blonde poker forum

After many days and hours of fretting and indecision, I feel ready to share my journey with all of you.

Why ? ... well certainly not for sympathy, I know I am blessed with fantastic friends and I wouldn't have survived without them, but I want to share my journey because it might help someone out there and because I want to kick myself on to the next stage of getting better, and by publishing my story I hope it will give me focus to continue on the road to recovery knowing that a few people are following me on the journey.

It is a very personal story and is entirely from my perspective, please remember that when/if you read it.

http://colchesterkev.wordpress.com/

You may have to go to the archives for April to find the start.

Please be assured that I am progressing well and despite some bad days, I am very much looking forward.

Well done Kev.

keep up the good progress Kev

Fuck me I didn't know you hadn't been well mate
fuck fuck fuck
I just read a few pages of what you have wrote
you are a very brave man to wear your emotions like this
fuck I'm flabbergasted.,......,.,
I do hope you feel better talking about things mate
I'm here if u need me.,.,.fuck gobsmacked

Roll ups FTW m8,

 Best wishes in getting through this Kev and you will,

and then you'll be able to live life to the full again

 :respect: to ya

another step nh  :)up

Keep it up m8.

All the best Kev.

Wow! so many thoughts runnning through my mind. Think I should say so much, but all I can come up with is,

All the best mate, one step at a time.

Take care

Del

Not sure what to say Kev, just I really hope you continue to progress and feel happier with life.

Wow don't really know you that well but just read through all that.

I gen hope you come through all this mate, inner demons can certainly never be underestimated by anybody.

Im happy yr friends are helping you out, those that stick by you at times of need are always the actual true friends-cliche alert.

A very emotional blog that seems to be getting more positive slowly but surely.

Genuinely hope yr recovery works kev.
 
:)

Your writing is incredibly illuminative.

You speak of wanting to give something back. Having gone/going through what you have done and possesing great talent, both in terms of speaking and writing, I think you have the potential to help a lot of people in the future.


This I think can be a really important help in getting better. Some things that come across in your weblog are a deep sense of regret for past mistakes and a sense of worthlessness, that your life has come to nothing.

These are feelings I recognize from when I had a spell of anxiety/depression after splitting from my wife in 2008. A philosophy which helped me was that all the poor desicions I may have made as a young adult led me on a path that got my life down a certain path, and at some point on that path I had a beautiful daughter who I love very much. It's difficult to regret something I did or didn't do when I was 19 when it was all a big chain of events that led to my daughter being born. It gives me a sense of not wanting to go back and change anything and this thought gives me peace. It's quite practical too, as I can't change the past even if I wanted to, so this frees me up to focus on the future.

It looks like the pros of sharing this diary are threefold, helping people out who are in a similar situation, aiding your own recovery and raising awareness about mental illness. (I think there will be at least one person on here who previously thought depression was a makebelieve thing for lazy people who reads what you've written and will open their mind to the possibility that it may well be all in the mind, but that doesn't mean you can snap out of it from sheer force of will if you choose to, that depression isn't just attention seeking or a lifestyle choice, it's a good deal more complicated and it's a right fucking shitter so it is)

Their is the con of course, that despite your stressing that it's only one side of the story, it's unavoidable that someone who just reads the blog might come away with an unfavourable impression of your ex partner. That she probably doesn't want to put up her side of the story is probable and very understandable as she's perfectly entitled to a private life.

On balance I think you've made a good choice sharing the story here, I hope the members of blonde are mature enough to not judge your partner or look upon her unfavourably because of what we've read. To recognize that their will be another side to the story, but that it isn't our buisness to demand it. To your credit I think you've tried to do what you can in this regard to warn people not to judge her. I hope people read that bit at face value.

So good luck in the future. Let me know when you're well enough for me to rip the piss out of your poetery (which is actually pretty good, but still, piss needs ripped)

You raise a very valid point Tank, and one that concerned me greatly in the decision to publish the blog.

My ex is not in anyway shape or form to blame for my illness, I covered that point in my blog from early on. I wish her no ill and hope that she finds happiness in the future.

Continued best wishes Kev. Take care.

Take it easy Kev, Rome wasn't built in a day. xx

Take care and look after yourself Kev x

sorry to hear this Kev, really hope you keep on feeling better from this point onwards.

All the best mate

xxx

Take it easy Kev and all the best

GL to you Kev.

Wow Kev I had no idea. Take it one step at a time mate, slowly but surely. Best of luck.

Just read every word Kev - moving stuff. I had heard that you were homeless, which came as a bit of a shock for me, let alone you I guess! Your blog makes it clear that we're all just a few strokes of bad luck and/or dodgy decisions away from some bad places.

Hope today is a good day and tomorrow is better xx

Onwards and upwards m8,enjoy your brekkie     :)up

I knew you weren't great when I saw you in London, just not as low as you were! Let me know when you want to catch up, I'll head out to Colchester (Is it in Norwich)!

This.

All the best Kev.

All the best in sorting your life/illness out Kev :)

GL with everything Kev

Life is like standing in a field of snow. Turn around and you can see your footsteps, the journey you have made, the path you have taken. They are imprinted on the landscape and cannot be undone. However, turn and face forwards once again and you see a fresh untrodden blanket of snow before you. You can move forward in any direction you want, free to make any imprint you desire.

Read it, glad youre ok.

How come you didnt spend your days wandering around Colchester in the bookies? You couldve grinded Bad Each Way to very small stakes and made like £20 a day easily enough. And its warm and theres people to talk to.

very brave sir! be strong!!

 Good luck with the future Kev, I hope that soon you are able to move forward without regret and recrimination and that life again becomes the joy and fun that you seem to so effortlessly pass on to others.

If it was Mantis' strategy posts that caused it Kev then please just say.


All the best mate :)

All the best Kev hope you can get back to a good place, i will never forget it  was you by my side and urging me on when I was a nevous reck going on to win my first ever tournament at the virgin festival in dtd, seems so long ago.

Wow,very moving to read.......had no idea Kev.

Well done on getting on the right road.

All the very best on moving forward.

Gl on your recovery sir, this thread helps in so many ways.

Steve

 All the best mate...

My thoughts are with you Kev. Your bravery/honesty fill me with awe. PM sent

Rudders

gl mate

hope things will work out for you

wow i had abs no idea, ive just read the whole of your blog and just wanna wish you the best of luck for the future.

All the best Kev !

all the best mate.

Top Man, huge balls. All the best Kev.

Like so many on here I had no idea of the position you found yourself in. Very pleased to read you are firmly on the road to recovery and heres to hoping you continue on this road. All the best for the future m8 and looking forward to perusing the norkage pics  ;)

Thanks everyone for your kind words and the many PM's,texts and phone calls ... Went for breaky today with my eldest had a great time and was nice to spend a couple of hours together.

While in town I bumped into the relocation worker who works for the night shelter and she informed me that the big boss of the charity which runs it will be writing to me shortly to ask me about going onto the council as a representative voice for people who have been through the system, I very much look forward to finding out more about that, looks like I might be giving a bit back sooner than I thought.

i can only say one word that springs to mind
VERY BRAVE.,.,.,.,,ahhh fuk it.,.,.its 2.,.,.,

Hi Kev, really sorry to hear what you've been through and wishing you all the best for the future.

Hi Kev,

I am sorry to read of the troubles you have been through in the last months but please keep writing about your thoughts and feelings. I'm sure many of us have had times when it all felt so bad but It doesn't matter how far you fall Kev it's about how high you bounce back and you seem to be bouncing back well.

Good luck mate.

Just read from start to finish,remarkable story.

My mum works in a place similar to the homeless shelter you stayed in and I often get told recounts and stories of some of the people she comes across when I visit her.Obviously having been there you know yourself there are some total deadbeats there but people like yourself are the reason she loves doing her job.


This is a quote from one of your blog posts...


The first part you cannot do but the second part you have already begun.

Keep the chin up and stay positive,and congratulations on getting both your poems published.

Cheers again, I hope you will continue to follow the blog, I intend to update at least every couple of days and have posted a new entry today.

I may not be around on the forum very much over the coming weeks, but will always find time to update the blog.

Thanks again for all the kind words.

Kev

All the best mate.  I had no idea about any of this when we chatted in Luton last week.

I must say you looked extremely well, and you were very upbeat in the circumstances.

Stay positive.

Alan.

Kev all the best mate

Sent you a pm, all the best mate.

Cheers Alan, My mask is a pretty convincing one ... I have been wearing it for a long time, it even fooled me for a while. Inside I was a wreck, it was the following day that I was going to pick up my stuff. Turny dragged me to the G on Wednesday, but it was nice to see a few friendly faces.

Very convincing!

My wife left me in 1997 for one of my (at the time) best friends and a few months later I lost my job, so I can empathise with some of what you're going though. I've always had the philosophy that you can't change the past, only the future, and that things happen for  a reason. The glass is half full and all that.

Some years on with a new (and far better) wife, and some good career experiences, I'm in a better place now than if those bad things hadn't happened. I hope the same happens for you. I certainly found that talking about it helped me a lot at the time, so I think your blog is not only brave but very likely to be good for you.

GL Kev, thanks for sharing, I read your blog from start to finish. You write very well, I'm sure you have helped a lot of people by being brave enough to put it out there. I really wish you all the best and hope you keep up the blog

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4O7jmmSYI9U

Good luck for the future...............

Hope things start going your way soon mate :)up

I think everyone can say in all honesty that they do this is some shape or form. It must be a great relief (if a little scary) to be able to bare your soul and take the mask off...

WOW

kev u always have been and always will be a leg-end to me m8.

   your honesty and balls, to let people know what you have been going thru is admirable.

long may your recovery continue.

gl m8

geordieneil

ps i still owe u a j&g ;)

Perhaps not better to say nothing/offer support or best-wishes, than to be open mouth baulk at someone struggling?   :dontask:

blog updated, things are going well.

Good to hear. :)

Just read your whole blog Kev, very moving and i am glad your on the road to recovery.
Although i have only met you a few times at dtd i am only based 3/4 hour away in Leigh on Sea so if you ever fancy a day over this way please pm me i would be glad to come and pick you up ofr a change of scenery.
Good luck with the journey

 :)up Didn't want to post in this thread to until I'd read the entire blog. Really hope the upward trend continues Kev, look forward to buying you a jack and ginger in the future.

Just to clear up any misunderstandings as regards my post I have a far deeper understanding of depression and what Kev and others could be going through, than people may realise. Each case is clearly unique to the individual concerned.

I did not particularly want to publically reference my own experience, and was just expressing surprise and consternation at Kev's revelation because, as many people have already said, he does wear a very convincing mask.

I wish everyone suffering from depression all the very best and would appreciate other people taking notice of the facts about how common mental health problems actually are and how much it does affect those people around them, many of whom actually keep it hidden.

People with depression do need support.

Just finished reading the whole thing Kev, sorry to hear of everything you went through. I'm glad things seem to be on the up now and long may it continue sir  :)up

Every day, one sept at a time....  thoughts are with ya....

Bloody hell, Kev. That was one hell of a read: moving, thought-provoking, brutally honest. So glad you are seeing progress, and what a relief it must be to have your own place again.

I must admit it puts me, and I'm sure 99% of people who have read this thread and your blog to shame. To think we (as I society, I mean) still brush mental health issues under the carpet is embarrassing. That's why it's so important that you keep writing: it clearly has benefits for you, but as you indicated in one of your blog posts, it WILL help others, too.

It's wonderful to learn you are wanting to give something back and help others. I hope something comes of the school work and/or the council representative opportunity - I believe you could have a real talent in that area.

Will be an avid reader.

All the best.

SP

Sadly I think it's worse than these issues being brushed under the carpet Simon - outright discrimination is still alive and well believe me.  I'm job hunting at the moment and was pretty shocked to see this on a government website:  "We are unable to accept applications from anyone who ..... has ever suffered from manic depression or schizophrenia."

Maybe a lot of people don't see the issue with that, but the fact that a high profile government body is still legally allowed to put that kind of thing on their website and immediately write off a lot of potentially very good applicants shows just how much work really needs to be done before people with mental illness stop being discriminated against.  It's a difficult nut to crack though - when you see evidence of prejudice like that around it's a lot easier for most people to keep their problems hidden like a dirty secret, and, if you don't admit to them, you don't have to worry about the potential discrimination you might suffer.  Conversely, if people with problems don't speak out and help others realise that there's nothing 'wrong' with suffering from mental illness then the prejudice will continue.

Anyway, this is Kev's thread and I don't want to waffle on any longer on here, but I hope he won't mind me linking to this organisation which I've also linked to on my own blog http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/

If anyone who has read this thread and Kev's blog feels inspired to do a little something to help with ending the kind of discrimination I've described, please take a look.

*climbs off soapbox*

^^^^^^^

Yep, well said

Pretty shocking that they would ever write that on a job ad. Some lass got taken to court by her employer  recently for failing to disclose a serious mood disorder and it surfaced a bit during her employment.

Schizophrenia, 1/100 lifetime risk. When you think what it involves, that's like  :o :o
Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a total fecker, just been dealing with someone with it, 1/100 of the population. Google it, sad reading.
Autistic spectrum: 1/10

those stats will just be diagnosed cases.  The real figures I bet are somewhat higher.  How many people on here would go and admit to the doctor if they were having auditory hallucinations, for example?  Most people would keep it to themselves I imagine.

Not quite sure what you mean by:

?

1/4 will suffer from mental health issues at some point ... that IS scary.

What kind of job was it that stated that they didn't want people that have suffered from manic depression or schizophrenia?

I mean when you consider the often devastating impact on the individua/their family, and the resultant cost to society in treating them/and often sadly putting them through the criminal justice system;  x 1/100 ish of the population lifetime risk, that is a very high overall cost to the nation.

Great post from Claw. I'm assuming Kev doesn't give a fook about the thread taking a natural course and issues being raised being discussed in theab stract etc.

I know from personal experience that even if you're on the groovy enlightened side of the mental illness thing, even if you've gone through something similar yourself, it doesn't make living with a loved one who is going through these kinds of problems easy.

There's still a sense of frustration that they're not alwsys doing what they need to do to get better, there's still a sense of resentment that they're not as active as you think they should be, living like a slob etc. Sure you 'understand' but that doesn't stop you wishing that they would just just snap the fk out of it and be the dad or the mum or the brother or the sister that you need them to be.

Maybe I'm just a horrible person, but if I've lived with someone who had been through a lot and was in a deep depression and when they're falling well short of their share of the dishes and lavvy cleaning and stupid shit that shouldn't really matter but actually does it still had a cumulative effect on my patience and no amount of understanding or knowledge about mental illness could negate the sense of frustration completely.

The need for greater understanding and all that is not always just a one way street imo. If someone has no previous experience dealing with this type of thing, and even if they have, when they're dealing with the never uncomplicated demon of mental illness in a loved one, if they don't always do the right thing you've got to cut them a little slack.

Great post Tank.

As far as raising awareness and all that goes, I think the best strategy cannot simply be finger wagging.

There has to be a recognition that those who judge the behaviour of your archetypal depressed person as being attention seeking/lazy and the like are making those judgements that are perfectly rational from within their own frame of reference. (It doesn't help that they're already familiar with the word depression to describe their own temporary low mood, and how fleeting such a thing can be for them.)

We've all got a need to comprehend the unfamiliar, to reduce it, to simplify, to put things and people into boxes and understand the world around us. There's a natural tendency in everyone to insist upon the complexity of what is faniliar and close to them and their 'area', and assume that things that are not in their area easily could be if they wanted them to be. I could do the job of Bruce, Kevin or Fiona but none of them could do what I do. My world is a nuance and yours is monochrome.

I'm as guilty as not only that, but also the belief that if someone doesn't believe in the existance of a mental illness called depression - then they should and that's that. If they still don't then they're ignorant and moreover and nasty and bad and ... a big poo poo head.

They're none of those things most of the time (or maybe some of them are) as I say, understanding is a 2 way thing.

Kev's blog is so powerful imo coz of his previous almost continous presence online and at all kinds of live events. Everyone knows Kev to an extent, and knows him as a joker and the happy go lucky sort. The no nonsense man's man, a likeable fellow who is almost the exact opposite of the black clad emo we'd conjure if given a piece of paper and told to draw a depressed person.

It challenges your outlook (I suspect, no actual data to corrobate this) mucho mucho more than any amount of arm waving or finger wagging that I could conjure. That and people are always much more likely to change their minds about something if they come to the conclusion themselves naturally than if some unthinking liberal like myself says that they should and if they don't they're a poo poo head.

Yup Tank is spot on, the trouble with mental illness is that the sufferer doesnt know he/she has it until they reach the bottom (unless they have been diagnosed prior and are able to recognise symptoms of a relapse) .. so if the person afflicted doesn't know they are ill. how the hell is anyone else in their close circle... to them it will appear as if the sufferer is being a lazy person and has lost all interest in themselves as well as people who are close to them.

It is a shitty illness to suffer from, but it must be hell for someone who lives with a sufferer. The upside is that there is plenty of support out there for carers/partners etc. but it doesnt land in your lap, you have to seek it out ... and often by the time someone is diagnosed with an illness it is too late to save any relationships as too much damage is done.

My illness has cost me plenty, but I have managed to maintain a relationship with both of my boys which is more than enough for me to feel that I have not lost everything in my life.

killing time on train obv

current generation of mobile phones has a lot to answer for when it comes to elongated unedited rants full of spelling errors

How is some that is truly depressed able to put on such a happy front? And what makes them want to do that?

General question obv.

could i ask for some advice please, a girl I work with suffers from depression.  She has treatment etc and is comfortable talking to some people about it, i find it hard not to give advice etc even though I dont have a clue about the in's and outs of these things, what kind of things can i do to 'help' without isolating her or making things worse.

any tips are much appreciated as i think i upset her the other day... sigh...

Because it is a persona, a public face that you put on, you want to appear to be the person that you really want to be, you feel inadequate as you are so you over compensate and become the joker ... that is me by the way, other people will adapt a "front" that disguises their issues ... everyone is different.

Behind my mask I am a very insecure, self concious person with incredibly low self esteem ... so to mask that I give the false impression that I am exactly the opposite, which while it may fool other people, it also makes you worse in yourself as when you are alone you sink into depression as the mask slips.

Not sure if that makes any sense, i don't think I have explained it very well.

Go to the library and get "Living with the black dog" ... ignore the fact that it says for "partners", it explains perfectly what to avoid saying and how to say the right things

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Black-Dog-Partner-Depressed/dp/1905410107

it makes perfect sense, i tend to be a bit of a joker at work but when i'm feeling low or having a shit time i have to pretend i'm on top form or everybody goes on about it.  I think many people do this, not just in terms of being the joker or whatever but acting a certain way because it is expected.

ty - any practical tips or quick wins, whilst i would like to avoid putting my foot in it ect i must be honest and say that this is somebody i work with and doubt i would get a book on the subject.  plus my missus prob would think it a tad strange esspecially as she knows this lass and might think i'm after playing away from home!

In my blog I wrote a poem ... contained within are all things that people have said to me ...I suppose the worst one is "pull yourself together", I mean do people not think that if it was that easy then we would bloody do it LOL

The sky is blue, without a cloud

yet you long to be wrapped up in a shroud

can’t you enjoy this lovely weather ?

why can’t you just pull yourself together ?

Come on, for gods sake whats the trouble ?

why act like you are inside a bubble ?

wallowing alone is not the way

get up, get washed, ENJOY THE DAY

You cannot carry on like this

what happened to your life of bliss ?

where has that happy person gone ?

what caused it all to go so wrong ?

With all these questions in my head

you wonder why I’d rather be dead.

i guess its hard to understand for people who don't suffer with it, i guess that people are trying to be helpful when they say 'pull yourself together'.  my question would be what other things can you say!  like I mentioned i'm always trying to give advice/find solutions, not sure what else to do when somebody says they are feeling unhappy or whatever. 

And if you really want a hot tip, be honest with her and say "I do not know nearly enough about mental health issues, but I want to understand a bit more, so if you ever want to talk to me about anything, I would be more than willing to listen"

An offer of support and a display of understanding (however small) is a massive help to someone who is depressed.  

cheers kev.  i guess i think i'm being helpful when i'm actually making things worse, which isnt very good.  see i really like this girl, she is a lovely person but seems to have loads of issues and i'm there trying to say stupid things that are meant to help but not helping at all!

what you have to remember is that everyone is diffeent, and while sufferers share the bottom line diagnosis, their triggers and personalities are unique to them, so never make judgments and the most important thing to do is LISTEN.

Just received the following anonymous email

"What the fuck is wrong with you, have you no pride? give it a rest with the poor little me act and either kill your self or just crawl off back to the asylum where you obviously belong"

Seems like not everyone thinks it is an issue worth highlighting.

quick fixes for you sovietsong

Avoid small talk staples like...

'how are you doing today'
'what've you been up to at the weekend'

as the real answers are probs 'shit' and 'fuck all - I bought some mince to make bolognaise but I et crisps instead of cooking spaghetti coz who can be assed and although I could cook the mince tonight I'm more likely to get a take away and it'll go out of date and I'll chuck it away. I have no worth, woe woe is me'
but the answers you'll get will be 'fine' and 'not much, how about yourself'

don't talk about the weather either, not so much because of sensitivity to mental illness, more becauase it's a boring thing to talk about

bitch about colleagues, wots been on the telly, crazy shit in the news or wacky youtube videos. Don't compliment her for the sake of it, she's no an idiot and she'll feel patronised. Low self esteem, she won't believe you half the time even if you're genuine. If she's done owt decent then crack on and mention it
 though. While it won't get through half the time, the other half it will. (or it might)

you can't fix things but you can increase the probability that she will bypass your office the day she comes to work armed to the teeth and shoots people seemingly at random before Gazza turns up to end things one way or another.

You don't need a book, I'll see you right :)
amongst the above toungue in cheek stream of conciousness that is completely inappropriate for the tone of the thread there may or may not be hidden some good advice.

Anonymously sent I assume. What a fcking tw@t, whoever it was. Dont waste time worrying about idiots like that Kev.

I'd reply

hi mr x thanks for the electronic mail

In answer to your questions...

Depression is the main thing wots wrong with me, getting better as it happens.
Yes I do have pride. Some self esteem issues but who doesn't

On the point of killing myself or crawling to the asylum, I appreciate your advice but on balance I'm going to stick with my current course of erm, not doing that.

Don't be a stranger

your good friend Kev

xx

If you bink the lotto Kev and are looking at hiring an entourage then I'm in currently looking for employment. Will ship CV by pm.

Thats just far too restrained for me !!

thanks mate.  PM sent

Whoever sent this is in just as bad a place if not worse than you are Kev.
Ridiculous.

The only asylum we would like to see you crawling back into is DTD for a Jack & Ginger at somepoint.

Got a big gay hug saved up for you at somepoint.

WTF is wrong with some people? (http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/mad/mad0248.gif)

FML - I left the last line off.

'Lots of love   AndrewT xxx'

Do you get the feeling that no matter what you say, it is interpreted in a generally negative way? There may be a defect in her thinking style that causes this. Very little of worth that you can say will escape a global, general, negative schema.
Good advice from Kev, just listen.

The e-mail is pretty low. Who anonymously tells someone who has recently been suicidal to go kill themselves ffs.

Good example of when all that 'understanding those that don't understand' piss that I was banging on about a couple of pages ago goes out the window. This is the sort of person that needs putting into a box (either 'complete tosser', 'keyboard warrior', 'life fail' or 'total moron' box is good) and then not thinking more about it in any kind of serious capacity.

On happy note, AndrewT gag is good and needs love. Would quote it and put in rotflmfao smileys but on phone so that's a pain.

Surely no email is truly "Anonymous" these days ?

The path the email took will be in the headers and background code of the email, maybe Bongo can confirm this ?

Kev, pass the email onto Bongo to see if he can find any information & then maybe contact the police ?

The po po?

Yo yo is that the po po. I got this e-mail, someone on the internet said something mean to me and... click... hello? Hello?

If you can find out who it is then happy days, you know who the douschebag was but the po po?

If you're the NSA then probably not. For everyone else, anonymous remailers are pretty much untraceable. Someone still emails me occasional news cuttings on Marcus Bebb-Jones because I posted on the thread that discussed his case. The sender is clever enough to use an anonymous remailer.

I read the whole of the blog last night. Although I've not seen Kev for at least a couple of years, I think he's a top bloke who always seems cheerful and is forever cracking jokes/taking the piss. I had no idea that anything was wrong.

I think it's very brave to post up your experiences for all to read, but also very worthwhile, especially given the fact that it has already helped someone think twice about killing themselves.

Good luck for the future. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to get back on track :)

As for the email, that's a ridiculously mean and incredibly cowardly thing to do. In fact, I think it's possibly the most cowardly thing I've ever read. I highly doubt someone with those views would possess the limited intelligence required to send an untraceable email. Pass it on to a computer bod imo.

Your ex threatening to sue you seems a bit mean-spirited. Obviously I don't know her side of the story, but from what I've read you haven't (until that point in the blog, at least) said anything negative about her.

Kev - if someone is depressed should you continue to treat them as you normally would or should you act differently? For example if they have done something wrong should you tell them/discuss it with them or is it better to let it go? Does treating them differently than you normally would help or hinder? Thanks.

From what I can find, the likelyhood of someone with schizophrenia committing a crime is approximately 3 times that of someone without the condition, with approximately 8% of schizophrenics having been charged with a violent offence.  To put that into perspective, if we're talking about 1% of the population suffering with this disorder, then the additional cost to the nation of putting people with schizophrenia through the criminal justice system is a tiny proportion of the overall cost of dealing with criminals.  Same goes for the cost of medical treatment.

the fact is, the vast majority of people with schizophrenia are not criminals, are not dangerous, and can live normal lives with the right treatment but highlighting those facts doesn't sell newspapers as well as the headlines that 'yet another schizo freak has been left free to commit murder', further fuelling the negative stereotype.

Really good article in today's Independent from a journalist who has suffered with paranoid psychosis

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/living-with-psychosis-im-mad-but-not-bad-2025012.html


it was a blanket exclusion for all applications to work in that particular department including admin posts etc


Just to add to Kev's reply on this, the other thing to bear in mind is that just because someone suffers from depression and may be clinically depressed, they won't always be feeling at rock bottom and will want to try to fight it.  What makes people want to put on a happy front?  Well, who wants to be seen as a miserable git all the time?  Depression and low self-esteem often go hand-in-hand. When you've got low self-esteem then you want people to like you.  Thinking of my circle of friends and acquaintances, the people I know who suffer with depression are among the most outwardly outgoing and happy-go-lucky.

Aren't the only reasons legally allowed for discrimination if you can reasonably demonstrate that it will interfere with the job?

And with the Disability Discrimination Act enforcing 'reasonably adjustments', even that's a bit hazy.

Obviously there may be specific exemptions for various mental illness - but it definitely doesn't sound legal.

it's a bit of a grey area - I'm sure to be allowed to have put that on the website they must have sought some kind of advice on the legality of it as far as associated risks with those conditions are concerned.  It's being investigated by the people at Time to Change and Mind anyway, but would be interesting to see what justification they would come up with if subjected to a legal challenge.

Whenever I see 'anonymous' I insta put them into the 'coward' category and listen to approx 0 of what they say.

What was the email address it was sent from?

It's a mistake to make this assumption

But I was going to say, if a part of the government (or any sufficiently large organisation) makes a mistake like that it really needs an organisation to challenge it rather than any individual so it's good to hear that that's being done.

To be honest, I really couldn't give a toss about anonymous emails, they are treated exactly the same as the ones from Nigerian doctors and fund managers wanting to give me vast sums of money.

If someone is capable of typing and sending an email like that, then perhaps they need to think about their own mental state.

So case closed on that one.

Very tough question as everyone is different, thats the problem with the word "depression" it is used as an umbrella to attach a label to an illness which has differing effects depending on each individuals personality.

If a depressive has done something wrong, be very careful how you approach it, do not make it seem as though they have fucked up, they feel that about themselves already and do not need it confirming by anyone else. Maybe a good thing to do would be to speak to them about it but offering help with a solution to the mistake they have made, make it constructive, but friendly.

My bad, I was thinking it could be dealt with in a similar manner to malicious 'phone calls.

That email has got to me a little, I would hate for anyone to think it's a "poor me, give me symapthy" blog. If I had wanted that I would have gone public a long time before I did, I purposely waited until I had secure acommodation before making my circumstances known ... prior to that only a few people had the blog addy and that is what I wanted.

As much as I hate to give the peasant who sent that email the satisfaction of knowing that it has got to me a little, I have to admit it has.

Kev mate,please pay no thought to that email it's 99.999% likely to be from some 15year old keyboard warrior who has absolutely no clue.I've read the blog and in no way does it come across like your looking for sympathy.

Fk em Kev, they're a twunt.

If you still have the email and you want a hand tracing them, copy and paste all of the headers from the email. It's the bit that looks like this that is needed.

Delete the bits that include your email address before you post it. I've replaced my email address with xxx below.

Received: from gwh-1.gradwell.net (gwh-1.gradwell.net [195.74.61.91])
        by mx.google.com with ESMTP id o83si8245347wej.98.2010.07.14.08.41.41;
        Wed, 14 Jul 2010 08:41:41 -0700 (PDT)
Received-SPF: neutral (google.com: 195.74.61.91 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record for domain of ec@egg.com) client-ip=195.74.61.91;
Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=neutral (google.com: 195.74.61.91 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record for domain of ec@egg.com) smtp.mail=ec@egg.com
X-Envelope-To: xxx
X-Forwarding-To: xxx
Delivered-To: xxx
Received: from Not Available Received Via Mail 1.5 ([212.11.70.2] helo=inbound-queue-2.mail.thdo.gradwell.net country=GB)
          by gwh-1.gradwell.net with esmtp (Gradwell gwh-smtpd 1.290) id 4c3ddab5.3a88.23d
          for xxx; Wed, 14 Jul 2010 16:41:41 +0100
          (envelope-sender <ec@egg.com>)
Received: from localhost.localdomain (bonnie.gradwell.net [212.11.70.2])
   by inbound-queue-2.mail.thdo.gradwell.net (Postfix) with ESMTP id 04CF61FB89
   for <xxx>; Wed, 14 Jul 2010 16:41:41 +0100 (BST)
Received: from Unknown (HELO dg.pesi.com.tw) (211.148.152.114)
    by inbound-edge-9.mail.thdo.gradwell.net (qpsmtpd/0.83) with ESMTP; Wed, 14 Jul 2010 16:41:40 +0100
Received: from User ([109.144.216.214])
          by dg.pesi.com.tw (Lotus Domino Release 6.5.2)
          with ESMTP id 2010071423354088-28021 ;
          Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:35:40 +0800
From: "Egg Online"<ec@egg.com>

Just write down the reasons you had for writing the blog, it wasn't for sympathy.

Some very messed up people out there, the only way they can write that thing is if there is something so wrong with them that they get some relief in hurting others, very sad.

""Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.""
Harry Hill.

There's no shame in admitting it got to you Kev - it's still a really short time since you were at rock bottom, and I know from experience it really doesn't take much to drag up all the insecurities and make you feel really down on yourself again.  I remember once when I was going through a pretty rough patch of depression I was walking to work and not really paying attention crossing the road as my mind was all over the place. I walked right in front of a cyclist who had to swerve to miss me and she shouted at me 'fucking idiot' (as you probably would).  That tiny comment from a total stranger that should not have meant anything had me sat against a wall on the pavement bawling my eyes out and I took it as confirmation that every bad thing I thought about myself must be true.

Accept the way it's made you feel, realise that's human, then try to focus on some positive things like all the comments you've had on this thread from people that think you're a top bloke.  After that, remember that it's because of people and attitudes like that that what you're doing is a great thing.

xxx

Just had a call from the night shelter, they are having their AGM tomorrow, and I have been invited to attend with a view to being elected to the council !! ... blimey :)

Reading this absolute load of cobblers made me so depressed last night that I called Lifeline. They've got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.



PETROL !

nice one kev :)up

 ;topofclass; *g

Don't let shite like that get to you Kev. That sender is 1% bad out of 99% good feed back you have had, ignore the saddo. He/she doesn't understand a community that comes together when one of us needs a little help.

I know exactly what you mean Kev.

I remember one day I was feeling particularly good, bouncing with energy and feeling good about the world.

Then, whilst cycling to work, some dozy tart wandered right out in front of me and nearly knocked me off my bike.

Put me in a right mood, that did.

 rotflmfao ;applause;

sigh. sticking to PMs I think.

edit: sorry, sense of humour tank just pretty empty today

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tricyclic_antidepressant#List_of_TCAs  FTW!

Busy day today .... Doctors, Meeting, Dentist. 

blog updated.

I am completely off my tits :D

lol great work

Standard

fyp ;)

see you love the dentist really

Just had my first meal ... angel delight LOL.

Still groggy as fuck so I am off to bed now, GG tooth fairy, you owe me a bastard fortune :D

I'm not sure when/if you'll be up to eating noodles but my maths teacher at school told me that when he was at uni they worked out that a King Size Pot Noodle pot was the perfect size to make a packet of Angel Delight.
He used to have the pot noodle rinse it out and make the angel delight in the pot so he only ever had to wash up a fork and spoon.
Just thought you could treat yourself to a 2 course meal!

had no idea kev , hope all goes well in the future mate
gl and best wishes from me and all at duffs

Kev

Please make do this but dont wash it out, could be the tastiest pot noodle ever.

Thx

Of course it does depend on the flavour of Angel Delight and Pot Noodle.

chow mein and butterscotch would work a treat I reckon

Nice try Claire, I think Kev can handle better though, Bombay Bad Boy & Popcorn Flavour Angel Delight

there is popcorn flavour angel delight?  yuck.

Used to be, dont know if its about anymore  :'(

did he ever try halving the washing up? no real reason not to eat the pot noodle with a spoon or angel delight with a fork

or just eat the lot with your fingers

Butterscoth angel delight is a culinary masterpiece, however Pot noodles are the invention of the devil and will never gain permission to enter this household.

WTF is angelas delight? I know what rappers delight is..but never heard off the angel function.

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diiL9bqvalo

use the empty microwave curry trays instead then

Boldie - it's a kind of mousse once it's made.  Comes in powder form in a packet and you add the milk or whatever they add then chill it.  Yuck imo.

Nah I just mix the angel delight in a jug, then stick jug in fridge, then eat straight from jug with a tea spoon ... makes it last longer :D

No bowls to wash up ...simples.

Chicken and mushroom pot noodle and eat while the noodles are still crunchy :)

Add extra milk, drink it, save on the spoon.  :D

Mousse from a packet?

To everyone who eats this; Just how common are you? you bunch of Kerry Katona inspired freaks!

It's just wrong.

ha!

Blog updated with news from the AGM and the dreaded dental surgery !

 rotflmfao rotflmfao

Boldie speaks sense!  If you were here right now Boldie, I might be forced to hug you.  rotflmfao

Blimey, forced would be an appropriate term.  I think Mrs Boldie has a restraining order that means he isn't allowed within 6 feet of her without applying for permission, in advance, in writing.

LOL - just seen that your dentist appointment was a 2:30!!!  Couldn't make it up.  Unless you did...

In triplicate..and even then with a court appointed supervisor :(

Bored today so went for a walk and took some pics, all these are within a 200 yard walk from my place.

and more ...

and even more ..

The first is the building I live in, the second is my room and the third is anouther shot of the top of the building, it is called "Gothic House"

How many scoops u have? ;)

The village church

LOL, none, too embarrassed to go in any shops with no teeth :(

Took loads more, but wont bore you with them all ... took some of my lack of teeth if anyone wants to see them LOL

Very picturesque little spot that Kev, and it's nice that you take the time to notice.

Kev, the middle picture, is there a man looking out on the top right window or are my eyes playing tricks on me?.

Cheers Tom, Regatta day today in wivenhoe, will be heading off for a look in a bit.

Cant see it myself Mo.

kk just zoom in in this area, but on your piccy not this one.

The last two blog posts have been the best :).

Still dont see it ... which is probably just as well because that is my room and I was outdide taking the photo LOL

Thanks Dan, feeling positive at the moment and looking forward... long may it continue.

lol

Were you lolling at me, sorry, I didnt trust my pic hotlink.

It is the face of Jesus imo. He"s everywhere.

No at Kivvy. x

:( Girls never laugh at me. Well not in that way

Kev, do you have the time logged with the pics, the time you took them at? I"m such a geek lol, I"m trying to guess the time on one of them.

This one. Don"t tell me though.

Yeah, i know what time those 3 pics were taken ... let meknow when you want telling LOL

20 past 5?

11.14 am

Can't be before half ten because no sausage and egg Mcmuffins are in the picture.

From the picture, it has to be the afternoon I think, about 4pm?

yeah, I'm looking at the angle of the sun reflected in the window in the bottom pic of the 3

i must have dodgy mincers as well
 i can see someone Mo

I was working from the top pic. From the angle of the shadow cast by the railing on the step, it looks like the sun is behind you and to the left, which is a bit strange.

Does the Sky dish LNB arm point nearly perpendicularly from the wall?

want me to tell ya yet ?

f


m



l


That sounds ominous lol.

Those pics look amazing btw. Mustnt have been so great for you though now that you have been spoiled by the sights around Aberdeen harbour...

I got fed up at one point trying to work out an angle so went into Google maps, loads of that area is covered by Street view.

Ok the time of the 3 photgraphs are

4.49pm
4.49pm
4.50pm


Got a few good snaps of the regatta today will shove them up in a bit

Good to see they marked my visit by putting my blonde initials on the boats :)

Hell Kev, it looks lovely there, no wonder you haven't taken us up on offer of a break.

last few

Looks a lovely street. Those umbrellas remind me of something but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Place was heaving (bloody tourists LOL) .... They had a raft race, 4 teams entered, one team sank about 10 yards into the race so waited by the finish line to try and sabotage the other teams, was carnage LOL.

Plenty of races and stuff going on, they also had a couple of live bands and a great big hog roast, marv when you cant eat it because you haven't got any bloody teeth LOL.  

Had a great few hours down there today, weather held out nicely.

Colchester Kent, so almost  :)

i thought colchester kev was your real name for a min.,.,lol is it.,.,??/,.,??good to see your doing well mate keep grinding yeah..,.,

Sunday bloody Sunday ... see you on Monday x

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .. weekend over.

Busy day today, couple of courses to attend and another visit to the dentist which should be a pain free one thank god.

Any photos of your toofless grin?

LOL yep, might post the series up later :)  ... doubt anyone really wants to see though.

;popcorn;

A bit harsh using a popcorn eating smiley, no?

Good point.  Highly insensitive.

;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn;

;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn;

;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn;

;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn;

;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn;

;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn; ;popcorn;

(http://www.msn101.com/content/emoticons/iwantcookies_1HSDTS.gif)(http://www.msn101.com/content/emoticons/iwantcookies_1HSDTS.gif)(http://www.msn101.com/content/emoticons/iwantcookies_1HSDTS.gif)(http://www.msn101.com/content/emoticons/iwantcookies_1HSDTS.gif)(http://www.msn101.com/content/emoticons/iwantcookies_1HSDTS.gif)(http://www.msn101.com/content/emoticons/iwantcookies_1HSDTS.gif)(http://www.msn101.com/content/emoticons/iwantcookies_1HSDTS.gif)

(http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/eat.gif)  (http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/eat.gif)  (http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/eat.gif)  (http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/eat.gif)  (http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/eat.gif)

LOL ... mugs!!

I have teeth AND broadband .. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

Pics of new teeth IMO ;D

i have a fuking killing tooth ache.,.,

went to the dentists last week he said my teeth are perfect apart from a small crack which needs filling.,.,i said well my teeth are not perfect then.,.,,.dick ed.,.,
got to go in on 16 aug for needles and chit.,.i hate the dentists.,my back molar is killing every no and then.,.,been using bonjela.,,..,21 stone and scared of a little needle my boy said,..,so i pinned him on the floor and threatned to stick him with a pin.,.,.cried like a girl.,.,lol .,., ilet him up and he ran off loling.,.,little git.,.,
good to see your doing well mate.,..,

Try this instead .... Anbesol FTW!!!

Blimey, I thought that said anusol ... still theres a few on here that could use that for mouth complaints :D

WARNING

I am going to post some pics of my gob in various stages of mess ... it aint pretty !!

just post links please, I'm about to eat my dinner.  kthx.

First off we have my teeth as were ....

ffs.....

Then with denture that the butcher from Pompey did

Kev, if you do give the anusol a whirl please resist the urge to post before and after pics.

Then after last surgery to remove 9 more teeth

Which one of these pictures shall I submit to 'am I hot or not?'

And now we have the new gnashers, I am so happy with them ... really happy.

:)up

wow kev that is fucking amazing, what a great job hes done compared to the pompey butcher!

so now have you now got a social security suntan but also social security nashers  :)up

Wow what a difference...........(http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m242/axiemeluv/Smiley/nod.gif)

Get in

Meanwhile, elsewhere on Kev's manor....

(http://bobandjeannie.com/table_pushing%20Ferrari.JPG)

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!!!!

Nice 1 Kev

Gonna take a bit of getting used to, after 4 days of nothing but butterscotch angel delight, rice pudding, and soup,  I am going to get my teeth into a chicken and mushroom pukka pie, new potatoes and peas, will do a bit of gravy with that just in case i need to water the food down a bit LOL.

things coudl allways be worse kiddo.,.,lol
your teeth look great mate.,.,.,,if i were a woman id let you

Well done your new dentist! Wow what a result, gr8 gnashers there Kev!

Mad skillz there,decent set you've got now mate nice one

Fookin marvelous Kev.

Cant stop looking at them in the mirror LOL .... I am going to treat myself to a large Jack and Ginger now, just the one though.

Will save the Single barrel Jack for when I get my eye done (still haven't heard back from hossy about that yet).

i've just had desert orchid on the phone, majorly pissed off cos someone has nicked his teeth...

LOL Laz !

Ahhh first one of these for a long while :)

pffft  thats a thimble for Laz

Lol ... I have had my treat, bottle is back in storage now.

I am going to get into the habit of allowing myself 1 drink every time I have a good day, might give me some encouragement because that was nectar !!

You had two?

The new teeth look totally fab hun....look after them xxx

New teeth look great mate...

wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii back of the net

you could take pictures of the glass after every mouthfull, then when you have finished and the glass is empty, then even when the glass is beiing washed up. Just thinking of ways to make this thread even more picture happy.. ha ha...

only kidding, pretty cool read.

gl with stuff

 ;D

I hope you are doing better Kev,  I have just seen this thread on the forum and the link to your blog.  Keep your chin up mate and take care   :)

Kev asked someone to post this link on here, so i thought i would.

He said:  "Judging by the recent display of ignorance, perhaps someone would be kind enough to post this link on "The road to recovery" thread on blonde. It really is a staggeringly brilliant piece of work."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/02/depression-mental-health-breakdown (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/02/depression-mental-health-breakdown)