At last a film review as I want to read them.....

[Rod Paradise]

I just saw a movie that’ll give your eyes boners, make your balls scream and make you poop DVD copies of THE TRANSPORTER. It’s called 300. I don’t know what the title has to do with the movie, but they could’ve called it KITTENS MAKING CANDLES and it’d still rule.

It’s about these 300 Greek dudes who stomp the sugar-coated shit out of like a million other dudes. I have a feeling that a lot of high school sports coaches are going to show this film to their teams before they play. Also, gay dudes and divorced women are going to use screen captures for computer wallpaper.

The movie takes place about a million years ago, and it’s sort of like a prequel to SIN CITY. Except way less guns and cars but twice as much skull splitting. If you watch this movie and go into a Taco Bell, and say to the cashier, “I need some extra sauce packets” guess what? You’re getting twenty sauce packets because your face will punch him in the brain.

I can’t spoil the plot because THANK GOD THERE ISN’T ONE. Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that’s hitting someone’s balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey.

TWO COOL THINGS ABOUT THE MOVIE AND ONE THING I DIDN’T LIKE:

COOL THING ONE:
HEAVY METAL DURING BATTLE SCENES

Who gives a shit if the music isn’t historically correct? LORD OF THE RINGS could’ve used some Journey. This movie has that chu-CHUNG kind of metal that you hear in your head when your shift supervisor at Wetzel’s Pretzel is telling you that you’ll have to stay for clean up and you wish you had a sock filled with quarters in your hand.

COOL THING TWO:
FOES, MINI-BOSSES AND A BIG BOSS

Basically, the Greek dudes are fighting these Persian dudes, but the director, who must have a dick made of three machine guns, does it all like a video game. The Greeks fight every death metal video from the last ten years. There’s wave after wave of giants, freaks, ninjas, mutants, wizards, and a hunchback who looks like he’s got Rosie O’Donnell on his back.

Would I have been happy if Dom DeLuise from HISTORY OF THE WORLD, PART I had shown up? Maybe, but this movie more than makes up for that glaring oversight.

NOT SO GOOD THING:
DUDE NUDITY (“DUDE-ITY”)

These are Greek times, when there were a lot of naked women around. And there are some naked women in this film, but almost every naked woman scene has a muscular dude giving the screen an ass picnic. Dude-ity is something directors put in their movies so people will think they’re serious, I guess, and not just throwing in naked hotties.

Any directors reading this – IT’S OKAY TO JUST THROW IN NAKED HOTTIES.

Can’t someone make a movie about naked Amazons and call it PAUSE BUTTON?

My final analysis is 300 the most ass-ruling movie I’ve seen this year, and will probably be the King of 2007 unless someone makes a movie where a pair of sentient boobs fights a werewolf.

I WILL be watching that film

[boldie]

hahaha very cool and sounds like it will be one especially Flsuhy wants to watch

[happybhoy]

Click to see full-size image.

Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?




But seriously, I've been dying to see this since I saw the trailer AND they're going to be showing it in IMAX cinemas. It's going to kick ass

[mex]

LOL they weren't Greek though, Greece didn't exist it was lots of small states,

[KingPoker]

I may be wrong but i think its meant to be about the battle of thermapole (sp?) between the spartans and the persians!

[Jon MW]

LOL they weren't Greek though, Greece didn't exist it was lots of small states,

It was Hellenic though and it was - before the last stand - an alliance, so Greek isn't a bad generalisation.

There's a good article in Wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Thermopolae

[The Dundonian]

Brilliant stuff Rod, made my day. I also can'y wait to see this I have read an awful lot about this period and about ancient Greece in general. There were a few thousand Greeks from most of the city states at Thermopolae not just the "Spartan 300" but I hope they don't let the facts spoil a good story!! they normally don't!!...lol

[Rod Paradise]

Brilliant stuff Rod, made my day. I also can'y wait to see this I have read an awful lot about this period and about ancient Greece in general. There were a few thousand Greeks from most of the city states at Thermopolae not just the "Spartan 300" but I hope they don't let the facts spoil a good story!! they normally don't!!...lol

I know - but historical accuracy is not a major considerations in a graphic novel (comic), and this was based on one.

It was still a heroic stand the pretty much embarrassed the rest of the Hellenic states into standing and fighting, so naturally the legend would grow

[I, Zimbra]

Brilliant stuff Rod, made my day. I also can'y wait to see this I have read an awful lot about this period and about ancient Greece in general. There were a few thousand Greeks from most of the city states at Thermopolae not just the "Spartan 300" but I hope they don't let the facts spoil a good story!! they normally don't!!...lol

Don't worry, they're won't.

The whole thing is based on a Frank Miller graphic novel that only loosely refers to history; as I understand it in this version, King Xerxes of the Persians is 10 feet tall, and one of his "mini-boss" underlings has swords for arms.... basically the story of the 300 Spartans as crossed with "Street Fighter 2".

Can't wait.

[happybhoy]

A lot of it is meant to be shot-for-shot exactly the same as the graphic novel. Saw a good side by side comparison somewhere I'll see if I can find the link.


Found it http://www.flickr.com/photos/solaceincinema/sets/72157594312246529/show/

[MKKfish]

LOL they weren't Greek though, Greece didn't exist it was lots of small states,

is it you who sits behind me every time I go to the cinema...

[boldie]

LOL they weren't Greek though, Greece didn't exist it was lots of small states,

is it you who sits behind me every time I go to the cinema...

lmao

[mex]

If i kick off my shoes and rest them on your shoulders, then yes its me

[snoopy1239]

I've heard this film is mindless homoerotic pap, but it also said it was jolly good fun so I think I might make the effort to see this one.