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Author Topic: Cr*p Tips for Women  (Read 1744 times)
jjandellis
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« on: September 02, 2007, 07:31:45 AM »
I've been meaning to start tis thread for a while.

My wife buys loads of those trashy womens magazines; at some point I invariably picked one up to see what the h*ll they find so interesting about them. Most of it is total junk dedicated to skinny celebs, wifeys murdering bigamist hubbies, wifeys bedding hubbies best mates son/wife - that kinda stuff.

However I found a goldmine of humour at the back of one in the form of a colum entitled 'Blimey! Thats Clever'. Women send tips in to help each other and get paid £200 a time. Some of the tips are just common sense, some pure drivel and some jut insanely ridiculous!!!!

I will now endeavour to update this topic each week with cr*p tips. If anyone can think/find any equally humorous/cr*p tips then post them for a laugh (and I'll send them off to see if the mugs publish them!!!!)

A few to follow on next post!
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The_nun
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« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2007, 09:22:26 AM »
I don't really do mags, but heres a tip for you men out there.

Don't waste money on expensive ribbed condoms, just slip a handfull of frozen peas inside b4 popping it on..
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« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2007, 09:38:19 AM »
Quote from: The_nun on September 02, 2007, 09:22:26 AM
I don't really do mags, but heres a tip for you men out there.

Don't waste money on expensive ribbed condoms, just slip a handfull of frozen peas inside b4 popping it on..


Frozen peas = foozen pees
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matt674
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« Reply #3 on: September 02, 2007, 09:50:45 AM »
Quote from: The_nun on September 02, 2007, 09:22:26 AM
I don't really do mags, but heres a tip for you men out there.

Don't waste money on expensive ribbed condoms, just slip a handfull of frozen peas inside b4 popping it on..

Huh?

Not sure about this one, for a start there's no room for anything else inside - plus even if there were they'd soon thaw out and become mushy peas!!

 Roll Eyes
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kinboshi
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« Reply #4 on: September 02, 2007, 10:38:07 AM »
Will sweetcorn do?
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« Reply #5 on: September 02, 2007, 10:40:10 AM »
Quote from: matt674 on September 02, 2007, 09:50:45 AM
Quote from: The_nun on September 02, 2007, 09:22:26 AM
I don't really do mags, but heres a tip for you men out there.

Don't waste money on expensive ribbed condoms, just slip a handfull of frozen peas inside b4 popping it on..

Huh?

Not sure about this one, for a start there's no room for anything else inside - plus even if there were they'd soon thaw out and become mushy peas!!

 Roll Eyes

Try gravel, it won't defrost. Here to help  Grin
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The_nun
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« Reply #6 on: September 02, 2007, 10:45:00 AM »
lolollol
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The_nun
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« Reply #7 on: September 02, 2007, 10:56:36 AM »
Stop bread from drying out by keeping it in a bucket of water.
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Laxie
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« Reply #8 on: September 02, 2007, 11:08:48 AM »
Stop water from drying out by leaving the tap on.
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« Reply #9 on: September 02, 2007, 11:41:15 AM »
Avoid hangovers -- stay drunk
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« Reply #10 on: September 02, 2007, 12:05:04 PM »
Avoid that awkward, sober, dreadful realisation moment in the morning by kicking her out as soon as you've finished your "business".
Also saves you the price of a breakfast!!
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« Reply #11 on: September 02, 2007, 12:08:30 PM »
Quote from: ifm on September 02, 2007, 12:05:04 PM
Avoid that awkward, sober, dreadful realisation moment in the morning by kicking her out as soon as you've finished your "business".
Also saves you the price of a breakfast!!

Come on we all know you're not that heartless. I reckon you would subtly remind her she ought to go home to do her homework.
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ifm
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« Reply #12 on: September 02, 2007, 12:10:07 PM »
Quote from: Robert HM on September 02, 2007, 12:08:30 PM
Quote from: ifm on September 02, 2007, 12:05:04 PM
Avoid that awkward, sober, dreadful realisation moment in the morning by kicking her out as soon as you've finished your "business".
Also saves you the price of a breakfast!!

Come on we all know you're not that heartless. I reckon you would subtly remind her she ought to go home to do her homework.

School holidays..........
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Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
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« Reply #13 on: September 02, 2007, 12:13:59 PM »
drill a hole in the fridge door to see if the light stays on when you close it
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« Reply #14 on: September 02, 2007, 12:58:19 PM »
Quote from: ifm on September 02, 2007, 12:10:07 PM
Quote from: Robert HM on September 02, 2007, 12:08:30 PM
Quote from: ifm on September 02, 2007, 12:05:04 PM
Avoid that awkward, sober, dreadful realisation moment in the morning by kicking her out as soon as you've finished your "business".
Also saves you the price of a breakfast!!

Come on we all know you're not that heartless. I reckon you would subtly remind her she ought to go home to do her homework.

School holidays..........

Your hunting season  Tongue
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