blonde poker forum

In this thread we details those times when you, yourself, have done a fail. It must be a fail of a personal nature, not something that happened to someone else but when the burden of fail is yours.

I like a lunchtime sushi as much as the next man but, man in sushi shop, I'm really not that fussed about the receipt. I've bought one thing from you and it will all be eaten and gone in 20 minutes. It's also one extra thing for me to deal with.

This is why, when I give you a £20 note for my £7 sushi box, and you give me a £10 note, three pound coins and a receipt, I have to juggle things about - putting the pound coins in my pocket, the £10 note in my wallet and then scrunching up the receipt and throwing it in the bin on my way out.

I feel it's good to have this degree of compartmentalisation in my life, so I know exactly where things are. The benefit of this is that when I come to pay for my coffee this morning, in my still-sleepy state, I can, without using any brainpower whatsoever, take my wallet out and give the coffee lady the £10 note you gave me in change yesterday, whilst I'm fumbling around in the sugar drawer.

I do not appreciate being aroused from my slumber by the interjection of the coffee lady, politely enquiring as to whether I would like to proffer any actual currency in exchange for my coffee as, sadly, reciepts for £7 of sushi are not legal tender.

For some stories along the same van see my thread of stupid is as stupid does. Some quality stuff in there that people might have forgotten: http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=53499.150 (http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=53499.150)

Haha

I spent the entire day last Tuesday talking as if it was Sunday. My gf let me do this all day until she decided to put me out of my misery and inform me that it was in fact Tuesday and not Sunday :/

 FYP ::)

Wow £7 for lunch? £140 a month on lunch? I don't see that as a fail.

The fact that Starbucks were giving out FREE coffee today, so you didn't need to pay for it, is where I see you failing.... ;D

<3

Cool fail story andrew. Here's an even bigger one.

Mate of mine was gonna come to the pub last night but decided to stay at work til after 7.30 instead. Wot a loser.

The funny thing is if I had then the moment of fail wouldn't have happened at coffee this morning, but at the pub last night, which would have made me a double massive loser.

You should have called CF, he thought it was Saturday.

Yesterday this nice old lady came to have a look around my gym and to talk about memberships. She had MS and used two sticks so walked real real slow. I respect that spirit in people and thought she could be feeling intimidated so I tried very hard to make a good impression and give her a warm professional service. It took ages to show her around but I was happy to do so and in the end she loved the club saying she would return tomorrow and join up. A job well done.

On the way out we have these double auto doors on a sensor that pop open and then swing closed about 10 secs later when you pass thru. As the lady walked out those doors popped open as usual but cos she was so slow they swung back together too soon trapping her perfectly in the middle. I don't know why they didn't pop open again, but they did not. The woman was very startled and began to cry out for help. I thought zomg and leapt over the counter to run to her aid. However as I ran over the sensor musta kicked into my movement and it popped the doors back open. The woman whose momentum was deffo forward at this point and being unsteady on her feet anyway started falling forward like a tombstone towards the concrete floor.

Frantically arriving at this scene I reached out and grabbed the back of her jumper in order to stop her falling forwards. This did work to some degree but I think the jumper was made of some kinda elastic material because it stretched a lot as she went down and my clenched fist remained high. As her head neared the floor there was a terrible ripping sound as the jumper reached max tension. This panicked me a lot and I insta let go causing the woman to now fall the remaining way. This panicked me even more and as I stumbled forward I tripped on her stick and fell on top of her.

I shit you not this was a scene directly out of Fawlty Towers and I was the star of the show. Surprisingly she didn't come back and join today.

No it wouldn't, it would have made you hilarious.  with a pint :)

A+ Mantis

thread has potential

Mantis does your gym have CCTV?

Yes it does and yes we have and yes it is funny.

hurry up then!

please.... i beg you to post this!

Your stuff is legendary but please let us enjoy this :)

I fail in life full stop.

you ain't failing nothing bud ...crushing the weight loss

lolz

i fail at life also

as far as i know you aint crushing the weight loss bud!

Nothing but win here but I'll enjoy reading everybody else's failures.

have we got a youtube link to mantis yet?

It can't be as funny as the write up.. let it remain, forever, a written work

it's so good that you've always come across as being the reincarnation of gordon brittas and that has now been 100% confirmed

This thread has brought back to me a little episode that still makes me want to punch myself in the face when I think about it 12 years on.
We used to visit a country pub every sunday for their fantastic carvery, and always had a bit of polite banter with the "front of house" guy and his dad, who carved the roasts.
We weren't on first name terms or anything, but they'd always manage to find us a table no matter how busy they were, and were generally nice people.
One sunday we turned up a little late in the day, I was absolutely starving, so I got in the carvery queue while hubby got the drinks.
Unusually, the younger guy was carving that week, so when it was my turn I said breezily "whats going on here? You been demoted?" He kind of mumbled his reply, and to be honest I was concentrating more on my lunch than him so I just laughed gaily "Hahahaha, can I have more roasties please?" I did notice him staring after me with a stricken look on his face as I walked away but by then I was trying to get to my table before the gravy I'd ladled on dripped on the floor.
I only realised something was wrong when I saw my husband marching towards me, red faced and obv mortified.
Unfortunately, when He'd went to get his meal, the by now tearful man had asked him why his wife had found it so amusing when he'd told me he was there because his father had sadly passed away on friday...........
Cue a sharp exit, Harry wouldn't even let me go and apologise, He said he'd explained that I wasn't fit to be taken out in public and that I'd said enough for one day.
I made sunday dinner at home after that.

(http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/embarrassed/blushing.gif) (http://www.sherv.net/blushing-emoticon-1017.html)

Today I woke up early thinking you could do things before 10am on a Sunday!

So wrong!

last night i went to bed early to get up to watch the grand prix, guess that was a fail then as still flat on my back

Just spent 15 mins hanging on the tax help line listening to the worst lift musac possible, eventually got through to the right person, sat down for a long chat and cut myself off. Its going to be a long day.

Collected 16 bits of toughened glass for some garage doors
Got to job today opened my side door ......4 bits smashed on the side of the road .....sigh

Cant of been that tough then eh?

A few years ago I used to own a chip shop and every Saturday without fail a man and a woman used to come in and order 2 Plaice and and a bag of chips. One Saturday the man came in on his own and I asked where his mom was. His reply was 'that's my wife'. Oops, he looked about 40 and his wife must have been the wrong side of 70. They never came back.

Driving back from Glasgow today, stopped to fill the car up (was less than 1/4 tank) - filled it, and was replacing the nozzle when I remembered that the new car, bought a few weeks back was a diesel..... gg £55 of unleaded, gg £78 excess recovery charge, gg £?? my mate'll charge to drain it, add in a ton of shit I'll take as I made a few disparaging comments about a mate's daughter for doing the same thing earlier this week & yes it all = big steaming heap of personal fail. F.M.L.!!!!!

(http://cl.jroo.me/z3/R/n/s/d/a.aaa-BUSH-FAIL-NICE.jpg)

JUst be glad you didnt turn it over as it could have been gg engine!

I know - especially with that much unleaded in. Not my car either... boy I'm glad I didn't turn it over.

Rushed into work for my first appointment.................which is at 1 pm this afternoon.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Think-Diesel-Audible-Warning-Petrol-Diesel-Fuel-Saver-NO-misfuelling-Device-/150777430752?pt=UK_Car_Accessories_Touring_Travel&hash=item231b0902e0#ht_500wt_949

Actually a good idea, thanks for that as we do have both diesel & petrol cars.

Just had a pretty big one. Was eating my lunch earlier and I could not get any ketchup out of the bottle as is standard, put the lid back on and shook the fuck out of it, sigh lid not back on properly  :(

The ketchup goes fricking everywhere within a 8 foot radius all around me, at first glance it did not hit anyone but it went on a couple of other people's tables and I was covered in the stuff, it was all on my table the surrounding chairs everywhere. I called the waitress and apologized and she half cleaned it up and I was sat there looking like a right knob, I didn't even finish my lunch I just got the bill and left shortly after  ;ashamed;

lol, your misfortune just made my day.
:)

Day off today so having a bottle of wine for lunch and some prawns and rice - stopped off at the Tesco and picked up a nice bottle from the Fridge for £7 - French, Nice Label etc
Get home and its Red
Tescos Really>

could be that new fangled rosé stuff

No, poured a little out - defo Red not Rose - felt like I had just drafted Ryan Leaf

Exchanged houses today finally moving, I don't feel happy I feel relieved.

Its been 8 months, two final day exchange pull-outs, a Bradford solicitor that was corrupt and stalling for 3 months, an old couple that couldn't agree a moving day because a friend couldn't help them, two of the worst estate agents I have ever dealt with that tried to bully us over the phone, solicitors away on holidays, solicitors merging firms and computer systems crashing, lady at the top putting her house back on the market due to delay

deep breath...

Not sure if it fits or not, probably does.

So I've been pursuading my daugther to go on her big bike and leave the toddler one behind for about 8 months now, but she insists that it's too big for her.  It's pretty big but it's fine.   She's 7 and a half and can reach the floor ok. 

Anyway, Sunday she gives it a go, gets it, and is away, can't get her off it all day, she's in love with the 'new' bike.   Late Sunday evening she's come in in tears telling me she's broken the bike.  When you turn the wheel to the left, the brakes jam on.  I tried to calm her down telling her that it's only a five minute job and I'll take a look.   I couldn't work out what it was but it was fairly late and assured her that I'd take the bike and her to Halfords Monday to get it sorted.  We'd also get a new stand and a waterbottle for it so she's ok now.

Trek down to Halfords last night, explain the problem and the guy takes one look at it and says "turn the handlebars around"

In my defence, he did try and assure me that it was a fairly common problem, kids turning the handlebars around 360 degrees.   Felt  pretty stupid still

Oh yes, it very much fits.

just spent quite a while looking online at the route the olympic torch is taking to see if it goes anywhere near my house

for most people this wouldn't really be a fail, however I live in stratford about a mile from the olympic stadium, probs should've realised there's a fairly good chance the flame will be nearby at some point

Went to pick up a girl for a night out. Into the house & her Mum shouts me through "come through to the kitchen Son" so I go through for the interrogation... I'd been at school with her. F.M.L.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

(Although that's also quite impressive on another level)

it would make my evening if she was the girl you took to see T'pau

Mother n daughter double :)

Thin.

(not you, obv)

 ;hattip; ;nana; Knew I was gonna get that....

I deleted that post because I thought someone would make that wrong link.... And she wasn't born that far back.... I've t-shirts older than her.

Was bad enough... No her Mum's a few years older than me... Girl still young enough to be my daughter - so firmly in the friend zone - which is sensible.

Pic or gtfo

I'll GTFO :)

I've had one of those moments today where I've surprised myself how utterly stupid I can be sometimes.

changing Hannah's bed I decided her mattress foam topper thing was probably due a wash.  I thought the easiest way to do this would be to stick in in the bathtub.  errr, yup.  Have spent a good chunk of the afternoon/evening ripping it into small enough pieces to wring the water out so that I can actually pick it up and dispose of it.

Not felt quite this mentally challenged since I stuck my rubber ring round my feet when I was 5 so that I could stand on top of the water in the swimming pool.

 rotflmfao :)up