(I wrote this out before Stu's reply but will just post as is)

I want to offer a few final thoughts in the hope of helping draw a line under this.

I can say with confidence that Stu hasn’t tried to hide his chronic fatigue — he’s spoken about it openly on Facebook, and I’d assume most (if not all) investors were aware. I’d also assume the same applies to the football thing.

For transparency, I was one of the people who messaged Jon, along with his brother Tommy. There was no coordination between us, and Stu had no involvement in me reaching out. I did apologise to Jon afterwards for the directness of my message, as I felt I’d reacted a little too emotionally — especially given it had been many years since we’d last spoken.

I’ve been a strong supporter of Stu in this thread, and I hope that hasn’t come across as preachy/holier than thou. I’ve known him personally for 20 years and have been in regular contact with him since this all came out. During this time, I’ve never felt he’s been anything other than completely genuine in our interactions — though I understand that may give me a bias others don’t share.

I'm simply hopeful he can begin to rebuild trust, make amends where possible, and move forward — especially for the sake of his family. I wonder if it's time to lock the thread to give him chance to do this. Perhaps all that needs to be said has already been said?

Come on James, this post is ridiculous.

"I'd also assume the same applies to the football thing". He absolutely has tried to hide that as much as possible. Somehow even his brother didn't know anything about it until he was contacted about the poker fraud last month.

"I’ve never felt he’s been anything other than completely genuine in our interactions"    good one

"I wonder if it's time to lock the thread to give him chance to do this. Perhaps all that needs to be said has already been said?"

So far Stuart hasn't addressed the poker fraud issue at all. Just tried to deflect the topic onto how unfortunate he was at Anfield last year and lately CFS. He has told Jon Raab that my post is incorrect. He hasn't told me that. Would love to hear from him on the poker fraud issue and exactly how my post is incorrect. Amazing that he has completely avoided the topic at hand despite being such a wordsmith on other issues, and being happy to provide detailed hand histories covering both the nonfiction and fiction genres.

I will stop writing on the thread after this. For the sake of the forum, and for the sake of my mental health.

Almost everyone knew about the football thing.

All backers have been repaid in full, to the true result. The process finished 10 days after the end of the trip. I hope one day to pay backers to bring the stake to break even (actual result being a 14% loss). I obviously don't know whether or when that will be.

The reason I have continued to post is that I want everyone to know how sorry I am, but the reason is also that, this forum has become the way that everyone I know, but am not close to, is finding about my life, and will do if I die. If I am to die, I want them to know:

1) How sorry I am about the poker, and expect no forgiveness or understanding

2) I have expressed zero defence about the poker, or about the punishment handed to me for the football. Celtic (understandably, given the articles) accused me of 'mocking the dead.' From that  point, I wanted to explain what the football thing was, and that I feel it is greatly exaggerated by the articles.

3) Given other people have written about my depression, I want everyone to know, what the experience, particularly over the last 5 years is. The chronic fatigue, when the symptoms come, when I try the thankless task of trying to rebuild any kind of walking fitness, throws me into depression. That led me into depression before.  That now multiplies, with the awfulness of the poker thing, into not making me want to be here any more.

I will now stop posting on the thread. I am sorry, for ever

Tragically, I’m finding that people with integrity and character have been in sharp decline over the last 20+ years. It’s such a rare commodity these days. I’m not sure kids even care about such a notion, when in reality it should be seen as a treasure. I think a big reason for this is the lack of accountability nowadays. My wife loves those shows where they interview murderers in prison. I notice how they always portray themselves as the victims.

In poker terms I think it’s important to be aware that when asking for staking you’re putting your integrity on the line. That should be a dead serious consideration for people. If you fritter that away it’s incumbent on us bad ass poker players to nail those people to the cross. If not we are contributing to the decline. I’m sure there are meetings where folk can sit in a circle and talk about safe spaces but a poker forum isn’t it.

I have staked Tikay several times, purely because of integrity, certainly not ability. I almost staked Stu on this occasion. Played with him in the early days and thought he had impeccable character. Asking for staking without mention of the chronic fatigue and subsequent fictitious entries means that treasure is lost. Sad times. At least with Tikay the chronic fatigue was clear from the get go.

To be clear, the chronic fatigue it is not new news, and has not affected the staking.

I have had it for 20 years, longer than the length of my poker career. I had it all the time you knew me in the late 2000s, all the time you played with me. I'm guessing- because no one else ever has before I have told them- that you would never have guessed then that I had CFS.

 Everyone at all close to me knows all about it, I have talked about it openly on Facebook many times. That is why I mentioned in my previous post, without explaining the lack of implications from it.  Maybe I should have explained that, apologies if so. I would have mentioned it every year since I first sold on here in 2010 if I felt it was relevant for backers to know.

I have managed to do a ton of study over the years. It Is less than I would have wanted- I am someone who, before 2005, used to be studying academically or running almost every minute of the day. But I have fought through it, taken the consequences, and am very well studied. The stakes on here, with the usual variance which includes the usual mix of very good, good, bad and very bad years, have produced an overall good, positive ROI over the years.

It does not affect playing poker.I cannot explain exactly why the illness has the effects it does, and effects it doesn't. All I know is that it has a very big trigger on a small amount of exercise, an unpredictable trigger on study, but does allow me always to play.

The best explanation I have been able to come up with, in the mystery I and others close to me have tried to unpick over the last 20 years, is that when we play, a lot is done on autopilot, and the rest on thought patterns already prepared.

You learn to shape life round it, and to make sure it doesn't affect big days. Which is actually quite easy; don't particuarly study the day of a tournament, definitely dont do any exercise at all.

I have made an awful mistake this year, but it is not at all to do with not 'revealing' the chronic fatigue. I apologise if me talking about it in the last 2 posts can be misconstrued as it being big, relevant new news. It is not at all.

I was explaining it from a perspective outside of the poker stake- because many people I know are reading about my now-awful mental state just through this forum, and I wanted to give a clear picture of what is going on in my life.

Again, because I have now expanded on the detail of a problem in my life, I do want to repeat. I am not looking for sympathy, I am not the victim, clearly, in the poker sense. I am not looking for forgiveness

I want to write, separately from anything else, and with one purpose only. This forum has become the mechanism where everyone, in the bulk of people whom I know, without knowing very well, is finding out about my life, and mental state.

It is only for that purpose that I write, as I want to give a clear picture of my life, especially if one day I am not here any more.

I repeat, I deserve and want no sympathy for what I have done. The biggest driver of my mental state in the last 6 weeks is the awfulness of what I have done.

The other massive driver is my chronic fatigue. I will come back to that.

It is not the football. I sang a stupid, but generic song.  It was a daft mistake. I will always regret it. It happened in April 2024, was on trial in September 2024. It did not in any way affect June 2024, or June 2025. Most backers this year knew about it. In June 2024, it was the threat of a £1000 fine, and a 3 year ban. Nothing more than gutting, and a deserved small mess. It did lead to some dark times, for a few weeks in September 2024, and since then, briefly, twice when it has reappeared, when a version came out, exaggerated by a lack of detail, and by the number of news outlets it hit.

My darkness, added to now by the deserved darkness of what I have done, comes from my chronic fatigue. It is still impossible to explain the mystery of it. I have gone from training for 2 marathons to- the best example being earlier this week- being exhausted for 3 days after walking 800 metres. It is utterly miserable. I have gone from studying incredibly hard, to it bringing on similar effects. I fight to study what I can, and take the consequences of the effects coming on. The chronic fatigue has led to depression, and a feeling of  uselessness.

I repeat, this is not looking for sympathy.  What causes my mental state does not make what I did any better or worse; it is awful. But with my life on show, albeit that is my fault, I at least wanted the opportunity to give a clear picture.

I am posting because I don't want silence to suggest anything but how deeply sorry, and devastated I am, and always will be.

I don't want anything I say to sound the slightest bit like an excuse,  the slightest bit like looking for sympathy.

I can promise that on both issues, with the football one being bad, and the poker one far far bigger, I have suffered massively, and , especially with the poker, can be sure that I will every day for ever.

My wife came home the day after I got home from Vegas to find me with knives and 30 paracetamol tablets.  I would have thrown myself in front of a truck on the last day in Vegas if it wasn't for a dear friend talking me through every step of the way. I have had suicidal thoughts ever since the football incident, and have had a period of time on anti depressants.  I have been very suicidal the last two weeks, and frequently think of throwing myself in front of a train. Some messages here may seem undeservedly supportive,  but they have kept me alive. I am trying to keep myself alive for my family, and 6 year old boy

I want to clarify the football thing. The poker consequences are all completely deserved.  They are deserved for ever. The football thing, I do believe I have suffered enough.

 I sang 'always the victims, it's never your fault.' I got punched, got arrested in the commotion. What I did was very bad. It deserves a football ban, deserves a fine. But 99.9% of the punishment comes in the articles being there for ever, and having exaggeration (Sheffield Star) up to 'mocking the dead.'

'Always the victims' is a generic football chant that I have heard multiple times on the TV before and since. I repeat, what I did was bad, but I want to clarify the whole thing. Obviously my mental health has been bad for a long time, and the football thing has put me in a deserved dark place for a long time since, the poker thing a deserved, far far deeper one

If you think getting convicted for a crime or fiddling a few quid from backers is enough to want you to commit suicide when you have a 6 year old child then you need to seek professional help and stop fannying around on a poker forum worrying about what a bunch of people think about you.

Let me make it completely clear, that I am fully aware of the massive punishment I deserve for what I have done. I will live that punishment for ever.

I think it is fair, however, as an independent thing, to ask, why some posts are still here? My feeling is that the thread doesn't need to be, but I do understand that there is an argument for the thread being here.

But why do 2 posts- one abusing me for my reasons for being suicidal not qualifying as being good enough, and another, more well meaning, telling me that I am not suicidal- have to be here?

If there is some kind of qualification required on this forum, for whether someone is allowed to be suicidal, let me fill you in on the rest of my life. I have chronic fatigue syndrome. It is horrible. I have gone from running marathons, to my body packing in, in mysterious and unpredictable ways.  3 days ago, I walked 800m, as part of the near impossible attempt to slowly build. I am now on my third day of feeling exhausted as a result, dead to the world, depressed.

I repeat, the suicidal feelings that I have felt after my poker mistake are deserved. That mistake is of course independent from any illness. Explained partly by beng in a dark place, but with absolutely zero excuse.

I have received almost no response from the moderators (only from Ironside, thank you), to my fair questions about  whether those posts need to be here.  The person abusing me, for not having good enough reason to be suicidal, is himself a moderator.  That is the reason I ask on the forum. I repeat, I deserve no pity, no sympathy. But, in 2025, this horrible, old school attitude to suicide, and to someone who is actively feeling it, needs to be challenged. Please delete the relevant posts (and mine)

Are you all still friends with Neil Blatchly as well?

That comparison’s a stretch

Agreed, I mean Blatch has never been convicted of mocking dead football fans. Silly comparison.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c70jyj22r2vo.amp

Despite previously mentioning it, I would like to give the full story on this. The reason is that, whilst many people already knew, it has now been introduced to a whole new batch of people, via a comment of 'mocking dead football fans,'  and confusing, shocking articles.

This is also in the context that, obviously,  this is both a big issue,  and by far the smaller of the two issues on this thread.

What I did was bad. It deserves a ban and fine. It did not, in any way, mock dead football fans.  It does not deserve the punishment,  which is infinitely bigger, of articles, which remain forever,  which suggest a worse, darker story, through a deliberate lack of detail.

I repeat, what I did deserves punishment. I sang 'always the victims, it's never your fault.' I got punched (hence the black eye, making the article more sinister), I got arrested.

Switch on any United vs Liverpool game, and you will hear thousands singing it. That doesn't mean its OK, at all. I knew it was not completely harmless.

That chant, to me, encompasses many percieved things about Liverpool. Those start at standard banter, like Klopp complaining about 1230 kick off times and a perception of fans complaining about VAR, and next go up to serious but fair comment on issues like Liverpool over-defending Suarez after an allegation of racism against Evra.

I want to give a full account. Would I have been aware that one implication of the song could be Hillsborough? Yes, I would have said it is one of many interpretations. There must indeed be many interpretations, for the song to contain the words 'always' and 'never.' If one of many is Hillsborough,  it means the song is bad. But, even that one of many interpretations , it is not a mocking, it is an argument about the apportioning of the blame.

The song had, a week before, been added to the tragedy chant list

Overall, singing it is a stupid, unacceptable mistake. It deserves a ban. I think I deserve to give the full story.  I don't think it deserves an accusation of 'mocking dead football fans' a year on.

I am posting because I don't want silence to suggest anything but how deeply sorry, and devastated I am, and always will be.

I don't want anything I say to sound the slightest bit like an excuse,  the slightest bit like looking for sympathy.

I can promise that on both issues, with the football one being bad, and the poker one far far bigger, I have suffered massively, and , especially with the poker, can be sure that I will every day for ever.

My wife came home the day after I got home from Vegas to find me with knives and 30 paracetamol tablets.  I would have thrown myself in front of a truck on the last day in Vegas if it wasn't for a dear friend talking me through every step of the way. I have had suicidal thoughts ever since the football incident, and have had a period of time on anti depressants.  I have been very suicidal the last two weeks, and frequently think of throwing myself in front of a train. Some messages here may seem undeservedly supportive,  but they have kept me alive. I am trying to keep myself alive for my family, and 6 year old boy

I want to clarify the football thing. The poker consequences are all completely deserved.  They are deserved for ever. The football thing, I do believe I have suffered enough.

 I sang 'always the victims, it's never your fault.' I got punched, got arrested in the commotion. What I did was very bad. It deserves a football ban, deserves a fine. But 99.9% of the punishment comes in the articles being there for ever, and having exaggeration (Sheffield Star) up to 'mocking the dead.'

'Always the victims' is a generic football chant that I have heard multiple times on the TV before and since. I repeat, what I did was bad, but I want to clarify the whole thing. Obviously my mental health has been bad for a long time, and the football thing has put me in a deserved dark place for a long time since, the poker thing a deserved, far far deeper one

If you think getting convicted for a crime or fiddling a few quid from backers is enough to want you to commit suicide when you have a 6 year old child then you need to seek professional help and stop fannying around on a poker forum worrying about what a bunch of people think about you.

Maybe it's not for me to respond. What I've done is awful, infinite times more than a post on a forum

But this is dire.

Not against me, that, any anything,  is deserved; but against suicide.

It's exactly attitudes like that that makes suicide the biggest killer amongst young men.  Most of those will have done far less than me. Many will have been through (and what Ive 'been through' is completely self inflicted) far less than me.

I am posting because I don't want silence to suggest anything but how deeply sorry, and devastated I am, and always will be.

I don't want anything I say to sound the slightest bit like an excuse,  the slightest bit like looking for sympathy.

I can promise that on both issues, with the football one being bad, and the poker one far far bigger, I have suffered massively, and , especially with the poker, can be sure that I will every day for ever.

My wife came home the day after I got home from Vegas to find me with knives and 30 paracetamol tablets.  I would have thrown myself in front of a truck on the last day in Vegas if it wasn't for a dear friend talking me through every step of the way. I have had suicidal thoughts ever since the football incident, and have had a period of time on anti depressants.  I have been very suicidal the last two weeks, and frequently think of throwing myself in front of a train. Some messages here may seem undeservedly supportive,  but they have kept me alive. I am trying to keep myself alive for my family, and 6 year old boy

I want to clarify the football thing. The poker consequences are all completely deserved.  They are deserved for ever. The football thing, I do believe I have suffered enough.

 I sang 'always the victims, it's never your fault.' I got punched, got arrested in the commotion. What I did was very bad. It deserves a football ban, deserves a fine. But 99.9% of the punishment comes in the articles being there for ever, and having exaggeration (Sheffield Star) up to 'mocking the dead.'

'Always the victims' is a generic football chant that I have heard multiple times on the TV before and since. I repeat, what I did was bad, but I want to clarify the whole thing. Obviously my mental health has been bad for a long time, and the football thing has put me in a deserved dark place for a long time since, the poker thing a deserved, far far deeper one

Sorry for the delay.

I am so deeply sorry for this, and nothing I say is in the slightest bit an excuse, or makes anything in the slightest bit OK.

The rumours are of course true. I'm sure everyone has heard. If anyone would like the full details of everything, that I have sent to all backers, please message me and I will send it all through.

I have paid the 3 people - Trev (mondatoo), Henry (bagel) and Alan - who bought a piece via Blonde everything that is owed, and have arranged to pay rfgqqabc what is owed to him by next Wednesday, 2nd July. Nothing makes it in the slightest bit OK.

I of course expect no forgiveness at all, most importantly from the backers, but also from UK poker in general. I will never set foot in a UK casino again; that is absolute. I will go to Grosvenor and self-ban for ever on Monday, to make it completely absolute.

I am so sorry for blonde's involvement in this. To state the massively obvious, it has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but me, and I will be deeply sorry for ever.

*That concludes the first trip*

Back Wednesday week for 10k 8 game, Main Event and some small stuff.

Definitely a more gutting exit today, as it confirms that, obviously, the first trip figures aren't great. Wasn't for lack of trying! We really did lack a lot going for us when in the money.

The support has meant everything, thanks so much to you all

*Bookkeeping*

*Overall: In for $97,800, cashed for $69,649, value of package $59,649*

We have played

$10k O8
$10k DC
$10k Stud
$10k 2 to 7
$10k Limit
$10k Big O

($60k)

$1.5ks in

O8
Dealers choice
Mixed Omaha
PLO8 (2)
Badugi (2)
Big O (3)
Stud
Double board bomb pot
HORSE
Razz
PLO

(16, for $24k total)

1.1k Landmarks

2 to 7 (2)
Limit

(3.3k total)

2.5ks in

Stud/Omaha8
Triple Draw Lowball (2)

1k PLO (3)

So, $97,800 total

We have cashed for

10k O8- $20,280
1.5k O8- $3,305
1.5k PLO8- $3,022
10k 2 to 7- $35,012
2.5k Omaha/stud8- $5,008
1.5k PLO - $3,022

A total of $69,649

The value of the package is *$69,649* as we will add another $10k event (the $10k 8game)

Package size was $112,500. Now $122,500 with the extra $10k added.

So,we have $24,700 worth of buy ins left

*Definite buy ins*

10k Main Event
10k 8game

For a total of 20k

And then $4.7k would remain to use around Main Event

2.5k mixed Lowball

Exit was in A to 5 lowball.

LJ raises to 4k, I'm all in for 6k with 7532x. He draws 2.

There's a decision here. But I think it has to just shade it to keep the 7, and take 1. (Especially with no implied odds).

If do, and we actually catch pair-pair-pair, 223

He makes a 9 by the river

2.5k mixed Lowball

Felt sadly

6k

Missing all the massive triple draw rivers

2.5k mixed Lowball

Sigh, big triple miss of 7432 3 times 4 way in 2 to 7

26k

2.5k Mixed Lowball

52k

It was a strange one . On one hand, where its 99% likely that he had the winner, you don't want to take advantage of the situation.

On the other, the pedantic point would be that it's part of the skill of the game to know what beats what, and he did create the situation by not knowing that Aces beats Threes. Anyway, I don't get to choose the ruling(!), so I guess it's not an ethical dilemma after all.