Joke!!

[EvilPie]

Two fish in a tank. One says "how do we start this thing?"

[Claw75]

what's brown and sticky?

a stick.

what's orange and sounds like a parrot?

a carrot.

[henrik777]

As I put my fork into the lamb, I was shocked at how much blood came out.

"This isn't cooked properly!" I shouted.

"Get the fuck off my land!" replied the farmer.

Sandy

[mondatoo]

As I put my fork into the lamb, I was shocked at how much blood came out.

"This isn't cooked properly!" I shouted.

"Get the fuck off my land!" replied the farmer.

Sandy

LOL.

[MANTIS01]

I played poker with a thalidomide the other day. Feck me, he kept his cards close to his chest.

[EvilPie]

I played poker with a thalidomide the other day. Feck me, he kept his cards close to his chest.

So wrong but so funny.

[Woodsey]

Some complaints that Thomas Cook have received over the years..........



"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store
does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often
needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

"On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost
every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to
bring our swimming costumes and towels."

A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who
spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this
rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked
in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign
on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

"The beach was too sandy."

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure
shows the sand as yellow but it was white."


A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and
strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was
ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street
trader, only to find out they were fake."

"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were
startled."

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took
the Americans three hours to get home."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends'
three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee
hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"

"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish.
The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly
guests before we travel."

"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a
double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I
find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in
the room that we booked."

[smashedagain]

lol these are good. better than the jokes by far

[millidonk]

These quotes remind me of a couple of things. One where a guy reviews a load of kids drawings: http://www.iambetterthanyourkids.com/ found it hilarious and 2 when a teacher posts a load of answers her kid gave to a history test. Trying to find that one at the moment.

Edit:

Here are some of them but i can't find the full list.

http://www.dailycognition.com/index.php/2009/06/17/yet-more-funny-exam-test-answers-by-students.html

[zerofive]

The first page is written by a guy called Maddox. He doesn't update his website so much these days, but you can still find stuff on his website, found here: http://maddox.xmission.com/. If you like "Iambetterthanyourkids," I imagine you will enjoy this, too.

[bobAlike]

Spent an hour at the wifes grave this morning.

Bless her....she thinks I'm digging a pond.

[bobAlike]

I met a beautiful woman by the lake the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us and she fell at my feet.
As we lay there, making love, I thought to myself.....

....These tazers are well worth the money.

[EvilPie]

BobAlike = awesome.

[EvilPie]

I saw a poor old lady fall over in the street today.

At least I presume she was poor, she only had £1.20 in her purse.

[boldie]

I refuse to wash my hair with Shampoo. I use real Poo