** REVEAL 8PM, ENTRIES BY 4PM ** Father Gascoigne Thinks - An alternative Quiz

[edgascoigne]

When I prompted Father to answer this question, I could feel the vitriol in his tone leaping from the SMS on my screen.

Ever the thrifty soul, Ian did his level best to convey his utter disdain for Mr Balls in less than 162 characters so as not to use another message from his allowance:

"Total Prat.
 Gordon Brown's enforcer.
 Economic retard.
 Dangerous.
 'Nanny state knows best'
 We will spend your money."

I didn't have the heart to tell him he had gone into a second message, so potentially costing himself £0.12, but, for the love of this game I did ask him to confirm a score out of 100 in order that I may score the quiz.

[TRIP5]

When I prompted Father to answer this question, I could feel the vitriol in his tone leaping from the SMS on my screen.

Ever the thrifty soul, Ian did his level best to convey his utter disdain for Mr Balls in less than 162 characters so as not to use another message from his allowance:

"Total Prat.
 Gordon Brown's enforcer.
 Economic retard.
 Dangerous.
 'Nanny state knows best'
 We will spend your money."

I didn't have the heart to tell him he had gone into a second message, so potentially costing himself £0.12, but, for the love of this game I did ask him to confirm a score out of 100 in order that I may score the quiz.

good call, well made.

always did like Pappa Gasgcoine..

[edgascoigne]

A favourite photo of the Father's, though his version is rather more greatly defaced/grafitti'd

Holes in One then for Karabiner and TRIP5, the latter of whom achieved the task in particularly daring fashion, I quote "5. none - who is ed balls?".

And so, at a little past the halfway stage (thank the Lord), the scores stand as below, with Tighty tightening a vice-like grip at the summit.

TightEnd   -9
Doobs   -5
hector62   -3
Karabiner   -2
mondatoo   -1
stato_1   0
cambridgealex   2
millidonk   2
Leatherman   2
Tikay   2
kinboshi   2
stribling   3
smashedagain   3
JK   4
TRIP5   4
Jgill_DTD   6
ruud   6
Dmorgan   7
Tal   7

[hector62]

2-0 to Palace. Ant will be a happy chappy. I need Dortmund,Malaga, Ajax and Obama to HOLD>

[edgascoigne]

Thus, for the diehards still with me, onto...

Question 6

They say you should never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Ian sports a natty range of brogues, go figure.

I asked Ian how long he thinks it would take to walk from Nottingham Gala, where his stunning poker journey began, to DTD.

Hole in One (Exact answer) / Eagle (2mins lenience) / Birdie (2-5mins lenience) / Par (5-10mins lenience) / Bogey (10-15mins lenience) / Double Bogey (15mins+)

Click to see full-size image.

You answered as below...

Dmorgan   40
JK   40
mondatoo   25
cambridgealex   45
stato_1   30
millidonk   27
hector62   35
TightEnd   45
stribling   44
Tal   13
smashedagain   25
Jgill_DTD   25
Leatherman   30
ruud   45
Karabiner   120
Doobs   40
Tikay   47
TRIP5   10
kinboshi   55


Google maps suggests a 45min walk....but then for this quiz, and thank God this quiz only, Ian is the arbiter of the truth here...

[edgascoigne]

...says Father Gascoigne to estimate the trip with a stunning degree of accuracy, suggesting it may indeed be a journey he has taken before in a literal rather than solely figurative sense.

Holes in One for DMorgan, JK and Doobs leave the latter stalking our leader and the scores on the doors at...


TightEnd   -10
Doobs   -8
hector62   -4
mondatoo   0
stato_1   0
Karabiner   0
JK   1
cambridgealex   1
stribling   2
Leatherman   2
Tikay   2
millidonk   3
kinboshi   3
Dmorgan   4
smashedagain   4
ruud   6
TRIP5   6
Jgill_DTD   7
Tal   9

[edgascoigne]

Something of a two horse race at the top then but with three holes to play the rest of the pack will still want to ensure they card a decent score.

Onto Question 7 then and as with any visit to a poker club, after an hour or so of mincing around it's time for some...



My father staunchly denies the accusation that he is spending an increasing amount of time with the “Prawn-Sandwich Brigade” he regularly denounces (hypocritically, imo) on Twitter. (www.twitter.com/iangas)

To prove how in touch he is with the real world, I asked him therefore how much he would expect it to cost should he pick up a Nando's tab for the two of us before a comp, with him ordering a Chicken Pitta Burger with rice & coleslaw and me ordering a Half Chicken (medium) with chips & coleslaw (standard), with us each having a diet coke.

Hole in One (£0.50 lenience) / Eagle (£1 lenience) / Birdie (£2 lenience) / Par (£3 lenience) / Bogey (£5 lenience) / Double Bogey (>£5)

[Tal]

I'm almost worse at this than I am real golf.

Lol spoonaments

[ruud]

I'm like Craig Stadler at the Masters.

Won it once back in the day, now turn up every year as is tradition, even though we'll never come close again.

Basically here for the Champions dinner the night before and a laugh on the par three.

[edgascoigne]

Click to see full-size image.

"I have honestly only ever been to Nando's once and I think you paid"

Dmorgan   14
JK   20
mondatoo   35
cambridgealex   25
stato_1   22
millidonk   25
hector62   35
TightEnd   20
stribling   25
Tal   23
smashedagain   28
Jgill_DTD   11.5
Leatherman   11
ruud   25
Karabiner   15
Doobs   30
Tikay   13.27 (100 if tip incl)
TRIP5   15
kinboshi   16


Were your guesses, largely centred around the true answer of £23.35.


The truth is irrelevant here though, we're more interested in Father Gascoigne's answer of....

[Tal]

One tiiiiiiiiiiime

[edgascoigne]

£18.45
Not a bad shot from the Father all things considered, though his estimation rather seems to disprove Tikay's assumption that Ian would likely pay £100 if service were to be included (presumably a read that he is less than handy with a chip and pin terminal than alarmingly generous?)

A tough hole all round then with just JK and Tightend carding a Birdie, indeed on Stroke Index this was the toughest hole on the course.

TightEnd   -11
Doobs   -6
hector62   -2
JK   0
stato_1   1
Karabiner   1
mondatoo   2
cambridgealex   3
kinboshi   3
stribling   4
Leatherman   4
Tikay   4
Dmorgan   5
millidonk   5
smashedagain   6
TRIP5   7
ruud   8
Jgill_DTD   9
Tal   10

[edgascoigne]

Tighter at the bottom than the top then going into the final two holes, but the very nature of strokeplay golf means a blow-up from Tightend could still see Doobs nick this.

Meanwhile Tal, JGill, Ruud and TRIP5 desperately scrabble to get out of the place no-one wants to be, sat on top of by smashedagain.

Question 8

Father Gascoigne has got an eye for the laaayydies.

I asked my dad (in time-honoured and obligatory forum tradition) to score the below DTD promotional shot in order of preference 1-5.



eg. 1,5,3,2,4.

What is Ian’s order?

Hole in One/Eagle (All in correct order) / Birdie (Three correct) / Par (Two correct) / Bogey (One correct) / Double Bogey (None correct)

Dmorgan   4,2,3,1,5
JK   1,4,5,3,2
mondatoo   1,3,5,4,2
cambridgealex   1,5,2,3,4
stato_1   1,3,2,4,5
millidonk   2,3,4,5,1
hector62   5,2,1,3,4
TightEnd   5,1,4,3,2
stribling   3,5,1,2,4
Tal   4,1,2,3,5
smashedagain   4,5,1,3,2
Jgill_DTD   5,3,2,4,1
Leatherman   1,4,3,2,5
ruud   4,5,2,3,1
Karabiner   1,5,3,2,4
Doobs   2,5,4,1,3
Tikay   1,5,2,4,3
TRIP5   1,4,2,5,3
kinboshi   2,3,5,1,4

[edgascoigne]

Regrettably no video from the father to post here as this farcical quiz threatens to fizzle out like a firework on a wet November evening.



4,3,1,5,2 says Ian.

What??!! Cry most of you as shots are dropped left, right and centre. There's no accounting for taste I suppose as just smashedagain matches 3 of Ian's selections.



TightEnd   -10
Doobs   -4
hector62   -1
JK   2
mondatoo   2
stato_1   2
Karabiner   3
kinboshi   4
cambridgealex   5
millidonk   5
stribling   5
smashedagain   5
Dmorgan   6
Leatherman   6
Tikay   6
TRIP5   8
ruud   9
Jgill_DTD   10
Tal   11

[Tal]

Mr Gascoigne Sr, anyone who can make me look like an idiot must be a genius.

My quiz for the ages will have to wait.