blonde poker forum

Only recently discovered a site called 27bslash6, written by a man after my own heart. I'd seen some of the articles before but hadn't looked into in depth.

http://27bslash6.com/ (http://27bslash6.com/)

I've decided it will be fun to reply in a similar vein to my local council, who are currently looking for £700+ from me, for outstanding parking fines, so looking for suggestions from Blondes please. I don't want to go down the "here's my drawing of a spider" route: looking for original ideas for a polite but totally irrellevant reply, which I can spin out for a while mainly for my own entertainment, and also to put off paying the fines.

Should also point out that if I get arrested for non payment of fines I will not incriminate Blonde Poker or any individual members!

Below is the email from my local Council:

Dear Ms Cove,

 
I write with regard to the above, whilst I understand it has been over 15 months since I last contacted you.  I would advise that as a result of going through all our outstanding files it has been brought to my attention that the instalment plan we set up in agreement with you, still has 7 cases outstanding.  The last payment being received in February 2010.

 

The cases are as follows:

 

SF24125380 = £90

SF33112947 = £95

SF35094198 = £95

SF29104333 = £95

SF23115417 = £90

SF24117553 = £90

SF7003899A = £80

Total               = £725

 

The plan that you agreed to was to pay £100 per month, I would therefore ask if you are able to recommence this plan in order to bring the cases to a close.

 

I look forward to your earliest reply.

 

Regards

Linda Beatty

Parking Services

Dear Linda,

Fuck off.

Yours sincerely

Caroline Cougar.

I like it.

However, I'm tryingh to move aside from my natural style: the hint was in the OP where I asked for a "polite but irrelevant" reply.
 
You obviously read "irreverent"




Anymore?

omg.

I bought the 27b/6 book and I defo answer such inquiries in his vein of thought.

pls let me respond when sober. no replying till then!

(edit: should be in about 12 hours, for a three hour window....)

LOL I'm holding back myself due to a few scoops earlier, welcome all input!

btw: if you email him, I believe david will also reply for you....

Should point out, I will send an email once all contributers have decided it's ready to go, and will publish their reply, this could run and run.


If anyone knows how to post the actual emails let me know as will defo add to the thread lol.

copy paste? or screenshot them imo

For real?


Will email it now.

for realz

make sure you don't piss him off though, or he'll get angry. you wouldn't like him when he's angry.

I heard he says the same about me. Email sent hopefully he'll reply

Dear Linda

Please find enclosed a cheque for payment of my fines, correctly imposed upon me because, to my chagrin, I now realise that I am not immune to the parking regulations which apply to everyone in the country.

Your sincerely

Caroline Cougar

never admit guilt ffs

Do them a painting of your car and give them that to settle the debts.

I never thought I was immune and feel that a £35 fine each time for obstructing traffic and causing lack of visibility, blocking people's driveways, parking on fire station's forecourts, horizontally sliding onto zebra crossings, parking in disabled bays, and overstaying in short stay bays for 3 days are all perfectly fair. I'm not above the law.

I just didn't particularly care.

This I like. Something along the lines of the tractor in the video for that song about the kid who was 5 and his dad had a JCB.

Nislopi.

TY that was already annoying me tryin to remember it.


Andrew, I'm kidding about not caring, although obviously I didn't care too much I guess or I would have stopped getting them.I think it's the eternal optimist in me that was always convinced I would only be one minute and no one would mind :(

Caroline, I was being mildly facetious anyway - as a non-driver I don't care where you put your car. I'm just aware that for every smartarse who sends letters like yer man there, at the other end there's a poorly paid council worker who thinks they're a cock.

If I drove (and had the money) I would happily park wherever I liked, and pay each fine promptly and with elan, adding in a little tip for whoever dealt with such matters.

Love this lol

Can't you just send them the money? I mean, like, a photocopy of it, as a "taster"?

Have you got £700 I could photocopy?

wow you took a poor cripples parking spot which has happened to me on numerous occasions several times meaning I was unable to do something I wish I could of done, so happy you don't care as long as your ok and saved yourself a few precious moments

I do, they're scottish notes if that's ok.

You know that if you'd paid these when you first got them you'd have only had to pay £245. So silly.

From what I understand (although I've never tested it) there's a very small chance of actually getting done for parking offences. It's just a money making scheme because people tend to just cough up. I don't know the facts on this by the way it's something I've been lead to believe.

The reason they haven't taken you to court is probably because they know they can't prove anything and so wouldn't be able to win.

Unfortunately your letter suggests that you've already paid some of the installments which means you've admitted guilt. This makes their life much easier and if they pursue it and take you to court you're screwed.

You can draw it out a bit for comedy value but I'd suggest being a bit cautious. I certainly wouldn't send photo copied money as that's a breach of copyright law. Even if you put a picture of yourself on there so it's an obvious fake it's still against the law. If Linda fancies joining in the game of silly buggers she could send it off and you'd get done. The Bank of England won't get the hilarity of the whole thing and you'll get told off for being naughty.

If you don't want to pay anything your best bet is to completely ignore the letter. Sending back smart arsed replies when you're actually in the wrong is a sure fire way to get someone's back up and you might not want to get Linda's back up.

If your intention is to actually pay it at some point then you might as well have a bit of fun in the meantime as it isn't going to cost you anything. Just be a bit careful how you go about it.

Lecture over. Have fun :)

I love you Matt

The police and councils have a legal right to enforce parking fines, but since a change (or clarification) in the law private companies cannot enforce parking penalties or clamp cars.

So if you get a letter from a private company asking for a parking fine, I think it's safe to ignore it and certainly don't reply.

(I am not a lawyer and this doesn't constitute legal advice)

I'm not a lawyer either but Kin is right. Private parking companies are a joke and you should not pay them.
unfortunately council/police parking fines are enforceable.

Let them take you to court. You will be served particulars and they will put their claim in for X amount. The particulars will also say that you have not paid anything since Y date. What you have to do is make a nominal payment between being served the particulars and you day in court and keep the receipt.

When I'm front of the judge you explain that you are disputing the figure and produce this receipt to show them their
 figure is wrong. Best case senario is their solicitor is professionally embarrassed and judge dismisses the case there n then.

If the judge is a stickler he will have to get the council to amend their particulars to which you must be given the chance to amend your defense. In my experience this either does not get done or the prosecution don't even turn up to the second hearing.

You could also make them an offer ( without prejudice  and never admit anything ) to settle the account as you are intending on emigrating and want to end this nasty business once and for all.  

Private firm penalties can be ignored with no comeback.

Council parking fines a whole different ballgame.

They don't take you to court. They simply send the fine through the post if you don't pay within a specified time period. Then they send it again, then they send bailiffs round. Pretty straight forward.

Cause these are so old now I'm not sure they can be dealt with this way, plus the fact they overlooked them and didn't contact me for 15 months probably changes things a little.

Trust me, I can write a book on parking fines, and speeding tickets.

Luckily I've grown up now... so - any thoughts on what to write in this reply?

Had a million bailiff letters, never seen a bailliff so can't comment

There's not a lot of room for negotiation with them once they do roll up :D thankfully I'm no longer in position where they have any reason to call.

I've always been baffled as to how it is legal for bailiffs to charge around £200 per visit to a house, adding it on to the debt? Is there no regulatory body, they seem to be a law unto themselves?

fyp. Get a camera or equivalent, don't open the door to anyone you don't know.

Gd post by smashed. Literally write 'WITHOUT PREJUDICE' at the start of the letter.

Loving the 27bslash6 btw :D http://27bslash6.com/matthewsparty.html

write about the very hungry caterpillar.

http://img4.realsimple.com/images/09Family/books-caterpillar_300.jpg

hes a r8 lad.. look at him... their heart will melt if you tell them youve been doing his bidding and therefore arent constricted by laws that are imposed upon others.

thats incred

Send your reply in a Christmas card

Love this... Only click the link If you are feeling sad about something...

http://27bslash6.com/sad.html

Write to linda as if you know her imo,

Hi linda,

God how funny we should be in contact again after all this time and under such circumstances. I'm doing x now, my daughter is x years old and doing yz blah blah.

Maybe arrange to meet soon or see if she's going to the re-union that doesn't exist?

Haha like that. Do one of those year update letters you get from friends you don't see all year in their christmas cards. Don't mention the fines at all.

Yeh obv don't mention the fines

Hi Linda,

I would have sent the money I owe but I had already sealed the envelope.

...or, developing the theme;
.
.
.


Hi Linda,

Many apologies for this oversight. Please find enclosed a cheque made payable to ..................... in the sum of £---.--

.
.
.
Seal the envelope then open it yourself before posting it

http://27bslash6.com/missy.html

this one had me in tears

This one. The picture of the "bear" killed me.


http://27bslash6.com/massanutten.html (http://27bslash6.com/massanutten.html)

i lold

My cat kept looking at me, wondering why I was laughing so much. Probably one of the best things I've read lol

http://27bslash6.com/bob.html

i spent like 3 hours on that site yesterday.  quality.

buy the book. you will not regret it.

Oh wow. I am going to have to spend another day biting the inside of my cheek to stop me from going hysterical. Great stuff on that site!