The Road To Recovery

[Colchester Kev]

How is some that is truly depressed able to put on such a happy front? And what makes them want to do that?

General question obv.

Because it is a persona, a public face that you put on, you want to appear to be the person that you really want to be, you feel inadequate as you are so you over compensate and become the joker ... that is me by the way, other people will adapt a "front" that disguises their issues ... everyone is different.

Behind my mask I am a very insecure, self concious person with incredibly low self esteem ... so to mask that I give the false impression that I am exactly the opposite, which while it may fool other people, it also makes you worse in yourself as when you are alone you sink into depression as the mask slips.

Not sure if that makes any sense, i don't think I have explained it very well.

[Colchester Kev]

could i ask for some advice please, a girl I work with suffers from depression.  She has treatment etc and is comfortable talking to some people about it, i find it hard not to give advice etc even though I dont have a clue about the in's and outs of these things, what kind of things can i do to 'help' without isolating her or making things worse.

any tips are much appreciated as i think i upset her the other day... sigh...

Go to the library and get "Living with the black dog" ... ignore the fact that it says for "partners", it explains perfectly what to avoid saying and how to say the right things

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Black-Dog-Partner-Depressed/dp/1905410107

[sovietsong]

How is some that is truly depressed able to put on such a happy front? And what makes them want to do that?

General question obv.

Because it is a persona, a public face that you put on, you want to appear to be the person that you really want to be, you feel inadequate as you are so you over compensate and become the joker ... that is me by the way, other people will adapt a "front" that disguises their issues ... everyone is different.

Behind my mask I am a very insecure, self concious person with incredibly low self esteem ... so to mask that I give the false impression that I am exactly the opposite, which while it may fool other people, it also makes you worse in yourself as when you are alone you sink into depression as the mask slips.

Not sure if that makes any sense, i don't think I have explained it very well.

it makes perfect sense, i tend to be a bit of a joker at work but when i'm feeling low or having a shit time i have to pretend i'm on top form or everybody goes on about it.  I think many people do this, not just in terms of being the joker or whatever but acting a certain way because it is expected.

[sovietsong]

could i ask for some advice please, a girl I work with suffers from depression.  She has treatment etc and is comfortable talking to some people about it, i find it hard not to give advice etc even though I dont have a clue about the in's and outs of these things, what kind of things can i do to 'help' without isolating her or making things worse.

any tips are much appreciated as i think i upset her the other day... sigh...

Go to the library and get "Living with the black dog" ... ignore the fact that it says for "partners", it explains perfectly what to avoid saying and how to say the right things

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Black-Dog-Partner-Depressed/dp/1905410107

ty - any practical tips or quick wins, whilst i would like to avoid putting my foot in it ect i must be honest and say that this is somebody i work with and doubt i would get a book on the subject.  plus my missus prob would think it a tad strange esspecially as she knows this lass and might think i'm after playing away from home!

[Colchester Kev]

could i ask for some advice please, a girl I work with suffers from depression.  She has treatment etc and is comfortable talking to some people about it, i find it hard not to give advice etc even though I dont have a clue about the in's and outs of these things, what kind of things can i do to 'help' without isolating her or making things worse.

any tips are much appreciated as i think i upset her the other day... sigh...

Go to the library and get "Living with the black dog" ... ignore the fact that it says for "partners", it explains perfectly what to avoid saying and how to say the right things

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Black-Dog-Partner-Depressed/dp/1905410107

ty - any practical tips or quick wins, whilst i would like to avoid putting my foot in it ect i must be honest and say that this is somebody i work with and doubt i would get a book on the subject.  plus my missus prob would think it a tad strange esspecially as she knows this lass and might think i'm after playing away from home!

In my blog I wrote a poem ... contained within are all things that people have said to me ...I suppose the worst one is "pull yourself together", I mean do people not think that if it was that easy then we would bloody do it LOL

The sky is blue, without a cloud

yet you long to be wrapped up in a shroud

can’t you enjoy this lovely weather ?

why can’t you just pull yourself together ?

Come on, for gods sake whats the trouble ?

why act like you are inside a bubble ?

wallowing alone is not the way

get up, get washed, ENJOY THE DAY

You cannot carry on like this

what happened to your life of bliss ?

where has that happy person gone ?

what caused it all to go so wrong ?

With all these questions in my head

you wonder why I’d rather be dead.

[sovietsong]

i guess its hard to understand for people who don't suffer with it, i guess that people are trying to be helpful when they say 'pull yourself together'.  my question would be what other things can you say!  like I mentioned i'm always trying to give advice/find solutions, not sure what else to do when somebody says they are feeling unhappy or whatever. 

[Colchester Kev]

And if you really want a hot tip, be honest with her and say "I do not know nearly enough about mental health issues, but I want to understand a bit more, so if you ever want to talk to me about anything, I would be more than willing to listen"

An offer of support and a display of understanding (however small) is a massive help to someone who is depressed.  

[sovietsong]

cheers kev.  i guess i think i'm being helpful when i'm actually making things worse, which isnt very good.  see i really like this girl, she is a lovely person but seems to have loads of issues and i'm there trying to say stupid things that are meant to help but not helping at all!

[Colchester Kev]

what you have to remember is that everyone is diffeent, and while sufferers share the bottom line diagnosis, their triggers and personalities are unique to them, so never make judgments and the most important thing to do is LISTEN.

[Colchester Kev]

Just received the following anonymous email

"What the fuck is wrong with you, have you no pride? give it a rest with the poor little me act and either kill your self or just crawl off back to the asylum where you obviously belong"

Seems like not everyone thinks it is an issue worth highlighting.

[thetank]

quick fixes for you sovietsong

Avoid small talk staples like...

'how are you doing today'
'what've you been up to at the weekend'

as the real answers are probs 'shit' and 'fuck all - I bought some mince to make bolognaise but I et crisps instead of cooking spaghetti coz who can be assed and although I could cook the mince tonight I'm more likely to get a take away and it'll go out of date and I'll chuck it away. I have no worth, woe woe is me'
but the answers you'll get will be 'fine' and 'not much, how about yourself'

don't talk about the weather either, not so much because of sensitivity to mental illness, more becauase it's a boring thing to talk about

bitch about colleagues, wots been on the telly, crazy shit in the news or wacky youtube videos. Don't compliment her for the sake of it, she's no an idiot and she'll feel patronised. Low self esteem, she won't believe you half the time even if you're genuine. If she's done owt decent then crack on and mention it
 though. While it won't get through half the time, the other half it will. (or it might)

you can't fix things but you can increase the probability that she will bypass your office the day she comes to work armed to the teeth and shoots people seemingly at random before Gazza turns up to end things one way or another.

You don't need a book, I'll see you right
amongst the above toungue in cheek stream of conciousness that is completely inappropriate for the tone of the thread there may or may not be hidden some good advice.

[ItsMrAlex2u]

Just received the following anonymous email

"What the fuck is wrong with you, have you no pride? give it a rest with the poor little me act and either kill your self or just crawl off back to the asylum where you obviously belong"

Seems like not everyone thinks it is an issue worth highlighting.

Anonymously sent I assume. What a fcking tw@t, whoever it was. Dont waste time worrying about idiots like that Kev.

[thetank]

Just received the following anonymous email

"What the fuck is wrong with you, have you no pride? give it a rest with the poor little me act and either kill your self or just crawl off back to the asylum where you obviously belong"

Seems like not everyone thinks it is an issue worth highlighting.

I'd reply

hi mr x thanks for the electronic mail

In answer to your questions...

Depression is the main thing wots wrong with me, getting better as it happens.
Yes I do have pride. Some self esteem issues but who doesn't

On the point of killing myself or crawling to the asylum, I appreciate your advice but on balance I'm going to stick with my current course of erm, not doing that.

Don't be a stranger

your good friend Kev

xx

[thetank]

If you bink the lotto Kev and are looking at hiring an entourage then I'm in currently looking for employment. Will ship CV by pm.

[ItsMrAlex2u]

Just received the following anonymous email

"What the fuck is wrong with you, have you no pride? give it a rest with the poor little me act and either kill your self or just crawl off back to the asylum where you obviously belong"

Seems like not everyone thinks it is an issue worth highlighting.

I'd reply

hi mr x thanks for the electronic mail

In answer to your questions...

Depression is the main thing wots wrong with me, getting better as it happens.
Yes I do have pride. Some self esteem issues but who doesn't

On the point of killing myself or crawling to the asylum, I appreciate your advice but on balance I'm going to stick with my current course of erm, not doing that.

Don't be a stranger

your good friend Kev

xx

Thats just far too restrained for me !!