blonde poker forum

Now, it is perceived that I have a fondness of the foaming brew.. Well I also have a fondness for quotes and quips about alcohol. Has anyone got any quotes from famous people or even their own original ones...

Quote.....
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry (American Comedian)

Policeman giving evidence in court....."When I found the accused in the street he was as drunk as a Judge"

Judge.............."Don't you mean he was as drunk as a lord"

Policeman........."Yes my lord.............."

It takes no courage to sleep with an ugly woman, just the price of a bottle of whisky.... it takes no courage for a woman to sleep with an ugly man, just a sense of humour (John Cross)

House of Commons late one night:

Bessie Braddock: 'Winston you are drunk!'

Winston Churchill: 'Bessie, you're ugly. And tomorrow morning I will be sober.'

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply

 

There are some classic Churchill quotes, this isn't about drink but I think you will like it. :)up

Churchill is dozing in a train carriage. A woman enters and sits across from him. She notices his flies are undone. 'Sir!' she exclaims, 'Your penis is sticking out!'

Churchill starts awake, gives the woman a cold stare, looks down for a moment then meets her gaze again. 'Madam, you flatter yourself. It is merely hanging out.'

 rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. - George Burns

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. - Rodney Dangerfield

 :cheers:

can't think of anything else to say...must be the affluence if incohol....

love the signature btw Robert

A man hath no better thing under the sun than to eat and drink and be merry...
-Ecclesiastes 8:15

I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
After four I'm under my host.

Dorothy Parker.

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"  (anon)

Beer: Nature's laxative.
--Dorothy Parker

I seem to remember seeing that quote attributed to Dorothy Parker when I searched for her quotes on the internet remembered her quote off the top of my head.

I think that one was Tom Waits -- but what the hell I am loving this

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Charles Bukowski

"This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a
more divine means of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and
glory to his bounty by learning about beer."
-- Friar Tuck, in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves

Oh and by the way Charles Bukowski was a wimp !

More like:

60 minutes in an hour, 60 beers in the fridge.

- The Duke

Exactly my point, a crate doesn't last you an evening!

I feel sorry for people who don't drink.  When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.  ~Frank Sinatra

If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker.  If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic.  ~Author Unknown

"Have you been drinking sir?"

slur-"I haven't had a c*** all night drinkstable"

Congratulations, the only person with 100% record of censored posts.

"Why do you drink?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZMXIxIQmPw

LOL

RIP

Pulled over by cops: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gM6a5YBOOqs

My fav ever youtube video. We've all been there..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYDDsvExZlY&mode=related&search=

 rotflmfao rotflmfao

Work is the curse of the drinking classes - Oscar Wilde

6 definitions of drunkeness:

1. Sober  - Possessed of iron will but often lacking a sense of humour. Helpful with doing dishes,finding CD's and lifts home.Probably in need of several stiff drinks.
2.Tipsy - The usual signs are a flushed face,stupid grin,loud voice and a profound love for mankind.The sufferer is incredibly deep,intelligent and insightful but prone to giggles.
3. Plastered - Extremely generous,loud and confident.Suffering from verbal diarrhea and a brlirf that he/she can drink anyone under the table.
4. Drunk - Suffering from vision,hearing & speech impairment with an insatiable appetite for pizza. Will snog anything that moves.Possessing an illogical belief that he/she is gorgeous despite dribbling and slobbering.
5. Legless - Invincible but incapable. Suffering from extreme loss of balance,co-ordination and sex appeal.Liable to sleep anywhere.Babbling incoherently with loss of most bodily functions.
6. Hung-over - Suffering from near death like state, often catatonic and always with a pounding headache.Unbalanced with no sense of humour.Needs total silence and another drink!!

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

on a final note I think this says it all

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

Wow. Too true. I want that on my tombstone.

Larry Miller's '5 stages of drinking'......

http://www.jiggilo.com/downloads/Larry%20Miller%20-%205%20Stages%20of%20Drinking.mp3

Some people say drink is bad for you but

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
-Benjamin Franklin