Nicknames

From a Scottish Paper (so some only work well in a Scottish accent) - There's some crackers though. My favorite's the Broken Arrow.....

Olympic Torch - a bit of a loner who never goes out.

Sergeant Signal - well known in the police station, he's a tube with stripes.

Daisy - a rather lazy chap, there are days he'll work and days he won't.

The Seagull - a panicky engineer who's always flapping.

The Barra - he won't do anything unless he's given a push.

The Sniper's Dream - a guy with a large forehead.

The Beast - his extension number at work is 666.

Tuesday- when he was born his parents decided to call it a day.

The Fog- a foreman who comes down on you when you least expect it.

Sooty 1- his surname is Armour.

Sooty 2 - he can't do anything without getting a hand.

NATO- lost a big toe after an accident.

Red October/Polaris/Torpedo- these guys are always looking for a sub.

Domestos- a wife who's apparently clean round the bend.

Neon - a six-foot tube.

Sledge - a guy who regularly gets pulled by dogs.

Boaby Butterbean- nobody likes butterbeans.

Thrombosis- a slow-moving clot.

Phone Box- he's always out of order.

Heid First - the nickname of a certain Mr R. Slater.

Martini - it's any time, any place, anywhere with this girl.

The Exorcist - when he visits your house at New Year, all the spirits disappear.

Minty - arriving late for work, he's always in "after eight".

Pebbledash- he consumes eight pints of Guinness and eight bags of peanuts every night.

Winchester- the nosy barmaid who likes a good rifle.

Lightning - the painter whose roller never hits the same spot twice.

The Undertaker - a promiscuous lady who has seen quite a few stiffs.

The Cadbury Kid - due to dandruff, he's always covered in flakes.

Broken Arrow - son of the boss, he won't work and you can't fire him.

Turin Shroud - a dodgy tradesman with papers claiming he's qualified but nobody's sure they're authentic.

Blister - a lazy employee who only turns up after all the work's been done.

Axminster - she's a bit rough but very easily laid.

No.59- terrible body odour means he's sweet and sour.

The Greyhound- he's got a shocking comb-over and refuses to believe "the hair's off".

Hip Hip - his real name is Hugh Rae.

Nicam- everything you tell him goes in one ear and out the other.

The Boomtown Rat - weekend-drinker who never makes work on a Monday.

Avalanche - the stressed office worker who's always claiming that he's "snowed under".

Alaska - a henpecked husband who needs his wife's permission to go out.

The Blacksmith - when it's his turn to buy a round, he makes a bolt for the door.

The Lord - a schoolteacher with a gammy leg, he moves in mysterious ways.

Rich Tea- according to the ladies, one dunk and this poor guy goes soft.

Cannonball- he used to fire into Annette at work.

Prince Albert - his real name is Wullie Pearson.

Krakatoa- he's constantly smoking and surrounded by ash.

Pringle - once she was popped, she just couldn't stop.

The Moped- every time this golfer gets on the green he goes putt-putt-putt.

OJ- a friend of the boss who gets away with murder.

Domino- his ex-wife left him for the delivery driver from the pizza shop.