blonde poker forum

I've done some tongue in cheek write ups. I've got more but wanted to see how these came across before I spent any real time on them. What do you think?


The low limit tourney rounder

Where you'll see him : Any £15+£1 55 runner tournament usually with his buddies at the final table

How to spot : Spend any time in a poker room and you'll get to know these guys.

Description : These guys are from the old school, it's tough to see how they could possibly make a living doing what they do but they're always there day in and day out. Thick as thieves many low limit final tables become a regs club to an extent that almost seems shady to the outsider especially in self dealt tourneys. Their strategies are carved into their brains and they seem unable to adapt. Luckily they don't have to as the competition is merely local tourists. If you see them in a cash game sit down, they've played 20BB poker so much that they are physically be unable to fold TPNK.

Strength : Persistence

Weakness : Unadaptable


The recreational mega nit (or old man nitter)

Where you'll see him : Any 0.50/1 game he'll be the guy without cards in front of him

How to spot : Is someone turning over aces after checking turn and river? That's him

Description : For these guys poker is just about the good cards, that and complaining when those good cards get cracked. They have a playing range of JJ+ and AK (though only to call cos it's a drawing hand preflop) and it seems nonsensical to them that such powerhouses would ever lose. Amazingly they probably make money over time as the fish are so bad that they somehow manage to get paid off. If one of these guys min 3 bets you, they have aces maybe maaaaybe kings, so call with any 2 and try to flop 2 pair on them you'll win some nit money and they'll get another bad beat story to tell. Everyone wins. Be sure to note after after one or two such “beats” old man nitter may become shove blind maniac.

Strength : Zen like patience

Weakness : May as well play face up


The Young Guns

Where you'll see him : Grinding £1/£2 and up

How to spot  : Hoodie? Check. Slouched over? Check. Talking loudly about triple range merging and the art of the 5 bet bluff? That's your guy.

Description : Online ain't for everyone. Even the young guns like to mix it up with some live play from time to time. For these guy often poker is just a computer game and money is just a high score that ticks over. Unfortunately they are also probably better than you. It is however important to separate the young guy who talks a good game with all the newfangled terms and then makes huuuge elementary mistakes from the guys who actually know what they're doing and have studied the game for themselves. This should become apparent before too long.

Strength : An adaptable range based game rather than rote strategies

Weakness : Too willing to share secrets, tap the glass and improve the games of their opponents in an attempt to look smart



The Big Shot!

Where you'll see him : The highest buyin game going

How to spot : Rolex, sharp suit, slick hair, other rolex

Description : So you've made a bunch of money in business, your property portfolio is booming or your strip club empire is going from strength to strength. Maybe drug sales are up and you need a place to take your wad of fifties, impress some attractive cocktail waitresses and 8 sallow jealous degenerates who are, to a man, thinking how much better they could spend your money than you. This guy has no real strategy, he's going to be pretty loose preflop (what's another £50 I'll call) and will usually want to see his draws through for any amount that is if you can get his attention away from the female dealers and wait-staff. Will often take losing personally and have vendettas against those who beat him. Hit the board hard and take this guy to valuetown. This usually isn't the guy to bluff but if you can get him when he's distracted take him off a pot and show him you bluffed him it could be profitable in the long run. Watch out though. To get rich you generally have to be sharp, you want to keep this guy having fun and rebuying not focused on winning.

Strength : Doesn't care about money

Weakness : Doesn't care about money

Still to come (maybe)

The tourist
The old school grinder (Joey Knish)
The maniac (smart version)
The maniac (dumb version)
The young Asian
The mix game/dealers choice player

Looking forward to the next installment :)

Excellent.

The last time I saw anything as well written and original as that on here it was plagiarism.

;)

moarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Great write up. I'm presuming your giveyourcash that used to crush pkr ?

Great read. Looking forward to the young asian. Never folding 88 has to be in there.

very good post.looking forward to more

i picture these on playing cards, like top trumps, with cartoon pics of each type.

anyone wna swap a mega nit for a young gun?

keep it coming!

Which category would you put yourself in OP?

I am punting for a semi young gun

I don't know about crush but sure.


I haven't gotten to the uber fish yet. :)

Very nice. The young gun weaknesses, clearly aimed at us "dtd regs"!

What about quincy......the type of player who does an autopsy on every hand...disecting it and educating all and sundry where you went wrong and the correct manner to play...seen on most tables....

 :dontask:

young chinese
old chinese

pls

Excellent :)

Moarrrrr pls :D

The consistent live fish

Where you'll see him : Calling for chips

How to spot : When this guy approaches the cash desk all heads in the room turn. Usually hailed by a chorus of “SEAT OPEN!”

Description : If this guy ever took the time to graph his sessions he'd see a 45 degree line straight down with perhaps the occasional spike where the stars all aligned and he somehow managed to book a win. Usually loose passive, limp calling any amount preflop and folding for the tiniest bet postflop if he misses. Be wary however as the CLF does not define the word miss as you and I do. Two overs? That's worth calling one, gutshot to the low end? Sure. If you're cbetting this guy and it's not for value you need to commit to two or even better three barrels by which time you may have convinced him to let go of that bottom pair that he was holding onto for dear life on the flop. Usually known by his trademark call “how can I fold getting this much value” (calling a pot sized bet with a gutshot on the turn) or “I hate JJ it always loses” (after open raising to 15BB pre). Physically incapable of folding aces under any circumstances no matter the board, the action or any local meteorite strike decimating the poker room.

Strength : N/A

Weakness : pretty much everything



The old school grinder (Joey Knish)

Where you'll see him : The same seat he's been in for 30 years

How to spot : He's the one that will have just locked up the seat next to him for the CLF

Description : He's stood the test of time. Making a living playing cards sounds glamorous to an outsider but living it for half a lifetime is something else entirely. If you're supporting a wife and kids poker is all about the grind. Has a sometimes strained, sometimes friendly relationship with the young guns because he remembers a time when it was just guys like him vs the fish and while they are often better at the technical aspects of the game he has the skills that turn you from a good card player into a good poker player namely game selection, bankroll management and tilt control. This guy is tough to beat for any significant amount of money without a cooler situation but you can take small edges here and there where he may be reluctant to mix things up with you.

Strength : Sees all the angles.

Weakness : Doesn't have the stones to play one.



The maniac (Smart and dumb)

Where you'll see him : Hopefully to your right (if not change seats as soon as possible)

How to spot : He's the one holding raising chips

Description (smart version) : Man this guy's been raising me all f**king night he's taken down every pot. My TPTK just has to be good here, I call. Full house wins the pot. Giving the illusion of crazy action while only committing with the nuts is a tough line to walk. Trying to keep your losses to a minimum whilst building an image that will pay off later is very difficult to achieve. The maniac will pretty much always straddle and double straddle as this is reasonably cheap PR work and be wary of flatting pre as that squeeze is coming more often than not. If you're up against a good smart maniac you need to find out as fast as possible, preferably before you ship your stack over to him with the bottom pair you were certain was going to be good. Even once you've unmasked him in your mind he's a tough customer. The only way to consistently beat him is either nit up like crazy or hitch up your drawers and out maniac the maniac. 4 bet bluff his squeezes, check raise his flop bets, basically out aggro him. He's used to running the table over and with luck won't know how to handle you.

Description (dumb version) : Looks similar to the smart version at first glance but there are clear  differences to the trained eye. He's far far more likely to show up with a retarded bluff for all his chips and make the TPNK guy feel like the hero of all time. Will pounce on weakness like the smart version but will also “pounce” on strength. Will 4 bet old man nitter, the most suicidal of all plays and generally has no rhyme or reason to his over aggressiveness other than “f**k it I'm all in”. The dumb maniac is a variance roller-coaster but if you're properly bankrolled can be a goldmine.

Strength (smart) : Confuses plenty of opponents into donating their stacks

Weakness (smart) : Has to pay (take small -EV spots) to build that image

Strength (dumb) : Will pick up plenty of small pots

Weakness (dumb) : Will lose all the money back and more in one or two big pots

great stuff love it

MOAR!

Absolutely brilliant: well structured, easy to relate to and very perceptive, with witty overtones, and a soupçons of cynicism.

Thanks

Absolutly brilliant! - great stuff, and really enjoyed reading it.

Ok, so any blondes on here want to give a honest account fo what they catogery they think they are?

I'll start the ball rolling ... I think at times I am the 'smart' maniac,, but there are times, where I can easily look/play like the 'dumb' maniac, your right, there is a very fine line imo.

Anyone else?

Haha. Probably young gun... Despite being way nittier than people expect me to be given my appearance. I do like to discuss 5betting so I look like I know a little bit about what I'm talking about, and I like to take the table through the process of my thoughts and effectively give them a list of my exploitable tendencies.

There should be a category for:  "The ex-dealer".

...and for the "soon to be dealer"

I am definately in the dumb maniac crowd with occasional forays into retarded maniac...

Is there any difference?

If you're doing requests...