blonde poker forum

As you may have read elsewhere on the forum, Tracey performed her 2nd stand-up gig last night at a comedy competition in London.  A few of us went along to support her and she did absolutely fantastically, sailing through the heat to the next round (details tba). 

Well done Trace, really proud of you funny lady :) ;cheerleader;

Wooohooooooo Nice one Tracy.

 :respect:

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii - Never in doubt!!!  Gutted to miss it, but delighted to hear all went well.  x

I texted her the very same words Laxie used - "Never in doubt".

Delighted for her.

Nice one! Always thought it would be fun to try something like this but I don't think I speak articulately enough to do it  :(

Gogogogo Ding!

Well done Tracey!

well done good luck in next round

Ty ty ty! It was scary, exhilerating, nail biting and ridiculous all at the same time. Claw, Andrew T, Holdy and Gatso sat in the front row and were the stars as far as the compere was concerned. Andrew T dressed in his mandatory black shirt and trousers (although the shirt did have a very daring black stripe running through it) was obviously just back from a funeral and Holdy and Claw were the token lesbians.

Holdy & Claw laughed at everyones jokes and basically kept it all going. Even if I hadn't got through to the next round it was still a brilliant night. My friends from Northampton delivered as I had told Claw and Holdy they would - they were mad as a box of frogs and i spent an hour on Edgeware road chasing my friend up and down trying to get her into the car and get home. Eventually we had a Lebanese meal, a Hookah and she was calm enough to get home, after chatting up 2 street cleaners, bumming cigarettes off them (she's a non smoker) and getting one of them into my car for no reason other than he looked tired and needed a sit down.

As we eventually drove down the Edgeware road with everyone in the right place we tooted and half of the edgeware road waved back as they now know us......great night. Next time we're staying down and drinking!

Thank you for coming xxx

Trace is one of the funniest people I know but it's generally unintentional so I was a little worried it won't work when she was trying to be funny. Nothing to worry about though, she was brilliant and looked right at home up there on the mic. Great fun night

Her hairdresser is utterly bonkers

VWP - meant to come along :(

Congrats  and best of luck in the further rounds!!

I've managed to fool you all for so long - those mis-hears and mistakes are well rehearsed.....Miriam (the hairdresser) still thinks she has gone through as a runner up....

This ...... + YOU GO GIRL!!!!!  XX

Well done Trace full of admiration for you best of luck for the future

+1

Geo

+1

Brilliant. Can you upload any of you material?

this

well done. youtube link?

Fantastic, very well done ;applause;

nah, noone filmed it

This is from my first (very short) set after the comedy course I had been on. Not great quality but filmed from the back of the room.

I do have video of Saturday - but my friend Miriam taped it so the camera work is very suspect, half way through she handed the camera to someone else in the audience to get a better shot and she deleted the first part......but it's just a bit of my original set then I've polished it a bit and added on to it. The idea is to get it video'd so you can review it and hear the audience, what they found funny and polish it/cut it/improve it as you go along. Professional comedians will do warm up gigs around the country before they tour, tickets are normally a lot cheaper because they are trying stuff out but you know that mostly they should be funny. If you have a favourite comedian check out their twitter and webpage because the warm up gigs are not publicised in the normal way but you could get to see a big name for cheap. Sarah Millican played just outside Northampton last year for £10 trying out some stuff in a pub that seats 50 people.

I'm not going to post my sets on line because people will check you out before going to a gig and they see your material before they go and then I probably won't give them anything different on the night.  Most comedians can use the same material for a year with a few tweaks because the audience will be different at each gig, once it's on line or on tv then it's mostly defunct. The material they use on the TV like 'Dave's one night stand' and other programmes tends to be mostly stuff from their tours that they've been using and won't tour again with so it's ok for it to be broadcast. Obv I don't expect to see my name in lights but as I am entering into a lot of competitions at the moment I want to keep my material fresh and under wraps so the competition cant get a look see before the comp.


So the Youtube piece is my first ever try and even now after only 2 gigs it's changed, bits added, better lines etc. It's a live animal all the time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kxf8vqIyK9I   YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kxf8vqIyK9I

looking at that it's amazing how much more polished your set is already. that was quite clunky at points compared to saturday

That video is good Tracey, very impressive.

Please let me know when you are doing something in London next :D

wow this really takes some balls to do :) well done! more videos!

Massively in awe of anyone who can do this at all...... and to do it well must be amazing.

Thanks Gatso - yes I've looked at the tape from Sat and it's more relaxed and conversational already, it's all practice I think so the slots they've offered me will be really helpful ;-)

Congrats Ding. Good luck in the next round.

i am a huge comedy nerd - would never have the balls to try this myself, really admire those who do (even if said balls are just figurative!)

defo potential from even first vid -- please do let us know when you're gigging in London for next round again!

glglglglgl ofc.

Just watched the vid

 ;applause; :respect: :respect:

Wow, that is a genuinely very good polished set, if that is one of your first attempts you will deffo be able to make moniez from this.

I am also a big comedy nerd, had a stab at it myself when I was about 19 and worked in a comedy club (The Just The Tonic club for the Nottingham regs). If Notts still has a good comedy scene you should do a set there on a DTD 300 weekend - get a big crowd in.

Yeah +1. Just my sort of humour too. Defo think you have something here

Dingdells stand-up comedy diary FTW? That would be a journey I want to follow.

+1!!!!

If nothing else it would be a great place for people to post horrifically offensive jokes and then say 'you can use that'

this all reminded me exactly how funny trace is so I re-read the gazza thread last night. I know I wrote it but it's possibly the funniest thing I've ever read, I was in abs stitches

link?

what I did this weekend thread in best of blonde

Just re read it - it just made me laugh out loud - you told it so well. And in my defence looking at the pic of that bloke again he is the spit of Steve Davis. It was just the fact that i thought he was gazza that was ridic.

STOP you're gonna set me off again  ;D

Nice idea but I think it would be mainly me saying 'I'm not good enough' and getting precious about each gig and then thinking I did ok and then picking it to peices and back to no self belief - I think that's how it runs ;-)

It would be very 'samey', now if my friend Miriam were to write a diary that would be a whole different thing! Mad as a balloon.

Not hard to find, but just in case...

http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=33632.0

Still in stitches reading it too!!!

I think that was the first time we had ever met Laxie - and we were on the same heads up team and did the victory dance? Do you remember? So funny. I can't believe looking back at that, that we are grown up people. Never ever change xxx

Who do you like among the current crop of well-known stand-ups Ding? Who don't you like? Is Nirvana as funny as he thinks?

OMG - You're right!  Will happily do the victory dance with you any time Chicka!  xx

I feel a blonde outing coming up soon.

You think Dingdell is gay?

(you can use that one Tracey)

I have a secret major major major crush on a comedian but I'm not saying who - if I ever meet him and I will almost certainly at some time I may be tongue tied for the first time in my life. He is single so I know that after years of saving myself for him he will turn out to be gay. FTR it's not Nirvana.

I like Sarah Millican, her delivery is very good and I also like Milton Jones who is deadpan and clever. I prefer clean comedians, no swearing or shouting, just good fun. You don't need to say c**t to be funny. Imo that's the lazy way out. You can allude to things and let the mind take you there - much better comedy imo. I was brought up on Hancocks half hour and Sandy & Julian type stuff, Morcambe & Wise etc.  Sarah Millican can be a bit dirty but there's something about her that means she gets away with it without being too offensive.

None of us are as funny as we think.....

He was referring to Tikay....

I am... I can't tell a joke to save my life and I know it, much respect.

Show was v good btw.

after 2 days of trying to downloadi vid, finally watched it. BRILLL

yip. comedy diary ftw.

gogogogogogo!

funniest comedian in UK atm? Gotta be Rhod Gilbert, right?

Ok so 'getting anywhere' in comedy is entirely up to the individual. From the comedy course I was on 3 people failed to graduate and were given the opportunity to try again at no extra cost and have decided not too - I don't think they realised that comedy can be a serious business. Of the rest of us nobody seems to have done much yet apart from me, you definitely need to be proactive to get any work - paid or unpaid. No one comes knocking at your door to start off with. Most of the people on my course were from outside of London and it's much more difficult to get gigs.

Last week there was a competition at the Cavendish Arms in south London. They are great for new comedians as they offer a weekly competition for newbies like me - The Cavendish Virgins comp and apparently the audiences are kind - not much heckling and because they are there specifically for the comedy they tend to want to hear what you are saying rather than chatting to their mates. All of which makes it a nice gig for a newcomer to cut their teeth on. If you are any good they may offer you some spots on other nights. To say you have won one of their virgin nights is great because it is a well known venue and recognised to generally have a good quality field.

Having said that they do a 2012 Max Turner comedian of the year comp. I didn't enter it because I heard about it too late. I heard about it only 2 weeks ago and most of the spots were full. It has a week of satellites (in poker speak) where 3 or 4 go through from each night Monday to Friday then a final on Saturday. I would have liked to enter but it all the spots had been filled.

Anyway the winner was this guy who I have seen on youtube before and struggled to ‘get’ initially – his quiet approach I find irritating – I hate having to struggle to hear someone but his material is very clever and there seem to be some real gems in there. This is not his winning performance but his set included this. He’s been on the circuit for a year or so from what I can gather. YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq96Z5mNTEA

I like to see what the winning acts are doing to try and get a hint/flavour of what is going down well with audiences. I don’t think this style will ever suit me though…

The runner up included comedic singing in his set – again not me – unless it’s to a deaf audience but then I’d probably sign it out of tune.

I want to enter the Leicester comedy festival newcomers competition but to do so I need to upload 3 mins of my set onto their facebook site and they will have a general judging of everyone based on that and then chose those who will take part in the Leicester comp in Feb.

This is a problem as so far I have 2 ½ mins of my first ever gig which I don’t want them to judge me on and 3 ½ mins of part of my gig  from last week very badly filmed by my drunk friend. Do I just do part of my gig to camera (not a great option imo) without an audience or mike (mike work is something they judge on which is why my course spent a whole morning just on how to handle and use the mike) or do I wait and see if I can get any more gigs in the near future and ask someone less drunk to film it. The problem being that on the night me or the audience might not be as good as I hope. I can’t ‘stage’ a gig as that would be spotted right away, no compere, red curtains that sort of thing. 

The Leicester newcomers is a great competition to be part of, it is the longest running comedy festival and anyone who is in comedy tries to do Leicester and Edinburgh. It gets you seen before Edinburgh, gets you gigs and as it’s near me would be ideal as all the local bookers will definitely be there.

So I'm applying for gigs and waiting to hear back. It's a catch 22 situation - they may not offer you a spot because you are unknown and well you know the rest. It's just a case of plugging away. I now understand what they mean by 'breaking in' to the circuit. It's not like poker where they will welcome you with open arms if you can afford the entry fee however good or bad you are.

I also have to start being honest with myself as to where I want this to go as that affects the time etc I spend on it. I am lucky that I can manage my time as I am self employed but obviously I still need to make a living and comedy is not going to do that for me for a long time. I am currently selling some property and will have some money available in a few months - more than enough to fund a month in Edinburgh. While there i could probably get a regular 10 min gig and a massive opportunity to network (plus possibly meet my secret but massive comedian crush). I haven't had a proper holiday for 4 years apart from the odd weekend away so I'm thinking I deserve one but am I just fooling myself? There probably isn't a hope in hell that this will ever be commercially viable, but I am having fun. Although it's agonising it's a good agony if that makes sense and it's cost me a lot less than poker ever would have.

Do you remember when you first started playing poker and how confident you may have felt and now looking back it's almost embarrasing how little you knew but you thought you knew it all after a few weeks of luckboxing? That's what I think I'm feeling now.


I love doing stand up, but I don't know if it loves me.
Thoughts?
 

I think it is part of one's makeup to feel insecure and have doubts at these stages. Furthermore, don't we gather that a lot of comics are driven by insecurity and (reputedly) unhappy people?

I think if you are enjoying it then you are probably having a head-start over many on the comedy scene, go for it. Just don't give up the day job.

Way too early to worry about these sorts of things, just grab any opportunity you can and embrace the fact that it could all go tits up, rather than worry about it, think of any minor failure/imperfection in a set/gig/joke/whatever as an opportunity to learn something. 

Think of someone like Jimmy Carr. IMO, if you watch him on TV I think he is nothing special, quite 'standard'. Watch him live, and he is a master of his craft. I think the reason he is a good comedian is nothing else but hard work and experience, no natural talent as such. Just make 2012 the year of having a laugh with it and maybe learning a thing or two.

Also - do the Edinburgh thing, it is the most amazing festival in the world, the WSOP of stand-up, so much fun I am looking into going again for my birthday.

Also - do you do any colonic jokes? You must have shitloads (You can use that)

FYP

Having doubts about whether you are any good is natural - one thing which struck me when I saw some of the other acts on your night was the lack of self-awareness in them. Some were genuinely unmitigatingly irredeemingly shit - at no point could anyone with an ounce of self-awareness have listened to themselves and though 'I'm any good' - and yet they seemed to think they were great (the Bosnian girl in particular).

You should definitely do Edinburgh, no matter what happens that'll be an amazing experience, glglgl with getting gigs.

I think I am naturally a worrier so I will always think and re-think material. What I find difficult is that there is no set formula for a winning set and even if a set might on one night knock an audience out of the park the next night you could die on your feet. When I asked you 4 which bit of my set you liked the most you all said something different.

The size of the audience will change the feel of how sucessful a gig is although it may be the same on both nights.  If 20% of an audience laugh at a joke and the audience is 200 that's 40 people laughing which can sound good when you are on stage. Same result but smaller audience of say 20 people is only 4 people laughing. No difference in the response so it was still sucessful but sounded less so.

What I find interesting is watching the audiences of programmes like Live at the Apollo. A massive audience but when the camera pans across some may be laughing and others not cracking a smile and that's with the well known, CD selling comics.

I think my first impression of comedy was that you had to get everyone laughing at the same time and all the time to know you had got it right but that's not how it's measured at all. I'm not sure how it's measured as being sucessful unless it's as simple as people enjoying themselves and having had a good time at something you have performed.

I never understood how or why Hancock ended up commiting suicide and never thought he was good enough, I thought he was hilarious and as a kid I knew all of his radio programmes off by heart - I was word perfect on everything. But comedy does seem to be a a lot of light and shade. Light when you're on stage and entertaining people and shade when you are sitting at home fretting over a line or gesture and whether, when it gets said out loud to others, if it will raise a laugh.

In poker you know when you've done well as you scoop up the chips, in comedy is it as simple as just making people laugh? What else was I expecting? I may have been over thinking this. 

Just a few weeks in and I've become the Tolstoy of comedy. Expected of course, I don't enjoy things being easy, I am engineered to make a struggle out of everything. So I am adjusting my thinking - just going to concentrate on some of the people laughing some of the time but hopefully someone laughing at each funny point.

Got a killer of a line I want to try out next time. It builds on some of what I've already done and I really hope will take my set to another level.

Curently sat in the cafe at the Virgin gym in Northampton - all us fatties eating chocolate biscuits and watching others exercise - and lots of married men on the computers acessing dating sites. I've taken 4 pages of notes already ;-)

Thanks for all the positive comments - I am an over thinker! xx

Audience size is a huge factor, I have seen several comedians at Arenas and it simply does not work. Thats why Edinburgh is great, because most of the venues are small and intimiate. I think comedy is a lot about tension (and the breaking of it) and the smaller the venues are always better for this.

Ok - I have the bit between the teeth and am applying for gigs. I have created a face book page - Tracey Dell comedy/comedian. If you are on facebook and you want to please LIKE the page. It will look good if I have a fair few people liking the page, as my emails to promoters etc will link to the page.

On there I have put in new gigs and auditions plus there will be news on any trips etc i go on and photos. ;-)

Thanks so much for being so supportive and helpful - i really appreciate it and it spurs me on. Tnx xx

top tip: when it comes to promotion, people don't like searching and hunting, they like clicking.

So....

Click! (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Tracey-Dell-Comedian/301685663211722?sk=wall)

you have my permission to borrow any of my material....

In which case, "go on the Spurs".

Well done Miss D, & good luck.

Things are changing at home, I'm selling property, moving my business and today the surveyor comes at 1pm to do the surveys at home ready for the sale.  I have a tendancy to hide away and ignore everything at times like this, I used to gamble as a distraction and even now the temptation is huge.

There is is much to organise to move the business with as little disruption as possible and Im not sure that the timescales will work. I am dancing to everyone elses tunes at the moment, having to meet their deadlines and it's a painful process for me - I am massively out of my comfort zone.

This weekend is my friends' hen weekend - I'm sure it will be great but I'm a funny old stick and enforced fun without any time for my own space is pergatory for me. It couldn't have come at a worse time as I get the keys on Friday for the new business premises and it would have been great to get in there and start the organising of it all over the weekend.

To top it all we are all going pony trekking on Saturday - fml - I had to declare my weight a few weeks ago so they cold get the right horses for everyone - I had every intention (yeah right) of losing a few pounds between then and now but ......well anyway I am prone to exaggeration so going on my previously declared weight I am fully expecting them to bring out a shetland pony........

So on Friday morning we all meet in Luton and pile into a people carrier, drive to Canterbury, eat and drink lots, get on a horse, come back Sunday financially worse off - having spent time with people I will only ever see once again at my friends wedding. But, on Saturday, I will have smelt their sweaty armpits as their drunk bodies fall on each other during the endless games of twister and toilet paper bride, I will have laughed at unfunny jokes, slagged off the people who were clever enough to be busy that weekend, discussed poo at least twice when people find out what I do for a job.

At some point, as I will be the token single woman there, my friends will discuss my apparent lack of sucess in the dating stakes and disect every single relationship I have been in and state more than once how bad my choices have been but then follow that up with 'they were all bastards and they didn't deserve you, you are so much better than that'. They will then very supportively declare that I am better off single as being married isn't all it's cracked up to be and I should thank myself lucky I don't have to put up with mens snoring, farting and other habits. I will be thinking you can't put a price on snuggling up into the nook of a mans shoulder and falling asleep together.

I will coo over the finite details of the wedding and discuss endlessly what colour the favours should be wrapped in, I will pour over wedding hair magazines and at some point I will probably share a weep with a friend having had too much champagne.

When I eventually stumble into bed, sharing a room with a stranger, I will almost certainly lie there wishing it was me getting married and I will very likely have to wipe away silent tears. I wouldn't miss it for the world but the big question is - couldn't we have done all of this in Luton?

I hardly ever wander on to the lounge so glad I did this morning and saw this.
Tracey you are an absolute LEGEND and I wish you all the luck in the world with this .
Definatly up for a trip next time you have a gig, I've always found you so funny but more than that you have a quality about you that makes people just want to smile.its really good to hear that you are following your dream. Xxxxx

Just heard about the next heat of the Laughing Horse New Act of the year. It will be on Friday the 2nd of March at 8.30 pm, doors open at 7.30. £6 to get in. It's at The Goat Tavern, Stafford Street new Green Park. This heat is judged on audience voting, only 4 people that know you are allowed judging forms to keep it as fair as they can. Hopefully it will be a fun night out, there will be 10 - 12 five min acts. If you do come please laugh Thank you :D   

Here are more details on the venue; http://www.laughinghorsecomedy.co.uk/comedy/greenpark.asp (http://www.laughinghorsecomedy.co.uk/comedy/greenpark.asp)

How can they possibly police this ?

At this stage it is a small room - for the first 2 rounds no more than 30 - 40 seats - it's not the albert hall - so if there are 10 acts on the night it's pretty unlikely you will have a large majority for just 1 act. They assume that people will be honest, I wouldn't want to get through on dodgy voting & the others I spoke to feel the same. In a room that size it's pretty obvious if you know people so they would suss it out unless you ignore them the whole night. This is the last stage where the audience get a vote - after that it's judged by comedy professionals/bookers etc.

I'm pretty sure the 4 that had forms Gatso, Holdy, Claw and Andrew T would have voted fairly. In fact the comment was made that as they had seen some of my set on youtube before they didn't find it as funny because they knew what was coming. So having people there can be a double edged sword. We all knew the rules before we entered, if someone manages to go through with dodgy voting (unlikely imo) there are still 2 runner up places to be had.

The audience seemed to take the voting quite seriously - 1 girl was insensed that she didn't get through and berated her mates for not giving her higher marks but they told her outright that she wasn't good enough when compared to the others. It's great to get through, this next round is obv more difficult as the standard is now higher so it's more pressure. The round after is what I would love to get to - in front of the professionals and bookers - and get some feedback from them would be brilliant.  Bit like a Paul Jackson masterclass (joke there for Gatso).

we only had 1 form between us, maybe we should've had 4

Currently reading Frank Skinner's second/third book, which is about him returning to stand-up in Edinburgh in 2007:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Frank-Skinner-Road-Stand-up-Comedy/dp/0099458039/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_2

If you have not read it, I would highly recommend it. He is a brilliant writer anyway (His first book is awesome) but this is superb reading for any aspiring stand-up. First of all, he goes into a lot of detail how he develops a joke between the first time he tells it, and by the time it becomes part of his 90 minute set. Lots of emphasis on the importance of repetition.

Secondly, it is astounding how someone who has pretty much been considered one of the top UK stand-ups for about 20 years, is so insecure and anxious about whether he is funny or not. Bad reviews crush him, he looks for the worst in the great reviews, and he even gets down if he messes up a joke he tells privately in the company of two people.

Top read and I wager, would be very reassuring to anyone about to embark on a bit of the old stand-up themselves.

GLGL getting through, no way I wouldn't be biased for someone I knew.

Stumbled across this thread and very happy i have done so, have liked the fb page and will be following your journey as you put it up here, best of luck to you.

Lol -  my mad friends that I drove down with spent the journey home telling me why i wasn't as good as some of the others......really pleased to read that Gatso et al only had 1 form between them - if I got through on just one 'friends' form I'm pretty chuffed actually as that means that the unknown audience definitely voted for me - brilliant!!

Ty - I haven't been updating the FB page as I should or trying for more gigs. Currently moving my clinic from 1 building to another and with liasing with the builders/decorators, designing new web sites and running the existing clinic it's been a bit mad. I have an audition on Sunday for a biggie comp so fingers crossed for that one, I think after Sunday my mind will be all about comedy again - it's all a bit out of sight out of mind at the minute.

well i wish we'd had more than one form - andrew was a bloody nightmare keep changing our scores!  The forms were marked with an asterix so that they knew who we were there with, so it was probably pretty irrelevant how we marked Trace.  We did briefly consider putting an asterix next to all of the names though.....

FYP

lol.  pretty sure after scrubbing them out several times they all went back to the original scores we gave anyway

So this Sunday was interesting as I was competing in a London competition that was based on only 90 seconds of your best material, and that was just to get through to the first 5 minute heat.

I had to compete with the snow so I left hours earlier than I needed to, just in case the roads were blocked. I made it down the M1 with plenty of time so decided to pop in and see my Dad for a cup of tea, I got stuck on his drive and it took 2 neighbours to help dig the car back out. Needless to say I was then late and nearly missed the start.

Yet another sticky floored pub in Camden, smelling of stale beer but not cigarettes. Although I hated smoky pubs there is something about a pub in the mornings smelling of fags that I really like. Must be their aftershave.

So sitting in the bar waiting for the start there was a clique of performers who obviously knew each other and were comparing horror stories of gigs, promoters and other performers. The rest of us were surreptitiously listening trying to learn as much as we could. Networking is a big part of the circuit, building up a list of people you can stay with when you are gigging away from home is essential as the pay is non-existent or very low to start.

I thought I should try and make some conversation with the guy sitting next to me. He was about my age (unusual) and had sat down and dived into a notebook he had been  fervently reading and learning. It’s 90 seconds – if you don’t know your set by now what chance have you got?  So I struck up a convo with him  which consisted of the safe ‘how long have you been doing this’ and ‘where have you played?’  Turns out he did stand up for a few years in the 80’s but turned up to gigs off his head on various drugs so eventually he was banned from most venues. He’s straightened himself out a bit and thought he would give it another go, but because of the drugs he finds it difficult to remember stuff, hence the frantic revision. I strike him off my ‘people to stay with’ list.

The organiser of the comp, Hils Jago, infamous for her Soho comedy club and being an early founder/supporter of comedy in the UK breezes in and the room changes. She is, according to my druggie friend, as mean as Ann Robinson on Weakest Link. She looks like her (and not in a Gazza way, she does actually look like Ann Robinson)  I know I am going to like her. She knows everyone in comedy, she knew them on the way up and on the way down. She doesn’t suffer fools gladly (which is a weird phrase bearing in mind this is a comedy competition) but I like her no nonsense approach.

We are herded up to a room with a stage and asked to sign a contract giving the promoters control over any DVD deals until 3 months after the final of the comp, irrespective of where we come. The sponsors are a DVD company who want first shout if you turn out to be any good between now and November. It’s not a long tie in (some comps tie you in for 2 years) and in return you get seen by promoters right from the first heat and the support is the best offered on the circuit. I sign, not too troubled by the thought of being bothered by a competitors dvd deal at the moment, no ones even tried to film me on their phone yet so I think it’s unlikely that I will be part of a bidding war.

One finalist from last year was recently signed by the DVD company and their retainer was £70,000 so there is money in comedy and according to Ann Robinson they no longer have to work part time washing dishes to keep their mother in a nursing home. I think she was gilding the lily a bit on that one.

I still fall in love with this woman, she stands on the stage, in the spotlight and tells us this is Showbusiness, we are the show and we are in business. Anyone who doesn’t take showbusiness seriously will not succeed. She also tells us not to worry if we don’t come over as being very funny within out 90 seconds, she is looking for star quality, someone who can multi task, host events, be funny and run a show. She congratulates us for making the effort to get here in the bad weather. One guy came on a coach from South Wales and another came down from Manchester. All of a sudden my epic journey from Northampton seems a bit wimpish. Oh well.

So the competition starts, 90 seconds of your best material, judged by her alone, with a chance to get through to the first round. We perform in alphabetical order and I am second from last, followed only by Zac. I have to sit through 48 other hopefuls with a break in the middle and by the time it’s my turn I am very nervous.

I’ve already tried to make friends with Ann at the break by showing her my Pret a manger wrapping from my roll. It was a new recipe and had a big sticker on it that said “I made it through the audition” so I had bought it that morning purely because of the sticker. In retrospect I should not have pulled out a half eaten roll from my fleece pocket and showed her the wrapper. I think I came over as a product of two close cousins who made a child and when it got older it travelled down to London to enter a comedy competition.

It was my attempt at telling her I wanted a place….Still at least it wasn’t as bad as one lad who read from a script he had written on the train on the way down, told everyone he needed to win to pay off his grandmother who was threatening to kill him (obv a joke) and then handed out penguins to members of the audience in an attempt to get votes – even though there was no audience vote.

Then there was the girl who picked on me as I was in the front row and told me she knew where to get cream for thrush as half price, and that I was in need of it as I was wriggling around on my seat. I didn’t like her.

During the other acts I have been watching Ann Robinsons reaction to try and guess the body language, but it’s never helped me in the poker world so no reason why it would help now. She sometimes just listens to the acts and at other times watches intently, and  I can’t gauge which is good or bad as I can’t tell if the acts are good or not either.

 So I am announced, I run on stage, smiling at Ann as I run past her and do my first line which basically insults the men in the audience (90%) so I’m not off to a good start. It would work well on a hen night but for some reason I’ve decided to be a bit edgy to keep up with the kidz. The rest goes ok – it’s my favourite part of my set – but my killer line doesn’t get the roar I was expecting. Damm. I look at Ann – she is watching intently. Wtf does that mean?? 90 seconds is tough, you can’t really make much of a connection with the audience and get the gags in too.


Zac comes on and 90 seconds later we are done. Ann gets back on the stage, thanks us all and tells us we’ll hear one way or another in 2 weeks once all the auditions have been held.

Things I have learnt: I need to do more gigs, 1 guy I spoke to only lives in London to get the gigs. He tries to do 3 a week minimum and he was very comfortable on stage.

If I don’t get through (and tbh I don’t think I did my best) then it’s not the end of the world.

Don’t tell a mainly male audience that all men are shit. There are not many scenarios where they will find this funny.

Don’t show the organiser a half-eaten Pret roll whatever the packaging says. It is not a sign and it may harm your audition.

I started the Peter Kay book (Saturday night Peter)  I can’t put it down, I love it. He describes having a personality he leaves at the side of the stage and he can watch himself on stage wondering how he manages to stand up and do his thing. I know exactly what he means. Once the Sunday stint was all over I put on my woolly hat, fleece and gloves and walked down the road to the tube, finishing off the Pret roll, and it was almost as if the last few hours had never happened.

Next proper gig 10 days away. It’s all good fun.

Fantastic!

Loved this.....

I think I came over as a product of two close cousins who made a child

great report Trace!

 ;goodluck;

Yay best diary on blonde

Do more gigs, I truly believe the difference between the ones who make it and the ones who don't is hard work and experience

Loved the report and glad you're keeping this diary going...as well as the comedy gigs.  You'll get there.  If anybody can, it's you.  x

Tosser.

Primary example of how the posts from other diary owners have gown downhill, putting Trace in pole position.

Well it's definitely a case of don't ask don't get when starting out. No one is banging on your door begging you to come to their gig so last night, late, I fired off some emails to 2 promoters and 1 comedy competition.  I wrote (what I thought) was very professional introduction explaining my experience so far, linking to me youtube performance and asking for gigs.

The good news is I now have 3 more to put in the diary. The worrying news is that I've just found out that the link I've been attaching for youtube is actually to David Bowie - Space Oddity (Original video) 1968.  YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D67kmFzSh_o and not my 2 1/2 min spot at Up the creek.  FML.

Not sure if I should just take the gigs and explain afterwards if they complain they were expecting a pretty good Bowie tribute act, or explain first. I'm thinking the first option is best, I might just wear some zig zag eyeshadow to give a nod to the Bowie connection.

Typical - nothing runs smoothly. ;-)

you never cease to amaze me, that is just superb. I honestly don't know of anyone else who could do that and end up getting gigs from it

Has a ring to it though - Ziggy Ding.

That is hilarious  rotflmfao rotflmfao

Loving the wrong Youtube link Ding.

You could practice this song before you go just in case they are expecting a Bowie set. You will have comedy and song all in one go.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4zV4pJ8MwM

OMG - only you....   rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao 

Very tiring day - moved the clinic to new premises and it has been a slog. Work still being done today to get the plumbing right so I couldn't clean anything or put much out until he had finished as the drilling was making everything really dusty. Stuff is still in boxes so it's an early start to make sure it's all away before the first clients come in tomorrow afternoon.

The clinic window display is done and I have to say that it all seemed worth it when I stood outside this evening and looked at the clinic, all the lights on, it looked very glitzy and glamorous. I've never had a shop front before and I'm really proud of it. It feels very grown up, the business has definitely moved up a notch.

So now that's almost finished I can do some work on the comedy front - this is my current gig list – if anyone would like to come along you are always welcome. Any gigs marked with a * means I have to take an audience member to allow me to perform so the first drink is on me if you pre-arrange to meet me outside so we can go in together. I will be the one in the David Bowie outfit......

Dates and places are:

Friday 17th of Feb – The Old Ship, Richmond.
*Tuesday 21st Feb – Shakers Cocktails, 119 Hammersmith Road, Euston. 8pm.
Friday March 2nd – The Goat Tavern, Green Park  7.30 for 8.30 (Competition ¼ finals) Support very welcome for any competition.
Sunday 3rd March - Hen & chickens - Highbury/Islington - 1/4 finals of Amused Mouse competition.
*Monday 5th March – Belushis Bar – Camden  (Competition)
22nd March – Hope & Anchor, Islington.
Thursday 29th March, The Oxford, 256 Kentish Town Road
Friday March 30th – The Goat Tavern, Green Park.
Wednesday 4th of April – Crown & Goose, Camden.
Thursday 19th April – The Oxford, 256 Kentish Town Road

WTF do you put in a colonic irrigation clinic window, drain rods & Mr Muscle?

Well done Ding! And get a gig closer to Leicester please.

chortle

Congrats on the new Shop, Miss D!

xx

Yeeah - red letter day - my first billing with my name actually up there - ok they spelt my name wrong....but that's just how it goes in dingland sometimes - but my name is up there. Just youtubed the others and they are pretty strong perfromers - pretty safe to say that I am the weakest one there - so I have 2 days to rehearse and rethink my routine. I actually love the motivation this gives me.

Sore throat and cough is a worry - I am losing my voice bigtime - may have to do the routine with pre written boards and I'll just point to them. This may be the gimmic I've been looking for.

Here is my billing: http://www.laughinghorsecomedy.co.uk/comedy/richmond.asp

I don't know how to do a screen save of this - if anyone can tell me I'd be grateful - I want to save it. Tnx.

pm me your email addy and i'll screenshot and send to you

LOL I used to go to the old ship years ago when I was at Uni down there. It used to do good pub grub  ;kev;

sent - tnx

(http://i41.tinypic.com/2qk87z6.png)

Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!!!!!!

Just got an email to say I am through to the next round from the 90 second audition I did last week. The pret a manger wrapper did the trick obv!!  The blurb says that means I am in the top 20% of the 550 entrants - good enough for me - would love to go further but just blown away by this. Happy days :-)

Next heat 4th March (a Sunday) at the Hen & Chickens theatre (Highbury/Islington) so all of a sudden I have competitions on the Friday, Sunday and Monday of that week. Not complaining - just wow!

wheee excellent news!!

Congrats on the news, vwp.

Great stuff Trace. You've done so well.

Keep believing.

Yeeeah - looks like it's getting serious - here are the judging rules:

Voting: 50% audience, and 50% comedy industry execs (currently these are representatives of CKP Management in person, and online voting by Lisa Thomas Management, PBJ Management, Tiger Aspect, and BBC commissioning).
If we have time at the end of your heat, the audience votes will be counted and names of those going through to the quarterfinals on the basis of the audience votes will be announced. 
So be sure to encourage friends to come along to support you .... their votes will count of course, but on the other hand some contestants will get through due to industry votes.  We're keen to make this a level playing field, which is why we always do it this way.

Great stuff Trace, good luck mate

Fantastic news Trace

Incredible, what a story, & I'm so pleased for you.

One day, Sunday Night @ The London Palladium will be yours.

Very well done Chicka!!!  You'll sail through it because you're a natural.  x

Great news Tracey!

Fantastic Trace all the best!!! *g *g *g ;cheerleader; ;goodluck;

WOW..go girl.

Tonight, Miss D, we hope you mainly.........



(http://i44.tinypic.com/2q850s5.jpg)

Incidentally, our heroine was last heard of in Richmond, heading towards Kew.

The gig is in Richmond.

Please trust me, this is true.

+1

Trip report from those in the audience pls

Late news. Was attempting to get home to Northampton via the M40 (?!) but got on M4 instead. Last reported sighting was in Reading.

True.

Our erstwhile heroine has parked the car but Richmond is so posh that there are no machines to pay for the parking - it has to be done over the phone instead.

She gets out her phone then starts rooting around in her handbag.

She pulls out half a credit card.

Then another half, and arranges them together on the table.

I furrow my brow in puzzlement.

'Oh, I cut up the wrong one...'

 rotflmfao Just a typical day in the life...

So you had time to listen to my 'I'm lost message' and post this on blonde but no time to ring me and help me??? FML. You are all heart. ;D
Last night was great - really felt in control on stage - stinking cold that adrenalin kept at bay until after the gig and then i felt like death. Hence bad driving obv.
Holdy rang me once I had turned round on the M4 and advised me to stay on until the M25 and then go home from there - good idea I thought - just before the M25 a sign starts flashing "No entry to M25 north closed".

Now I'm guessing that's my exit but both the M25 and the north circular confuse me because they go all the way around - hence why I am on the wrong motorway in the first place - leaving Richmond was an adventure as I recognised all the place names so I wasn't sure which one to head for. Hammersmith is in London but might be the wrong part of london - it's very confusing. I knew I was wrong when I saw the signs for South Wales & Bristol although obv I didn't get that far. I didn't have enough deisel for a start and with no bank card this was going to be a bit nip and tuck.

Big thank you to Andrew T, Holdy, Gatso, Claw and new comedy recruit Nirvana who rolled up. It was a bitch of a gig to get to for Holdy - 35 stops on the tube she kept reminding us so I am really grateful that you made the effort, especially when you had heard some of it before....tried some new stuff which seemed to go down well - in fact I really think almost all of it got a response which is good. Thank you again - and when i get paid for my first gig I'm getting a sat nav.

if the no entry to M25 north was closed, surely that is a good thing?

trying to imagine the route Dingdell actually took home now

So she doubled back on the M4, couldn't take M25 north because it was a) closed and b) confusing that it just goes round and round

Couldn't go back into London as far as Hammersmith as that's confusing too

So from the M4 she diverted through the back streets of Hounslow and Acton and up towards the M1, avoiding the North Circular because that goes round and round too?

Intrigued

was quite bizarre.  we were sat on the train and mich was on the phone saying something like 'no don't go to bristol, turn around'.  we insta guessed it was trace, obv.

Sage advice there.

trace, will sort out the video for you later on today

we were chatting to the compere after the show, he was very complimentary about you, said there's no way he would've guessed that was only your 4th time on stage if you hadn't told him

Is this your intrigued face? (had great pic of you here to attach but file too big - how do i make them smaller?)
Eventually I got off the M4 at Maidenhead (becuase I know my way home from there), went through the town, got on the M40 which had been my intended route all along, past Bicester to Towcester than Northampton. pretty sure that's quicker for me than going M25 M1.  The mistake had been going on the M4 and missing the turn onto the M25.

Yesterday went to a wedding in Northampton. Decided not to stay the night but to drive home as it's only 10 mins from my house through a couple of villages. Halfway home sign ROAD TO NORTHAMPTON CLOSED.  Are you kidding me?  No detour signs. I can go either right or left, both signposted village centre (?). 45 mins later I got home but it was a clear night, beautiful stars so nice ride home really. But seriously - two nights running?

BUMP - tonight my friend Miriam and I will be in Euston at Shakers cocktail bar. She is under strict instructions to behave and as it's only her I'm hopeful she will be.....  https://www.facebook.com/events/284270131632316/

Good luck tonight, Miss D!

Impossible to get lost going to & from Euston, I suspect.

Well it had to happen – and tonight I died on stage. Ouch.

I arrived at the venue, checked in with the organiser, asked if I could sit with his group while we waited for it to begin as I didn’t know anyone there. (Miriam bailed at the last minute as she had to do some hair extensions) He said no. A good start…not. 

No problem. I sat away from the group and went over my set. I know it off by heart but still practiced all the way down in the car. As usual I had a longer rehearsal time than I should, tonight I went from Northampton to Euston via Trafalgar square which was slightly out of the way but not too bad. I still made it on time.

I was on 3rd, nice spot, feeling ok about the gig despite the rocky start with Mr Friendly. The organiser was the warm up guy. His warm up was as warm as his welcome. The first 2 acts were ok. He introduced the 2nd act as “my favourite act ever, no one can ever be as good as this guy please welcome….”. FML.

The ‘best act ever’ forgets the punch line and has to ask the organiser what it is…..who is pissing himself laughing at the debacle. My turn comes.

I run on stage, look at the audience and adlib. WTF? I tell them that I am old enough to be their mother. I use some new material. I insult a member of the audience. I can’t remember my set. I pick bits from it that float to the front of my brain but they don’t fit together. The audience looks at me blankly. I look back at them blankly. The organiser indicates 1 minute to go, I haven’t done hardly anything of my 5 min set.

I have no idea what happened or why. I do know that everyone dies and in a way I’m glad that the first time is over and done with. I also know I would never go back and play this venue again so I don’t feel as if I’ve lost anything. It's a good experience to get out of the way.

I got into the car, put the stereo on, found a sign saying M1 (result) and within an hour and a half I was at home, the fire lit, pasta cooking and tv on. Looking forward to the next one which someone I know I am going to smash.

This is what I listened to several times on the way home, I can’t listen to this and not feel upbeat. YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-xd3NuWQI0

Ouch. Fantastic attitude though Tracey. If you can meet with triumph & disaster...

I'm sure you'll knock 'em dead next time.

Every standup has died plenty of times - you did quite well to get to number 5 before it happened to you, most have it happen before then.

Yes - agree - thank you. I think I know exactly why it happened which is good. But I do need to get back on the horse pretty quickly, naturally I am feeling more nervous about the next time. I am just annoyed it happened in front of a complete bearded wanker. Hey ho. Actually it should be more High ho - he did look like one of the 7 dwarfs.

nice to hear that that chef bloke is getting out and about after his recent troubles.

Not much to report on the comedy front - all quiet until next Friday when I have 3 very close together that weekend.  Had one of my favourite 'celeb' clients in yesterday who has 1) some great story lines coming up and 2) is doing something completely bonkers next week I can't talk about but am busting to. There are times when I hate confidentiality. If it all goes to plan it will be an OK/Hello! story and she has promised me a pic. So far the best I have had in the glossy mags is the back of my head and my foot - and that was in readers wives........not really. They refused to print any of my pics.

On Friday I had the day off to go to a funeral with my Dad, it was a long time friend of his. It seems especially poignant as my Dads cancer count has gone up and he gets his next results tomorrow which will confirm if it was just a blip or not good news. I know that we were both thinking that the next funeral might be his.  Really sad day, lovely church in Nazeing and not a dry eye in the house. After lunch at the local hostelry my Dad is still feeling a bit sad, we got in the car to drive home. "Lets put on a CD to cheer ourselves up" suggests my Dad.

He slips a cd in and we drive away to the sounds of Enya. FML. Did make us laugh though.

Got some great comedy ideas yesterday at work. I think I have the characters for the sketches about right now. Have to get down to some writing soon as the BBC have some workshops and writing comps coming up soon that I would like to give a go. I downloaded some free software from t'internet that is supposed to put in all the stuff like 'stage left' etc in the correct shorthand language when you're writing your script. So far my navigation of this software is as good as my navigation anywhere.

It still surprises me that so much of the stuff that is supposed to make our lives simpler is so complicated. Waiting at the post office is my new router for my new internet provider - Sky, I have to install it myself. The man on the phone said it was very simple. I may be off line for some time.

yeeah - Sky connected - like everything it is simpleif you plug it into the correct holes.

Dad got his results yesterday and his count has gone down to 10 - it should be 3 ideally but for his age and the fact he has had a virus cold thing for the past few weeks they are very happy with that. He is delighted and you can hear in his voice that a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. I got the text from him as I was on to BT trying to sort out a problem with my line. I couldn't help crying with happiness and she thought I was crying because the line wasn't working. Doh.

So all good at Ding towers, next gig is the semi finals of the Laughing Horse competition on Friday at The Goat  near Green park. I've been there before and it's a small but fun room. TBH though at the moment it's of little importance, I want to go further with the comp but Dad's news is all I need.

Just started reading the Frank Skinner book as recommended here, it is a great read, loving every page.

GREAT news on Dad, Miss D, & I'm sorry I missed the previous Post, you must have been beside yourself with worry.

Good luck with the weekend gigs, too.

Oh man, I'm soooooo glad to hear about your Dad's results!  {{{Hugs}}}

Just a quick trip report – didn’t get through tonight to the next round of the Laughing Horse comp but I was not at all surprised. As soon as I arrived I realised the game was up – I literally bumped into the current hot streak in amateur comedy who has just left Uni having won every student comedy comp going and is now tearing it up throughout the circuit, he hasn’t entered a comp he hasn’t won or finalled in so his past record is impressive. His humour is a dry and morose and the audiences enjoy it.

It was a massive comp – there were 16 acts and only 3 went through – we drew for places and I got 14th. By the time it got to me the audience were suffering from comedy fatigue and the energy in the room was low.

My set was ok, I put in some new stuff which worked ok but I bottled out of doing the rude stuff. And on reflection that was a mistake, it may have lifted the room a bit.

I met some really interesting people and had some good chats. I found out that the guy who hosted my last gig, the one I died at, is a massive OCD person and he doesn’t like being touched so when I went to shake his hand it will have really freaked him out. He also isn’t a big fan of women in comedy but books us because he has to show some diversity.

Talking of diversity the winners tonight were the dour Welsh student, a married American lesbian and a comedy singing duo who the audience loved but the other comedians didn’t. There is a great divide between the purists and other performers. The purists don’t think that guitars and singing should be classed as comedy, they think it’s a cheat to use the ‘six string laughter track’ which is what they call the guitar. As a non singing, non playing comedian I agree with the purists. The comp I am in on Sunday has a separate section for the comedy singing acts, so the purists are happy.

Received a text from my Dad tonight telling me he had bought me a satnav, he was tired of me getting lost and arriving home late. I was thinking about this on the way home and trying to work out when I could pop in to see him and pick it up. This lack of concentration led to me missing my exit for the M1 so I said hello to Collingdale, Hendon, Edgeware and Stanmore before picking up signs for the M1 and making my way home. Probably the last time that will happen. I have to say I’ve enjoyed my unintentional jaunts and detours, the life you witness in the early hours of the morning is a people watchers paradise and following in the footsteps of Mr K I may have to start taking a few pics along the way.

No regrets or disappointment from tonight. I played Paulo in the car just as I came into Northampton just because I like the tune. It was a good night, even if only because it was a Friday night and I was out and about.

NEXT!

Are you a fan of Sarah Millican?....she was interviewed on Five live/ wednesday,(I caught the end of it)

23 mins in:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/b01d0rxk/Richard_Bacon_07_03_2012

Thanks – I’ll have a look at that.  Bit of a long one coming up but just putting some thoughts down as I go.....

I’ve finished the Frank Skinner book and loved every word of it.
Cliffs: he’s a Catholic comedian who has a very jealous girlfriend. Prior to meeting her he had a different girl every night on tour and mostly shagged them up the arse. He never reads any reviews of his shows because he obsesses about them and he has an enormous inner critic which means he is never satisfied with any of his work. His total belief in his religion yet his scant regard for morality surprised me. (Cue all the catholic priest jokes)

My secret comedian crush is on a well-known comedian who is a Christian and I’m sure part of his appeal to me is that I was thinking he was a good boy who didn’t have a girl in every theatre. I may have to rethink my obsessive crush and rather than just worship him from afar I should stalk him and see what he’s up to. It’s a bit of a double edged sword that one;  if I find he is a good boy then no amount of me following him around will probably change that, and if he is a complete slag on tour I don’t want to know him anyway. I don’t think anyone wins that one.

Back to the Skinner book…..As a woman I was so pleased to read about a man opening himself up to self doubt and worry about a relationship, I didn’t think that men did that. And if I had been his girlfriend I would have stopped being jealous once I’d read the book, it was an homage to how much he loved her and wanted them to be in a committed relationship. At the end of the book he gave her a key to his flat. It was like a real life Bridget Jones moment.

The downside of the book is the complete lack of confidence Frank has in himself and I could feel myself mirroring this as I got deeper into the book. All I kept on thinking was ‘if he gets nervous what hope have I got?’ Not just because of his book but I know I have a much greater lack of confidence now than when I started in November.

It reminds me a bit of when you first start playing poker. In the beginning you win because you have no fear, mainly because you don’t know the difference between good and bad, and that inner confidence carries you through and convinces the table you have a hand so they fold and you rake in the chips. As time goes on you realise how little you know, the confidence wanes a bit and the results drop too.

I have more trepidation about going on stage now than before and this gets communicated to the audience who react accordingly. An audience needs to have confidence in you from the moment you step out. At the moment I am still coughing well from a cold I had a few weeks ago, sometimes so badly that at regular intervals I may, as ladies of a certain age do, leak a bit when a particularly violent coughing fit takes over. So on Sunday, when the hot room had done its worst and I had coughed my guts up in the dressing room I’m pretty sure that the audience could sense my nervousness not just from the look in my eyes but from the unmistakable smell of wee that had seeped into my jeans.

Before the comp started it was nice to find that I know a few people now, one of the guys from the Richmond gig came over and starting chatting, he then introduced me to some other people and before I knew it I was in a temporary clique. I sat listening to them all measuring each others ball size as they compared notes as to who was doing what at Edinburgh. I am learning to take some of this with a pinch of salt, one of the guys was boasting that at a gig he did on Friday he got approached by a promoter who has offered him some paid work. As I was at the same gig, no promoters were in the room and he and I left at the same time. Good try buddy.

Having heard his set on Friday and Sunday it was exactly the same and got very different reactions each night. I remember thinking on Friday that one of his jokes deserved a better response and on Sunday it got it. I think to an errant gambler like me the uncertainty of the audience’s reaction and the testing of new material is as close to playing poker as it gets. One day aces are a certainty to win and the next night the flop gives the other guy a straight. It’s a fascinating and addictive hobby.

Sundays gig was at the Hen & Chickens in Islington. It was raining, a lot. I got there first time sans the sat nav as it hasn’t arrived yet. Probably lost. As always you have to judge a venue by the loos although with my cough/weeing issues I don’t need to visit them as much as I used to. In this case the coughing is a benefit as the loos are 2 small cubicles without locks or loo paper. The electric hand dryer looks out of place as there isn’t any soap but I run my hands under it in the hope that some of the air might waft down to my groin area.

This was a competition, well organised, filmed, bookers in the audience, a good gig run by the Ann Robinson of comedy, Hils Jago. As previously mentioned I like her direct approach “comedy is a business”. Her pre performance brief opened with “Don’t put your bags on the floor, there are mice in the building and we have seen at least 1 today in the dressing room”. I had a half eaten Mars bar in my bag and I didn’t know whether to eat it straight away on the grounds of health, safety and hygiene or to keep it for the journey home.

Ann warned us that the lighting was set up for a play that was running during the week and it was slightly weird. In most gigs I have done you can either see the audience as if you are in your own living room with them or the lights are so bright that you perform to a wall of darkness and listen for the laughs or rustle of the mars bars wrappers to judge how you are doing. On Sunday it was a wall of darkness apart from one man on the left, 2 rows deep who was perfectly lit as if he was a contestant on a game show waiting to hear if he had been eliminated or had got through to the next round. As I write this I realise that I should have opened with this observation rather than hitting them hard with 2 mins of blow job anecdotes, even Frank softens them up with a few family laughs before bringing the smut in.

 In an effort to conquer my fear of the audience I talked at him, (the man in the audience not Frank Skinner) and he didn’t crack a smile throughout my set. In fact halfway through it would have been quite ironic if my spotlight had gone out and just left him lit as I’m pretty sure he could have done a better job. That’s not to say I didn’t get laughs, I did. But I used some new untested bits which seemed funny in my head, some of it was not everything. The golden rule is never use new stuff in a competition but as the blowjob stuff hadn’t gone down as well as it should have done (no pun intended) I think it was wise to miss out the labia lips stuff and try something new. Trust me on this, it was a good call.

All in all it was ok, but I needed time to regroup and rewrite so I dodged my next gig on the Monday. Good decision. This week I have emptied my house, had one very large bonfire, sorted and chucked a lot of stuff and cleaned the house from top to bottom and them moved. I think another 4 hour round trip to do 5 mins was a bit ambitious.

Before I left Islington I asked Ann how I could help myself with the fear of the audience. She asked me how many gigs I had done and when I answered ‘7’ she looked incredulously at me as only Ann would do and said “put a nought on the end of that and them come back and ask for advice’ If you are still scared after 70 we’ll have a chat’. In other words just get on with it.

On another positive note I forgot about the Mars bar until the next day so it was an unexpected bit of chocolate which always makes it all the more enjoyable. Unlike the scheduled chocolate breaks that I put in the diary which are more of a retirement plan, I have to have regular excessive amounts of chocolate if I want to be a diabetic, have a leg removed and get on the social. As a self employed person without a pension I have to plan ahead.

Frank describes going on stage as ‘Dr Theatre’ as the adrenalin keeps any illness at bay until you come off stage. It’s true, when I’m in front of an audience I don’t cough at all. Tonight I’ve done a wash of all that needed washing, put the heating on so that the radiators can dry it all. The irony being that the house is now too warm, causing me to cough and we start all over again.

I have a fair few gigs in the diary, I’m going to try for some nearer to home and we’ll keep plugging away.

Do you do any venues nearer Peterborough / Northampton area ? We used to have a great club in Peterborough a few years ago saw a lot of good acts there don't know if it's still going ? Think it was " the gaslight "

Trouper!

x

Glad you liked the Skinner book, a must read for any comedian imo.

If anything, it is a bit too anx ridden, you just want to slap him and say belt up!

Have you read his biography? Its really funny.

Have you read the Stewart Lee books on his gigs. They have a huge amount of footnotes based around his routines, he really obsesses over the little details.

oh - I had thought Frank Skinner was your crush, now I'm intrigued again (unless it's a double bluff)

His Bio is the best book I've ever read, albeit that's a limited amount. I have the other one but haven't got into yet, but that's just due to me being lazy so I cba to read a book.

It will never be Frank Skinner. I go for more shy, retiring nearer to retirement men.  Actually he is younger than me but looks older which works for me.

Just waiting for the satnav then I am officially a stalker.

I will give his bio a go but at the moment reading Richard Branson 'Business stripped bare' which gives an interesting peek at how he approaches business. I was involved with the company during the Per Linstrand ballooning incident where Richard finished the trip alone after Per 'accidentally' fell from the capsule. Virgin refused to insure Richard or Per, they wanted to pass the risk on so I brokered it out to Lloyds. Per said he would never work with Richard again after the 'falling out' , he always said he was pushed.

No doubt in my mind it was a publicity stunt and a clever move as it raised the profile of Virgin. very interesting reading about it from Richards perspective.

Following an inteteresting hour or so on facebook last night i have enough material to fill a good few minutes which I will be working on in the next few days. Well done everyone on Jaxies thread.  ;D

We deffo have an odd bunch of friends   rotflmfao 

I guess that was you I just donated my chips to on the UKIPT sat ?  ;)

vvul heads up .......still a bit of cash  :)

 Yes - was me - tnx for the donation - still haven't satted in yet. Sigh.

Ok would be comedians - challenge for you - I know there is a nice joke/few lines about misunderstanding a text. I am racking my brains but just can't get my head around it. I was thinking about misunderstanding a text from a bloke where i think LOL is lots of love when of course it's Laugh out loud.

Something about I think he is coming on to me when of course, if you know the real meaning of lol, he definitely isn't.

Anyone got any bright ideas? I'm struggling on this - it should be so simple but I can't get it to work.  Much appreciated.

'My boyfriend has gas central heating, so I don't know why he sends me texts asking for coal.'

Whooshed me Mr T - sorry.

It's a predictive text joke.

That one has been done by Peter Kay, his grandma misunderstanding LOL

If I get any inspiration, I will post it (don't wait up)

Ok - I have just typed coal in and it still says coal?

Damm didn't know that - well if we get another angle on it it would be ok. Thanks ;-)

I did think it was a bit obvious not to have been thought of before.

Just worked out the coal thing - Andrew!

Is it Cos ?

My satnav only works in the UK.....luckily for him obv.

Satnav is briliant, yesterday I went Ntn to Maidenhead to Surrey to Camden. I tried to catch it out a couple of times but it still got me where i needed to be. It gives you a lot of info and takes a bit of getting used to. It keeps flashing up with current speed limits which is great as well as the number of metres to the next set of traffic lights. Unfortunately i didn't realise that when it flasehd up '70' that was the distance to the next lights and i did drive a little quickly last week through Islington high street. I had that satnav mentality of 'if the satnav says so it must be true' but I'm learning to use my own judgement too now.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I’M BACK!!!!

After a rollercoaster of gigs that didn’t seem to be going anywhere the comedy mojo has returned. I had 2 mediocre gigs and what enthusiasm I had was being batted back by an audience who had set up anti comedy shields and the phasers were set to kill. It was really tough.

I was wondering if it was beginners luck and now that was fading, I was trying new material in an attempt to resurrect it all but nothing was working.

Lets start again…….I went to a gig week before last and died on my arse AGAIN. The promoter spent our hello and goodbye conversations staring at my boobs after I politely declined his invitation to visit the local massage parlour with him for a mixed Jacuzzi. Normally a late night Jacuzzi experience in the local thai massage parlour is something I would accept. I haven’t had a holiday in a long time and the water in these establishments has increased buoyancy, the emissions from over excited men increasing the density to such a level that lying in the jacuzzi emulates the Red Sea floating experience.

Normally I would be there, daily newspaper in hand ready for the obligatory photo of me lying on my back reading the paper and staying dry but it brings back too many memories of recent shags that I declined.

Despondent at another failure I was determined not to give up but generally not sure in what direction I should go. I am a member of the Comedy Collective, a blonde type facebook forum for comedians. I asked for help and it was great. Go back to what worked do it again and slowly add in new stuff to test it, not add in loads and make it unrecognisable. It may be matter of fact to us to do the same set time and time again but to the audience (apart from the comedy posse that is Claw, Holdy, Gatso and Andrew T) it’s new and the confidence of a well worn set is actually very comforting to them, they relax down and enjoy the ride.

Last night was ‘epic’. The front row knows they will get picked on and one guy was a hairdresser from Camden, young lad who knows it all and had downed a good portion of a bottle of Absinthe. His mate was a guy who spends his days surfing buses, jumping on and off  roofs etc for kicks. They were good value and I had my ‘ad libs’ ready for my set, I was on second in the second half, nice safe spot and I was ready to riff with the boys at the front. We started the second half and FML they hadn’t come back from the bar. Apparently there was a single woman in the bar with chips and the combination of a woman with food was too much for them to resist.

The compere introduces me, he forgets my name, has to consult his paper, refers to me as one of his closest friends which gets a laugh and I run on stage. I berate the compere for not remembering my name, particularly as we’ve have shagged twice and been married for a year, the audience laughs at my adlib and we’re off. They laugh, the boys eventually come back in once the chips have run out, I ad lib again and I’m off. It wasn’t raucous laughter, it was good humoured agreement laughter, but they laughed.

One very strange thing happened though. In the first half there was a performer who is involved in the running of the comedy nights, she collects the money from the audience and she also does stand up which I didn’t realise until last night. She was on in the first half and as she did her set I panicked as she was doing very similar stuff to me, in fact I was having to mentally take things out of my set as she had already talked about them. I thought nothing more of this until the drive home and as my mind was wandering I realised that it wasn’t similar stuff – it was MY stuff she had done on stage. How was that possible? I did that stuff at a gig in Richmond, which Gatso filmed for me. I watched the tape, yep there it was, and there she was taking the money for the tickets that night. Wow.

It wasn’t just a few observations that could have been about the same subject and just a coincidence, it was specific phrases like ‘my boyfriends got more chance of a blowjob if he had a wash once in while’. It was all too close. So now I need to have a word with her and deal with it. She is a close friend of a really nice guy that runs some of these evenings so I have to tread carefully, he’s given me 4 gigs and I don’t want to jeopardise our relationship. But I also don’t want to give my material away.

I am worried about raising it though, and it could be an honest mistake. I have a line about doing a fanny fart after sex and the sound of my vag lips flapping together sounds like a slow hand clap but I’m pretty sure this isn’t my line. I must have heard it somewhere. I love it and in context it should work well but I’m worried I’ve heard it somewhere and now I am ‘making it my own’.

So on the way back from Camden I popped into Luton and I had forgotten how much I liked that place. New feature table, loads of players and George looking resplendent in his suit. The wit of the Luton players is legendary and George was struggling against it last night.

The final table of the Omaha a deal is discussed before they all sit down. After the discussion George wants to make sure that no one is being bullied into accepting so he has the ‘black card’ system. Every player is given a red card and a black card. If they agree to the deal they hand in their red card and if they disagree they hand in their black card, all done face down. It should work well but the Luton regulars can’t help but take the piss and hand in both cards to the pile. The vote had to be done 3 times before everyone toed the line and did it properly. There is black card in the pile so they play, but before they do all but one of them turns over their remaining card to show they still have their black card……it’s a nice idea but it needs a bit of work….

Anyway all in all a good night and lovely to see the regulars again. I binked a seat in the £150 at DTD this weekend so I’m playing Saturday. Happy days. Have a great Easter weekend whatever you are doing.

Hmm that's a tricky one Trace.  Find it kinda hard to believe that if someone was going to nick material they'd have the bare faced cheek to perform it right in front of the person they've pinched it off - how very rude!  Have you asked on the funny people's forum if it's happened to anyone else and how they've dealt with it?  Guess it's hard to prove that two people just haven't independently come up with the same ideas.  A couple of years ago a friend and I were kicking around the idea of writing a sketch show.  I had some amazing (imho) ideas.  Then when I ran them past my friend turned out they'd been done before.  Don't know if I'd heard them before, or if there are only so many observations that can be made that it's tricky to find one that's not already been picked up on.

Happens all the time. Lots of the comedians that make it onto the telly use gags they have heard other comedians use when they were gigging round clubs.

Well as far as I am concerned it's a real NO NO. It's a bit like looking at someones hand in poker, we know that sometimes it happens but we all know it shouldn't.

It's quite common for people to have similar openers  'who here is single'  'are you having a good time' etc. There are occasions where comedians gift lines, they see someones act and give them a line that they think will work better for them.

The good thing is that at least someone wanted to use some of my material.

The comedy collective is a very useful forum, gives you a lot of resources it would take years to work out yourselves and it's nice to be able to swap experiences of venues etc.

There is also growing concern about 'pay to play' gigs where promotors offer you a space but you pay to perform at their venue. This is standard practice in USA but not yet here. It's very dodgy as the promoter doesn't have any risk then in running a gig as he has his expenses covered but you may, as a performer, end up only playing to other comedians which does nothing to promote you to the public. There is a rising anti pay to play movement appearing and a few public spats occuring at venues so it's getting interesting.

Who knew that comedy was so serious? 

Won a local facebook competition this week and we are having cupcakes delivered to work today! Playing DTD tomorrow. Loving life.