blonde poker forum

GULP ... here goes !

For a small fee, you shower of sadistic gits can have some fun at my expense.

If we can raise a minimum of £1,000.00 (Would be nice to get even more) I will have a Dingdell special ... yes, i will allow her to shove a tube up me 'arris and hoover me insides out !!!

Trace is donating the treatment for free (although she may need counselling after having to touch my arse!)

EVERY PENNY THAT GETS DONATED WILL GO TO MAUREEN FOR THE "REECE FUND" ... no expenses etc will be taken out in any way shape or form.

Every £1 counts, so whatever you can comfortably afford, please post here and pledge.

I will work out the best way to collect the money once the pledges start coming in.

So, start pledging ... but be warned, I am not doing this for anything less than a grand ... in fact I hope no one pledges at all ... IN FACT I BEG YOU NOT TO PLEDGE !!

£50

stick  me down for £20 Kev

Will it be on webcam?

a score here kev but obv pictures are a must and hopefully sound to so we can hear u squirm lol

Please, no pictures.

NO !!  but "tasteful" photographic evidence can be arranged, I am also thinking of recording an audio commentary which would of course be made available for broadcast :)

Stick me down for £20 please.

Can you keep the stuff?

Will you keep your pants on? rhetorical question, I don't want an answer

£20 here

Are you going to run an auction afterwards and sell all the exciting things you've shoved up there over the years?

I could use a new attachment for my Dyson.

Put me down for something in the region of £5 per gallon.

woohoo - target reached!

Jane is nodding in agreement !

When I spoke to Trace about donating the treatment, she snap agreed ... but added this line.

Give me a few hours - about to go into clinic again and I'll come up with some ideas to make it more interesting.

WTF ... I dont want it to be "interesting" ffs ...

I am regretting this idea already.

Top man Kev nice one

£20 here

Confirmed pledges

Wardonkey      £50
Claw               £20
inthebelly        £20
GreekStein      £20
Tighty            £20
Mond              £20
tikay              £50
Ralph             £20
Byron            £20
Mantis            £20
Ripple            £20
Phatomch      £20

Running total  £300

+ Tom @ £5 a gallon :D

I think this is what Ding has in mind. Always use the right tools for the job.

Stick me down for a nifty.

Sigh ... i dont think I will actually need the treatment tbh ... every time one of you gits pledge and the running total rises ... I shit meself !!

Might it be a good idea for Tracey to bring in Peggy Shitter as a consultant ?

Go on then I'll have an apple's worth, but all bets are off if you get <ahem> aroused when the hose is inserted.

Kev has a rethink when blonde start selling ringside seats....

(http://www.worldnetdaily.com/images/enema.jpg)

£20

Ya £20

£20 ;bumwiggle;

£20, why not auction off whoever bids the highest can go with you and jiggle the hose about a bit ?

Why can't it be on webcam? I haven't got one but if someone wants to be cameraman or woman I have a dongle.......? It's not horrible, but you can just focus on Kevs face.....which may look a bit like this....  ;gobsmacked;

Just a thought.....

£20 HERE TOO M8

Blonde transfer ok? 

£20...  GL Sir...

£20 here

Audio commentary could be fun. Could it be like an episode of the Archers with lots of sound affects going on? We could do the archers and the goons, lots of musical instruments, sheep and choruses of 'ying tong'.

This is going to be fun!

£20 please Kev.


psssssst Ding...better buy a bigger hose...extra points of you don't lube it up before shoving it in :)

 ill bung in a extra £10 if its a un-lubed dry version

£20 here.

Oh and 'up yours' Kev  ;smackedbottom;

This will not help pledges Tracey.

That's not going to help either FFS!!

£20 as long as you don't show a webcam of Kev's face.

pressing reverse on the machine makes things interesting imo

Im already full according to most ;)

£5 a gallon of what?

Stick me down for £20 + 20% of any winnings I get from my DtD weekend in March..

Shhhhhhhhhhhh we tell him you pumped 40 gallons out !!

Very generous of you mate. ty.

The odds on that it'll just be £20 tho ;)

And already have 20% going elsewhere sigh!

£10 from me

I thought this thread deserved a movie.  No idea how this has/will come out because the site has been playing up and I wasn't able to preview it.  It's been rendering for about 10 minutes but I'm hitting the sack now!

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch?e=20090224195302918

Blimey, its like a proper documentary !!

I can see that I need to limit my liability here. Let's just assume 10 gallons. 

Put me down for £20...it will be worth it to have the lever removed :-)

Or maybe Tracey could insert it somewhere....

And strangely accurate although I normally keep the nurses outfit for special occasions....but as it's you Kev.... :)up

£20

Don't be gentle

Does Tracey do requests?

Only after a gin and tonic...

Stocking the bar...lively!

It only takes one...two and I'm asleep!

I'll put a tenner in as long as it really f*****g hurts. ;bumwiggle;

all for a good cause.

Regards

M

Oh I can do requests like that - no problem.  ::)

I'll donate - £20.

Put me down for a score.

I'm in for £50.  No way we're letting you away from this one Kev.

You're rubbish.

Now pay up.

£20 from me.

Suffer??  Methinks this is a ploy to fulfill a fantasy and all his Flushy baiting is a smokescreen  ;busted;

£50 for me and water pressure at full please.

It would be rude not to be in for £50........

FML ... It is suddenly starting to look like this might actually happen.

Home and hosed if you ask me.

Geez, I was eating my dinner when I stumbled across this thread....  ;bumwiggle;

Questions

1. Who will be filming this?

2. Could you focus on the face plz, avoiding other parts... ldo. :)

Add another £20 to the potty from me.

sigh, you couldn't resist could you..

£20 for me, but no need for photos.  ;tracet;

Whose face do you want the camera to focus on?  Not Kev's, surely?

+1

£20

absolutely

for 1k I think we need at least a snap or two 'in situ'

stick me down for £20 from my new found blonde cash :)

 ;gobsmacked;

I intend donating but timing is everything................

Get in quick mate, when it gets to 980, I am locking the thread !!

Ok this is getting close now, looks like it might go ahead - thank peoples - I have to actually see Kev with his bare bottom...

So in the spirit of fund raising while having a laugh I would like some suggestions as to how to make this procedure as fun as possible (for us obv - not Kev).

I'm thinking some sort of sliding scale.

If the fund gets to £1,000 the best (doable suggestion) has to be done during the treatment
if the fund makes another £100, another suggestion has to be carried out, up to a maximum of three things.

If this appeals post your ideas here. They have to be things Kev could do lying down on his back or his side, so no making cups of tea or similar as that would just be silly.

For example singing yankee doodle dandy during the insertion, that sort of thing.

As they say on Through the Keyhole (quite apt I thought), it's over to you...

Dont be silly ... you are sticking a hose up my arse and filling me with liquid, then flushing me out ... do you think singing yankee doodle friggin dandy is gonna cause me any more suffering and shame ... NO !

I was hoping to help you hit the high notes....

Is it possible for Kev to be playing on Blonde Poker (the blonde cash table?) during the procedure. If so perhaps he can get cleaned out whilst he's getting...you get the idea.

He could always press the 'shitting out' button at delicate moments.

(Sorry)

I'll donate £20 to this.

cheers

Someone please PM me when it gets to £980.00. I shall then be debating whether to donate £19.99 or maybe even slightly more. FAO Kev: I'm obviously open to bribes when it reaches this stage.

It's at £880 now.  Threaten to lump the remaining £120 on and you might see a larger bribe payment from Kev...or not.

Ok this is getting close now, looks like it might go ahead - thank peoples - I have to actually see Kev with his bare bottom...

So in the spirit of fund raising while having a laugh I would like some suggestions as to how to make this procedure as fun as possible (for us obv - not Kev).

Face-painting is fun isn't it? You could get someone to paint a big clown's face on Kev's arse. After the procedure Kev has to find his nearest crazy golf course, squat down, and see how many balls he can collect in 1 hour?

Paint BL on one arse cheek and NDE on the other.

Kev there is a good chance this could straighten out your eyes for a few seconds when the hose goes in, youll want a camera there.

rotflmfao

£140 to go guys if you want the 'cross eyed kid' to get it where the sun don't shine....

I'm not sure if he will be doing this ;bumwiggle; this  ;scarymoment; or this ;madasahatstand;....

What happens if for some reason he becomes aroused?

All bets are off, see my earlier post ;)

Oh come on! She can heal the sick but she can't raise the dead.

You obv haven't seen my nurses uniform.... ;D

So lolololol Tom

Ok lets have a last push and get this done.
Im in for £20

NOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo it was going quiet ffs

i'll kick in another £10 making my pledge £30.

I bet flushy would top this up to be the insertee, that way he can claim he flushied Kev!

£20 with visual evidence...

Very good challenge and very good cause!

Is a running total available yet Kev?

Wrong hole you're opening up there :)

LOL at your optimism Kev.

Don't you realise how many people are waiting on the sidelines wanting to be the one who pushes this over the £1k??

 ;bumwiggle;

FYP

don't know how i missed this thread.....£20 please

Dont forget your Manpon!

This thread will be locked in 60 pound notes time.

And insta-unlocked :D

Put me down for £20.

You are a bald, bearded Jock with a face like a skelped arse ... send the £20 :D

Do we need to send it to you yet Kev?

no, im not doing it as it stands :)

Just seen this.


£20.




Cupcake.

I'm in for £25.

£5 lol

£20 more and he has to sing " Bring me Sunshine " at the point of insertion.

Thats the spirit - just what I was looking for!!!  :cheers: ;letsparty;

Genious!!!!!

Hit that high note Fat Boy!!!!

Kev - ring me to arrange a time and date.

All others - pm me to organise web cam broadcast

well that makes a even £1k, so all people waiting get your money in and in your brown eye kev.

T-shirt idea for next Blonde Bash - all who contributed to this worthy cause gets a T-shirt saying 'I helped stick it right in Kev's brown eye'.

Should we run a comp as to who gets to do the insertion?? I don't mind coaching the winner.

We'd all prefer it if you didn't coach the winner - let them rely on any natural talent they have.

No, I don't think anyone else wants to get that close to that orifice Dell.....

Good point - only those with a natural shake or a drinking problem should apply.

Congratulations Simon.

As the sender of the pledge which officially broke the thousand pounds you are the REAL winner of the rear end suck out.

Please send your details to Tracey and she will arrange for you to shove a hose up Kev's bum at your earliest convenience.

Well done mate  ;cheerleader; ;cheerleader; ;cheerleader;

Sofa King,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,is my choice

I'm playing at DTD on Saturday - I look forward to the 'handing over of the speculum' ceremony.

You could swap it for his microphone.

Or maybe he'd prefer to use his microphone..........

You are seriously sick.....but if we used a microphone and we heared the squeaking of little hamsters......

You know Simon loves his microphone too much to stick it in Kev's eye.

 ;shitfanhit;

 rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao


 ;scarymoment;

How do we pay the money?
 :dontask:

I'll stick £20 on Aces to go head to head with Kev they could do a double face off so to speak...

will post re payment soon, need to make a few enquiries.

WOW they sure want to see you suffer Kivvy.

Thanks all for donating. If it does go ahead and with permission off Kev any monies collected will be going soley towards Reece's holiday fund  when / where ever that will ever be that is if Kev agrees. At the mo he is still back on his machines / TPN,  7 nights a week so our plans to take him abroad by this June seem to be put on hold unless he performs another miracle recovery by then. He is doing wel, he is back at nursery and is back up to 13 kg so maybe soon they may try dropping a night off TPN but we have not been told that yet. If abroad is out the question we deffinatley want to take him somewhere this year as he has not had a night away anywhere apart from hospital. You lot will make this possible.

XXXXXXXXXX

Maureen, can you do me a favour please.


Can you ask Reece if I can borrow a nappy ?


And of course it will go ahead, just take the little man somewhere nice and spoil him rotten :)

LOL...He gets through plenty of them now he is back on TPN. Sure he can spare one.

$20 from me  for maybe googling

Just MAYBE?!   rotflmfao

No comment

 ;tightend; ;tightend;

 ;bump;


Must be more £££ out there?

Nappies will not be required - if your bottom worked before you come in it will work afterwards - I promise not to break it unless more money is pledged...

It does work.  He talks out of it.

;)

 ;bumwiggle; ;shitfanhit; ;bump;

This has all gone quiet.....

Dell, can you use chili sauce instead of lube? Leave Kev with a bum like a dragon's nostril.....

Rodders !!!


I am speaking with Trace re dates etc for the "treatment" ... Maureen is looking to open a bank account for Reece so that people can just pay their pledges directly, rather than fanny around on poker room transfers and getting confused with exchange rates etc.


As soon as everything is confirmed, I will let you all know.

If anyone else wants to pledge a few quid it would be appreciated.

Couldn't resist, heard the dragon's nostril line & thought I've got JUST the thread for that one.....

Other expression was a ring like that start of Bonanza.

I just keep hearing "Ring of Fire" everywhere i go !!!

For those who can't wait for Kevs colonic I will be administering a colonic live on BBC radio 3 counties on Friday next week from 2pm onwards. Obv that one I will have to do properly, whereas Kevs......

Does it make good radio?

LOl - I don't know......but they asked me to do it so I will - lets hope he doesn't add in any sound effects to make it seem more dramatic than it really is!

Radio is excellent for stereo anal wind expulsion, aka fartage.

any news on payment yet? just i am going on hols to thailand for a month next week, so will have to sort when I get back if not done by then.

Not as yet ... the date for the bum flush is in the final stages of being confirmed though .... FML !

(http://www.rockaroundtheblock.com.au/images/BlackSpiralTubing2.jpg)

ribbed for added sensation.

Going to town tomorrow so hopefully will be sorted soon.

Reece now has his own bank account, well building society account, Kev has the details and at the moment I am leaving it up to him how he decides to pass on the info.

I have changed my opening days at Milton Keynes to give Kev the best days for him to come up, so it will one of the last 2 Fridays in April (I think he is running scared!) Just waiting for him to confirm what time and day he wants so I can get my diary in order. (not so subtle 'get it sorted' post to Kev!)

Look matey, we all want you to suffer, and we all want it to happen quickly

Please hurry up!

Dear members of blonde


GTFO

Love Kev.

Right FRIDAY April 24th I will be getting a bum flush  ... FML what am i doing !!


As to pledges, Maureen has set an account up for Reece and bank transfer would be the best way to get the money in, that way no third parties are involved and the money goes straight into the lads account for his hollibobs and anything else he fancies.


Would people in the know tell me if its ok to put the account details on forum, or does it need to be done via PM ?

PM mate..bank details on a  forum..not smart.

PM for sure, me please too...

Might be a good idea to tell people who pay online to include their forum name too so you & Maureen can track who's paid, not just 'J Bloggs - £20'...

Right , everyone who has pledged should have a PM with the little mans bank details... It really would be great if everyone could donate via this method.


IF ANYONE ELSE WANTS TO CHIP IN A FEW BOB, PLEASE JUST POST AND I WILL PASS ON THE BANK DETAILS.







Remember APRIL 24th @ 4pm is the time of my suffering !!

Kev, have you decided to buy an inflatable Butt plug to make hose insertion easier on the day?

Monies paid by bank transfer.

GL

 :)up

Confirmed pledges

Wardonkey      £50
Claw               £20
inthebelly        £20
GreekStein      £20
Tighty            £20
Mond              £20
tikay              £50
Ralph             £20
Byron            £20
Mantis            £20
Ripple            £20
Phatomch      £20
Newmanseye  £30
Chip Prince     £20
Tonji             £20
boldie            £20
Techno         £20
Boshi             £20
Asa              £20
HairyDude      £10
Red Dog       £50
Suzanne       £20
Tank           £20
Mpower        £10
Dino1980      £20
AndrewT      £20
Laxie            £50
CDW           £20
Eck             £50
Snat           £50
JonRaab       £20
Indy            £20
HoldorFold    £20
BigFella         £20
Rex              £20
Maccol          £20
Mad             £20
Booder         £20
Rod P          £20
Cupcake       £20
KushKush     £25
Aces            £25
StDoug        £20
RobHM         £20


Running total  £1055

I've paid mine now in case I'm lolbusto by the end of April.

DT (http://www.dusktilldawnpoker.com/)D (http://www.dusktilldawnpoker.com/) after the event?

Please PM me account details as well.

already paid

Paid

 ;goodluck; Kev       rotflmfao

Having pledged £25 for Kev to sing " Bring Me Sunshine " while having fun on the 24th i thought i would change the lyrics.

Here are the original first few lines , pretty sure he wont get pass these.

Bring me sunshine in your smile , bring me laughter all the while.

In this world where we live there should be more happiness , so much joy we can give to each brand new bright tomorrow.

Make me happy through the years , never show me any tears.


Here are the new lyrics.

Bring me sunshine in your smile , bring me laughter all the while.

With each inch you insert i just feel a need to squirt , but i know when i'm clean Reece will benefit tomorrow.

Make me happy through my fears , i'm not shedding any tears ,

To all my friends here at Blonde that helped this worthy cause along , it was worth any pain and i would do it all again.

Thanks for being a star Kev and giving us all a smile .

ACES

MORE That is brilliant!!

Ernie surprises Eric with a colonic.

(http://www.thirdrailrep.org/images/Eric_Morecambe.jpg)

when you have a flush out can you decide what liquid to use, or what temp to do it at?

if so can we have options so blonde as a group can decide what he has to use.


Hahahahahahaha just was reading up and found this little gem of knowledge have fun kev

 ;tightend; Superbbbbbb Simon xx

Moneys sent. I couldn't put a ref with my name on it seems (incomprehensible Barclays online banking...), but £20 arriving in about 3 working days is from me. Honest :).

Parazone FTW.

FYP

Just be the person who goes to the shops for the shrewdies alot easier way to make money imo :)

sorry - this completely slipped my mind - sending the money now.

do you have a date set yet Kev?

Page 12 :)

Is everyone paying up?  :dontask:

some have, some are waiting until I get it done lol

Maureen is keeping me informed and sending me scanned copies of Reeces statements which show all activity... which at the moment is just deposits via bank transfer.

So yes its all going well.


I am sure this bloody thread wont die now for a while ... FML, i had almost stopped worrying about it !!!

ooh not long to go now - good luck!!

Oh I am so glad I paid before the embarrassing bump. Beat it by 24 hours.

Is this actually going to happen....or are we all victims of some kind of elaborate bum flush grim?

A man of your intelligence should be capable of reading posts 5 before yours ;)

A man of your cunning would include such a post if this was an elaborate bum flush grim

Kev I sent you an IM a while back-can I just transfer the £10 to you via transfer on any of the sites and you forward it on- I cant do transfers with my bank account and we dont have a yokshire bank up here in sunny scotland

Ok, send it on stars "cochesterkev" and I will pass it on to Maureen.


I dont want to do any more transfers if possible, but will do this one.

Thanks Hairydude.

There is a Yorkshire bank on Renfield Street in Glasgow, and if thats too far away any Clydesdale bank will do the transfer too as they Own the Yorkshire bank, They are both part of NABG

Doh-sorry I just took it for granted that there wasn't one-no worries kev i'll get5 it done sometime during the week then, cheers Billy

No worries bud.

remind me Kev

what day is this happening pls?

I think I owe you money too

24th April ... This coming FRIDAY !!!


I doubt there will be anything left to pump out tbh ... im that nervous !!

my payday - so you'll get the transfer then Kev

Match the donations Kev and I'll go in your place.

(Safe in the knowledge that offer will not be going anywhere, he's secretly looking forward to his insertion)

2 lottery draws til Friday ... ONE TIME ... ONE EFFIN TIME !!!

Please God, NO!

Kev I know you made YOUR target, however I wonder if we opened the Donations window again how much would be raised to get Robert HM to get Flushed too.....

Not sure where I was end of feb/march time but completely missed this. Had a pm which didn't make much sense to me until I read this!

This is taking one for the team! Having said that i've really been wanting one of these, after ed's positive feedback, but then I remembered it involved having something shoved up my arse and changed my mind!!

Good luck!

£20 please. If the photo's make me wet myself I'll increase!

Behave!

Who said that!????


Come out here where i can see you !

Stick the last eight inches of the hosepipe up sideways for time and a half donationwise :)

Billy had a great idea!!!

To be fair he was due one ;)

ffs, you behave as well.

Yeah, I'd throw in more $$'s if they share the same pipe. HU match for first dibs on equipment would be good.

Now that's thinking outside the box that is!! Don't think Dell would allow it though :(

ffs this is my bottom you are on about, it's mine, all mine and will stay that way.

But you volunteered.

We should add a poll and if Robert gets enough votes he should get the flush too, I'll kick in another £20 if robert gets done too

They could hold hands while it's getting done

...and sing 'Ring a ring o' roses'?

FYP

When!?!?!


I will never drop my strides in the same room as the Colch



Anyway, I'm busy on Friday, very busy.

Its for a good cause!

what time are you penciled in for Kev.?.

Sorry I misread that, had a horrible vision of a "pencil in"

You can cut a little hole in the back for the pipe to stick through

2pm ...

[ ] I am not nervous
[ ] I am looking forward to it

"If I give her any more captain, she's gonna blow"

Take cover all those in the vicinity at 2pm.

Has the hose got a Bellagio setting?

Admit it - this is just a clever rouse to get a freebie!

Mantis .... I used to like you !

Yes, you got me, I have been waiting for years for an opportunity to have a hose pipe shoved up me 'Arris for free ...

Mantis reveals a sneak preview of his latest book 'Cottaging for beginners'.

Bugger..dont finish work till 2pm ish...was hoping to travel down with Reece .

+1

That little fella has been through enough ... dont inflict me getting an internal hosing on the lad LOL.


All i want Maureen, is for you to post loads of pics of him having a fantastic time when he is well enough to have a holiday xx

Have I ever told you Kev...Gingers a lucky girl.xxx

Telling Kev is one thing, I think someone better tell Ginger!

I'm just wondering if I should get a tupperware box so Kev can take his colonic home with him?

FYP

Kev, do you do a lot of clenching when you are reading this thread?  I think it is great what you are doing.  Good luck on Friday.

Clenching ... no, it has quite the opposite effect tbh !!

Seriously, there aint gonna be nothing left by friday.

I hope you plan on absolutely stuffing yourself solid on Thursday - really test Dingdell's machines to the limit.

Knowing Kev I expect to be getting stuff out from a lot longer than that tbh. It's very unusual to get matter out from the day before, our bodies just don't work that efficiently if we eat rubbish all day. Even if you are going every day you are normally a few days behind.....

I suspect Kev's insides are in such a state that you'll pump out Farley's rusks and Spangles.

pmsl @ farleys & spangles :D


Probs more likely to get a meat & tater pie and a quarter pounder with cheese tbh.

Luton on friday kev? They have nice toilets if you have to relieve yourself...

FML .... less than 48 hours to go !!


If anyone wants to pledge that hasn't already done so, please PM me and I will send you the bank details.



I will have my phone with me, so will do some short vids on it .... I know i have to sing "bring me sunshine" as the tube goes up me bottle !!


I dont think I have ever been so bloody nervous of anything in my entire life ... It just isnt right that I am preparing to take it up the wong un .... I feel like Flushy getting ready for a night out in Brighton !!!

Which fear is greater, Pain or Enjoyment?

Brilliant thing you are doing  GG WP

Whilst singing Bring me sunshine picture this..x

Had some fantastic pics took today but find it so complicated to post them on here. Very dissapointed. Good luck on friday.xx

Facebook FTW !

ahhh...x but wanted to post them here tbh.

e-Mail them to me, Maureen, & I'll Post them on here.

Tikay has God powers!

Sent a few. Hope they come through good.

Maureen, send them to me - I'll probably post them a little quicker than gramps.

Sigh. I have a 97 click short-cut now.

(http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/100_0405.jpg)

(http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/100_0406.jpg)

(http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/100_0427.jpg)

(http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/100_0429.jpg)

(http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/100_0430.jpg)

(http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/100_0431.jpg)

Caption comp for that one potentially...

I'll show YOU a squeeze bet, Gran!


He's looking very well :)

Thanks Kin.

Yes Boldie, he is looking good in't he.

Got some spy shots today. Handily caught up with tracey whilst she was sorting out the equipment for tomorrow




(http://lh3.ggpht.com/_YvcGjeen-R4/SfBYJR75-TI/AAAAAAAAAJU/N2Li9QADalo/s640/Waitingforkev.jpg)

I was informed its better than Mr Muscle

That aint funny Mr Cakes !!!


ok, maybe it was a bit ....


Great pics Mo, Young Reece is looking good.

Cheers Kev. I have a cracking little vid of him doing the easter bunny hunt round the house but obv cant post that.

Tick Tock,Tick Tock......................

You can do one too !!



I doubt i will get much sleep tonight tbh

you are doing a great thing mate, I will be paying when paid next week as hols and a sick run /few bills have killed me. You know a set of bowls was £150.

Good luck fella i hope nothing tears or seeps

Tears!  Can that happen?  That wouldn't be pleasant for all concerned.  I hope A&E are on standby...

this could split the skin maybe?

We can only hope :)

I hate you all ... no seriously, I really hate you.

As long as the split isn't too long (or too deep) it'll heal of it's own accord.  No need for A&E.  Just don't move much Kev and you'll be grand.  Enjoy. 

the drive home will be the worst part mate, you will have to clench like you are a shrewdie and flushy offers a special way to get out of mu.

one wrong move and you may shart yourself

kill joy!

Kill joy?  Me?!  Oh heck no.  Don't worry.  Kev's day will suck.   ;all-in;

Not as much as Dingdell's :)

getting ready....

All equipment in place

Pretty sure Trace is ok with how her day will turn out.  You on the other hand... rotflmfao

Go get him Trace...........ram it in as hard as you can please.thanx

+1

No need for lube.

+2..in fact sand sounds more like a plan than lube.

Just choosing my weapon...

I think Tracey should do it blindfolded and treat it like a game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

Don't forget to sing " Bring me Sunshine "

It's a beautiful day for a wash out.

ACES

Crimewatch reconstruction:

(http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/kevsarseandtraceyshose.png)

What on earth did you type into Google images to find that.

'elephant trunk up arse'?

good luck Kev!

Tracey's morning delivery arrived!!

(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3139/2570773816_710319bbaa.jpg)

This is what came up when I searched for elephant trunk up arse.  I like this game!

Whatever you do, deffo DO NOT google colonic.  The stuff that comes out...shocking!  And that's a normal person.  Trace.  I'd consider bringing in the trainee if I were you.  It won't be pretty, so let the newbie deal with him.

Ah yes, the new girl with the long fingernails and the uncontrollable shaking in her arms.

That picture of the cat is sooo wrong...lol.

extreme colonic.... :D

any chance he will prolapse?

Omigod - who are you trying to make nervous - him or me???

What times kick-off?

theres loads of things kev could have done to raise money  wonder what made him pick this

Guilty pleasures imo

2pm....tick tock tick tock

Kev just called, he's on your road looking for the clinic so he should be with you any minute - run, whilst you still can!

That old excuse.

He'll be in the pub thinking 'I'll give it half an hour, then say I couldn't find it'

Have the police evacuated the surrounding area yet?

ill bung in another £10 if you make him bleed or cry

Get ready for News flashes of a suspected 7.5 tremor on the rictar scale.

He might need a bung when Tracey's done.

so what do you reckon did kev have a special clean up last night for ding, you know maybe shave or get the bleach out to clean in those hard to reach places?

Just seen this on the BBC traffic site for Northampton:

(http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/northampton-2pm-friday.png)

Possibly a back, sack and crack you think?

i reckon Ginger got the bic out saying "you are not going to see her with a arse like a babboon" a marigold and a bit of mr muscle around the ring.

 Must have happen by now...................I'm in West London and the drain's blocked.

Must be mopping up by now.

This is very worrying. I bet Dings drown in it.

We'll give it 20 more minutes then call out the coastguard for a rescue.

Shes proberly trying to scrape him off the ceiling

Maybe they've not actually started yet and Dingdell has spent two hours chasing Kev round the table with the hose whilst he tries to run away.

Pictures are just coming through now.

what's happened? any update?

 ;popcorn;

Just heard from Kev, so they've both survived the procedure.

He'll post a 'Trip Report' when he gets home, I think I might give that one a miss!

Yes but is Tracy ok?  ;shitfanhit;

Kev has just been on the news.
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDI4LO6l6FM

PS WP Kev, nice gesture to go through with this.  ;)

He must be suffering if he hasn't posted yet, well done on taking one for the team Kev.

Just got in ... Stopped off at Luton to see a few friendly faces and get some grief LOL


Trip report on the way !!

well done Kev!!

LOL, you've had the shit AND piss taken out of you today then...

Arrived at the clinic before Trace, gave me 10 bloody minutes to fret some more ... All joking aside, I was bloody petrified. Lets face it, the thought of someone WHO I KNOW opening my arse cheeks, sticking a tube up there and watching the contents of my bowels being washed out is a bit nerve racking to say the least !!  But i just kept telling myself why i was doing it, and basically ended up just saying to myself  "Get a fucking grip Shepherd, You are probs going to experience a few minutes discomfort, imagine the pain and discomfort young Reece goes through and has gone through ... Stop being a pussy and JFDI"


So, Trace arrives and as she gets out of her car, she has the biggest grin on her face i have ever seen, if it was midnight she would have lit the sky with her smile!.
I didnt know whether that was comforting or made me even more nervous LOL...

We go into the clinic and Trace gives me a tour ... upstairs we go where they do all the permanent make up and eybrow shaping etc etc ... as we get to the top of the stairs, I realise it is training day and a woman is sat in a chair (getting her moustache waxed or something) and surrounded by about 8 trainees/therapists ... oh marvellous, I think as one says "Hello trace, Have you got a treatment?" ... Yes, at that moment everyone turns and looks at me !!  FML I think.

Trace informs them that I have been sponsored to do it, and I add "Yes, I am not doing it voluntarily" ... I think, (well I hope) I convinced them.


Then we go back downstairs into the treatment room (nice looking gaffe, very posh and upmarket)  and Trace tells me to take a seat at the desk so she can give me my pre treatment briefing .....

To be continued.

 ;popcorn;

Immense imo,vwp dingdell and kev great stuff  ;tightend; ;applause; ;applause; ;applause;

And i dont mean the stuff that come out his arse

 ;popcorn;

Before I go any further, I have to big up Dingdell, totally totally 100% professional and clearly at the top of her field.... for insta donating the treatment Trace, TY so much.


Trace went through the procedure with me step by step, she had a diagram of the intestines and explained everything to me about the hows, whys and wheres our body deals with waste etc ... I was bloody amazed, the things we take for granted that go on inside our bodies is amazing... I learnt lots today !

Briefing over, and it was time, I had to go in to the cubicle, rag off completely below the waist and emerge with a towel wrapped round me ... I did laugh when Trace shouted through, "you can leave your socks on if you like" LOL,  yeah ... thanks !

I emerge from the cubicle, and make my way over to the treatment table .. "FML, this is really happening" I thought as I climbed up, and draped in a towel I shuffled my way into position.

Now ... this was the moment, Trace asks me do I want to see the tubes, etc so I know whats happening ... "do I fuck" i think but manage not to blurt it out, I just say "No ta, i dont want to see anything or I will run a mile".

Trace told me to take a deep breath in and then breath out with my mouth wide open ... and GULP it was in !!  It wasnt the most pleasant thing i have ever had done tbh, and although trace had told me how far it goes in etc, it felt like it was going to come out of my mouth !

That was it , the tube was in .... Then I say "SHIT Trace" ... she laughs and says give me a chance, but I explain I never sang bring me sunshine for that sadistic bastard Trumper, Trace makes me feel great when she says, "oh dont worry, i will break off the treatment after a while, you take a break then we do it again, you can sing it then" ... AGAIN, AGAIN FFS she never told me I had to get it up the jacksy twice ffs.

Pipe in ... attachments secured, My eyes firmly shut....   then Trace says "Right then just going to let the water in for 3 seconds , are you ready ?"

What could I say ... so through clenched teeth and an obviously unclenched arse I said "YES"


to be continued ...

No words are needed.

fair play old bean

The alternative colonic story


Knowing that I have agreed with Kev to meet him at the Mk clinic at 2pm I for some reason put the appointment in at 4pm in my diary. ;djinn;

Surfing Blonde on 1.15pm in Northampton I realise I should be in the car and half way there by now so I duly load up the car with incontinence pads, speculums, extra lube, sterilising kits and fluffy towels large enough to cover any self respecting card room managers embarrassment.

I’ve got my foot down and exceeding the speed limit set in most European countries when I get a call at 1.50 from Kev saying he is lost. Unluckily for me he is in the right place but just in the wrong part of the car park. I tell him I’m on the motorway when in fact I’m not on it yet, and that I will only be a couple of minutes. He sounds very nervous. I leave him to ponder on what is to happen and wind himself up some more while I slow down to 15 miles an hour and meander my way to Milton Keynes.  :)up

I arrive at work having stopped for lunch, filled up with fuel and given a hitch hiker a lift to Aberdeen. Kev is pacing in the car park, not wanting to go into the clinic.

[ ] He looks relaxed.  :D

I take a large box from the car which just on its own freaks him out. Having ascertained that Kev doesn’t have an unnatural fear of cardboard boxes I realise he is actually very nervous and not putting it on for comedic value.

[X] This makes me laugh out loud

I realise that diversionary tactics are required, lets face it a nervous person = a tight bottom = difficult insertion = nightmare treatment.  I decide to give him a tour of the clinic and take his mind off the impending treatment. The permanent make up section upstairs are running a training day and it will be full of women/norkage. Ideal. I lead Kev upstairs (the one and only time you will hear me say that) and start to show him round.

Unfortunately my colleague Nilam asks me in front of everyone if Kev is a client and they all turn to look as Kev as his colour changes swiftly from pale to red to ashen as he realises his fate is known to all these nubile women. I turn back to say something to Nilam, turn round again to speak to Kev to see him heading down the stairs so quickly the only thing I can see of him is a disappearing bald patch as he descends into the gloom of the stairwell. He’s off, so in an attempt to rein him in I quickly run down the stairs and cut him off at the main door, gently steering him into the colonic room. /:-|

Having locked the door to stop Kev escaping ensure that no one comes into the room during the colonic we sit down and talk about the science bit. Kev is obviously trying to delay the inevitable. I know this because he pretends to look interested and ask lots of questions – anyone who knows Kev will know that this is not normal behaviour.

Kev admits that he was praying that he had won the lottery that week so he could just pay the money to Maureen and not go through with the session.

Eventually we get to the part where I instruct him to go and get changed and then we’ll start the treatment. As he disappears I put on some soothing music and wait for him to come out of the changing room. I wait. And wait. And wait. Eventually he reappears and gets onto the table, I check the changing room and note he has tried to remove the air conditioning unit from the wall and climb out through the hole in the wall. No joy though as pre colonic he is too big to get through.

[X] FAIL.

Kev presents me with a Blonde Poker sticky logo badge and I feel like I’ve been presented with a Blue Peter badge. As there is one going spare I suggest we stick it on his bum and take a picture. Kev is not up for this and, I realise the fact that I am and suggested it, means I definitely need to get out more. ;marks;

What happens after this I am not able to disclose as all treatments are confidential. Suffice to say Kev’s nervousness means he fluffs using the camera or doing any singing and when I ask him to turn away from me onto his left side so I can do the insertion he turns the wrong way and ends up facing me.

All in all I think it was an ok experience for him. If anyone else wants to raise money for a worthy cause in this way get in touch. 

 Well done Kev and a massive thanks to you for doing this. Also thanks Tracey for making it possibly. We are very very grateful for all the effort you have gone to. Also thanks to everyone for sponsering Kev, hopefully it wont be too long before we can get him away, hopefully abroad but if not to start with a break in this country may have to suffive until  he is machine free again.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hilarious! Well done Kev but very well done to Tracey, youre a brave woman ;)

Trace, tell us the bit about Kev crying please

[X] this is all we care about :)

top geyser!

Trace lets the water in... just for 3 seconds, then releases. I don't really know how to describe it, I suppose I can only say that when the water is in, its like you have been desperate for a dump, but been holding it in til you just cant hold it no more ... then she lets the water out and some stuff comes with it !

There is a type of shaving mirror on the wall, and Trace moves it so i can see the pipes ... man, you would never believe how strangely fascinating it is to see loads of stuff coming out.  The process continues for a few goes, then the water is inserted for a bit longer each time as the insides get less blocked and cleansing takes place.

I have said before, Trace is clearly an expert at what she does, but I couldn't help thinking she loves her job too much when she says "ooh theres a bit of chicken, did you see it" ... errrrrrrrmmmmmmm no actually, I didn't LOL, but I will take your word for it.

Half way through and all is released and the tube taken out, I then go to the loo and return for the second bit ... I get my phone out and set it to video and Trace starts filming as the tube goes in for the second time ... trace does a long interview and asks me loads of questions... but FML, i didn't press record, and the vids didn't come out :(

Before I know it, the pipes were out and I was done ... into the cubicle to get dressed and then a de briefing session where Trace explained what had happened, what the results told her and how I can improve both my diet and eating habits. Again, so professional and everything I was told made perfect sense, I have some printed and hand written advice from Trace that I will deffo be taking on-board and implementing.

How did it make me feel ?  ... Well when we started Trace told me to feel certain parts of my stomach and feel how hard they were, when we had finished, I felt the same parts and was amazed at how much softer these parts were. It certainly makes you feel lighter and it was not half as bad as I thought it would be, Its not the most comfortable thing in the world to have done, but the benefits in education and general well being far outweigh any negs i had in my mind.

Today 24 hours after having the treatment, I feel good, no bloating, no indigestion or heartburn ... I actually feel bloody good, Trace said my body was very de hydrated before the treatment, and I think the detox and re hydration has done me the world of good.


Well that's it ... its all done.

Thankyou to everyone that pledged, your support was, and is, so very much appreciated ... If you haven't paid yet, now is the time to get it done please.

And if anyone didn't pledge but now feels they would like to, just drop me a PM or post on this thread and I will send them Reece's bank details so they can pay their donations.



PS. I still hate you all for making this all possible in the first place ;)

Paid.  Nice one mate... :D

I'm humbled by what you two have done here to help Reece.

Superb. Thank you both.

x

PS. On the basis of "pictures or it did not happen", are we sure he really went through with it? I'm not convinced.....

I get my phone out and set it to video and Trace starts filming as the tube goes in for the second time ... trace does a long interview and asks me loads of questions... but FML, i didn't press record, and the vids didn't come out

Get my drift?

very much so. Obv did NOT happen. Now get back there and do it Kev.

I saw chicken - it happened!  ;shitfanhit;

Now that Kev has opened the back door to anal penetration, what is next?  Has he stumbled onto a slippery slope?  Will he chronicle his journey in this thread?

I'm sure we were all thinking of him at 2.00pm yesterday, the question is who was he thinking of at the time?

Reece in Disneyland with a fkin big grin on his face tbh.

Well done Kev  :)up

Looking forward to pics of the wee man on his hols with a I love Kev Tshirt  :D

[  ] enjoyed my chicken dinner tonight

[  ] ty both

Dear Dingdell

I am pissing like a racehorse, but rehydrating with water :)

I still haven't poppyed up for this, but I anna forgot.

gg btw.

Lol - well done x

Lol at your wall of text mate!

Well done mate  :)up.

really sorry just realized after reading this I haven't paid up. Will do in the morning.


 John.

I've not paid yet either, would you prefer a Royal Gala, Cox's, or Granny Smith ?

I'll leave it towards the end of the week then take his book into the bank to have it updated. Then scan it on to Kev.
x

Bumpity bump ... I am pledge collecting, if anyone has lost the bank details please PM me and I will send the info.

Most are in now, and Maureen is keeping me informed of the amounts as they come in.

Hopefully we will be able to announce the total amount donated soon.

Bugger (lol) forgot to ship.  Will do this weekend.

:)up

bugger i forgot also sorry all, will do asap

Had banking issues (they need more info. as it's considered 'international' transfer) but have sent Maureen a PM.  Will ship as soon as I get her shipping orders.   :-*

How do I actually do a bank transfer please?

Via internet banking.

If you go to your bank's website you should be able to see on how to set this up.

I suppose you could also do it by actually physically going to a bank, but that's not something I ever do.

Not too sure how many are still to pay but just a quick reminder  to put a unique reference on it, the first 2 updates in the book most had and it was easy for Kev to establish who had paid but yesterdays update most had just put Reece's account number and no other little bit added on  so not too sure how Kev will work them ones out.

Thanks all. xxx

I havent paid yet will get this sorted.

I have internet banking, I've just never transfered cash before.

It's just like paying a bill - you put in the payee's sort code and acc number, enter the amount and Robert is your mother's brother.

Our Robert, on blonde?  He's Tom's uncle?

What is this "Paying a bill"?

Shipped.

paid by bank transfer today they said it may take 3 days to get there sorry for delay.

What was the total in the end?

I have not updated Reece's account for ages as we have moved and I have also injured my foot and have been a little lame to go wandering into town. Will try and get it updated this week. I will then scan it as usual and send to Kev.