UK live players : A spotters guide

I've done some tongue in cheek write ups. I've got more but wanted to see how these came across before I spent any real time on them. What do you think?

The low limit tourney rounder

Where you'll see him : Any £15+£1 55 runner tournament usually with his buddies at the final table

How to spot : Spend any time in a poker room and you'll get to know these guys.

Description : These guys are from the old school, it's tough to see how they could possibly make a living doing what they do but they're always there day in and day out. Thick as thieves many low limit final tables become a regs club to an extent that almost seems shady to the outsider especially in self dealt tourneys. Their strategies are carved into their brains and they seem unable to adapt. Luckily they don't have to as the competition is merely local tourists. If you see them in a cash game sit down, they've played 20BB poker so much that they are physically be unable to fold TPNK.

Strength : Persistence

Weakness : Unadaptable

The recreational mega nit (or old man nitter)

Where you'll see him : Any 0.50/1 game he'll be the guy without cards in front of him

How to spot : Is someone turning over aces after checking turn and river? That's him

Description : For these guys poker is just about the good cards, that and complaining when those good cards get cracked. They have a playing range of JJ+ and AK (though only to call cos it's a drawing hand preflop) and it seems nonsensical to them that such powerhouses would ever lose. Amazingly they probably make money over time as the fish are so bad that they somehow manage to get paid off. If one of these guys min 3 bets you, they have aces maybe maaaaybe kings, so call with any 2 and try to flop 2 pair on them you'll win some nit money and they'll get another bad beat story to tell. Everyone wins. Be sure to note after after one or two such “beats” old man nitter may become shove blind maniac.

Strength : Zen like patience

Weakness : May as well play face up

The Young Guns

Where you'll see him : Grinding £1/£2 and up

How to spot : Hoodie? Check. Slouched over? Check. Talking loudly about triple range merging and the art of the 5 bet bluff? That's your guy.

Description : Online ain't for everyone. Even the young guns like to mix it up with some live play from time to time. For these guy often poker is just a computer game and money is just a high score that ticks over. Unfortunately they are also probably better than you. It is however important to separate the young guy who talks a good game with all the newfangled terms and then makes huuuge elementary mistakes from the guys who actually know what they're doing and have studied the game for themselves. This should become apparent before too long.

Strength : An adaptable range based game rather than rote strategies

Weakness : Too willing to share secrets, tap the glass and improve the games of their opponents in an attempt to look smart

The Big Shot!

Where you'll see him : The highest buyin game going

How to spot : Rolex, sharp suit, slick hair, other rolex

Description : So you've made a bunch of money in business, your property portfolio is booming or your strip club empire is going from strength to strength. Maybe drug sales are up and you need a place to take your wad of fifties, impress some attractive cocktail waitresses and 8 sallow jealous degenerates who are, to a man, thinking how much better they could spend your money than you. This guy has no real strategy, he's going to be pretty loose preflop (what's another £50 I'll call) and will usually want to see his draws through for any amount that is if you can get his attention away from the female dealers and wait-staff. Will often take losing personally and have vendettas against those who beat him. Hit the board hard and take this guy to valuetown. This usually isn't the guy to bluff but if you can get him when he's distracted take him off a pot and show him you bluffed him it could be profitable in the long run. Watch out though. To get rich you generally have to be sharp, you want to keep this guy having fun and rebuying not focused on winning.

Strength : Doesn't care about money

Weakness : Doesn't care about money