[O/T] Proud to be a man

I won't drink Diet Coke, or eat a rice cake,
There's no silicone here, my chest isn't fake,
My face isn't "lifted," my bra isn't stuffed,
I do what's proper, I leave the toilet seat up.

It doesn't take hours to fix up my hair,
I don't see the need to use bathrooms in pairs,
I won't throw a tirade and then blame PMS,
I'm a man and I'm glad I can deal with my stress.

I have intuition, I never get lost,
I share household duties, I won't try to be the boss,
I'm glad I'm a man, of that I am proud,
I'm not at all bitchy, annoying and loud.

I won't try to squeeze in jeans three sizes too small,
My credit card is still good when I leave from the mall,
I'm a man and with that comes a high sense of class,
I won't wear a swimsuit that rides up my ass.

I won't cry like a baby when Bambi gets shot,
I don't make up false places, like the infamous "G-spot.",
I won't go out at night in a black mini-skirt,
then slap anybody that just tries to flirt.

You crazy women scare me, you have lots of gall,
To make Lorena a hero for hacking off balls,
Yes, I'm pleased to be male and I don't mean to gloat,
I'm sorry you don't understand how to work the remote.

I'll never tease you, or play hard to get,
If I don't get my way, I won't throw a fit,
I don't worry much about breaking a nail,
My face without makeup isn't distorted and pale.

I'll never say one thing while meaning another,
When life gets real hard, I won't run to my mother,
In order to understand just who I am,
You need a Y-chromosome; it's what makes you a man.