I didnt wanna say anything

[Claw75]

No more advice to add Smithy, but just wanted to say I'm sure I speak for everyone on here when I say that we're always here to listen if you need to vent.

Claire xx

[Tonji]

I can sympathise Smithy, time will put things into perspective, your daughter will always need you, of that there is no doubt. Try & keep positive.

[Muahahahaha]

I'm new around here, so I'm not sure if you want the advice of an old twonk like me - please feel free to ignore.

1) If you haven't been getting on, it's best to distance yourself, like everyone says.  When I split with my first mrs I was lost, but eventually I realised that it wasn't her I missed, it was our old relationship.  The time I was alone gave me the chance to realise what I'd done wrong ( basically being me ).  When I DID meet my current mrs, I've managed so far to keep hold of her by not making the same mistakes again.

So far that's lasted 14 years, & I wouldn't swap any of them for time with my first old lady.

2) When I started my 'new' relationship, I was in exactly the opposite situation to you.  I was the 'new' daddy, & my daughters 'proper' dad hated me for that.  He ended up not being able to talk to either me or his ex, so he lost contact with his daughter for years.  But she always missed him & when we gave her her first mobile phone a few years ago she made contact with him again.  Now it was my turn to feel let down.  But the bottom line is that she has plenty of love to go round, she never forgot her 'real' dad, & she still gets on well with me ( well as well as a teenage EMO  authority hating angel, can do ).

So it's corny to say, but time WILL get you through it, & if you offer your princess your love, she will want it, irrespective of what the future holds for her.

One other small piece of advice.

What everyone says about not drinking is true.  But when I was in trouble, it's easy to know what you should do, but sometimes you need to let off steam.  If you do decide you NEED to get ratarsed :
Don't do it at home - make sure you go to a public place where you're known.
If possible drink with a mate that will let you go as far as you need, but will stay sober enough to get you home.
If not go to a pub, stick £30 behind the bar, chat up the barmaid so she'll keep the drinks coming, & keep enough aside to order you a cab when either you get too pissed, or when the money runs out.

Don't do this more than absolutely necessary.  Don't get pissed as a crutch, but as a release.

And talk whenever you feel trapped.  To anyone.  We all obviously feel for you.  You WILL get through this.  Just dont ask too much of yourself, too quickly.

Best wishes.

[Poppet7]

Sorry to hear that Smithy. Listen to what all the others have said and give it time. If this split means you'll be a weekend dad don't worry about it too much, at least you care about your daughter enough to stick around for her, some Dads aren't like that and buggar off never to be seen again. Your little girl will be pleased she has a Dad, even if you don't see her as much as you would like. Chin up hun x

[Geo the Sarge]

Can't add anymore to what has been great advice, well done all. My thoughts are also with you.

Geo

[Sark79]

Sorry to hear that Boss

[bolt pp]

Can't add anymore to what has been great advice, well done all. My thoughts are also with you.

Geo

I've got to be serious for a minute, i think your avatar is in very bad taste.

What the hell kind of carpet is that!!! i mean what colour is it? hard to look at!

[Indestructable]

Bad news.  Chin up.

[Harmony26]

I am really sorry to hear you are going through this and my thoughts are with you. 

From what you say I feel you will always be there for your daughter and that is really important - that will be quality time, full of love.

Please know there are people here for you, and, I am sure, in other areas of your life, here to listen, to offer support, to let you know you are not alone, whether it be on this thread or by pms or email. 

Things will be so different and you will experience many different emotions which need vocalising in a safe, secure environment with friends (please try not to let things fester in your head) but you will regain "you" and you WILL get through this - you WILL find the strength to do so and who knows what the future may bring - it may bring reconciliation or, as the nun says in her excellent advice, two happier, less-stressed parents, and a new life eventually.  It is hard, but don't give up, and we are all behind you and there for you.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, I can assure you, I am experiencing it.

Take care, mate. All the best.

[brummieboy]

Really sorry to hear your news.

My oldest friend was in the same situation last year, he's wife kicked him out and they had only just had their second little girl nine months before.

He went off the rails for a bit and started drinking heavily and smoking cannabis and his missus used it all against him and tried to get the courts to ban him from seeing he's little girls.

He went through a bad few months, but he's now moved back to the Midlands and has just started a top sales job and seems a lot happier again, courts have told he's ex she has to give him access and he is so happy when it comes to the weekend and he gets to see he's girls.

I hope things start to get better for you as well Smithy

Take care.

[Tractor]

Jeez Smithy, what a year..
i cant add anymore but like everyone said try and keep a clear head m8, for your daughter.
Best wishes, chin up and all.

The Blonde Family is allways here


Jason

[tikay]

There you go, a whole bunch of pals ready to help you Smithy.

My onlyadditional  advice is to throw yourself into your work for a while, it's a great painkiller.

[smithy69]

Thanks Guys!!!!!!!!

I honestly didnt wanna go home yesterday from work, but left early and went and saw my mum for a cup of tea and a chat. She basically said the same as you guys and told me to keep my chin up. My old chap(step dad) sneekily gave me £250 and told me to go and have some fun to take my mind of it.

Thought about getting bolloxed but that wont sort it - so what did i do!!!!!!!!!!
I didnt wanna go home so just looked for something to keep my mind occupied

Called The Diceman and ended up playing poker till 5.45 this morning. I know some people might say gambling after the day i had was silly, but it honestly made me feel chirpier and thats all I wanted.

I popped round and saw Lottie this morning and she hadnt forgot me which was a worry, so i am a bit happier but I think their is no chance of me and Lisa having a relationship again.

OT - I was talking to The Diceman last night, who I like as he is down to earth with not a bad bone in his body and friendly to boot. He asked me if I felt Blonde was a crutch as I always post stuff on here, that maybe other people wouldnt.

I probably do but after nearly 3 years or so it feels like I know everyone and am happy posting to everyone. I told you lot before I even plucked up the courage to tell my mum and dad.

Ill be happy at BB, dont worry - I promise no sour face from Me
Sorry to be a grumpy barsteward and if I bring the general happiness of the forum down let me know

[tikay]

Just keep busy Smithy, no time to reflect.

[ericstoner]

Hi Smithy M8, just come to this thread, and really feel for you. You must feel lost.You seem to be doing all the right things, and bouncing ideas of us here on Blonde,is a great way to go.
Take everything one step at a time, and life will unfold as it should.None of us know what is round the corner,and I can tell you that there WILL be great things happening and great times to be had.
This advice will seem meaningless at first, but as Meny folk on here have said , time will give you better perspective on your life, at you will be able to move on.
Good luck, take it slowly, don't do anything rash.