thank you very much for your kinds words Thomas, yes it was kind of hard to say it all, and maybe i shouldnt have spilt it all out on a public forum, but i felt if i was going to be honest about things i would be TOTALLY honest with the reasoning behind it too.
it actually feels good that its out tho, it means i can look back and how bad it was and hopefully might stop someone else doing it to themselves without knowing how deep it can get them.