A classic case of Short Bankroll Syndrome......
the funny thing is tho, $4 is just too short and $20 is just to much for me lol man im picky
and i collect the minimum £28 cash (the buy in was £25 + £2) SO I MADE £1 PROFIT FOR 3 HOURS WORK!!!!!! Grrrrrrrr
You dont have enough bankroll to be playing $20-$30 buy in mtt's on a regular basis but you feel as though you belong in these games rather than playing the smaller $2-$4 tournaments. You want to try and build a bankroll but dont have the patience to grind out constant good results at the $2-$4 level, you'd rather be chancing building your bankroll at the higher $20-$30 tournaments as this is where the decent prizes lie.
You play the higher buy in tournaments but you play under the added pressure (without you realizing) of knowing that you need to get a decent result quick otherwise your bankroll could be gone. This leads to any outdraws being magnified out of normal proportions as it results in the loss of a substantial percentage of your bankroll.
i have a very very short and lond temper and when he hits his 2 outer on the river, after i get all his chips in the middle when im ahead....its stops me posting a terrible rant to the poor guy, otherwise id be banned from betfair lol - i really need to release my anger, and im currently banned from the betfair forum for 1 month so cant do it there.
it pisses me off so much that i get so mad and hate playing the game!
Because the outdraws are magnified out of normal proportion this leads to you becoming angrier quicker - your bankroll depends on a decent cash and quick and you find some clown calls your AK all in bet with A2 o/s and rivers the 2. This leads to you taking the wrong outlook towards the game to your next tournament and leads to you hating the game.
Its not easy rebuilding from scratch - trust me, i've been there (as i would guess most of the people on this forum have). You just need to go back to the three key foundations and start all over again. Take a break from the game - however long you feel necessary to get back your enthusiasm for the game and return with the vigour and zest to put yourself in a winning frame of mind. Then here comes the hard part, sticking to the application of the three key foundations:
Patience
Discipline
Good Bankroll Management
The three foundataions overlap slightly but you need to keep them all in check to avoid falling of the path and back into the unknown. You need to keep your discipline for both only playing in tournaments that your bankroll can afford and also for keeping your patience when things may not go your way. You say you have most of your good results whilst playing "live" poker, why do you think this is? If it is because you know you cannot allow your emotions to come to the surface during a tournament incase you give off any tells then why not try to apply this to your online play? Imagine you are sat at a table in cincins with the rest of the motley crew even when you are sat in the comfort of your own home.
Its hard to resist the temptation of playing tournaments of the level where you think you belong when your bankroll cannot afford it - again i know as i have been there myself. You have to treat poker like a business, we cant always walk straight into a job at the top level and the majority of the time we have to start a lot lower down and work our way up. However if we know that we are better than the people around us at this level then it wont be long before a promotion comes our way and we are climbing back up the ladder to higher levels.
Who knows how long this will take, 1 month - 6 months - 24 months, you will still need to get a little luck along the way but hopefully in time superior skill will prevail and the rise up will commence. Just try to enjoy playing as much as you can - at the end of the day it is only a game of cards, it isnt a matter of life or death and with your new arrival there are far more important things to be looking out after.
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