Funny - Engineers answers.....

[Rod Paradise]

These are allegedly extracts from problem reports made by Quantas pilots & the answers from the engineers...... 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[Suited_Jock]

my fav

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

[Trace]

I've seen these a few times before and they always crack me up.

Mouse one gets me everytime.

[Decider]

I work in Software Dev and had a defect raised the other day:

"Route target" has capital R instead of lower case r in result message.... Now, you would think there were more important things to waste an hour of someones day on.

[thetank]

Those pesky midgets and their hammers