Click to see full-size image.

It's reminding me of someone. I can't quite put my finger on who though. Ah well, it'll come to me in due course.....

[thin]

At that moment a man came down the corridor. Tall, thin, a man I recognised as Richard Bacon from the Big Breakfast in 1987. Only it wasn't, it was the man from the Green Flag adverts.

He had a weary look, and our eyes met.



tikay made the introductions

"Jeeves, this is Richard Orford my presenter. Richard, this is Jeeves my man"

Orford held my grip for just a shade too long as we shook hands. I sensed that all was not well

"tikay I will see you in 20 minutes in studio, I'll show Jeeves out" Orford said and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me down the corridor

As we rounded the corridor and tikay's dressing room shut he grabbed me by both lapels

"JEEVES YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. THEY KEEP PUTTING ME WITH HIM ON SHOWS"

He was breathing heavily, and very agitated

"ON SCREEN CHEMISTRY JEEVES. ON SCREEN CHEMISTRY THEY SAY. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER JEEVES. IF I HEAR ONE MORE STORY ABOUT BRIDGES OR CONCRETE OR DUCKS I'LL..."

His voice tailed off, and he began sobbing uncontrollably on my shoulder

"JEEVES MAKE IT STOP"  

"Sir, I, er, I am not sure how I can do that sir" I muttered

A wistful Orford began to reminisce

"I was on Channel four at the age of 21 Jeeves. Glittering future ahead. I had visions of This Morning with Anne Diamond. The National Lottery show. Perhaps Supermarket Sweep. BUT IT ALL WENT WRONG JEEVES. I ended up being the voice of Discovery Quest and presenting game shows on Challenge Jeeves and I had to take the Sky Poker job Jeeves and NOW EVERY SHOW THEY PUT ME WITH HIM"

and with that his vice like grip was released and he went off down the corridor, shaking his head, a gentle sobbing an ever quieter reminder that behind the public persona, real problems lay.  

Jeeves, I was quite taken with your account of our meeting, but I feel compelled to point out two inaccuracies.

(1) I'm not thin any more. Sadly...

(2) This Morning with Anne Diamond was never on my wish-list. The National Lottery? Yes, a fair cop. Damn that Nick Knowles. Always beating me to the plum jobs. But my other ambitions- to follow in the footsteps of Kerry Katona and spearhead my own series of adverts for Iceland and to reboot Lennie Bennett's Punchlines for the 21st century has been well-documented and I'm surprised a man of your calibre missed that in your research.

I look forward to meeting you the next time you're summoned by your master to Sky. I don't know when that will be, but you can guarantee I'll be in the corridor...

[Orford is illiterate! He can't write a script, never mind play Scrabble, I have to write all his Show material.]

Elsewhere, Mogadon Monday was put in the shade over at the scrabble table, as Lucky and Clairebear registered one game in three hours. Claw TID 323-278, a scoreline Avi later described as 'shit'. Probz.

don't forget to update the scrabble league innit.  played a game with Richard Orford later on which he forfeited, so i reckon that counts for scoreage too.

Orford is illiterate! He can't write a script, never mind play Scrabble, I have to write all his Show material.

I think you'll find that there should be a full stop after the word 'Scrabble' in your sentence, not a comma.

Illiterate you say..?

Hmmm....

Elsewhere, Mogadon Monday was put in the shade over at the scrabble table, as Lucky and Clairebear registered one game in three hours. Claw TID 323-278, a scoreline Avi later described as 'shit'. Probz.

don't forget to update the scrabble league innit.  played a game with Richard Orford later on which he forfeited, so i reckon that counts for scoreage too.

An outrageous slur! I had all my letters out with the word 'Dieters' and was in the process of finding a spot to put it on the board to totally crush you with a 50 point bonus on a triple word score, when Dave Bland went out the main event and asked for a lift home.

I did NOT forfeit! Indeed, I seem to remember getting up from the Scrabble table and announcing "You should thank your lucky stars Claire, Dave Bland has just saved you from a demoralising defeat". I then flicked the Vs to the crowd and stormed out, kicking over a couple of chairs for good measure. Coz that's how rock n'roll I am.

We both know that I would have TID with MOF had the game gone on any longer.

And yes, you will hear from my lawyers in the morning...

Don't be late tomorrow Rich.

(On Friday, Rich & I will both be Modelllls).

Yes, we are both models for toby jugs...

Orford dresses like an orphaned Romanian

So that leaves you then!

That's a very specific look you're talking about there, Pokefast.

For years I've been working the Romanian style. And it's true that have I occasionally dabbled in Orphanage-chic.

But I must admit I've never combined the two. How daring and yet so effective! I simply must have this combo for the new season, darling. Rest assured I will get my wardrobe team on to it straight away!

[poken]

Your contribution was neither invited, or required, Mr Orford, thank you very much.

One of the two, err, "quietly poken & refined" young Ladies concerned in this to-do is, I believe, taking part in some sort of stunt today, involving a boxing match against Liv Boeree. That should be exciting, real handbag slinging stuff.

If they were quietly poken, was it you who did the poking, Tikay?

Lol!

"The old man from Sky Poker"?

Thank goodness the camera span round to show us Tikay, as I would never have guessed who they were referring to otherwise

I won't be there Thursday so Orford will have to find someone else to slowroll in the inevitable comedy sit n go!

Slowroll? There's plenty of hands out there that beat quads... 

Orford does not love me? You jest, He idolises me, worships the very ground upon which I walk.

'tis true. Although unfortunately, what with your increasing reliance on wheelchairs and Stannah stairlifts, finding ground that you've actually walked on is becoming more and more difficult...

Unrelated, but......

I was arranging to bring Rich & Mich - Orford & Orpe - to Luton this Thursday, but Orford now tells me that the Cardroom is closed this Thursday. Can anyone confirm this?

Thanks.

according to the website it's the usual £50 f/o this Thursday.  He's either scared or letting you down gently imo

The "card room is closed" is the new version of "I'm washing my hair". 

Take it like a man Tikay.

So the card room is open after all?

Damn it. In that case...I'm washing my hair.

(PS-See you all Thursday)

Richard,
A message form the Hendon Mob, if you prefer a different photo to be added to their database, please let me know. 
Indy

http://pokerdb.thehendonmob.com/player.php?a=r&n=54519

Haha! That does it! I'm NEVER winning a poker game again! 

Even the smiley is wearing something better than my jacket!

Orf, are you still in mourning at the passing of C&A ??

Don't remind me Kev, it's too painful. You'll be telling me I can't get hold of the Ladybird range from Woolies next...

[To Enter!]

Mr Orford you always make me laugh.  If I were gay I would def consider you gay boyfriend potential.



I think I will pay you................To Enter!

Well. I'm shocked ... i really am.

I'm not.

I walked into the Dressing Room the other night, & he was stood there, pervy look on his face, wearing MY jeans. He will NOT deny this, it's 100% true.

I think that takes "I want to get inside your trousers" a bit far, personally.

Pensioners wearing jeans is just so wrong

He is not a Pensioner. He does dye his hair, though.

Blimey, one quiet win on a Friday night in Luton, and then a week of slurs against your sexuality!

What would happen if ever I won one of the big events?!! I dread to think!

As Chompy told me the other day "Welcome to live poker!"


And I don't know what's more worrying: the fact that I put on Tikay's trousers or the fact that my own trousers are so similar in style to an octogenarian's that I got them mixed up in the first place.

I did wonder though why they only came down to my knees with a 'well-thumbed' copy of "Red Hot Trains" sticking out of one pocket...

[FIX]

There's only one thing to say:

FIX

OK, let's review the facts Mr. Banin.
Played 1- Won 1.
I make that 100%. Currently the greatest poker tournament career in history.

So....how much are you willing to pay me to stay away from the next Equal Chance main event?
Lol!