- To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
- Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.
- Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
- A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he wants. A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't want.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
Sure Ways To Know You're A Woman
- If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.
- If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.
- Demand to be treated as an equal in everything. Except when paying for meals, plane tickets, concerts, beers, etc. These are required gifts proving his love.
- Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all of the stress of your life.
- When asked if something is bothering you, you reply no. Then get pissed off when you are believed.
- Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.
- Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.
- Whine.
- If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep, it's because he is lazy.
- Remember that any woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend must be labeled a whore and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quickly as possible.
- Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.
Thats 75% of the female readers hating me more now - the other 25% are the blond ones and so it'll take them a little while longer
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