Luton GUKPT: Final Day - At A Glance

[danafish]

Warren - 1,800,000
Butters - 765,000
Dave - 660,000

Warren is nicking blinds from the button and also getting a lot of walks. Too tight, Dave and Butters, too tight!

[danafish]

Warren limps, Dave checks.

Flop -

Warren bets out and Dave folds.


Another flop -

Dave and Butters both check.

Turn - - Dave bets 60k and Butters passes.

"Yeah, round of applause again, why not."

[danafish]

Checks down to the river of a  board and Warren bets 100k. Dave says "I have one little tiny bit of that" before he folds. Enough of this weak-tight nonsense, say I! Shove! Shove shove shove!!! All of you! Have you no homes to go to???

Certain elements of the press have now given up entirely and are looking at unbelievable, unspeakable websites.

Floppage -

Turnage -

Warren bets 60k and Butters calls it.

River's a blank and Warren takes it down with J-3.

[danafish]

Butters takes down a pot, in spite of the "Butters is going out this hand, Butters is going out this hand" chanting in the press room.

Dave announces all in and Butters lets the cards slip through his fingers.

Some floppage and Butters spreads out 100k in chips. Warren digs deep and calls.

Turn - - Butters checks and Warren announces all in; Butters passes. My, he's spreading himself thin. Ho ho ho.

[danafish]

Butters all-in button-nicks the blinds.

Dana - for the beneifit of those who dont understand it could you run through how the blinds work please?

Oooh - sorry - just finished watching tv poker......

The hand ranking goes - high card - one pair - three-of-a-kind...

Warren makes it 150k to boringly steal the blinds.

Dave now announces all in and oh, oh, Warren (who's already got 60k in there as his BB) asks for a count! Oh action, oh please let's have some action! It's 480k total.

Oh for the love of sweet bippy! Warren passes.

Boring.

[danafish]

Butters shoves. The players dwell pointlessly for forever now, it's like they're subjecting us to torture. Or maybe it's a decision to try and bore each other to death. Or something.

Dana and I (we are actually now a single weird kind-of-sentient amalgation, posting under the guise of Danafish) might have to go postal at this rate.

Oh look, and Butters takes down the blinds. Lucky Butters. Lucky us.


Now we truly know the meaning if the word "Neverends." (Yes technically it's two words, but not on blonde)


Dave shoves, Jon folds, Warren passes 2-5. Go crazy Warren!!! Goddamit.

[danafish]

Warren shoves from the button, and takes those precious shortstack blinds.

Butters - 330,000
Dave - 590,000
Warren - 2,185,000

Butters and Dave have totally given up, they're both just trying to hang on for second. I have no idea why Warren isn't shoving every single time.

Now Butters is small-blind shoving and Warren is folding. 10 minutes left of this level. I'm glad they decided not to cap it at 25k/50k like they were supposed to.

Sigh, Warren limps in on Dave's big blind. Why??? With Butters even shorter, Dave is not going to risk the rest of his stack without a big hand. Warren is missing valuable opportunities to squeeze every chip out here.

Then finally!

Warren pushes. Butters calls!

for Warren.

Ah for Butters.

is the board. Moans from the press, especially the poker verdict people and Butters has doubled up and he's still short. Sigh.

[danafish]

Warren bets 100k, Dave calls.



Warren checks, Dave moves all-in. Warren passes.


****10 minute break****

(The players don't deserve it)

We overhear Warren telling friends that after Butters' double-up, it's "a different game". I'm not sure, with both the other players still on 600k, Warren should just raise every hand to 300k and make them find a hand if they want gamble 3rd place to get a shot at 1st.

[danafish]

40k/80k with a 5k ante, the level will be 30 minutes long.

Warren raises to 200k, Dave and Jon pass.

Dave passes, Butters moves in. Warren.......................................................................................passes.

Jon passes, Warren moves in. And takes it down. That's more like it from Warren, forcing them to have to find a hand.

Jon then gets a walk.

Butters then moves in again, he's a slippy customer, Warren passes in the big blind sharpish.

Dave shoves the small blind. Takes the blinds.

Warren gets a walk.

[danafish]

Warren moves in from the small blind. Dave calls!

Warren:



Dave:

As

Board



Dave doubles up. And we are going to be here a little longer. When I mean a little, I mean a fair bit. When I mean a fair bit, I mean a long while. When I mean a long while, I mean the rest of our natural life and beyond.

[danafish]

With the exposed, we see floppage.

Jon checks, Warren checks.

- check check check check check check.....

- a Buttersy check, a Warreny bet and Butters passes. Yay. 


Next hand Butters nicks the blinds.


Warren limps and Dave checks.

- cheeeeeeeck

- cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck check check check cheeeeeeeeck check

- cheeeeck-eck! and Warren's T-5 beats Dave's jack-something.


Dave shoves. Butters makes a face like he might call, or like he has constipation. But he passes. Cannot confirm digestive problems either way. Warren asks for a count, but he never seems to call when he asks for a count. It's 750k. And, oh look, he's passed. "Feel free to clap, ladies and gentlemen. Someone's got to keep us awake."

[danafish]

Warren limpage; Dave checkage.

Floppage- - cheeeeck check check

Turnage - - check-eck!

Riverererererage - - Warren bets 150k. Dave calls. Warren has a jack, and wins. Dave - "YOU ---- have a piece of EVERY ---- SINGLE ---- FLOP". In our addled minds he sounds like Michael Caine.


- Dave announces all in and Warren folds.


Dave re-raises a Warren 100k raise to 400k, Warren passes.

Warren limps, Dave calls, Jon checks. Hot three-way action!

Flop:



Checked around.

Turn:



Checked around. Boooring.

River:



Dull dull dull. Dave wins with a four.

"Gimme the money," he says in his Frank Butcher accent. He might as well add, "Luv ya sweetheart."

Warren, who looks a tiny bit like Beavis, limps in. Dave checks his option.



Checked to the river, where Warren burrows down into his stack and wins the pot with a 80k bet.

[danafish]

Warren raises to 240k, takes the blinds.

Dave and Jon both move all-in, Warren passes after a a squeeze

Jon:



Dave :





Which means Jon Butters is OUT in 3rd place winning £34,550

Holy Moses on a motorbike with Jesus in the sidecar, we are unbelievably HU!

[danafish]

I do believe that Warren may take this baby down...

You said that like 5 hours ago. Oh sigh and woe.

A flop - - Dave 140k - Warren all in! But Dave folds.


- check check

- cheeeeck check check

- they both bet a billion chips! No, actually they check.

Warren has two pairs of some description and wins it.

They're now on a short break after which the blinds will go up, a half hour clock now, although that might not actually make this any more painful. We can only hope.

[danafish]

Blinds now 50k/100k.

Dave limps, Warren checks

- checkage from Warren, a bet from Dave, an all in from Warren, a call from Dave! Spirits rise in the press room.

Dave -

Warren -





Double-up for Dave. Spirits sink at the prospect of this going on forever.

Jen has been hanging around here all day for the sole purpose of driving me home (although she murdered the dealer's choice cash game), and has now passed out. These people have no compassion.

The dazed and depressed crowd hald-heartedly respond to the announcer's "Is that worth a round of applause?" I now pray for the apocalypse.