Help required n/p

[Pokerron]

I have a few issues with my son (aged 4) who has confidence problems which are starting to affect him at nursey and has him marked as 'special needs' (ie he needs extra care) for his first year at school, which he starts in sept.  Of course I am seeking professional help direct, but I know we have a good cross section of society on here and would appreciate any help anyone could give.

He's good physically (drawing, lego, running etc) so I am trying to build his confidence this way, by joining kiddie soccer etc, but I feel full of effort/motivation, but short on ideas!

If anyone has general suggestions on here I'd appreciate it, but if you work with young children and would be willing to help via PM, or email I'd be very grateful.

[matt674]

What do you mean though when you say "confidence problems"?

(sorry to pry but i can't see a school marking someone as "special needs" needing extra care because they are shy towards other kids)

[Rod Paradise]

What do you mean though when you say "confidence problems"?

(sorry to pry but i can't see a school marking someone as "special needs" needing extra care because they are shy towards other kids)

Ron, my Mum's a retired 'special needs' teacher, and is sometimes called in by the LEA to be an intermediary between parents and schools to arrange the best structure for teaching kids. She'd be a good sounding board on what you're trying to do (she's also raised 3 kids - although lack of confidence awsn't one in the long list of trials she faced with us).

If you want to speak to her I'll ask, I'm sure she'd be happy to discuss things with you. PM me if you do.

Rod

[matt674]

Ron, my Mum's a retired 'special needs' teacher,

She also has top quality banana bread recipies

[Pokerron]

What do you mean though when you say "confidence problems"?

(sorry to pry but i can't see a school marking someone as "special needs" needing extra care because they are shy towards other kids)

In my sons case special needs, means exactly that, not "special needs" as we would think of them...if that makes any sense?!  His lack of confidence means he doesnt talk to other kids, which has caused him to fall behind in terms of speech and interaction with children, but instead seeks the company of adults, who direct him to do things, or take time to understand him.  He is also last to join in any activity, if at all, meaning areas he is good at (ie sporting activity) he doesnt do it, because he is sat in the corner on his own, or away from the group, it is this image that breaks my heart.   He isnt aware that anything is up and he is a very happy child, the reason i am trying to act now, is that we, along with the school, feel he is not getting the most out of nursery and we all need to do what we can to boost his confidence around kids his own age....

At home he isnt like this, he's not over confident, but he certainly isnt the 'wallflower' he seems at school, or at kids parties etc.  We do have to work on him with his speech, but he interacts fine with his sister, who herself is very outgoing, even out of the house and with other kids.  

Rod, thank you, I'll PM you, any advice i can get will be appreciated.

[matt674]

What is the age gap between your son and her sister? If he interacts fine with her then maybe she will be able to help him intergrate with the other children when he takes the step up into "big" school. When he thinks he's got his big sister looking out for him it might bring him out of his shell a bit more. Also the move up to school rather than being in nursery may help because it is more structured and he will have to interact with the other children.

[Pokerron]

His sister's 18 months younger, but everyone says she acts 4 herself!  We did consider that because she is so advanced for her age that she was dominating him and adding to his low confidence, but we watched them carefully and its a real 50:50 in terms of who dominates the play, which considering how confident/upfront my little girl is, is a compliment to him

[matt674]

sorry, assumed his sister was older when you mentioned that he interacts with her normally - as Tikay normally says "misread"!

[dik9]

My sister was exactly the same Pokerron, we was told that this could happen because she was very prematurely born. She did eventually catch up at around the 8 year mark, and has turned out to be the most rounded teenager I knew. She has no recollection of being stand offish from her peers, and as your son, was very content in herself. It seemed like my parents, myself and her teachers were the only ones worried and as it had been explained by doctors at an early stage that she might be like this until she developed from her premature birth, we just let time take its course. Was he born premature?

[Pokerron]

Thanks Dik9.  He was only a few weeks premature, but he was a frail baby, always getting ill and having trouble shaking them off, like you say the most important thing is that he doesn't know anything is 'wrong' his comprehension is very good so we are very careful not to discuss this around him, or make a meal of anything.

One thing that has helped his speech if nothing else is for us to have dinner as a family at 5.30 every weekday, rather than the kids at 5, left to their own devices and us at 7pm.