blonde poker forum

what is yours ?.

  Heres one that happened to me in newcastle a few years ago .
I'm on the button and put in a raise (with a bag of spanners).
big blind comes along for the ride ,i hit a full house on the flop .
10 10 3 flop .
i bet out ,he calls  ,he has 66 .turn is a 2 ,i bet he calls ,river another 2 .i bet he calls .
when i am scooping the pot in he calls me under his breath a fat c..t ,
i ask him if i heard him correctly ,he says i did .
i then say ,do you know why I'm fat ,because every time i give your missus one she gives me a biscuit.
with in the next ten minutes i have all his chips ,he had steam coming out of his ears .

I'm Byron from Surbiton. Who the fuck are you?

I think I once said I could deal.

 rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao

 Famous Cricket Sledges......


Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes: After Brandes played & missed at a
McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler politely enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why
are you so fat?" Brandes retorted, "Cos every time I ***** your wife she
gives me a biscuit".

I think that quote was made famous by a west Indian cricketer who repeated it to either Glen McGrath or Brett Lee when the was being given shit about being fat.

It's on youtube I think.

Not only quicker than me but you were more accurate too!

If I remember rightly, McGrath went abs mad. I think it got to him so much because his wife had cancer at the time.

so come on then what is yours ?

and died last year, hence all the pink clothes the current side wear...

Don't say much myself, but once heard Kinboshi say raise....



He was joking obviously

The Vinni Vinh one was funnier Barry ;)

In Vegas last year I'm heads-up in a pot with a young miss sat right opposite me.  The action is on me, but first I take a long look at her and she sees my eyes going up and down and side to side and thinks I'm counting her chips.  She tells she has about 15,000 chips.  I says to her, I says deadpan, I says, "I'm not counting your chips, I'm looking at your tits."  The guy next to me though is her husband and elbows me in the face...the floor man wearing cowboy boots starts kicking me in the kidneys when I'm on the floor and the guy in the 8 seat who's the girls father jabs me in the throat with his walking stick and throws his coffee in my eyes.  Hilarious it was.

Or did you want real stories?

I once said "gg" at the end of a sng but i think the other guy had left already.

You should have been there, it was amazing.

I once said "ty u2" at the start of a sit n go after someone had said "good luck everybody"
It was a long time ago, I didn't even think about it beforehand, it just came out.

Have blocked chat ever since that day. I had to decide whether to concentrate on being an online poker player or a modern day Oscar Wilde.

Nasty rubdown imo.Just as well the other guy had left or there could have been trouble.

if you never chat there's a chance you'll be reported as being a bot.

also a fish may get a bit disgruntled when you don't say ty when he says nh and not play another game

also he may call you down lighter than he would if you were friendly (in a sng I believe this loses you equity)

intelligent live pro's are friendly to fish, no reason not to be online imo

Not True, "indisputable" evidence below:

Table "TURBO" Rust
Seat 1: MreY88 ($21.07 in chips)
Seat 3: ilveroasso ($42.28 in chips)
Seat 5: jknk ($13.72 in chips)
Seat 6: Kinboshi ($54.97 in chips) DEALER
Seat 8: DaCoolG ($34.95 in chips)
Seat 10: Franky4Dita ($11.68 in chips)
DaCoolG: Post SB $0.25
Franky4Dita: Post BB $0.50
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Kinboshi [SA CA]
MreY88: Fold
ilveroasso: Fold
jknk: Call $0.50
Kinboshi: Raise $2.00
DaCoolG: Fold
Franky4Dita: Call $2.00
jknk: Fold
*** FLOP *** [DA SK DK]
Franky4Dita: Bet $0.50
Kinboshi: Fold
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $4.50 Rake $0.21
Franky4Dita: Shows [H10 C10]
Franky4Dita: wins $4.29

Obviously the turn and river were going to be runner runner 10's, so its a good fold on the flop.

"yeah sort of"

i hadent been asleep in a couple of days and thats what i said when someone said to me: "it's your turn"

i have no idea what i thought he was saying

I think I said 'fold' once

more love imo!

I was on the left of Vanessa Rousso in a tournament a couple of years ago. We were both table chip leaders at the time, and I flatted her EP raise with AK, it came down like T72. Both checked. She bet the 6 turn, and I called (thought good chance I was ahead). River 7 and she checks. I check back saying "I think we have the same hand".... She was like "I really don't think we do" and flipped over 77 for quads.

That was kinda funny at the time...

'f**k you bas***d' in a chinese accent.
'Wahey we've won the tournament' when someone who is a known donator to the cash game wins whatever tournament is on

are catchphrses from my local cash game that make me laugh.

i was sat in the balagio last year ,Micky wernick was on my table .
after asking him where he was going that night ,he told me he was going to see Celine Dion (don't know how if that's right ) ,to which i replied id love to give her one ,suddenly the table went quite .
after what seemed like 1 minute  (it must have been 10 seconds) the table started laughing .
un be knowing to me the  small Greek man was sitting to my left was her husband.
god i know how to put my foot in it.

There was this real comedian at the table once. When the action got round to him he spent ages looking at his cards and fiddling with his chips. Then he'd pick up his whole stack and wave it in the air before shouting "I'M ALLLLL.....". Then he'd fold his cards, and say...OUT". Yeah, that was well feckin funny mate. The only thing funnier than this was when you did it for the 10th time.   

This is a beauty. A guy on my table got it all in pre with JTs vs my AA, he sucked out and I said 'wp', but it wasn't well played at all. In fact he played the hand very badly. Then he said ty and I lost my temper and did my bollocks.

Wp

LOL ppl do this a lot very com

you ,who is you.

Please don't let Barry sit down, he is too good for all of us.


:D

I don't know if anyone knows a black Richard from Nottingham gala who used to be part of the furniture in the cash games. An absolute gent who's heavy Jamaican accented speech was legendary at the table. Every time he came out with one of his  'me a hit a trip trees maaan' it was abs golden.

One night we made a rule (Maria and Redbull were also playing - not sure if any other blondes PeteL or LittleMissC were in the game) where you couldn't claim a pot or make any action without doing so in a Jamaican accent. Anyone joining the game, Chinese, Indian, English, Old, Young, male or female had to abide by the rules.

Any blondes know if Richard is still about?

If he's the same one, plays reg. £1/£2 at DTD.

Tighter than a very tight thing.

sounds like him! legend though

For me the funniest thing at a poker table was still this after so many years on. Blonde bash 2


Sue HM after being asked "what will you do if you make the money"  nearly floored Teacake and I  when she replied "We get money!!!!  Ooohh I might buy a new outfit". What a classy lady

playing at an incredibly dull cash game at the horseshoe in tunica, i was sitting across the table from a mate of mine, we got involved in a pretty meaty pot headsup, where i was playing with air, trying to setup a bluff on the river which never happened, and he scooped the pot.  couple of minutes later he said, 'oh i nearly forgot, i;ve still got your carkeys', and handed them to me.

an old timer looked in astonishment and said in his southern drawl 'you two are freinds ? hell buddy with friends like that you dont need no enemies'.


i remember first sitting down at a poker table over there (cash) and on the small blind. it was folded all the way round, and i raised it, guy in the bb laughed and said 'no, over here we generally just take back the blinds if there is no action. but since your new i will play along with you.' and called the bet.

flop came A A x. i bet out, him still laughing, called.

turn came a 2 i bet out , he called, laughing (as if i was some dumb schmuck he was just playing along with)

river came and i bet again. this time the laughing stopped, and he re-raised it for all his stack (about 500 bucks).

i called in a heartbeat, flipped over my a 2. i dont know if he laughed anymore, since he was gone from the table in about 5 seconds, his a k looking decidely second best.

caused much hilarity at the table for the next few hours.

 

I don't generally like too much chatting at the table and laughing is definitely a no no. I think on occassion I may have made the occassional remark but in honesty they were all time and place specific in a sort of " you had to be there"  way.

Only one event stays fresh in the memory.

In 2006 I managed by a string of fortuitous circumstances to find myself playing in Vegas. It had been a good trip and I was a little up having played a few sit n gos and managing a cash in one tournament. It was towards the end of the trip and I was playing at the Mirage in a sit n go. I liked the Mirage as it reminded me of the old Grosvenor Luton. Very cramped but a good atmosphere. Also the Carnegie Deli was a very short trundle away. Having just packed away one of their sandwiches, and I recommend you try one to understand the true meaning of the word waste, I am sitting at the table burping quietly away to myself. The gentle waft of saltbeef being dragged up from the depths of my stomach is best done with a closed mouth so as not to upset anybody nearby.

For some reason the good Lord has placed me next to one of Americas finest. A young man called Rick, or prick, or something. Anyway all through the first three levels all I can hear is this guy telling all around him how good he is, how crap we are etc. etc. I live to meet this type of person. I lull them into a false sense of security, do my I am a very weak player act (of course you all know it is not an act but you have to promise not to tell anybody else) and let him walk into my full house for 100% of my chip stack and about 75% of his.

He sits down for the first time keeping very quiet. A tinge of red on the cheeks and neck show his embarrasment at the way he played the hand which involved no skill from me. Having stacked his chips in front of me. I sat back in my chair, gave him a diffident look and issued the ultimate put down, I said


Sorry.

Never used it before or since

sigh

Sitting at a table with Matt Tyler a couple of years ago in the Broadway festival ME.
Matt commented that a player "played a good game."
I piped up "Pity it's Monopoly."

I was a sore loser that day.

you used it in wallsall bb

and you said you were pissed

I once sent a woman on tilt and she wasn't even playing .
me and colchester was sitting down having a drink with john raab in luton .
he told us his missus was coming in a bit ,when she walked in she had a eastern looking women with her ,
any way john got the drinks in (theres a first time for everything ), so we all got chatting .
after about an hour and the Brandy's going down well ,i asked the women how long she had had her lip pierced .
her reply had me and colchester rolling all over the place ,she said it was not a piercing but a mole .

sitting at a table with a real know it all  hes been talking a good game all night but really annoying people

flop comes out 7 K 4 spades  and the first small stack first to act goes all in after an age of pondering he folds "im folding a jack  flush draw here"

small stack takes the pot however my cards while folded are still in front of me

I ask "you folded J flush draw on the small stack" thats a good fold

he says "yeah but good players make disciplined folds like that"

I then flip over my mucked cards (mucked preflop) showing the table J 8 spades

he went out shortly after that

i got a near perfect memory i can still remember the cards