O/T Chav nativity

[yt]

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?). She's
not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does
joinery an' that. Mary lives wiv him in a crib dahn Nazaref. One day Mary
meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like, "Oo you lookin'at?" Gabriel just goes:
"You got one up the duff, you have". Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it
to him large. "Stop dissin' me, yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never been
with no-one! So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's 6 months gone
herself. Liz is largin' it. She is filled with Christmas spirits. Barcadi
breezers an' that. She's like, "I can proper feel me bay-bee in me tummy an'
I am proper blessed. What with the extra benefits an' that. Anyway, there's
the census, y'knaaa? Mary an' Joe ain't got no dosh so they 'ave to twock a
donkey, an' go dahn Beflehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary is ready
to have her bay-bee an' that. But there ain't no room in the inn, innit?
So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv
animals Cahs an' sheep and that. Then these three geezers turn up, lookin'
proper bling. They are free wise geezers from the east end. Joe goes, "If
yoo so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this frankenwotsit an' myrrh? Why dincha just
bring gold, Adidas n Burberry? So anyway, they go dahn Egypt till some
geezer stops killing all the first-born baybees, an' its safe an' that. Then
Joe and Mary and Jeezus go back to Nazaref, and Jeezus turns water into
lager.

[Robert HM]

The magic of Christmas lives 

[thetank]

Then
Joe and Mary and Jeezus go back to Nazaref, and Jeezus turns water into
lager.

My bible has Jeezus turning water into buckfast.

Lager? You must have the American Lutheran Edition (ALE)

[AdamM]

like it.
keep going, re-write the whole thing.

[yt]

like it.
keep going, re-write the whole thing.

I didnt write it, got sent it on email at work!

[Trace]

PMSL

I just cut and pasted this into an email and sent it round work.

lol


N1

[Lou]

yt, that's hilarious. I work as a Probation Officer so it's definitely something I can relate to. I might use that to illustrate what the spirit of Christmas is truly about!