blonde poker forum

Earlier this week I proved my knowledge of the minds of the nation's young, female population by winning Tighty's excellent Sheep Quiz.

To thank the Blonde Community, I now share with you an open game of...

 
 ;dingdell; ;gobsmacked; ;dingdell; ;gobsmacked; ;dingdell; ;gobsmacked; ;dingdell;

Our Subject

On 2nd July 1956, a legend was born. Colburn ‘Rastafish’ Tomlin.

5 days later, in inauspicious surroundings alarmingly reminiscent of Charlie & the Chocolate Factory (3 generations lived together), Father Gascoigne was born to my Grandparents Peter & Audrey in the near-Sheffield village of Mosborough. Harry Gascoigne (my Great Grandad) was the greatest carpenter Mosborough will ever see. Peter Gascoigne was a paratrooper of outstanding merit. Ian Gascoigne....

Ian Gascoigne was as dope-smoking-er, ringlet-sporting-er, reggae-listening-er wigger as you could ever wish to meet. But that was then, the 70s, "we were cooool man".

(http://i1353.photobucket.com/albums/q677/edgascoigne1/70sgascoigne2.jpg)

Since then...

My Father’s greatest achievements in life extend to:

- Being the keeper of the jukebox key at University.

- Once being asked for a loan to keep his beloved Sheffield Wednesday afloat.

- Set over set-ing me 300bb deep in '07 thus winning back the pocket money he paid me 1991-1993 in one fell swoop.

- Purchasing a stake in www.mycardshark.com solely so he could possess a business card that resembled a playing card.

- Getting a haircut and successfully duping many influential people into allowing him to progress his career at St. James' Place solely through talking on the phone with his feet on his desk.

- Siring me. (Pretty sure this is alarmingly low on the list)

Now, through the medium of this ludicrously convoluted quiz I shall call “Father Gascoigne Thinks”, we shall take a journey into the deep, dank recesses of Ian’s brain.

Heaven help us all.

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/p206x206/425487_329929813717925_693716121_n.jpg)

The Rules

New format, almost certain to induce multiple shouts of “Farce”, but it’s simple to adjudicate/score so we’re running with it. Beneath we have 9 questions, each representative of a golf hole. A perfect answer will score a hole in one (-3), a near perfect answer an eagle (-2), a strong answer a birdie (-1), an average answer a par (0), a poor answer a bogey (+1) and a woeful answer a double-bogey (+2). The lenience for each hole can be found beneath the relevant question.

How to Play

- Send me your answer to each question by PM by midnight 4th November.
- The Quiz itself, featuring a very special guest appearance, will be run Tuesday 6th November.
- No passes.
- Google yourselves silly, this man’s brain is nothing like common wisdom.
- The winner is the person with the best score after the 10 questions. In the event of a tie-break the winner is the tie-breakee with the greatest number of Hole-in-Ones.


Clear as mud? I shall begin....


1.   Back in the day when Father Gascoigne was knee-high to a grasshopper they took exams called “O-levels”. In these exams the grading system ran from 1-6 (1=A, 2=B etc.)

What was the cumulative total of points that Ian received?

Hole in One / Eagle (1pts lenience) / Birdie (2-4pts lenience) / Par (5-8pts lenience) / Bogey (9-12pts lenience) / Double-Bogey (13pts+)


2.   Ian is one of the stalwarts, and indeed biggest winners, in the DTD cashgames. I asked him to name the five toughest players he has played against at the venue.

Name the five players.

Alternatively......for those of you who don't know DTD well....who does Ian rate as the top 5 players in world poker?

Hole in One (5/5) / Eagle (4/5) / Birdie (3/5) / Par (2/5) / Bogey (1/5) / Double Bogey (0/5)


3.   Those of you who have tuned into the budding poker commentator’s live-stream broadcasts will know that he spends a lot of time on the road. More Christmas-Special-David-Brent than Kerouac, but I digress.

How many miles does the Father believe his chauffeur he covered in the last 12mths?

Hole in One (2k miles lenience) / Eagle (2-4k miles lenience) / Birdie (4-7k miles lenience) / Par (7-10k miles lenience) / Bogey (10-15k miles lenience) / Double Bogey (15k+ miles lenience


4.   Ian sees himself as sitting in second place in the sartorial stakes only to James Bond. His Facebook profile picture (https://www.facebook.com/ian.gascoigne.3) proves this:
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/30935_104699752907600_8340540_n.jpg)

In light of the recent release of Skyfall, I gave Ian a minute to name as many Bond films as possible. How many did he name?

Hole in One (Exact Number) / Eagle (Lenience of 1) / Birdie (Lenience of 2) / Par (Lenience of 3) / Bogey (Lenience of 4) / Double Bogey (5+)


5.   When the Father isn’t busy swotting up on optimal cut-off 3b ranges against an UTG open in online mid-stakes 6max NL he’s often found shooting the breeze on modern-day politics.

I asked Ian to give Ed Balls a score out of 100 as a person, what score did he give him?

Hole in One (2pts lenience)/ Eagle (2-5pts lenience) / Birdie (5-10pts lenience) / Par (10-15pts lenience) / Bogey (15-20pts lenience) / Double Bogey (20pts+)


6.   They say you should never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Ian sports a natty range of brogues, go figure.

I asked Ian how long he thinks it would take to walk from Nottingham Gala, where his stunning poker journey began, to DTD.

Hole in One (Exact answer) / Eagle (2mins lenience) / Birdie (2-5mins lenience) / Par (5-10mins lenience) / Bogey (10-15mins lenience) / Double Bogey (15mins+)


7.   My father staunchly denies the accusation that he is spending an increasing amount of time with the “Prawn-Sandwich Brigade” he regularly denounces (hypocritically, imo) on Twitter. (www.twitter.com/iangas)

To prove how in touch he is with the real world, I asked him therefore how much he would expect it to cost should he pick up a Nando's tab for the two of us before a comp, with him ordering a Chicken Pitta Burger with rice & coleslaw and me ordering a Half Chicken (medium) with chips & coleslaw (standard), with us each having a diet coke.

Hole in One (£0.50 lenience) / Eagle (£1 lenience) / Birdie (£2 lenience) / Par (£3 lenience) / Bogey (£5 lenience) / Double Bogey (>£5)


8.   Father Gascoigne has got an eye for the laaayydies.

I asked my dad (in time-honoured and obligatory forum tradition) to score the below DTD promotional shot in order of preference 1-5.

(http://www.pokersatellitecentre.com/images/category/dtd-Girls2.jpg)
eg. 1,5,3,2,4.

What is Ian’s order?

Hole in One/Eagle (All in correct order) / Birdie (Three correct) / Par (Two correct) / Bogey (One correct) / Double Bogey (None correct)



9.   Swelled by his recent success ‘In the Booth’ having bubbled the last DTD deepstack, Ian is convinced he has developed something of a cult following within the poker community.

With this in mind, I asked the Father how many entrants he believes this ludicrously tedious quiz will receive...

Hole in One (Exact answer) / Eagle (Lenience of 1) / Birdie (Lenience of 3) / Par (Lenience of 6) / Bogey (Lenience of 10) / Double Bogey (10+)




The Very Best of British to you all.

Current Entrants (Nineteen)

Dmorgan
JK
mondatoo
cambridgealex
stato_1
millidonk
hector62
TightEnd
stribling
Tal
smashedagain
JGill_DTD
Leatherman
ruud
Karabiner
Doobs
Tikay
TRIP5
kinboshi

Brilliant

Wonderful

lol!

Love it when we get new ideas in these quizzes

Outstanding effort.

Incred

Brilliant :)

haha wp, in

Don't think I've ever spoken to Father Gascoigne, so lets hope he is my soul mate  Ahrt

Awesome idea for a quiz. Don't do golf etiquette so fully expect to be chucked off the course.

Haha - brilliant stuff.  I can't see anyone scoring a par round, but who cares!?

Will definitely be in.

Think there should be a thread on here entitled "At home with the Gascoignes". Could become a series on 5.

Fantastic thoughtage.

Very well done & thank you Ian.

I might have to consult Aaron's Arrows for this one.

Brilliant idea.

Pretty sure this is the chap that donk-jammed 2xpot on the flop with dem aces against me in a 150 last month.

 With that information, how can I lose?

Cannot wait to get my answer in!

No way you would get on the golf course in the first place! :-)

zomgggggggggggggggg incred quiz! love Reverend G

Just read the questions again. This should be the standard that all winners should live upto.

IN!

incrED

im in... sent answers

I could tell you who plays cash in my local poker club, but not in yours. For that reason, I'm out.

Good point MintTrav.

To reflect this I have now added an alternative question 2. Entrants may choose which of the two parts they respond to.  ;indestructable;

I am having a bit of a problem with Q 6. The way I see it is I am being asked how long it would take a person I have never met to walk from a place I have never been to to another place the location of which I have no idea.

Maybe you could help a tad.

Does your father walk with purpose ?

Is he likely to stop off for a kebab ?

Are the 2 places on opposite sides of Nottingham ?

Would he be likely to use an I pod and stride off to the vigorous beat of Golden Earring's Radar Love ?

Hope this helps

This is really difficult because they all look the same.

Give them all 1 then
:)

I'm sure Ian would...

old ones are the best eh dan? ;)

(set up for another tap-in there...)

My plan is to load Google Maps.

:D

In, with a cast-iron guarantee of not winning. No silly answers needed. That profile picture (the third one, I hasten to clarify) suggests your subject is a man of abstemious virtue, who epitomises the very notion of an English Gent in the Twenty-first Century; a man schooled in both the history of Illyria and the machinations of LinkedIn.

 Shotgun not doing the quiz next time!

In

As a treat for those of you at least vaguely interested, a teaser ahead of next week...

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9v4557Zy9s

Lol. Thought I was gonna have to change my answer

Sick amount of effort Ed, love it. Should be a com reveal.

like!

In

In there like swimwear!!!

BUMP

Less than 24hrs until the reveal....!!

Bugger, missed the deadline

Nah, get it in. More the merrier :)

DEADLINE EXTENDED TO 4PM TOMORROW

Looking forward to this immensely

Bump and in

Forgot..

and for that reason, I'm IIINNNNNNNN

xx

INNIT to WINNIT

In.  Will be happy to finish the course...

Will be gymming/gymming my face off/in the land of Gymfordshire/going to the gym during the reveal and, as I'm not one of those people who think texting or yapping on the 'phone while sauntering on a cross trainer counts as exercise, I'll likely be out of action while all the fun is happening.

#gohardorgohome

Granted, my brand of "witty banter", repartée and occasionally meritorious challenges is rarely welcome. Nevertheless, thought it only fair to say.

Taken the night off for this. Gonna be sick!

No pressure then ;)

Still, with this man as the subject matter, what could possibly go wrong?!

(http://pbs.twimg.com/media/Axt-9thCIAEyBwB.jpg:large)

As the crowds start to filter in.... a quick reminder of the rules you were all playing by.

The Rules

New format, almost certain to induce multiple shouts of “Farce”, but it’s simple to adjudicate/score so we’re running with it. Beneath we have 9 questions, each representative of a golf hole. A perfect answer will score a hole in one (-3), a near perfect answer an eagle (-2), a strong answer a birdie (-1), an average answer a par (0), a poor answer a bogey (+1) and a woeful answer a double-bogey (+2). The lenience for each hole can be found beneath the relevant question. Each question was answered by none other than Ian "Father" Gascoigne, and for the purpose of this quiz his answer is "correct", no matter how far from the truth it may be....

Let's get some:

(http://www.tntmagazine.com/media/News/beach-volleyball-1.jpg)

on

(http://www.jaxjrcinemas.com/images/seats.jpg)

Get in the hoooooooollllllllllllleeeeee

I just had to zoom in to the volleyball players. Did a little sick in my mouth but then noticed the nail varnish ;)

19 people entered, an illustrious rolecall indeed:

Dmorgan
JK
mondatoo
cambridgealex
stato_1
millidonk
hector62
TightEnd
stribling
Tal
smashedagain
JGill_DTD
Leatherman
ruud
Karabiner
Doobs
Tikay
TRIP5
kinboshi

Some know Father Gascoigne well, some have no idea who he is beyond a sketchy photo of a grubby haired 19yr old from back in his heyday.

Many suffer the wrath of his incomparable poker abilities multiple times a week, running for their lives in particular from his trademark move, the:

But Father Gascoigne is delighted so many of you are in attendance, indeed, in Children In Need fashion he sent us this brief message:

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97lEP8fHAVo

The time is now here.

Let's play some Father Gascoigne Thinks!!

wiiiii gonna be best quiz ever i rekcon

QUESTION 1

1.   Back in the day when Father Gascoigne was knee-high to a grasshopper they took exams called “O-levels”. In these exams the grading system ran from 1-6 (1=A, 2=B etc.)

What was the cumulative total of points that Ian received?

Hole in One / Eagle (1pts lenience) / Birdie (2-4pts lenience) / Par (5-8pts lenience) / Bogey (9-12pts lenience) / Double-Bogey (13pts+)


A tricky hole to start with, and one where a few seemed to attempt an ambitious drive of the green and drop shots early doors. Others nailed it however, and a couple of lucky Blondes from the list of answers below....

Watch from 15secs in

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PL-DFrgzRs

Dmorgan   12
JK   12
mondatoo   23
cambridgealex   23
stato_1   32
millidonk   18
hector62   26
TightEnd   28
stribling   20
Tal   7
smashedagain   16
Jgill_DTD   9
Leatherman   14
ruud   18
Karabiner   27
Doobs   24
Tikay   27
TRIP5   0 - left school early
kinboshi   14

This is going to be so good.

very innovative

(http://cached.imagescaler.hbpl.co.uk/resize/scaleToFit/427/285/?sURL=http://offlinehbpl.hbpl.co.uk/news/OWM/D27448E9-FC26-AFBE-F8D8855CA0E1B6DC.gif)

(http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/gjermund/gjermund0902/gjermund090200012/4353756-dice-showing-1-2-3-4-5-and-6-dots-isolated-on-white.jpg)

Yep, Ian scored a 1, two 2s, two 3s, a 4, a 5 and a 6, for a total score of.....

26

Ooooh, my putt lipped out.

decent start

Yeah I thought he was a lot smarter than that. What a thicko

Mind you it looks like Jonathon thought he got 9 grade A's.... The o level was a lot harder in my and Ian's day not like all the kids getting 9 A* these days..... 9 A's would have got Ian on Newsround

i made a good read than Ian didn't excel in school.

(http://i1353.photobucket.com/albums/q677/edgascoigne1/vodkabottle.jpg)

i put 23 and was 3 off, a birdie no?

Objection!

My answer was 27, only one adrift, why is my score so bad?

Given the lack of objections may we proceed onto....

Question 2

2.   Ian is one of the stalwarts, and indeed biggest winners, in the DTD cashgames. I asked him to name the five toughest players he has played against at the venue.

Name the five players.

Alternatively......for those of you who don't know DTD well....who does Ian rate as the top 5 players in world poker?

Hole in One (5/5) / Eagle (4/5) / Birdie (3/5) / Par (2/5) / Bogey (1/5) / Double Bogey (0/5)


Will we get a....

(http://www.pokernews.com/w/articles/4ff6/5aa5bc547.jpg)

....or indeed a....

(http://www.sunshinedaydream.biz/assets/images/bobmarleymerch/rasta-fish-emblem.gif)

There ARE objections!

Referee, please.

+1 FARCE

Yeah and tighty and hector gave different answers and got -3

Merde. Bear with me...

an early cockup from the QM. Future looks bleak.

Objection. I did not score a hole in one. I was two off

Apologies again.

The scores after the first hole are...

Dmorgan   2
JK   2
mondatoo   -1
cambridgealex   -1
stato_1   0
millidonk   0
hector62   -3
TightEnd   -1
stribling   0
Tal   2
smashedagain   1
Jgill_DTD   2
Leatherman   1
ruud   0
Karabiner   -2
Doobs   -1
Tikay   -2
TRIP5   2
kinboshi   1

BLEAK

I don't think Ed is running this, I think Herbie has hacked his account.

Outrageous.

TeasED!

Lol, genuine farce of the highest order.

Almost as though it was planned to encourage participation.... ;)

NB. It wasn't.

In an effort to get back on track, may I hand you to the Father. God I never thought I would say that.

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzqsM_9iLmM

how do we know these are correct. Some of us are playing to win and not just for fun

Ian's Answer   Mitch, Linton, Alex, Giblin, Terry   

Dmorgan   Mitch, Rob, Keith, Keys, Stato   1
JK   Mitch, Rob, Keith, Keys, Alex   0
mondatoo   Mitch, Rob, Keith, Keys, Alex   0
cambridgealex   Mitch, Rob, Keith, Trickett, Alex   0
stato_1   Mitch, Rob, Keith, Trickett, Alex   0
millidonk   Mitch, Rob, Deadman, Rasta, Stato   1
hector62   Ivey, Trickett, Dwan, Ungar, Hellmuth   -1
TightEnd   Mitch, Linton, Keith, Alex, Stato   -1
stribling   Mitch, Keith, Alex, Rasta, Terry   -1
Tal   James Keys, Tony Phillips, Devilfish, Sam Trickett and Rastafish   2
smashedagain   Keith, Mitch, Keys, Rob, Rastafish    1
Jgill_DTD   Mitch, Sunar, Trickett, Cody, Ed G   1
Leatherman   Trickett, Yong, Trumper, Deadman, Thew   1
ruud   Goulder, Keith, Keys, Linton, Rastafish   0
Karabiner   Mitch, Alex, Keith, Keys, Hicks   0
Doobs   Keys, Alex, Rob, Stato, Rasta   1
Tikay   Rob, Alex, Keys, John Black, Tikay   1
TRIP5   Ian, Devilfsh, Ungar, Rasta, Tikay   2
kinboshi   Mitch, Linton, Alex, Keith, Deadman   -1


(http://i1353.photobucket.com/albums/q677/edgascoigne1/Usual-Suspects.jpg)

Disclaimer: hector62 answered on Ian's top players in the world, and scored 3/5 for Ivey, Dwan and Hellmuth. The remaining two were Juanda and Trumper.

Which means, and I hope to God this now works, the scores after two holes are as follows:

hector62   -4
TightEnd   -2
Karabiner   -2
mondatoo   -1
cambridgealex   -1
stribling   -1
Tikay   -1
stato_1   0
ruud   0
Doobs   0
kinboshi   0
millidonk   1
JK   2
smashedagain   2
Leatherman   2
Dmorgan   3
Jgill_DTD   3
Tal   4
TRIP5   4

Bugger, that was my attempt at a hole in one.

As an aside....have a closer look at the pic Ian has 'accidentally' got in the background of that video.

Rather fitting giving the second biggest event occurring in the world this evening.

Unbelievable you weren't on the list Teeks. Especially given that on the mic in the SPT 6-max you still represented more of a danger to Rob/Alex's chips than Ian did, and he was at the table.

Shout out to Jonathan Gil also. You're deluded, and I sense a hint of irony in one of your answers, but God bless you all the same.

Palace score, Ant will be happy.

Can I be marked down a bit please.

For sale: one wooden spoon.

Any offers considered. Due to arrive in about an hour and can deliver shortly thereafter.

Dortmund score, Hector is happy.

Nobody spotted the thinly-veiled brag yet? It's rather like the Father is subtly referencing Holbein's The Ambassadors, or as he insists on referring to it (at least I think this is what he is talking about) Les Ambassadeurs

(http://i1353.photobucket.com/albums/q677/edgascoigne1/billandbentheflowerpotmen.jpg)

I can't believe that Ian thinks Keith, Keys and Rob are tez.

Bugger off.. flogging my stuff!! Get your bloody own spoon...

nobody guessed giblin? would've bet my roll on Rob being there, thought he was an absolute lock.

Sooooo.....

Question 3

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/A2HX7lPCEAAewxP.jpg:large)

3.   Those of you who have tuned into the budding poker commentator’s live-stream broadcasts will know that he spends a lot of time on the road. More Christmas-Special-David-Brent than Kerouac, but I digress.

How many miles does the Father believe his chauffeur he covered in the last 12mths?

Hole in One (2k miles lenience) / Eagle (2-4k miles lenience) / Birdie (4-7k miles lenience) / Par (7-10k miles lenience) / Bogey (10-15k miles lenience) / Double Bogey (15k+ miles lenience


(http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/anderson/thunderbirds/gallery/images/340/parker.jpg)

Me too re: Rob, but the Father's mind works in mysterious ways. Indeed his cash game play over the last 6yrs is actually all one big level where he's setting you all up for a coup in one massive game....

...MASSIVE RE-RAISE.

Some pretty decent answers here, though some unfortunately wayward shots owing to Ian grossly overstating what it is to cover.....


Dmorgan   80,000   2
JK   32000   0
mondatoo   42000   1
cambridgealex   50000   2
stato_1   37805   1
millidonk   7000   2
hector62   25000   -3
TightEnd   25000   -3
stribling   70000   2
Tal   59000   2
smashedagain   35000   0
Jgill_DTD   60000   2
Leatherman   30000   -2
ruud   50000   2
Karabiner   50000   2
Doobs   30000   -2
Tikay   47912   2
TRIP5   12000   1
kinboshi   15000   1


BOOMSHACKALACKA for hector62 and Tightend, and a degree of resolution in that I think these were the scores errantly posted earlier and causing the first cries of farce....

This is not going to plan at all.

!

You do know the winner sets the next quiz, right?

(http://img.ehowcdn.com/article-new/ehow/images/a00/00/13/stop-biting-fingernails-800x800.jpg)

Nervous times for hector62 at the top as the scores stand as below after 3 holes:

hector62   -7
TightEnd   -5
Doobs   -2
mondatoo   0
Leatherman   0
Karabiner   0
cambridgealex   1
stato_1   1
stribling   1
Tikay   1
kinboshi   1
JK   2
smashedagain   2
ruud   2
millidonk   3
Dmorgan   5
Jgill_DTD   5
TRIP5   5
Tal   6


Just 3 people below par through 3 then on what's proved to be a challenging course thus far.

Question 4

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lrp0wJsXNEA

In light of the recent release of Skyfall, I gave Ian a minute to name as many Bond films as possible. How many did he name?

Hole in One (Exact Number) / Eagle (Lenience of 1) / Birdie (Lenience of 2) / Par (Lenience of 3) / Bogey (Lenience of 4) / Double Bogey (5+)

(http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSyksKBHSNq7Cp6YCnL7-Hx0rMtGxnRq4e74XFOiQeElzcc3wM9xipNB5wPLA)

Some trusted the Father immensely here, others weren't so confident in either (a) his interest in Bond or (b) his memory.

Dmorgan   12
JK   6
mondatoo   9
cambridgealex   12
stato_1   8
millidonk   12
hector62   15
TightEnd   8
stribling   6
Tal   17
smashedagain   7
Jgill_DTD   11
Leatherman   12
ruud   15
Karabiner   5
Doobs   9
Tikay   7
TRIP5   3
kinboshi   7


How did you do....?

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZYT4ukXi7c

Apologies for my drone in the background, and also the fact the video cuts short. Ian did not score any further than those named on the vid posted.

Hilarious!

(http://i1353.photobucket.com/albums/q677/edgascoigne1/gascoigneno9.jpg)

9 for the Father then, and holes in one for mondatoo and Doobs

And no Ian, "Question of Sport" still isn't a Bond film as far as I am aware...

(http://www.ukgameshows.com/p/images/1/17/A_question_of_sport_xmas_set.jpg)

Ian successfully named the below...

Dr No
Goldfinger
Goldeneye
You Only Live Twice
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
Quantam of Solace
Skyfall
Moonraker
Casino Royale


Meaning the scores on the doors after 4 holes are as below, with the Lon McEachern to Father's Norman Chad getting his nose in front. Can he stay there?!

TightEnd   -7
hector62   -5
Doobs   -5
mondatoo   -3
stato_1   -1
Leatherman   0
Tikay   0
kinboshi   0
cambridgealex   1
stribling   1
smashedagain   1
Karabiner   1
JK   2
millidonk   3
Jgill_DTD   4
ruud   4
Dmorgan   5
TRIP5   7
Tal   8

Tighty crushes these everytime

Hector is hoping you are right.....

he is always there or thereabouts but he is such a sore loser.

Given the objectors seem to have been removed from the course / silenced with a 7-iron....may we proceed to one of my personal favourite's...

Question 5

5.   When the Father isn’t busy swotting up on optimal cut-off 3b ranges against an UTG open in online mid-stakes 6max NL he’s often found shooting the breeze on modern-day politics.

I asked Ian to give Ed Balls a score out of 100 as a person, what score did he give him?

Hole in One (2pts lenience)/ Eagle (2-5pts lenience) / Birdie (5-10pts lenience) / Par (10-15pts lenience) / Bogey (15-20pts lenience) / Double Bogey (20pts+)

(http://tee2i.org/sites/tee2i.org/files/edballsPA0710_468x412.jpg)

Some seriously varied answers here...

Dmorgan   35
JK   65
mondatoo   74
cambridgealex   17
stato_1   17
millidonk   8
hector62   30
TightEnd   5
stribling   69
Tal   7
smashedagain   30
Jgill_DTD   75
Leatherman   80
ruud   33
Karabiner   0
Doobs   15
Tikay   27
TRIP5   0
kinboshi   35

When I prompted Father to answer this question, I could feel the vitriol in his tone leaping from the SMS on my screen.

Ever the thrifty soul, Ian did his level best to convey his utter disdain for Mr Balls in less than 162 characters so as not to use another message from his allowance:

"Total Prat.
 Gordon Brown's enforcer.
 Economic retard.
 Dangerous.
 'Nanny state knows best'
 We will spend your money."

I didn't have the heart to tell him he had gone into a second message, so potentially costing himself £0.12, but, for the love of this game I did ask him to confirm a score out of 100 in order that I may score the quiz.

(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9NM5be8ryF4/TuAQrpO073I/AAAAAAAAAIY/pfTGEFMGrxo/s1600/zero.jpg)

good call, well made.

always did like Pappa Gasgcoine..

(http://i.huffpost.com/gen/803216/thumbs/r-ED-MILIBAND-ED-BALLS-large570.jpg?6)
A favourite photo of the Father's, though his version is rather more greatly defaced/grafitti'd

Holes in One then for Karabiner and TRIP5, the latter of whom achieved the task in particularly daring fashion, I quote "5. none - who is ed balls?". ;)

And so, at a little past the halfway stage (thank the Lord), the scores stand as below, with Tighty tightening a vice-like grip at the summit.

TightEnd   -9
Doobs   -5
hector62   -3
Karabiner   -2
mondatoo   -1
stato_1   0
cambridgealex   2
millidonk   2
Leatherman   2
Tikay   2
kinboshi   2
stribling   3
smashedagain   3
JK   4
TRIP5   4
Jgill_DTD   6
ruud   6
Dmorgan   7
Tal   7

2-0 to Palace. Ant will be a happy chappy. I need Dortmund,Malaga, Ajax and Obama to HOLD>

Thus, for the diehards still with me, onto...

Question 6

They say you should never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Ian sports a natty range of brogues, go figure.

I asked Ian how long he thinks it would take to walk from Nottingham Gala, where his stunning poker journey began, to DTD.

Hole in One (Exact answer) / Eagle (2mins lenience) / Birdie (2-5mins lenience) / Par (5-10mins lenience) / Bogey (10-15mins lenience) / Double Bogey (15mins+)

(http://www.ilovenc.co.uk/sites/default/files/styles/275px/public/galacasino-nottingham.jpg)

(http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/multimedia/archive/00132/t2-cw_elton-8433840_132731c.jpg)

(http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/01/2e/4d/96/nottingham.jpg)

You answered as below...

Dmorgan   40
JK   40
mondatoo   25
cambridgealex   45
stato_1   30
millidonk   27
hector62   35
TightEnd   45
stribling   44
Tal   13
smashedagain   25
Jgill_DTD   25
Leatherman   30
ruud   45
Karabiner   120
Doobs   40
Tikay   47
TRIP5   10
kinboshi   55


Google maps suggests a 45min walk....but then for this quiz, and thank God this quiz only, Ian is the arbiter of the truth here...

(http://thetanningstudiopoole.co.uk/image/cache/data/40-500x500.jpg)

...says Father Gascoigne to estimate the trip with a stunning degree of accuracy, suggesting it may indeed be a journey he has taken before in a literal rather than solely figurative sense.

Holes in One for DMorgan, JK and Doobs leave the latter stalking our leader and the scores on the doors at...


TightEnd   -10
Doobs   -8
hector62   -4
mondatoo   0
stato_1   0
Karabiner   0
JK   1
cambridgealex   1
stribling   2
Leatherman   2
Tikay   2
millidonk   3
kinboshi   3
Dmorgan   4
smashedagain   4
ruud   6
TRIP5   6
Jgill_DTD   7
Tal   9

Something of a two horse race at the top then but with three holes to play the rest of the pack will still want to ensure they card a decent score.

Onto Question 7 then and as with any visit to a poker club, after an hour or so of mincing around it's time for some...

(http://chrisreed.brandrepublic.com/files/nandos.jpg)

My father staunchly denies the accusation that he is spending an increasing amount of time with the “Prawn-Sandwich Brigade” he regularly denounces (hypocritically, imo) on Twitter. (www.twitter.com/iangas)

To prove how in touch he is with the real world, I asked him therefore how much he would expect it to cost should he pick up a Nando's tab for the two of us before a comp, with him ordering a Chicken Pitta Burger with rice & coleslaw and me ordering a Half Chicken (medium) with chips & coleslaw (standard), with us each having a diet coke.

Hole in One (£0.50 lenience) / Eagle (£1 lenience) / Birdie (£2 lenience) / Par (£3 lenience) / Bogey (£5 lenience) / Double Bogey (>£5)

I'm almost worse at this than I am real golf.

Lol spoonaments

I'm like Craig Stadler at the Masters.

Won it once back in the day, now turn up every year as is tradition, even though we'll never come close again.

Basically here for the Champions dinner the night before and a laugh on the par three.

(http://www.tesco.com/assets/babyclub/content/images/recipes/large/prawn-sandwiches.jpg)

"I have honestly only ever been to Nando's once and I think you paid"

Dmorgan   14
JK   20
mondatoo   35
cambridgealex   25
stato_1   22
millidonk   25
hector62   35
TightEnd   20
stribling   25
Tal   23
smashedagain   28
Jgill_DTD   11.5
Leatherman   11
ruud   25
Karabiner   15
Doobs   30
Tikay   13.27 (100 if tip incl)
TRIP5   15
kinboshi   16


Were your guesses, largely centred around the true answer of £23.35.


The truth is irrelevant here though, we're more interested in Father Gascoigne's answer of....

One tiiiiiiiiiiime

Not a bad shot from the Father all things considered, though his estimation rather seems to disprove Tikay's assumption that Ian would likely pay £100 if service were to be included (presumably a read that he is less than handy with a chip and pin terminal than alarmingly generous?)

A tough hole all round then with just JK and Tightend carding a Birdie, indeed on Stroke Index this was the toughest hole on the course.

TightEnd   -11
Doobs   -6
hector62   -2
JK   0
stato_1   1
Karabiner   1
mondatoo   2
cambridgealex   3
kinboshi   3
stribling   4
Leatherman   4
Tikay   4
Dmorgan   5
millidonk   5
smashedagain   6
TRIP5   7
ruud   8
Jgill_DTD   9
Tal   10

Tighter at the bottom than the top then going into the final two holes, but the very nature of strokeplay golf means a blow-up from Tightend could still see Doobs nick this.

Meanwhile Tal, JGill, Ruud and TRIP5 desperately scrabble to get out of the place no-one wants to be, sat on top of by smashedagain.

Question 8

Father Gascoigne has got an eye for the laaayydies.

I asked my dad (in time-honoured and obligatory forum tradition) to score the below DTD promotional shot in order of preference 1-5.

(http://www.pokersatellitecentre.com/images/category/dtd-Girls2.jpg)

eg. 1,5,3,2,4.

What is Ian’s order?

Hole in One/Eagle (All in correct order) / Birdie (Three correct) / Par (Two correct) / Bogey (One correct) / Double Bogey (None correct)

Dmorgan   4,2,3,1,5
JK   1,4,5,3,2
mondatoo   1,3,5,4,2
cambridgealex   1,5,2,3,4
stato_1   1,3,2,4,5
millidonk   2,3,4,5,1
hector62   5,2,1,3,4
TightEnd   5,1,4,3,2
stribling   3,5,1,2,4
Tal   4,1,2,3,5
smashedagain   4,5,1,3,2
Jgill_DTD   5,3,2,4,1
Leatherman   1,4,3,2,5
ruud   4,5,2,3,1
Karabiner   1,5,3,2,4
Doobs   2,5,4,1,3
Tikay   1,5,2,4,3
TRIP5   1,4,2,5,3
kinboshi   2,3,5,1,4

Regrettably no video from the father to post here as this farcical quiz threatens to fizzle out like a firework on a wet November evening.

(http://www.pokersatellitecentre.com/images/category/dtd-Girls2.jpg)

4,3,1,5,2 says Ian.

What??!! Cry most of you as shots are dropped left, right and centre. There's no accounting for taste I suppose as just smashedagain matches 3 of Ian's selections.

(http://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2011/11/27/b9b5930d-f9c4-4372-bd90-ccbc7bfdb994.gif)

TightEnd   -10
Doobs   -4
hector62   -1
JK   2
mondatoo   2
stato_1   2
Karabiner   3
kinboshi   4
cambridgealex   5
millidonk   5
stribling   5
smashedagain   5
Dmorgan   6
Leatherman   6
Tikay   6
TRIP5   8
ruud   9
Jgill_DTD   10
Tal   11

Mr Gascoigne Sr, anyone who can make me look like an idiot must be a genius.

My quiz for the ages will have to wait.

Well the field need more snookers than Man City then as it's all but a procession from Quiz Specialist Sir Tight of End.

But one question left, and an effort to get an insight into the level of cult fandom this man believes he has achieved.

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/551236_10151473132510564_1920270285_n.jpg)

Beckham isn't a fan at all, the Father just got rather excitable on his trip to Madam Tussaud's

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/A56NJR-CUAAXeGB.jpg)

Swelled by his recent success ‘In the Booth’ having bubbled the last DTD deepstack, Ian is convinced he has developed something of a cult following within the poker community.

With this in mind, I asked the Father how many entrants he believes this ludicrously tedious quiz will receive...

Hole in One (Exact answer) / Eagle (Lenience of 1) / Birdie (Lenience of 3) / Par (Lenience of 6) / Bogey (Lenience of 10) / Double Bogey (10+)


You answered as follows...

Dmorgan   10
JK   31
mondatoo   26
cambridgealex   35
stato_1   32
millidonk   44
hector62   18
TightEnd   30
stribling   21
Tal   29
smashedagain   18
Jgill_DTD   45
Leatherman   21
ruud   22
Karabiner   20
Doobs   25
Tikay   3
TRIP5   25
kinboshi   25

Lol. We have an eye for dem ladies. I need to see a pic of peejay's mum now

Father Gascoigne plumped for a fairly prescient 15 meaning the final scores were.....

TightEnd   -8
Doobs   -3
hector62   -2
Karabiner   3
JK   4
mondatoo   4
stato_1   4
smashedagain   4
stribling   5
kinboshi   5
Dmorgan   6
Leatherman   6
cambridgealex   7
millidonk   7
Tikay   8
TRIP5   9
ruud   10
Jgill_DTD   12
Tal   13


...and our champion is crowned.

Tighty, take a bow son.

(http://blondepoker.com/files/images/chris_moorman&richard_prew2_0.jpg)




Thank you all for your participation, attendance and patience, and I look forward to being back on the other side of the quizmaster's desk!!


Cheers, Ed

Great quiz Ed. hope tighty sets an equally entertaining one

Enjoyed it fella, I've always been shite at golf..

Tighty just too good.

Very well played Ed. Great quiz.

Bollocks. I am nominating someone to set the next Quiz

I have now won 11, and originality escapes me


Well done Ed, very very good.

insane effort - wp

fml @ tighty x 11

xx

That was brilliant, Ed, thank you.

Tighty was a worthy winner, too.

I chose a prime number for every possible answer and I finish on 13.

Exitus acta probat, as Ovid possibly said.

Well done, Ed.

Well done to everyone.Edward,we need a word.

:D

Don't worry gym'llfixit.

You might be right there.

Well done Ed, great quiz!

Tighty is just too good at quizes, next time we will have to play ask Aaron or Patrick. That might stump tighty.

Sigh, wish i had got round to taking part. Great quiz, and Ian seems like a great sport too.

Someone do another one please!

This.

A smashedagain thinks quiz would be something to behold.

he just doesn't think tho :)

A mystery RSQ player has accepted my invitation to do the next quiz, and questions will be up in the next few days

Gah. Shame I'm not the mystery person :( Prep work for my next quiz done. Format quite a bit different to how we've run things before on here. Just need to win one now!

It's Tikay. Hold on to your horses for questions on planes, trains and concrete.









*This may or may not be true.

Lol. I love the caveat at the bottom. I should include that in all my posts

No ones denied it Jase  ;carlocitrone;

Denied!

Damn, was looking forward to it.