a single advert on it. Just a bunch of TV presenters saying 'do you remember the Smash advert? that was good with the monkeys, no wait, that was PG tips'.

Today I went to participate in the world record heads up attempt. Dave Cain is a legend and Im truly routing for the maniac, he is doing it on the Lincoln Uni campus where I met Mrs Shoelace a few years ago and it was the start of freshers yesterday. I fooking hated freshers week, having to wait for an hour while watching some toff learn how to order a drink for the first time before you can get served yourself. My first night as a fresher ten years ago (christ) was spent in the Kings Medical Centre hospital, as my new housemate cut his head open while making his bed (he fell head first into a nasty wall bracket). That was pretty much the highlight of the 3 years I spent there and I look back on those years as a bit of a void where nothing that amazing happened.

Anyhoo check out the other thread for the world record attempt because he really needs as much support as he can get and its a worthy cause and record.

[dino1980]

Nice to share a table with you at the weekend Barry.  Entertaining diary BTW ^ "At the moment" 

Yes it was also a career highlight playing with your goodself and not your alter ego, the nasty man from the Sky Poker dictionary who string bets, angle shoots and slow rolls.

Ive actually had the two most fun poker outings in nearly a year over the last three days. The Sky Poker thing was a hoot and even though there seemed to be people chucking all their money in the middle on hand one with pocket eights at other tables, it was a real rock garden on ours. One poor sod went out very early losing with both a flush and a straight in quick sucession and the aforementioned nasty man from Sky Poker felt the wrath of a very cold deck until I doubled him up. No complaints though because I did managed to make one lad check-fold pocket kings on a Q-2-2 flop to just one very small bet and also managed to make someone fold a full house when I had a straight (I cant beat a boat he said, even though he had one)

The atmosphere was just great at DTD and you could tell a few of the people were very nervous (probably shit scared of Red, assuming he was going to slow roll then angle shoot them like he does on TV) and it was cute to see some of the ways folks were handling their chips. You should have seen the old fella on my right handle his chips when he found pocket kings, his hands were shaking more than mine whenever a new freemans catalogue would arrive when I was a teenager (Lingerie section, occassional nipple showaments).

I even got the chance to take the piss out of Richard Orford briefly for his time on the now extinct 'Advert Channel' - a whole channel devoted to adverts which had one major flaw - it didnt have a single advert on it. Just a bunch of TV presenters saying 'do you remember the Smash advert? that was good with the monkeys, no wait, that was PG tips'.

Today I went to participate in the world record heads up attempt. Dave Cain is a legend and Im truly routing for the maniac, he is doing it on the Lincoln Uni campus where I met Mrs Shoelace a few years ago and it was the start of freshers yesterday. I fooking hated freshers week, having to wait for an hour while watching some toff learn how to order a drink for the first time before you can get served yourself. My first night as a fresher ten years ago (christ) was spent in the Kings Medical Centre hospital, as my new housemate cut his head open while making his bed (he fell head first into a nasty wall bracket). That was pretty much the highlight of the 3 years I spent there and I look back on those years as a bit of a void where nothing that amazing happened.
Anyhoo check out the other thread for the world record attempt because he really needs as much support as he can get and its a worthy cause and record.

Oops! Does Mrs Shoelace read this thread?

[DaveShoelace]

Nice to share a table with you at the weekend Barry.  Entertaining diary BTW ^ "At the moment" 

Yes it was also a career highlight playing with your goodself and not your alter ego, the nasty man from the Sky Poker dictionary who string bets, angle shoots and slow rolls.

Ive actually had the two most fun poker outings in nearly a year over the last three days. The Sky Poker thing was a hoot and even though there seemed to be people chucking all their money in the middle on hand one with pocket eights at other tables, it was a real rock garden on ours. One poor sod went out very early losing with both a flush and a straight in quick sucession and the aforementioned nasty man from Sky Poker felt the wrath of a very cold deck until I doubled him up. No complaints though because I did managed to make one lad check-fold pocket kings on a Q-2-2 flop to just one very small bet and also managed to make someone fold a full house when I had a straight (I cant beat a boat he said, even though he had one)

The atmosphere was just great at DTD and you could tell a few of the people were very nervous (probably shit scared of Red, assuming he was going to slow roll then angle shoot them like he does on TV) and it was cute to see some of the ways folks were handling their chips. You should have seen the old fella on my right handle his chips when he found pocket kings, his hands were shaking more than mine whenever a new freemans catalogue would arrive when I was a teenager (Lingerie section, occassional nipple showaments).

I even got the chance to take the piss out of Richard Orford briefly for his time on the now extinct 'Advert Channel' - a whole channel devoted to adverts which had one major flaw - it didnt have a single advert on it. Just a bunch of TV presenters saying 'do you remember the Smash advert? that was good with the monkeys, no wait, that was PG tips'.

Today I went to participate in the world record heads up attempt. Dave Cain is a legend and Im truly routing for the maniac, he is doing it on the Lincoln Uni campus where I met Mrs Shoelace a few years ago and it was the start of freshers yesterday. I fooking hated freshers week, having to wait for an hour while watching some toff learn how to order a drink for the first time before you can get served yourself. My first night as a fresher ten years ago (christ) was spent in the Kings Medical Centre hospital, as my new housemate cut his head open while making his bed (he fell head first into a nasty wall bracket). That was pretty much the highlight of the 3 years I spent there and I look back on those years as a bit of a void where nothing that amazing happened.
Anyhoo check out the other thread for the world record attempt because he really needs as much support as he can get and its a worthy cause and record.

Oops! Does Mrs Shoelace read this thread?

Nah that daft old bitch doesnt read here that much.

I should probably clear it up. I was referring to my freshers week and 3 years in nottingham (it was also the queens medical centre now i think of it) and I met here at Lincoln Uni 3 years ago cos my mate was a mature student there and we went out on the razz with his Uni mates, which is where we met.

Now that I think of it, that last post did make it sound like i resented our entire life together, which I dont, we are gonna get a dog next year, if that aint love I dont know what is.

[sovietsong]

Brilliant updates, i hate the royal mail, i'm sure they were pinching my DVD's from lovefilm!

[gatso]

For example, one strange obsession I have is with that little wave you give another driver when they let you in or otherwise do something courteous. It always enrages me when I go out of my way for another driver and they don’t give me the wave, especially if I stopped and did the ‘flashy-flashy’ thing with my headlights. Taxi drivers are bad for this, although bus drivers tend to be very considerate, even going as far as to put their arms out of the window to thank you when they are not facing you. I hate to say it, because I do genuinely believe they are safer drivers, but women are also big culprits in the not waving stakes.

But for every arsehole that doesn’t acknowledge when you gave up your right of way, there is another that does the ‘flashy-flashy’ motion back to make up for it. Even better is the little used but very appreciated quick flick of your hazard lights when a motorist is allowed to pull in front of you. Naturally some people think I am having a bit of a seizure when someone is good enough to let me in, because my headlights are flashing, the hazards are going and my arms are waving around like a loon.

I used to regularly (about 3 times a week) do a 7 hour round trip from warsaw to gdansk on shitty polish roads. everytime you got stuck behind a lorry was a real pain as the roads were not very wide and not very straight so it was difficult to tell when it was safe to overtake, even more difficult as we were stupidly driving right-hand drive cars. most lorry drivers were very good though and once they realised you were behind they'd put their right-hand indicators on to let you know it was safe to pass. once we'd got past we'd stick our hazards on for a couple of seconds to thank them and if we were really lucky, and this happened only a couple of times each trip, the lorry would then flash us to acknowledge our thanks. always a great moment that's when you knew you'd bonded with the truckers.

[AlexMartin]

Nice to share a table with you at the weekend Barry.  Entertaining diary BTW ^ "At the moment" 

Yes it was also a career highlight playing with your goodself and not your alter ego, the nasty man from the Sky Poker dictionary who string bets, angle shoots and slow rolls.

Ive actually had the two most fun poker outings in nearly a year over the last three days. The Sky Poker thing was a hoot and even though there seemed to be people chucking all their money in the middle on hand one with pocket eights at other tables, it was a real rock garden on ours. One poor sod went out very early losing with both a flush and a straight in quick sucession and the aforementioned nasty man from Sky Poker felt the wrath of a very cold deck until I doubled him up. No complaints though because I did managed to make one lad check-fold pocket kings on a Q-2-2 flop to just one very small bet and also managed to make someone fold a full house when I had a straight (I cant beat a boat he said, even though he had one)

The atmosphere was just great at DTD and you could tell a few of the people were very nervous (probably shit scared of Red, assuming he was going to slow roll then angle shoot them like he does on TV) and it was cute to see some of the ways folks were handling their chips. You should have seen the old fella on my right handle his chips when he found pocket kings, his hands were shaking more than mine whenever a new freemans catalogue would arrive when I was a teenager (Lingerie section, occassional nipple showaments).

I even got the chance to take the piss out of Richard Orford briefly for his time on the now extinct 'Advert Channel' - a whole channel devoted to adverts which had one major flaw - it didnt have a single advert on it. Just a bunch of TV presenters saying 'do you remember the Smash advert? that was good with the monkeys, no wait, that was PG tips'.

Today I went to participate in the world record heads up attempt. Dave Cain is a legend and Im truly routing for the maniac, he is doing it on the Lincoln Uni campus where I met Mrs Shoelace a few years ago and it was the start of freshers yesterday. I fooking hated freshers week, having to wait for an hour while watching some toff learn how to order a drink for the first time before you can get served yourself. My first night as a fresher ten years ago (christ) was spent in the Kings Medical Centre hospital, as my new housemate cut his head open while making his bed (he fell head first into a nasty wall bracket). That was pretty much the highlight of the 3 years I spent there and I look back on those years as a bit of a void where nothing that amazing happened.
Anyhoo check out the other thread for the world record attempt because he really needs as much support as he can get and its a worthy cause and record.

Oops! Does Mrs Shoelace read this thread?

Nah that daft old bitch doesnt read here that much.

I should probably clear it up. I was referring to my freshers week and 3 years in nottingham (it was also the queens medical centre now i think of it) and I met here at Lincoln Uni 3 years ago cos my mate was a mature student there and we went out on the razz with his Uni mates, which is where we met.

Now that I think of it, that last post did make it sound like i resented our entire life together, which I dont, we are gonna get a dog next year, if that aint love I dont know what is.

damn, u know all the tricks mate. What u getting btw? we are getting two Border Terriers soon. Obv for rat+ rabbiting.

[RED-DOG]

Nice to share a table with you at the weekend Barry.  Entertaining diary BTW ^ "At the moment" 

Yes it was also a career highlight playing with your goodself and not your alter ego, the nasty man from the Sky Poker dictionary who string bets, angle shoots and slow rolls.

Ive actually had the two most fun poker outings in nearly a year over the last three days. The Sky Poker thing was a hoot and even though there seemed to be people chucking all their money in the middle on hand one with pocket eights at other tables, it was a real rock garden on ours. One poor sod went out very early losing with both a flush and a straight in quick sucession and the aforementioned nasty man from Sky Poker felt the wrath of a very cold deck until I doubled him up. No complaints though because I did managed to make one lad check-fold pocket kings on a Q-2-2 flop to just one very small bet and also managed to make someone fold a full house when I had a straight (I cant beat a boat he said, even though he had one)

The atmosphere was just great at DTD and you could tell a few of the people were very nervous (probably shit scared of Red, assuming he was going to slow roll then angle shoot them like he does on TV) and it was cute to see some of the ways folks were handling their chips. You should have seen the old fella on my right handle his chips when he found pocket kings, his hands were shaking more than mine whenever a new freemans catalogue would arrive when I was a teenager (Lingerie section, occassional nipple showaments).

I even got the chance to take the piss out of Richard Orford briefly for his time on the now extinct 'Advert Channel' - a whole channel devoted to adverts which had one major flaw - it didnt have a single advert on it. Just a bunch of TV presenters saying 'do you remember the Smash advert? that was good with the monkeys, no wait, that was PG tips'.

Today I went to participate in the world record heads up attempt. Dave Cain is a legend and Im truly routing for the maniac, he is doing it on the Lincoln Uni campus where I met Mrs Shoelace a few years ago and it was the start of freshers yesterday. I fooking hated freshers week, having to wait for an hour while watching some toff learn how to order a drink for the first time before you can get served yourself. My first night as a fresher ten years ago (christ) was spent in the Kings Medical Centre hospital, as my new housemate cut his head open while making his bed (he fell head first into a nasty wall bracket). That was pretty much the highlight of the 3 years I spent there and I look back on those years as a bit of a void where nothing that amazing happened.
Anyhoo check out the other thread for the world record attempt because he really needs as much support as he can get and its a worthy cause and record.

Oops! Does Mrs Shoelace read this thread?

Nah that daft old bitch doesnt read here that much.

I should probably clear it up. I was referring to my freshers week and 3 years in nottingham (it was also the queens medical centre now i think of it) and I met here at Lincoln Uni 3 years ago cos my mate was a mature student there and we went out on the razz with his Uni mates, which is where we met.

Now that I think of it, that last post did make it sound like i resented our entire life together, which I dont, we are gonna get a dog next year, if that aint love I dont know what is.

damn, u know all the tricks mate. What u getting btw? we are getting two Border Terriers soon. Obv for rat+ rabbiting.

Make sure you get them from a good working strain Alex. Show bred Borders are really slow starters. Checkout the classifieds in the shooting Times/News. See if you can't find a Scottish gamekeepr with a nice litter.

[DaveShoelace]

I only met Brendan a handful of times so I wont write too much here because there will be plenty of you who knew him really well and have much more to say. My memories are short and very sweet of the man.

I first heard about him when he made the APAT final table, I was fascinated by the support and joy that was around the forum and I quickly learnt why it meant so much, under the circumstances. This prompted me to make a point of sky plussing the following episode of 'Poker Week' so I could see the man himself, as I knew the cameras were at the event.

I met him for the first time at the Waterford main event last year and had the pleasure of sitting next to him for two whole days in the event, we had formed a bit of an alliance being the only English fellas at the table.

My fondest memory of him is quite unique to me, in that he is the only person in the poker world who pretty much refused to call me Barry, electing to call me Dave as per the online alias. It always brought a smile to my face because in his cockney accent (Disclaimer, any accent south of Chesterfield is cockney in my eyes) whenever he would say 'arlight dave?' it reminded me of Trigger calling Rodney 'Dave' in Only Fools and Horses.

A very funny gentleman who stuck two fingers up at all the obstacles that got put in his way. He will be missed and my heart goes out to his family and all of you who knew him a damn sight better than I did.

all the best

Dave

[DaveShoelace]

I only met Brendan a handful of times so I wont write too much here because there will be plenty of you who knew him really well and have much more to say. My memories are short and very sweet of the man.

I first heard about him when he made the APAT final table, I was fascinated by the support and joy that was around the forum and I quickly learnt why it meant so much, under the circumstances. This prompted me to make a point of sky plussing the following episode of 'Poker Week' so I could see the man himself, as I knew the cameras were at the event.

I met him for the first time at the Waterford main event last year and had the pleasure of sitting next to him for two whole days in the event, we had formed a bit of an alliance being the only English fellas at the table.

My fondest memory of him is quite unique to me, in that he is the only person in the poker world who pretty much refused to call me Barry, electing to call me Dave as per the online alias. It always brought a smile to my face because in his cockney accent (Disclaimer, any accent south of Chesterfield is cockney in my eyes) whenever he would say 'arlight dave?' it reminded me of Trigger calling Rodney 'Dave' in Only Fools and Horses.

A very funny gentleman who stuck two fingers up at all the obstacles that got put in his way. He will be missed and my heart goes out to his family and all of you who knew him a damn sight better than I did.

all the best

Dave

Actually the reason this blog is called 'Im not really called Dave' is for that very reason. Its amazing how a little thing like that can touch you so much.

[gatso]

great post Dave. any chance of copying it over onto the main Brendan thread? I'm sure someone will pass that thread onto his family and it would be nice for them to read your post too